What's wrong with me?

[Fakesmile]

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My spring semester has started two weeks ago and I've been slacking off, not even reading a single page for any of my courses. I just feel unmotivated and don't care that much... Actually I think I do care, that's probably why I am posting this thread.

Last semester, I withdrew from the whole semester and now I have 5 Ws. I was repeatedly assured that I wouldn't need to worry about the 5 Ws because I have the necessary medical documentation. But I have a feeling that I am done. I don't know why I am feeling this way. I don't even feel like I have the desire to be a doctor anymore. I am just lost, and scared. Last semester feels like a huge loss for me. I've lost so much, in terms of time, money, and confidence in myself from last semester's huge crash/defeat. I don't seem to be able to let go of the past. I don't want to try anymore, though I know that will make matters worse. I don't know what to do.. I just want to let go of everything! Sigh.

Edit: I have been meeting with a professional counsellor since December and I am continuing to do so. Honestly I am disappointed in what counselling has to offer, it doesn't seem to help much. My counsellor is a nice person, though. But I have decided to give counselling a little more try before I really quit after concluding that it sucks.

 

[IlDestriero]

Well, you sound like you're suffering from depression and/or no longer want to do what it takes to get to the end of the physician marathon. If the former, get help, if the latter, that's OK. Take some time to find out where your interests lie. If I gave up on medicine in college, I would probably be in finance, hating my life, working like a dog, but cleaning up like several of my friends. If they can make the big coin, I could probably be running a hedge fund.
Maybe you need another semester off to clear your mind.

 

[IHOPness]

You will get over this. Everyone goes through bad things. It will make you an even more wonderful person. You have to believe in yourself, though. If you are depressed, maybe some medication would help reset things so that you can think clearly. Being depressed makes people feel hopeless. Sometimes it takes a long time talking to someone until you see the light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there! 🙂

 

[Zorro1019]

Hi- I don't know you or your situation at all.

But - and since I'm typing this there has to be a But...

Sounds like you are going through something very difficult. There is nothing wrong with taking your time to deal with it. You may never be over it but you will most likely get through it.

Sounds like you are trying to figure out how to move forward. Try not to close off options if you can, and remember it's probably early enough in the semester to drop a couple of classes without penalty. (Double check your school policy and talk to a reliable advisor first!!!!!) Taking time off is not going to look as bad as a bunch of bad grades you can always explain that. I'll forever pay in GPA for trying to go back to school too soon after a medical issue.

Best of luck in whatever you decide to do, and I hope you find happiness in whatever decision you make long or short term. Keep being awesome.

PS counseling always sucks until you find the right one and then it can help a lot. :/

 

[fizzgig]

I can't say I know what you're going through but I do know I bottomed out for a while too and wondered what I was doing with my life. It was cyclically stressful because I wasn't apathetic, I DID care that it all seemed to be stalling out, but I couldn't seem to muster the energy to fix it. Maybe you need some time, as others have said, to figure yourself out. If you need to take formal leave to do it so you don't crash and burn for a term, maybe that's what it will take. Maybe you don't have the desire to be a doctor anymore, but it sounds like you need to get back to where you have a desire for life in general, where you're not overwhelmed and feeling depressed and stagnant, before you can really make that judgment properly. I think the counseling is probably useful even if it doesn't seem so - they don't have all the answers and maybe they can't speed up the process as much as we'd like, but it's good to have someone - being in the silent cave by yourself is badness. Mainly just keep getting up and trying to do the things you need to do (if you take fewer classes or even if you take leave, there's still just doing normal person things vs being in your house zoning out all day, you know?). I HATE seeing no progress and feeling like I am failing to do what I should be capable of, but you really have to just keep at it to get out of the tunnel.

 

[ILikeDrugs]

Your head isn't in the game. Take to the sidelines and take a knee. Don't get back into the game unless your head is in the game.

 

[CoolWhipp]

Your head isn't in the game. Take to the sidelines and take a knee. Don't get back into the game unless your head is in the game.

Wish I would have done this.

 

[Janieve]

We don't know what's "wrong" with you. We at SDN are not trained psychologists or psychiatrists, and even if we were we could not show you the credentials to prove it.

You're receiving counseling; that's good. However, if it is not helping, I can only suggest seeing a trained psychiatrist for help. Whether through a different type of counseling or chemical treatment, a professional can help you get on the road to wellness again.

Good luck with your situation. I hope everything works out.

 

[veyep]

My spring semester has started two weeks ago and I've been slacking off, not even reading a single page for any of my courses. I just feel unmotivated and don't care that much... Actually I think I do care, that's probably why I am posting this thread.

