Wife, kid, and pharm school

[CK8652]

Here's the dilemma I'm working with right now

You quit your job, moved and worked at a pharmacy for a bit, committed financial suicide, studied for the PCAT. Did well on your PCAT, applied to pharmacy school (out of state). You've been accepted to the pharmacy school that was your top choice. Your girlfriend(4+yrs) recently found out she was prego, doesn't want you to leave. You didn't apply to any instate pharmacy schools, so would have to wait 18months to matriculate. She has a great job and has all her family to support her here so doesn't want to move. I feel if I don't go this year, I won't go at all.

Would you stay or would you go? Anyone with kids go through pharmacy school? Anyone move somewhere with just their baby and wife? Anyone with similar experiences? Oh, and I'm not for abortion so....

I'm not looking for an 'answer' here, more of just people's experiences and how they turned out.

Thanks

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[Farmercyst]

Did you forget to talk to her before you applied? Prego or no, a girlfriend you decided to stick around for 4+ years usually would be consulted about life decisions unless you don't plan on including her in your life. At least I thought that was the normal course of things.

As for the concerns, yes people move, yes people move with wife and kids. Yes they make it through school just fine depending on the level of support.

My wife and I rarely see our families much (though 50 miles isn't the same as out of state, it might as well be given the amount of time we see them) My wife is a SAHM so there's no income from her, I went from 50K/yr to $10K/yr (intern job) and have managed just fine. The only difference I can tell so far is I told her where I wanted to apply (including 1 OOS school) before submitting applications and having to worry about relationship issues.

 

[rxlea]

As farmercyst said, you should include your SO in big decisions like this. If you really want her in your life, you might have to wait til next year or convince her to go with you. I didn't apply to certain schools because my SO didn't want to live there, even though I really liked the schools. At the end of the day, you get your PharmD anyway, even if it takes another year or you have to go to an instate school. Why wouldn't you go if you had to apply next year?

 

[CK8652]

Yeah, she was okay with me going out of state UNTIL she got pregnant. It's a little different situation when she's here rearing a newborn by herself then if she's living here with her friends and what not. I only planned on being gone two years and we've done okay with our times apart (she used to live about 1.5hrs away and I moved to Utah for a couple months). Honestly, I've waited long enough and there's only one school in Phoenix (Midwestern) and it's 38k and who knows if I'll even get in. Also, I don't really know wtf I'll do in the meantime (work as a tech? meh) I have to send my $500 deposit by tomorrow and this was just a last ditch effort to see if anyone had a similar situation

 

[rxlea]

Yeah, she was okay with me going out of state UNTIL she got pregnant. It's a little different situation when she's here rearing a newborn by herself then if she's living here with her friends and what not. I only planned on being gone two years and we've done okay with our times apart (she used to live about 1.5hrs away and I moved to Utah for a couple months). Honestly, I've waited long enough and there's only one school in Phoenix (Midwestern) and it's 38k and who knows if I'll even get in. Also, I don't really know wtf I'll do in the meantime (work as a tech? meh) I have to send my $500 deposit by tomorrow and this was just a last ditch effort to see if anyone had a similar situation

She won't even move to Tucson? You could apply to UofA next year. It is only a 2 hour drive.

And, you get to do your last year in Phoenix.

 

[jinga]

I would go with what your hunny tells you. My wife convinced me to go to a cheap in-state school versus an expensive private school at a tuition savings of about 70K. Pharmacy school will be tough for her too, so she will also need a support network; you'd be shocked at how nice it is to have family close.

We live right by my in-laws and they're AWESOME. They seriously expect nothing in return. They're a great moral support network.

I went with my wife and it turned out to be the best thing...

Plus, let's face it, wives are pretty much the "boss." Lol.

 

[Silvermist]

All I'll say is that you can never get the newborn days back. They grow soooo fast and bond to people so quickly and hit so many milestones, and they triple in size within the first year! Those are moments that when they are gone, they are GONE =/

If she doesn't want to go with you, you still have options - you could apply to Creighton's distance program, or you could ask that your admission to your top choice be deferred a year. (I know of one school who did this for a student who was having trouble selling her out-of-state house last year in the down market - they let her matriculate this year instead. It's worth asking!)

Good luck with whatever you decide, and congrats on the baby!

(Full disclosure: I am a mom of 2, one toddler and one preschooler).

