What Do You Look Forward To Once You Made It?

[oldiebutgoodie1211]

As I read your reply, I can't help but think it sounds like you're pathologizing something that goes against your idea of the current "cultural norm." While an individual may choose to not have kids due to past trauma or as some sort of maladaptive coping, I do believe there are plenty of mentally healthy people who simply don't want children for their own logical and legitimate reasons. It may be necessary to "dig further" in certain instances, but this hair-trigger judgment you seem to have for those who don't have or don't want children actually may need some digging into as well.

it is not my idea of the cultural norm. It is in fact the cultural norm. 5 percent of people don’t want to have kids voluntarily. Is your patient part of the 5 percent? You should probably dig deeper to find out.

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[Merovinge]

it is not my idea of the cultural norm. It is in fact the cultural norm. 5 percent of people don’t want to have kids voluntarily. Is your patient part of the 5 percent? You should probably dig deeper to find out.

Your argument reminds me exactly of how many mental health professionals discussed homosexuality (also around the same percentage of the human population). Atheists don't need an interview question specifically to see if someone touched them when they were young from the church. Just because something is a small (although sizable) minority does not equate to pathology. It comes across like your idea of "dig deeper" is to impose your world views rather than take a patient for where they are at.

 

[oldiebutgoodie1211]

Your argument reminds me exactly of how many mental health professionals discussed homosexuality (also around the same percentage of the human population). Atheists don't need an interview question specifically to see if someone touched them when they were young from the church. Just because something is a small (although sizable) minority does not equate to pathology. It comes across like your idea of "dig deeper" is to impose your world views rather than take a patient for where they are at.

that is your interpretation, I only have said dig deeper because you’d be surprised what you find and that goes for homosexuality, gender dysphoria, not wanting children, extreme rigid beliefs, etc. we are here to help the patient at the end of the day and you have to know the patient to help him so again dig deeper..meeting the pt where he is doesn’t mean accepting his worldview at face value, you should still do the work of challenging beliefs that may be counter productive although I could definitely see how it would be much easier to accept someone perspective and move on during a typical interview

 

[tr]

wtf lol I don’t think anyone would recommend using a psychedelic especially not doctors

Speak for yourself

3,4-methylenedioxymethamphetamine (MDMA)-assisted psychotherapy for post-traumatic stress disorder in military veterans, firefighters, and police officers: a randomised, double-blind, dose-response, phase 2 clinical trial - PubMed

Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies.

pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

Psilocybin with psychological support for treatment-resistant depression: an open-label feasibility study - PubMed

Medical Research Council.

pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

 

[oldiebutgoodie1211]

Speak for yourself

3,4-methylenedioxymethamphetamine (MDMA)-assisted psychotherapy for post-traumatic stress disorder in military veterans, firefighters, and police officers: a randomised, double-blind, dose-response, phase 2 clinical trial - PubMed

Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies.

pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

Psilocybin with psychological support for treatment-resistant depression: an open-label feasibility study - PubMed

Medical Research Council.

pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

he was referring to using psychedelics recreationally not for PTSD so don’t pull things out of context..also that is not standard treatment that is experimental

 

[birchswing]

Kind of interesting that this evolved into a conversation about both the ethics of creating existence and drugs to help you escape existence.

 

[tortuga87]

In all seriousness, going out into nature with a psychedelic of choice a few times a year has done wonders for my outlook on life and general happiness.

Which psychedelics do you specifically recommend? for research purposes only of course

 

[SourceOfDenial]

Kind of interesting that this evolved into a conversation about both the ethics of creating existence and drugs to help you escape existence.

To be fair, psychedelics don’t help you to escape existence, they just provide a different experience of your existence. It’s hard to escape yourself.

 

[Psychresy]

Which psychedelics do you specifically recommend? for research purposes only of course

I think lsd or psilocybin are both wonderful options. I find people tend to prefer one to the other as they can be a little different experiences. The former is more of what I gravitate towards.