Last semester, I withdrew from the whole semester and now I have 5 Ws. I was repeatedly assured that I wouldn't need to worry about the 5 Ws because I have the necessary medical documentation. But I have a feeling that I am done. I don't know why I am feeling this way. I don't even feel like I have the desire to be a doctor anymore. I am just lost, and scared. Last semester feels like a huge loss for me. I've lost so much, in terms of time, money, and confidence in myself from last semester's huge crash/defeat. I don't seem to be able to let go of the past. I don't want to try anymore, though I know that will make matters worse. I don't know what to do.. I just want to let go of everything! Sigh.

Edit: I have been meeting with a professional counsellor since December and I am continuing to do so. Honestly I am disappointed in what counselling has to offer, it doesn't seem to help much. My counsellor is a nice person, though. But I have decided to give counselling a little more try before I really quit after concluding that it sucks.

I have a non profit organization that help people get through school and get accepted to graduate school! if you want to talk feel free to send me a private message and we can talk!

 

[nardini46]

Sounds like the OP is lacking a source of motivation. To get into med school you need to be motivated to getting your studying done while balancing ECs and social life.

Evaluate why you want to become a physician. Seek clinical exp through shadowing/volunteering at a hospital. Plan out your study sessions. Get studying done. Chill with friends and find enjoyment in a hobby during your free time. Exercise also helps. I find that I study more efficiently if I workout atleast 3-4 times a week. It also helps my mood.

Good luck.

 

[deleted357625]

Sometimes you just gotta suck it up

 

[nolookpass]

We don't know your full problem, but if there isn't some outside source bothering you and it's just a lack of motivation just do things little by little. Read half a chapter for each subject each day, it won't be that hard. It's all about time management. I didn't do this last semester put everything off the night before or a few days before. It's about just doing little by little.

 

[deleted357625]

We don't know your full problem, but if there isn't some outside source bothering you and it's just a lack of motivation just do things little by little. Read half a chapter for each subject each day, it won't be that hard. It's all about time management. I didn't do this last semester put everything off the night before or a few days before. It's about just doing little by little.

👍 Only he can figure that out.

 

[Fakesmile]

We don't know what's "wrong" with you. We at SDN are not trained psychologists or psychiatrists, and even if we were we could not show you the credentials to prove it.

You're receiving counseling; that's good. However, if it is not helping, I can only suggest seeing a trained psychiatrist for help. Whether through a different type of counseling or chemical treatment, a professional can help you get on the road to wellness again.

Good luck with your situation. I hope everything works out.

It drives me crazy how some people on SDN are so quick to recommend seeing a psychiatrist or counselling. I already met over four different psychiatrists and three counsellors in the past few months. At least in my area, it turns out that psychiatrists are only for people with serious mental illnesses. The questions they asked didn't have anything to do with my situation. I've been asked, ridiculously, "Do you hear any noises?", "Do you see things that others can't?" "Do you ever feel that your thoughts are broadcasted?" After meeting with psychiatrists several times and even filling out a questionaire, they said I seem to have depression and anxiety, and then just referred me to see a counsellor at my school's health centre. WTF? I can't help but think that psychiatrists in my area are incompetent. Psychiatry and counselling are very overrated. People on SDN were way more helpful than the psychiatrists or counsellors, though I know SDN is not for these things. Now don't be judgmental and conclude that I am close-minded or something. I am trying to stay open-minded and that is why I haven't completely quit counselling.

 

[StudyShy]

It drives me crazy how some people on SDN are so quick to recommend seeing a psychiatrist or counselling. I already met over four different psychiatrists and three counsellors in the past few months. At least in my area, it turns out that psychiatrists are only for people with serious mental illnesses. The questions they asked didn't have anything to do with my situation. I've been asked, ridiculously, "Do you hear any noises?", "Do you see things that others can't?" "Do you ever feel that your thoughts are broadcasted?" After meeting with psychiatrists several times and even filling out a questionaire, they said I seem to have depression and anxiety, and then just referred me to see a counsellor at my school's health centre. WTF? I can't help but think that psychiatrists in my area are incompetent. Psychiatry and counselling are very overrated. People on SDN were way more helpful than the psychiatrists or counsellors, though I know SDN is not for these things. Now don't be judgmental and conclude that I am close-minded or something. I am trying to stay open-minded and that is why I haven't completely quitted counselling.

It's because a lot of people here a psych majors and feel that psych is the holy grail without having had gone through the system themselves to understand the challenges that patients face in the real world.