 

[Carboxide]

Seems like your girlfriend is the selfish one here. She encouraged you to apply out of state and was fine with that. I think it would be a big mistake to put off school now; if you don't get into Midwestern or Creighton's Distance program next year, you're in the exact same place but 18 months behind. That 18 months is worth $150,000 in income after graduation - that's your loans paid off.

If she loves you, she'll think about what's best for BOTH of you - not just her - and go there with you. She's being very selfish.

 

[jinga]

I disagree. Ladies first, dude. Ladies first.

 

[type b pharmD]

a major relationship is more important than going to pharmacy school a year earlier.

 

[diastole]

I have a family which I moved with me to pharmacy school. The financial aid money is designed to support one person, not three. If my husband didn't work too, I'm not sure how we would make it. If your girlfriend moves with you she most likely will have to get a job but then you have to pay for child care and she won't have her support network around which is important for a new mother. You will be busy and you won't be able to participate as much as she might need you to.

So what kind of life do you want? Do you want to excel in your job even if that means damaging personal relationships or would you rather have good, solid personal relationships even if that means that you won't do as well in your work or make as much money? Sometimes you can't have it all as you are finding out. This is something you will have to decide for yourself. Pharmacy school will still be there if you want to go but you will lose time. Your girlfriend might still be there if you leave but your relationship might not survive the distance. You have pretty tough choice but if you soul search a bit and find your core values, I bet you'll make the right decision for you.

 

[Garfield3d]

All I'll say is that you can never get the newborn days back. They grow soooo fast and bond to people so quickly and hit so many milestones, and they triple in size within the first year! Those are moments that when they are gone, they are GONE =/

If she doesn't want to go with you, you still have options - you could apply to Creighton's distance program, or you could ask that your admission to your top choice be deferred a year. (I know of one school who did this for a student who was having trouble selling her out-of-state house last year in the down market - they let her matriculate this year instead. It's worth asking!)

Good luck with whatever you decide, and congrats on the baby!

(Full disclosure: I am a mom of 2, one toddler and one preschooler).

I'm not sure of the OP's circumstances, but he did say that if he doesn't go this year, then he won't go at all (or, at least he feels like that). I don't know if there are extenuating circumstances that he left out, or if he's simply echoing the disappointment of having to put off pharmacy school another year.

Seeing that all of us are already pharmacy students (and in your case, accepted into a program), it's easy for us to forget the vagaries of our ambitions and disappointments before we entered pharmacy school. I think it's important for us to identify with that perspective. If there is some factor that prevents the OP from applying to pharmacy school again in the near future, then this wouldn't be a case of him postponing his ambitions. It would pretty much be him permanently calling off pharmacy school and completely realigning his life goals.

Seems like your girlfriend is the selfish one here. She encouraged you to apply out of state and was fine with that. I think it would be a big mistake to put off school now; if you don't get into Midwestern or Creighton's Distance program next year, you're in the exact same place but 18 months behind. That 18 months is worth $150,000 in income after graduation - that's your loans paid off.

If she loves you, she'll think about what's best for BOTH of you - not just her - and go there with you. She's being very selfish.

I would agree with this if it weren't for the fact that she's pregnant with his child (or, at least I assume it's his child). Rearing a child, and entering fatherhood, changes the equation considerably. Whereas without the child the couple would be a simple partnership, now he has obligations to the child/baby.

I think it's safe to say that any distance relationship has an impact on the relationship and can be difficult at times. The added factor of pregnancy and having a newborn in a distance relationship is going to be that much more difficult.

--Garfield3d

 

[CK8652]

Sent my check in today, we'll see how everything plays out in the coming months. Thanks for all your responses.

 

[johnep34]

You should not have children until you are established. In UK we have Oral contraceptives, protectives, intra uterine coils and for those who have used no contraception, the 'morning after pill'.
However, 45% of births are now to people who are not married. Of course the welfare system rewards those who do not get married and penalises those who do. Many girls choose to 'marry the state' and with free housing and generous benefits, who can blame them?
johnep

 

[rxlea]

You should not have children until you are established. In UK we have Oral contraceptives, protectives, intra uterine coils and for those who have used no contraception, the 'morning after pill'.
However, 45% of births are now to people who are not married. Of course the welfare system rewards those who do not get married and penalises those who do. Many girls choose to 'marry the state' and with free housing and generous benefits, who can blame them?
johnep

What does this have to do with the original post?

