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Perhaps recommend to your patients that they don't neglect their own self-care and mental health/well-being. I don't work with kiddos, but in my elderly patients who require caregivers, I spend a good bit of time in my feedback sessions discussing the importance of self-care for caregivers. Not a perfect analogy, but I wouldn't be surprised that some/many parents forget to take care of themselves.
So things like participation in enjoyable activities, maintaining a social network, incorporating childcare supports as needed (e.g., professional childcare, help from friends/family), healthy diet and exercise, reducing isolation, maintaining the health of the romantic/partner relationship (if applicable), etc.
And heck, it'd probably be helpful for (especially new) parents to know how resilient kiddos generally are.
+1 for this. Healthy parenting benefits from being a healthy parent. Or as the saying goes, you gotta put your oxygen mask on first if you have any hope of helping the people next to you when a plane suddenly loses altitude.
Also important to remember the temperament of parent-child dyad will impact parenting as well. You can have the most laid-back parent in the world raising a rigid/inflexible and difficult to soothe child and “gold star” strategies could still be ineffective. Or a highly energetic (anxious) intense and rigid parent raising a flexible, adaptable and open to experience child that leads to frequent conflicts. What works for one child may not work for another. It’s always good to have multiple options instead of a one-size-fits-all approach.
I am a child-focused clinician (not a psychologist) and my experience working with kids and families so far suggests
in general:
1. Kids do best/thrive with routine and predictability in their life. Some need more structure than others. But knowing how your day will be decreases the chance of behavior issues or mood difficulties.
2. Kids need to learn positive and negative consequences of their actions. This starts in infancy (if I cry, who will respond to me and how will they respond) and continues through life. Sticker charts, behavior charts, rewards, punishments it’s all based on the development level of the child.
3. Behavior is the child’s way of communication until they develop the language to express needs and wants. Modeling healthy communication (labeling feelings, actions, results, expectations and requests) by the parent goes a long way in raising healthy children (physical and emotional).
4. Kids need connections with others. Connections with parents, with peers, and with the community. Different cultures place different value on those connections so be mindful of the family culture. Involvement with positive adults, peers, and activities can foster healthy and resilient children. Some children need extra support in developing those connections (developmental delays, autism etc).
5. Parenting is exhausting. It’s ok to ask for help or get an outside perspective. That might be from a professional or family/friend. It’s ok to feel like you are winging it (most parents at some point in parenting are
) or praying to justmake it through the day. For the majority of folks, they will and tomorrow is a new day.
6. To the extent possible, avoid or limit the
ACEs to give kids the best possible chance at success in life.
www.psychologicalscience.org