 

[WorldChanger36]

You really need some face pounding motivation. Shadow some interesting Docs and take some time to drink that in. Go on vacation and enjoy yourself a bit. Take a super lite load if you can and just beat those classes before you up the amount. It is not a race, slow down before you crash and burn even if that means decreasing the load to 1 class per semester until you get it done.

 

[TXKnight]

My spring semester has started two weeks ago and I've been slacking off, not even reading a single page for any of my courses. I just feel unmotivated and don't care that much... Actually I think I do care, that's probably why I am posting this thread.

Last semester, I withdrew from the whole semester and now I have 5 Ws. I was repeatedly assured that I wouldn't need to worry about the 5 Ws because I have the necessary medical documentation. But I have a feeling that I am done. I don't know why I am feeling this way. I don't even feel like I have the desire to be a doctor anymore. I am just lost, and scared. Last semester feels like a huge loss for me. I've lost so much, in terms of time, money, and confidence in myself from last semester's huge crash/defeat. I don't seem to be able to let go of the past. I don't want to try anymore, though I know that will make matters worse. I don't know what to do.. I just want to let go of everything! Sigh.

Edit: I have been meeting with a professional counsellor since December and I am continuing to do so. Honestly I am disappointed in what counselling has to offer, it doesn't seem to help much. My counsellor is a nice person, though. But I have decided to give counselling a little more try before I really quit after concluding that it sucks.

I'm no expert but it sounds like you are suffering from depression. Since it has lasted for a while now (several months) maybe you are dealing with clinical depression. Sometimes the stress of school,private life,etc can be overwhelming and some people deal with it in different ways. Some drink, some excercise, smoke, eat, get depressed. Yet some people avoid everything and last but not least some people I guess don't get affected? (maybe I don't know). Why don't you do serious autoanalysis and try to pinpoint the source of your discontent/depression. Maybe think of the other ways you could ameliorate the sources of stress/conflict, ie go to the gym,yoga,have some fun, visualize yourself in the near future,etc. Just a suggestion. Most importantly though, see a psychologist or your MD if anything else works and realize that nothing is lost yet. It is not a cliché,I really mean you have NOT lost much by withdrawing from all your classes and other stuff, but risk future damage if you don't do anything about it. Try to make what's dragging your performance and giving you such hard time be a guiding principle for your advancement. That is, make of all this a lesson on what can go wrong and use it as an opportunity where the only realistic way to go is forward.
As with everything else in life, all I said is easier said than done. Yet I wish you luck.

 

[Janieve]

It drives me crazy how some people on SDN are so quick to recommend seeing a psychiatrist or counselling. I already met over four different psychiatrists and three counsellors in the past few months. At least in my area, it turns out that psychiatrists are only for people with serious mental illnesses. The questions they asked didn't have anything to do with my situation. I've been asked, ridiculously, "Do you hear any noises?", "Do you see things that others can't?" "Do you ever feel that your thoughts are broadcasted?" After meeting with psychiatrists several times and even filling out a questionaire, they said I seem to have depression and anxiety, and then just referred me to see a counsellor at my school's health centre. WTF? I can't help but think that psychiatrists in my area are incompetent. Psychiatry and counselling are very overrated. People on SDN were way more helpful than the psychiatrists or counsellors, though I know SDN is not for these things. Now don't be judgmental and conclude that I am close-minded or something. I am trying to stay open-minded and that is why I haven't completely quitted counselling.

I'm merely suggesting psychiatric help and counseling because it is what I have been trained to suggest. No one here on SDN is qualified to diagnose your problem over the internet, nor are we qualified to give you advice. We can conjecture and offer advice, but that's it.

Would you walk up to a stranger on the street and ask for advice on your problems? Or wander into a cafe and beg the barista to give you motivation for your studies or life in general? Of course not. It's no different here. You simply assume we'll have the answer because it's SDN and people here must be smart enough.

Professional help is your best option. You can try talking through your problems with friends and family, if they're willing to listen, and sure, you can ask random strangers and baristas to solve your problems for you. But the fact remains that the only people qualified to help you are trained professionals. And that is why we suggest them.

Again, I wish you the best of luck in getting back on track.

 

[s1lver]

Honestly I am disappointed in what counselling has to offer, it doesn't seem to help much.

Then switch.

I had to go see 5 diff. shrinks before I found one that knew what he was doing.

 

[sustentacular]

Take some time off, get a boyfriend, do something that really makes you happy and stop worrying about school for a while.

 

[Silverfalcon]

My spring semester has started two weeks ago and I've been slacking off, not even reading a single page for any of my courses.

Am I the only one who read this part? Regardless of whatever OP is saying, this type of action, coupled with 5 W's from the semester before, makes me to question whether this is even a right path for OP. Just a cautionary note.