 

[Sugadarlin]

You are definitely stuck between a rock and a hard place but there are a lot of things to consider, in the long run you securing a career is probably the best thing to do for your child, not to leave your girl out but your child is the only thing that is permanent at this point (no offense). Also, I personally wouldn't take the chance of reapplying to Pharm school, I thing the competition will be greater each year especially with the number of applicants increasing. And as for the newborn years, that is right, you can't get those back, but I would rather miss the earlier years when the child cannot understand then when the child is older and has more understanding.

Ok that was my 5 cents and this is coming from a wife and mother of a 2 year old who will be leaving her family to attend Pharm School (even though I get to go home on weekends)

 

[Danae00]

.

 

[rxlea]

Can you defer for a year??? You can explain to the pharmacy school committee that the pregnancy was a surprise and that, due to financial hardship, you won't be able to attend until next year...or something along those lines. Some schools are compassionate to extenuating circumstances. Colorado lets you defer for one year if you want...it would help if we knew what school.

 

[CK8652]

You should not have children until you are established. In UK we have Oral contraceptives, protectives, intra uterine coils and for those who have used no contraception, the 'morning after pill'.
However, 45% of births are now to people who are not married. Of course the welfare system rewards those who do not get married and penalises those who do. Many girls choose to 'marry the state' and with free housing and generous benefits, who can blame them?
johnep

Unfortunately we do not have the contraceptives you speak of in the USA. Fortunately, we do have the welfare system you speak of, as this was our intention from the beginning, with pharmacy being a facade.

I was lying in bed last night and came to the realization that she's established her career further than I have. She works a lot of hours(60-70) so I can't see her current situation working out after the baby. It's just as selfish to ask me to stay, if not more, than it is for me to ask her to leave. She's got upwards of 50k saved up and we have very little bills, we could make it work on my school loans.

I could try to defer until next year, but I really don't see how that is going to help, I might as well go for Midwestern or UofA if I was to do that. The school is LECOM-erie and the reason I chose it is because it's accelerated with 2years there, 1yr back in phx, 22k tuition (compared to 15k/38k instate), low living expenses, can get away from distractions to focus (before pregnancy).

 

[Farmercyst]

Unfortunately we do not have the contraceptives you speak of in the USA. Fortunately, we do have the welfare system you speak of, as this was our intention from the beginning, with pharmacy being a facade.

I was lying in bed last night and came to the realization that she's established her career further than I have. She works a lot of hours(60-70) so I can't see her current situation working out after the baby. It's just as selfish to ask me to stay, if not more, than it is for me to ask her to leave. She's got upwards of 50k saved up and we have very little bills, we could make it work on my school loans.

I could try to defer until next year, but I really don't see how that is going to help, I might as well go for Midwestern or UofA if I was to do that. The school is LECOM-erie and the reason I chose it is because it's accelerated with 2years there, 1yr back in phx, 22k tuition (compared to 15k/38k instate), low living expenses, can get away from distractions to focus (before pregnancy).

Sure we do, I guess you'll learn about them in Pharmacy school. Coil could be a reference to a device that is inserted into the fallopian tube (not common) but may also refer to the copper IUD, which is available in the US, just not through the pharmacy. Plan B/OneStep, the morning after pill, is readily available in most pharmacies (at least in metro areas).

 

[johnep34]

Sorry to have caused any offence, but it is a fact of life that children are an expensive tie.
The UK has the highest level of unmarried births in the western world and because of the generous benefit system brought in at the behest of 'do gooders' when having a child out of wedlock was rare. What has really made having a baby popular was when the 'do gooders' said that social housing should be allocated on the basis of need rather than the 'points' system previously used. What has happened is that immigrants with large families are now being put in houses instead of UK born residents and this is causing a swing to right wing politics.

It has been said that only the very poor and the very rich can now afford to have babies.
As local authorities are responsible for housing, you find families of 10 being housed in mansions at a cost to the tax payer in excess of $2m a year per family.

A large family can get far more in benefits than an average worker could earn.
johnep

 

[Passion4Sci]

Going out on a limb here to suggest aborting the fetus until a time when you and your girlfriend are more stable.

Think about the child here and the conditions you'll be bringing it into. That's all. Just think about the child for once.

Seems like nowadays, people only think about themselves.

They need a kid to please their parents. They need a kid for the tax credit. They need unconditional love from something. They need to feel "the feeeeeeling" of conception and birth.

