What would you do?

[FuturePharmD81]

I had a few people read my personal statement (3 tutors from my colleges learning center, my advisor, and a prof) I just wanted to make sure its perfect.
All of them gave me advise on how to make it better and I changed and fixed my mistakes, so i went to one more grad tutor yesterday just to make sure 100% and then he made my essay seem really dumb! he was making so much corrections, not grammer wise but content wise, and idk no one else told me it was that bad! should i go ahead and hit submit today or should i wait till monday and run it by my advisor and maybe 1 more tutor?

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[crazybob]

I had a few people read my personal statement (3 tutors from my colleges learning center, my advisor, and a prof) I just wanted to make sure its perfect.
All of them gave me advise on how to make it better and I changed and fixed my mistakes, so i went to one more grad tutor yesterday just to make sure 100% and then he made my essay seem really dumb! he was making so much corrections, not grammer wise but content wise, and idk no one else told me it was that bad! should i go ahead and hit submit today or should i wait till monday and run it by my advisor and maybe 1 more tutor?

That would depend on the topics you have to discuss in your personal statement. If you have to talk about topics in pharmacy or about working in a pharmacy, having a pharmacist look at it might help.

If you could find an intern who would be willing to make comments on it, you could do that too.

 

[FuturePharmD81]

That would depend on the topics you have to discuss in your personal statement. If you have to talk about topics in pharmacy or about working in a pharmacy, having a pharmacist look at it might help.

If you could find an intern who would be willing to make comments on it, you could do that too.

Its a general statement "why i fit the criteria/ position"

 

[GwenFuu]

Well, what were the main points you talked about? Also, how exactly did this recent tutor change it content-wise?

 

[FuturePharmD81]

Well, what were the main points you talked about? Also, how exactly did this recent tutor change it content-wise?

I have a repetative theme to my essay which ties the whole thing together he suggested i take it out and only put it in my intro and conc but when i did that the whole essay falls apart. he also suggested i talk more abput the classes im taking. Do i really have to?

 

[SparkLy09]

I have a repetative theme to my essay which ties the whole thing together he suggested i take it out and only put it in my intro and conc but when i did that the whole essay falls apart. he also suggested i talk more abput the classes im taking. Do i really have to?

I didn't talk about my classes at all. I only talked about the things in life that actually led me to wanting to become a pharmacist and how those experiences and lessons will help me be a better pharmacist overall. I had a theme to my essay as well and if you really think that your essay falls apart if you take it out of places, then I would keep it in. The personal essay is the only place you can express who you are and your thoughts... the info about your classes and such are all on your transcript for them to see.

 

[woosiecg]

I agree with Sparkly! My personal statement had a general theme and I only briefly mentioned coursework (1 sentence) and it did not include classes I was taking at the time but courses that helped shaped my decision towards pharmacy. I really tried to incorporate those things suggested in the prompt as well...leadership, experiences, characteristics etc that made me into the individual I am today. I think if you are this worried about the changes that were suggested by this past reader then you should go with your gut and stick with your essay as it is. You know your life, goals, and what information you want the committee to know about you better than they do. I am sure it will work out well and good luck!!!

 

[owlegrad]

I didn't talk about my classes at all. I only talked about the things in life that actually led me to wanting to become a pharmacist and how those experiences and lessons will help me be a better pharmacist overall. I had a theme to my essay as well and if you really think that your essay falls apart if you take it out of places, then I would keep it in. The personal essay is the only place you can express who you are and your thoughts... the info about your classes and such are all on your transcript for them to see.

I agree with Sparkly! My personal statement had a general theme and I only briefly mentioned coursework (1 sentence) and it did not include classes I was taking at the time but courses that helped shaped my decision towards pharmacy. I really tried to incorporate those things suggested in the prompt as well...leadership, experiences, characteristics etc that made me into the individual I am today. I think if you are this worried about the changes that were suggested by this past reader then you should go with your gut and stick with your essay as it is. You know your life, goals, and what information you want the committee to know about you better than they do. I am sure it will work out well and good luck!!!

I am going to go ahead and agree. Personal essay is called that for a reason. I can't say I had a theme so I can't say much about that. Keep it personal though, don't include coursework unless it is relevant. I doubt anyone wants to read a personal statement that talks about coursework, what is the point? That's called a transcript.

They want to get to know you a little. What do you consider so important about yourself that if you only have 250 words and no other form of communication, this is what you would say? That's how I approached it. If you only have 250 words (or whatever - it's been awhile) to tell a stranger about yourself would you waste any of them talking about COURSEWORK? I would hope not. Let them get to know you.

Having said all that: Tell them what they want to hear. You want to be a pharmacist because you hope to one day volunteer all your time to an underserved intercity health clinic. In your spare time you hope to drive the profession forward by being actively involved in state legislature. The only reason you would even consider taking a paying job is so that you can donate to the alumni association.

 

[Pharmassist]

I am going to go ahead and agree. Personal essay is called that for a reason. I can't say I had a theme so I can't say much about that. Keep it personal though, don't include coursework unless it is relevant. I doubt anyone wants to read a personal statement that talks about coursework, what is the point? That's called a transcript.

They want to get to know you a little. What do you consider so important about yourself that if you only have 250 words and no other form of communication, this is what you would say? That's how I approached it. If you only have 250 words (or whatever - it's been awhile) to tell a stranger about yourself would you waste any of them talking about COURSEWORK? I would hope not. Let them get to know you.

Having said all that: Tell them what they want to hear. You want to be a pharmacist because you hope to one day volunteer all your time to an underserved intercity health clinic. In your spare time you hope to drive the profession forward by being actively involved in state legislature. The only reason you would even consider taking a paying job is so that you can donate to the alumni association.

 

[favoredchild]

I am going to go ahead and agree. Personal essay is called that for a reason. I can't say I had a theme so I can't say much about that. Keep it personal though, don't include coursework unless it is relevant. I doubt anyone wants to read a personal statement that talks about coursework, what is the point? That's called a transcript.

They want to get to know you a little. What do you consider so important about yourself that if you only have 250 words and no other form of communication, this is what you would say? That's how I approached it. If you only have 250 words (or whatever - it's been awhile) to tell a stranger about yourself would you waste any of them talking about COURSEWORK? I would hope not. Let them get to know you.

Having said all that: Tell them what they want to hear. You want to be a pharmacist because you hope to one day volunteer all your time to an underserved intercity health clinic. In your spare time you hope to drive the profession forward by being actively involved in state legislature. The only reason you would even consider taking a paying job is so that you can donate to the alumni association.

well said owlegrad

 

[owlegrad]

well said owlegrad

Thanks!

 

[phathead]

What kind of grad tutor was it? Not everyone can recognize what good writing is and what is not.

I gave mine an overtone of my passion for the profession. I didn't try to justify my past mistakes or try to convince them why I should be chosen for admission. I attempted to show them that my life revolves around pharmacy and that there is nothing else in my life I would rather do.