 

[Frazier]

You sound burned out... Place your Erlenmeyer flask in the sink and start over.

 

[ILikeDrugs]

Maybe you could drop some of your classes so that you are just part-time. Take on the smaller load and do well in that. When you see your success in several months, your confidence in your academic abilities will go up and you'll be better set for the following semester when you decide to take on a greater load.

 

[GS Mikami]

Maybe you need a break man. Everyone has ups and downs; you just have to hang in there.

Talk to your family (or the most important people in your life). That usually helps me because I know that they're the only ones who will stay with me during tough times.

 

[mouthwash4hobo]

My spring semester has started two weeks ago and I've been slacking off, not even reading a single page for any of my courses. I just feel unmotivated and don't care that much... Actually I think I do care, that's probably why I am posting this thread.

Last semester, I withdrew from the whole semester and now I have 5 Ws. I was repeatedly assured that I wouldn't need to worry about the 5 Ws because I have the necessary medical documentation. But I have a feeling that I am done. I don't know why I am feeling this way. I don't even feel like I have the desire to be a doctor anymore. I am just lost, and scared. Last semester feels like a huge loss for me. I've lost so much, in terms of time, money, and confidence in myself from last semester's huge crash/defeat. I don't seem to be able to let go of the past. I don't want to try anymore, though I know that will make matters worse. I don't know what to do.. I just want to let go of everything! Sigh.

Edit: I have been meeting with a professional counsellor since December and I am continuing to do so. Honestly I am disappointed in what counselling has to offer, it doesn't seem to help much. My counsellor is a nice person, though. But I have decided to give counselling a little more try before I really quit after concluding that it sucks.

Sounds kind of like something I went through. Okay coming from my experience, if you are unsure of your goal, take some time off from school. Save the money! I think spending time away from school will help you realize whether or not you really want to continue.

I say this because I went into college completely lost about seven years ago and convinced myself to keep going, that I would eventually find some program that I liked. I switched majors numerous times along with two other schools. I remember pondering the premed route back then too, but had ridiculous low confidence in myself since I wasn't applying myself in school. I didn't have the desire to learn. I too had a semester full of W's. School felt more like something I was supposed to do. Instead, I spent my time at work, with a boyfriend, gambling addiction and whatever else was on my mind. Even worse, after the semester of W's, I completely dropped out and received all F's because it was too late to W.

I came back to my first university a year ago, repeated those classes and my gpa is SLOWLY rising.

It's okay to take some time off from school. Not everyone is ready at the same time. You may need to experience what else is out there is realize what you want. Hope this helps.

 

[MCATism]

I get where you're coming from, OP.

I went through the same thing and am hitting it again. Counsellors/shrinks have generally not been helpful to me, but I understand why they are referring you to a counsellor. If you're not presenting severe psychiatric problems, it is typically a waste of your money to see someone who deals with that kind of thing. Psychologists/counsellors are more for life lows, depression, moderate anxiety, etc, and can often be more helpful. I know that this isn't the case for you right now, and it wasn't the case for me either, though.

So, I suggest taking things into your own hands. Here are things that worked for me:

(1) Reduce your course load to something manageable and enjoyable. Who cares if you take an extra chemistry class this semester? NO ONE. Just take what you can do, and no more.

(2) Book time into your day to relax. Not in the "volunteering at a hospital is my relaxation" way, but in the "bubble bath and Norah Jones" kind of way. 😉

(3) SET GOALS. Achievable ones. Have a good mix of ones that aren't academic. For example, I have a goal of joining a new sport this semester, and helping my brother get an A in English (he has autism and really benefits from my help). In short, by setting achievable goals, you can help yourself feel more confident.

(4) If the counselling isn't working, try another person. Or, see if you can find support in other ways (friends, family, support groups, religious leaders, etc).

(5) If you do decide to take some time off, structure it. Don't leave too much unstructured time to sit around and ruminate about your stresses. Get an enjoyable job, play sports, weave baskets, whatever.

(6) Set goals for the next 4 months, and no further. Don't worry about adcomms, MCATs, or any else of the pre-med obstacle course. My advice might even be to stay off of SDN, distance yourself from the MD application process, and clear your mind with fresh activities. If at the end of the semester, you still want to become a doctor, get right back into things, fully recharged.

I don't know if this will help, but I hope it does. Sometimes I question my own motivations. I'm realizing it's okay, I don't have to decide now, and not to let my own waivering confidence force me into a cycle of stressful decision-making. Just do your best with what you're doing right now, and see where it takes you when the time comes.

Good luck.