Thank you for taking this question. I’m a third year almost done with rotations. I will confess, I did not come to medical school to answer any calling. I came mostly for prestige and the promise of financial gain. And a bit of pressure from family.
I hated my first two years and I hate third year as well. I do not like the science. I do not like the clinic either. I just know how to do well on exams and I guess I’m a little smarter than the average person. And I’m willing to put work in if I have to. So I can get by doing something I hate, with some effort.
But now? Being more mature and realizing I’m trapped (graduating with 300k+ debt), I’m severely anxious about my future. There is a lot I want to do outside of medicine. And even if I didn’t, I might even want time to lie down on the couch and be a potato for a week. I feel with medicine however, that is impossible. I don’t like thinking about complex things or solving medical problems. I find it very stressful. However, since I am trapped, I have to do this for X number of years.
That being the case I would like to do something that requires little time, little effort. I deluded myself into thinking that being a physician would be an amazing thing (due to family pressure and maybe media/culture?). I didn’t think I’d hate it this much.
What specialty can I go into that will allow for maximal free time? Which specialty has the least time commitment overall? My ideal future would be to work a decade or so to pray off my debt and then maybe just do a part time job to keep food in the table.
Also, please note, I feel severe guilt for taking up someone’s seat who would have and could have been an amazing doctor. I am sorry for this. I thought I was doing the right thing for myself, but I wasn’t.
