Why MD?

[outlier]

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I know that no one can make this decision for me, but I'm interested in at least getting some feedback and hearing some new perspectives. I'm a first-year in an MD-PhD program, and I'm thinking about trying to transfer to the graduate school next year (in other words, dropping the MD). I've pretty much always known that I wanted to do research, but after I graduated college I became interested in MD-PhD programs. At the time I thought it was because I wanted do research that would "help people", and I would be better able to do that with medical training, and that learning to be a doctor would somehow make me a better person, less self-centered and more caring towards other people. But to be honest, now I realize that I was mostly driven by my competitive nature, which made me desire to be in an elite program and have more degrees than other people. I no longer think that medical training would enable me to help people through research any more than PhD training would. Plus, I don't even know how much I care about "helping people"-- I love research and knowledge for its own sake, and I think I was trying to mold myself to other people's values by convincing myself that I wanted to "help people". I'm starting to feel like its ok if I don't have any particular interest in helping people. But coming to this realization just as I'm entering med school has made me feel very alienated from the other students and faculty.

I spent several years in a pre-med postbacc program, so a lot of time has passed since I first made the decision to apply to MD-PhD programs, yet I was so caught up in the competition of applying that, even though I always felt ambivalent about the medical training and questioned why I was really drawn to these programs, I never seriously thought about turning back.

Now that I'm here and the competition is over, my eyes have been opened to the fact that I have no good reason for being here, and I am much more excited about being in grad school than being in med school. However, many people whose opinion I respect (including MD-PhDs who are primarily doing research) have advised me to stick with the program, because it will prove to be very practical for my research career, helping me to get grants and academic appointments, etc. If this is really true, it would be enough incentive for me to stick with it, but I'm not so convinced that it is true.

Also, they point out that I might fall in love with medicine if I give it a chance, and I'm here already (and its free) so why not give it a chance? But a part of me feels like, it was a mistake to come here, so why extend that mistake further? Why not just do the thing I already know I love? However, my biggest worry is that if I drop out I will someday greatly regret it. It's possible that by the end of the first year, my feelings will change and I'll become interested in studying medicine. But if I still feel the same way at the end of the year that I feel now, I want to figure out whether I can live with my decision if I drop out and give up this free education. I really appreciate any feedback you all can give me.

 

[GWD]

If you're feeling it, do it.

If you're not, don't.

When a health care provider lays their hands upon me, it is immediately obvious whether their touch is obligatory or sincere.

I could spam this thread ad naseum, but you know where your heart is.

 

[Jorje286]

My opinion would be stick to it and I agree with your advisors.

The difference between grad school and MD/PhD programs is 2 years on average, and a second degree. An MD won't hurt. When you finish your program and still think you want nothing to do with medicine, you could very easily go for a post-doc just like a graduated PhD student. The knowledge you would have gained about human anatomy and physiology in med school will certainly be useful in your research career.

Second, if you're just interested in knowledge for knowledge's sake, an MD or clinical practise isn't useless. Clinical observation/practise is very important for telling us the basic concepts going on. How much would we know about the brain without all the lesion studies in human patients? And just remember that as a physician-scientist you'll be spending most of your time in the lab.

 

[URHere]

Honestly, if you are still a first year student, I would give yourself some more time before deciding if you want to leave your MD/PhD program - at least a few more months. By then, you should know if you are thinking about leaving because your heart really isn't in it, or if you want to leave right now just because the medical training is pushing you beyond your comfort zone.

When I first started my program, my initial instinct was to doubt whether or not I made the right choice at every turn. For about a week, I even thought about leaving and running back to theatre (my ultimate comfort zone). Barely a week later, I realized that I was just scared and that, for me, MD/PhD wasn't the wrong choice at all. I'm not saying that your situation is the same as mine, but it will still be possible to transfer after a semester or a year - it won't be as easy to come back to the program if you leave now and then decide that you didn't make the right choice.

 

[outlier]

thanks for the helpful responses. my intention was to stick with it the whole year, and if i still feel the same way at that time that i do now (not motivated to continue), then i would leave. i do want to give myself enough time to make sure i'm not just afraid or uncomfortable-- do you think 1 year is enough? at first, i thought maybe not, and that i should wait until after my phd, and then i could decide whether or not to go back for the 3rd year of med school. but i feel like i'm just wishing the time would pass faster so i can go to grad school, because i'm just so excited about grad school, and i hate living my life like that. i'm trying to go into the lab as much as possible after class and on weekends, but its not very much, and it kind of just makes me even more frustrated because if something goes wrong i don't have another thing going on at the same time, like i would if i was a full-time researcher or grad student. and lots of things do go wrong...

 

[Neuronix]

at first, i thought maybe not, and that i should wait until after my phd, and then i could decide whether or not to go back for the 3rd year of med school.

I've met several people like you over the years. When you get into PhD you will realize how much grad school can suck and how dim the job prospects are in research. You will likely return to medical school and do residency, if anything to improve your chances in research and provide a backup in case your research doesn't pan out. Based on this I can't recommend strongly enough that you finish your program.

The grass is always greener. Med school usually isn't that bad. Take it easy and try to live a balanced life.