They. They. They.

Where's the kid in this equation?

 

[StaviZFingerZ]

Go to school. If your gf has a great job and all that family support, she can hold down the fort while you practic part time dad full time student..in 3 to 4 years, you'll be financially secure to take care of the family for the better.

Make a sacrifce now for the better future. yeah yeah... the experience of being a father when the kids are little..... how many dads responded to this post?

Your kid will be fine. It's not like you'll be out of his/her life. Thank goodness you're not in the military and deployed. You'd AWOL.

And if your gf dumps you because you went to school to better the family, perhaps this isn't a woman who should be your wife.

No one can take your education away. You never know what your gf is going to do...heck y'all not even married. She can up and find a sugardaddy somewhere and leave your ass. Meanwhile you'll be left with no pharmacy education and a part time custody of a child.

Go to school.

 

[StaviZFingerZ]

Going out on a limb here to suggest aborting the fetus until a time when you and your girlfriend are more stable.

he said it's not an option.

 

[Danae00]

.

 

[Carboxide]

I think you are not placing enough value on the fact that her family is in your current location.

What happens if your baby has a low grade fever and won't stop screaming for hours on end? Are you going to be at home helping out your stressed out and panicked girlfriend? Or at the school studying because you have an exam later that day and the baby kept you up all night? What happens if your girlfriend gets the flu... are you going to stay home and look after the baby until she is better? Even if that affects school? That is why having grandma and grandpa around is priceless in situations like this.

Also, outside of raising your baby, what is it that you expect your girlfriend to *do* while you are in school? Sitting at home all day with an infant is a sure way to make her crazy especially if she is used to the hustle and bustle of the business world. Can you afford day care so she can work? If not, are you willing to watch the baby several nights a week so she can go out and have a life too? Or pay $40 for a babysitter?

But yes, she most certainly can move out to a strange city where she knows no one, give up her high paying job, and have her raise a baby full time without any external support. Couples do it all the time. But if you can avoid all of that simply by postponing school for a single year then I have a hard time not siding with your girlfriend.

Of course, I don't know either of you so there may be other factors that sway me the other way. Regardless, I just don't think she is being unreasonable in her request.

Just my 2 cents

1). People do that ALL THE TIME. It's not abnormal to not live by parents when you have a kid. And if they can't handle it, they shouldn't be having the kid.

2). I don't think most normal people go out 'several days a week'. That seems very excessive. But again - if the OP and the GF can't handle actually having a baby, they shouldn't have it. Plus...I don't see how this is different to having a baby while he's working full time. Still gone in the day, back at night...

3). Yeah. Couples do it all the time. Exactly. And you forget that the OP said that if he postpones it, it probably won't happen, and if it does it'll be at double the cost and at a 4 year school instead of 3. That's putting off graduating for two years - two years of income. LECOM he said is 22k/year; that's 66k. The only school near him is 38k a year; that's closer to 160k.

Financially and socially, he should go. If she refuses to go with him, that's her choice to put her family above the father of the baby she insists on having even when she doesn't want to take on the responsibilities of parenthood. Every issue you mentioned shouldn't be an issue for two people READY for parenthood...and if they aren't ready, there's other options like adoption and abortion, and they should be considered.

I stand by my original statement that for the OP to stay, the girlfriend must be horridly selfish...which, honestly, is worth dumping her. I could never be with someone who put herself first all the time. The OP going to school will benefit them both.

 

[StaviZFingerZ]

This generation of p u s s i f i e d parents who feel that they need to devote their entire life to their kids has done nothing more than create an entire generation of selfish monsterous kids who can't cope with life.

Being there for kids is one thing. To sacrifice your career and life to be a poor bastid father is another.

The OP should not even ask this sort of question. Be a man.. go do what you gotta do.

 

[cycloketocaine]

This generation of p u s s i f i e d parents who feel that they need to devote their entire life to their kids has done nothing more than create an entire generation of selfish monsterous kids who can't cope with life.

Being there for kids is one thing. To sacrifice your career and life to be a poor bastid father is another.

The OP should not even ask this sort of question. Be a man.. go do what you gotta do.

Finally someone who doesn't have their head up their ass and knows what they are talking about.

 

[cycloketocaine]

I think you are not placing enough value on the fact that her family is in your current location.