 

[Psychresy]

Kind of interesting that this evolved into a conversation about both the ethics of creating existence and drugs to help you escape existence.

I would argue these substances allow you to more fully become aware of your existence by allowing you to discover sides of yourself you never knew were there.

 

[ChasingMavericks]

I look forward to making a difference in people's lives, settling down with my significant other, share time with my amazing family, and just enjoying the little things in life. In hopes that one day, when I'm old and near the end, I can look back and say "Wow, what an amazing thing this was, this insane short ride we call life".

 

[meow1985]

To respond to the original post...
OP, your post reminded me of the last time I felt happy. I mean, *really* happy. I, too, am very close to have "made" it. I am almost an attending with a great job and almost no debt.

Medical school and residency have been rough. Both due to their intrinsic nature, but also due to other things that happened during that time. On paper, I've done well, but I spend most of my time feeling worried. Both about the responsibility on my shoulders, and when things are going well, that **** will hit the fan again. I guess I'm so used to struggle by now that things being ok and the idea of having "made it" feels very, very odd.

But anyway. I was in a grocery store, and somehow my limbs moved into ballet positions on their own accord. I began to dance, right there in the middle of the aisle. I danced my heart out at 2 pm on a Saturday in the shampoo aisle of the local grocery store. I then smelled every shampoo that caught my eye, contemplating the pictures on the labels and the smells. If people saw me, they must've thought I was drunk or high, butI wasn't. I wasn't even post-call disinhibited. It was an impromptu exercise in mindfulness and flow.

I remembered, for a second, that I live in a city where the university is the biggest employer, and that my patients or colleagues might see me. It was not an uncommon occurrence, to run into familiar faces on grocery runs. That brought my happiness to an abrupt end.

Much like you, I miss walking along the beach with my friends, looking forward to a bright new future. I miss wandering around at night, buzzed, yelling incongruous things and splashing around with bare feet in a fountain. I miss watching TV and books and being so enchanted by them that I lived a parallel existence in my mind. I miss wearing over the top makeup and dressing in a way that was anything but professional. I gave all that up in medical school, partly because I didn't have the time, and partly because I took the dean's words a little too seriously - that what ended up on facebook mattered, and that there were things doctors could not be seen doing.

What I want now that I am close to achieving my material goals is not another thing to do, not another feather in my cap, not kids, but to find my way back to a mental place where I am free-er. Where I'm nobody's doctor, nobody's caregiver or provider, nobody's pillar of society. Preferably, without the assistance of drugs. Maybe I'll go to a place where nobody knows me and dance in public more often.

 

[TexasPhysician]

It was an impromptu exercise in mindfulness and flow.

I remembered, for a second, that I live in a city where the university is the biggest employer, and that my patients or colleagues might see me. It was not an uncommon occurrence, to run into familiar faces on grocery runs. That brought my happiness to an abrupt end.

Much like you, I miss walking along the beach with my friends, looking forward to a bright new future. I miss wandering around at night, buzzed, yelling incongruous things and splashing around with bare feet in a fountain. I miss watching TV and books and being so enchanted by them that I lived a parallel existence in my mind. I miss wearing over the top makeup and dressing in a way that was anything but professional. I gave all that up in medical school, partly because I didn't have the time, and partly because I took the dean's words a little too seriously - that what ended up on facebook mattered, and that there were things doctors could not be seen doing.

What I want now that I am close to achieving my material goals is not another thing to do, not another feather in my cap, not kids, but to find my way back to a mental place where I am free-er. Where I'm nobody's doctor, nobody's caregiver or provider, nobody's pillar of society. Preferably, without the assistance of drugs. Maybe I'll go to a place where nobody knows me and dance in public more often.

I almost feel like you are calling me out.

If dancing in public is unprofessional, I’m wondering if my board complaints focus on frequency or quality. My 5 year old started dancing inside an ice cream shop just the other day on a sugar high. Anytime my kids start dancing, I join in, regardless of location. Thankfully they are of the age to still appreciate this.