What happens if your baby has a low grade fever and won't stop screaming for hours on end? Are you going to be at home helping out your stressed out and panicked girlfriend? Or at the school studying because you have an exam later that day and the baby kept you up all night? What happens if your girlfriend gets the flu... are you going to stay home and look after the baby until she is better? Even if that affects school? That is why having grandma and grandpa around is priceless in situations like this.

Also, outside of raising your baby, what is it that you expect your girlfriend to *do* while you are in school? Sitting at home all day with an infant is a sure way to make her crazy especially if she is used to the hustle and bustle of the business world. Can you afford day care so she can work? If not, are you willing to watch the baby several nights a week so she can go out and have a life too? Or pay $40 for a babysitter?

But yes, she most certainly can move out to a strange city where she knows no one, give up her high paying job, and have her raise a baby full time without any external support. Couples do it all the time. But if you can avoid all of that simply by postponing school for a single year then I have a hard time not siding with your girlfriend.

Of course, I don't know either of you so there may be other factors that sway me the other way. Regardless, I just don't think she is being unreasonable in her request.

Just my 2 cents

How many kids do you have?

 

[StaviZFingerZ]

How many kids do you have?

Not 1.5 like you.

 

[Tygacil]

My advice, play some Quake 3 Arena, do some quad damage, and go to pharmacy school. Sorry, she can move with you, it was the premeditated plan. She got pregnant? Whoops, she can still move with you. No family there? Big deal, I agree with some of the other statements re: family presence, seen many people do it without fam.

Had a few classmates in pharmacy school whose wives got pregnant, they managed just fine. If she's got that much saved up, she shouldnt have to work, can take care of the baby, and you can financial aid it up.

My $.02

 

[Danae00]

.

 

[KKHeal]

Go to school. If your gf has a great job and all that family support, she can hold down the fort while you practic part time dad full time student..in 3 to 4 years, you'll be financially secure to take care of the family for the better.

Make a sacrifce now for the better future. yeah yeah... the experience of being a father when the kids are little..... how many dads responded to this post?

Your kid will be fine. It's not like you'll be out of his/her life. Thank goodness you're not in the military and deployed. You'd AWOL.

And if your gf dumps you because you went to school to better the family, perhaps this isn't a woman who should be your wife.

No one can take your education away. You never know what your gf is going to do...heck y'all not even married. She can up and find a sugardaddy somewhere and leave your ass. Meanwhile you'll be left with no pharmacy education and a part time custody of a child.

Go to school.

At the end of the day, the dude gotta do what he gotta do! I agree with this post..Its interesting all the comments I have been reading. woooow..

 

[rxlea]

So were you just not using protection at all? No condoms? No pill? Not saying this is your situation, but I once had a friend who got pregnant on purpose so her husband woudn't go off to a new job in another city.

I say defer for a year or just apply to UofA next cycle. It is only 2 hours away and it is 15k a year. If she can't move 2 hours away with you, then wtf? You can even come up to Phoenix on the weekends. Since abortion is out of the question, then you only have 2 choices here: Wait a year, or never go. I don't see how waiting a year = never going. If you have a high pre-req GPA and some experience in pharmacy, I think you can AT LEAST get an interview at UofA. Then make your case.

 

[CK8652]

The OP should not even ask this sort of question. Be a man.. go do what you gotta do.

Other people's life experiences can teach you a lot. For example, you ever party with a multi-millionaire that can push a button to have a fireplace come out of the floor who at the end of the night is crying his eyes out because he left the only girl he ever loved and doesn't have any kids? A man with more money than you'll ever have telling you it wasn't worth it, don't chase money, and that family is the only thing that matters in the end?

I don't see the problem in soliciting other people's experiences, give them if you have one, if not then move on. As I stated in my first post, I'm not looking for an answer from anyone, but I think I personally make better, more informed decisions when I see my problem from different perspectives.

As far as fatherhood, this is not a question about providing or being ready - I think I'll be a great father and even if I don't attend pharmacy school I don't think we'll ever live in poverty (my post above about welfare and contraceptives was meant to be facetious - as if contraceptives/welfare make any difference in my situation).

To Danae: Yes, the original plan was that she was going to stay in Phoenix (before prego). She does not want to move, but it doesn't mean that she can't move.

Yes I know, UofA is a possibility, it's not that far away, but when you think of it in terms of by the time I'm done with my first year at UofA, I'd be back home in Phoenix after going to LECOM, kinda doesn't seem worth it.