I could see issues if dancing were nude or clearly intoxicated, but otherwise it’s unprofessional to not participate in public dancing in my opinion. I won’t get intoxicated in public as I advise against drinking -boarded in addictions.

Around Halloween, you’ll find me in costume at elementary school events, whether it’s a costume event or not. Maybe Avenger costumes are exempt from unprofessionalism?

Climbing into a fountain - done it recently.

I see no reason why a patient can’t see me being happy in the absence of substances and illegal activity.

 

[Central_SOULcus]

I remembered, for a second, that I live in a city where the university is the biggest employer, and that my patients or colleagues might see me. It was not an uncommon occurrence, to run into familiar faces on grocery runs. That brought my happiness to an abrupt end.

Much like you, I miss walking along the beach with my friends, looking forward to a bright new future. I miss wandering around at night, buzzed, yelling incongruous things and splashing around with bare feet in a fountain. I miss watching TV and books and being so enchanted by them that I lived a parallel existence in my mind. I miss wearing over the top makeup and dressing in a way that was anything but professional. I gave all that up in medical school, partly because I didn't have the time, and partly because I took the dean's words a little too seriously - that what ended up on facebook mattered, and that there were things doctors could not be seen doing.

What I want now that I am close to achieving my material goals is not another thing to do, not another feather in my cap, not kids, but to find my way back to a mental place where I am free-er. Where I'm nobody's doctor, nobody's caregiver or provider, nobody's pillar of society. Preferably, without the assistance of drugs. Maybe I'll go to a place where nobody knows me and dance in public more often.

I wish I could give you a hug! And I mean that in the best way possible, without any sarcasm or derision (I find it's often hard to convey tone over internet postings). I'm not on the forums that often, but now and again I check in and so I've seen a couple of your other posts. You've been through a lot and it understandably has taken it's toll. I don't know if you've had any therapy but if not, I hope you consider it, and that one day sooner than later you can bring back the joyful person that it seems you are underneath the weight of your turmoil. I can tell you're a strong person and while I'm just some stranger on the internet, know that I'm rooting for you!

 

[milesed]

OP, you might seriously want to seek short term therapy for what I'd consider a rut. Talking it out in person really helps. I think happiness is just a short-lived emotion and contentment is what you are really seeking. Some times it's not the situation, but your perspective that needs adjusting. I've gotten lots of the things and experiences I dreamed of and the novelty is fleeting ( I still get a thrill every time I drive my car though). Look towards developing deep relationships with someone besides a SO, learn to do new things you thought were too difficult, try new hobbies you thought you'd dislike. Then, keep at it until you find what it is you want.

I like being busy and challenged. I do all of my own yard work, car maintenance, repairs around the house, etc. because it's hard and I can look back and say "I did that". I mess up a lot and have to redo some things twice to get it right. I also have a small group of other men I am very close to who are really there for me in addition a great family. I also take 3-4 vacations a year and like having these experiences to look forward to.

 

[UrbanMidwest]

Did I just read someone say that the human race should stop reproducing because our potential offspring will experience suffering with the ultimate hope of extinction, with the "I/you didn't choose this" existentialist rhetoric? Maybe I just interpreted it wrong.

I need a drink of whiskey.

 

[birchswing]

Did I just read someone say that the human race should stop reproducing because our potential offspring will experience suffering with the ultimate hope of extinction, with the "I/you didn't choose this" existentialist rhetoric? Maybe I just interpreted it wrong.

I need a drink of whiskey.

Yes, the whiskey might help attenuate your existence.

 

[Attending1985]

I’m derailing this thread with this comment but can’t help it seeing the comments a out having kids. Working in mental health especially with women has made me a huge advocate of normalizing not wanting children. I see so much suffering associated with women who don’t really want to have children but feel cultural/societal/religious/familial pressure to do so. Not all women are maternal not all women want to be mothers. This needs to be supported and accepted.