 

[diethylamide]

This generation of p u s s i f i e d parents who feel that they need to devote their entire life to their kids has done nothing more than create an entire generation of selfish monsterous kids who can't cope with life.

Being there for kids is one thing. To sacrifice your career and life to be a poor bastid father is another.

The OP should not even ask this sort of question. Be a man.. go do what you gotta do.

Amen Brother

 

[StaviZFingerZ]

Other people's life experiences can teach you a lot. For example, you ever party with a multi-millionaire that can push a button to have a fireplace come out of the floor who at the end of the night is crying his eyes out because he left the only girl he ever loved and doesn't have any kids? A man with more money than you'll ever have telling you it wasn't worth it, don't chase money, and that family is the only thing that matters in the end?

I don't see the problem in soliciting other people's experiences, give them if you have one, if not then move on. As I stated in my first post, I'm not looking for an answer from anyone, but I think I personally make better, more informed decisions when I see my problem from different perspectives.

As far as fatherhood, this is not a question about providing or being ready - I think I'll be a great father and even if I don't attend pharmacy school I don't think we'll ever live in poverty (my post above about welfare and contraceptives was meant to be facetious - as if contraceptives/welfare make any difference in my situation).

To Danae: Yes, the original plan was that she was going to stay in Phoenix (before prego). She does not want to move, but it doesn't mean that she can't move.

Yes I know, UofA is a possibility, it's not that far away, but when you think of it in terms of by the time I'm done with my first year at UofA, I'd be back home in Phoenix after going to LECOM, kinda doesn't seem worth it.

woo hoo i gots to get me one of those push button fireplace!! asking dear abby type of questions is no way to live a life. what do you think you will learn from someone else' experience!

and as a matter of fact i know quite a few millionaires...theyre all different in family values...some have trophy wives and some dont. but they all chased money and got it. and from first hand experience, being a multimillionaire aint all its cracked up to be. and you can take that to the bank.

well einstein, sounds like you got it figured out! and it aint gonna matter what anyone sez on here. you are going to have to ultimately be reresponsible for your actions and decisions.

 

[CK8652]

what do you think you will learn from someone else' experience!

You've got to be kidding me, you've never learned anything from other people's experiences? It must have been hard completely raising yourself while growing up, teaching yourself manners and morals while taking in absolutely nothing from what other people say. Or, perhaps you are perfect in every way and explore every possible outcome before you have a decision to make. That way you never have to ask anyone for their take on a subject that someone else may be more experienced in.


Oh, and with your line of reasoning what am I/we supposed to do with this then?

and from first hand experience, being a multimillionaire aint all its cracked up to be. and you can take that to the bank.

 

[Danae00]

.

 

[Sugadarlin]

Been thinking about this more.

You've obviously made up your mind that you're going away next year, for good or bad. So no sense in debating that. The issue is likely going to be if she comes with you or not. Either way, you will likely want to handle these conversations carefully if you want this to have a happy ending.

So I'm imagining the scenario to be something like this: She just found out she's pregnant. That is huge. Scary as hell. Life altering. If she is anything like me [see disclaimer] she probably is desperate to hear that you are 100% on board with this pregnancy. She needs your reassurance that she can count on you when it comes to raising your kid. That you won't take the job of being a father half-assed. This is a huge test of your commitment to her and she likely is over analyzing every word you say.

You want to make this work? Then tell her what she needs to hear. Let her know that you really are okay with this pregnancy, that you love her, and that somehow you two will find a way to make it work. Her and the baby are your top priority.

Then let her know why it is so important to you to go to pharmacy school next year. Reassure her that you are not choosing school over her and the baby. This is just something you need to for yourself in order to be happy and to not live your life full of regret. And being happy with life will allow you to be a much better dad and partner. Raising a kid is also expensive, and financially pharmacy school right now just makes sense. You honestly believe that going to school is what will be best for your new family in the long run.

Take the discussion from there and see if you can come to a decision together on how best to proceed. And good luck!


[Disclaimer: Your girlfriend may be no where near as needy as I am. Regardless, I think everyone women would benefit from being told how much they are loved. And every man for that matter too!]

Well put

 

[pinksparkly]

I am a mother of 2.5 (As in one baby, one toddler, one stepkid that lives with us upwards of 50% of the time), applying to pharmacy school during the next cycle.

The way I see it, your GF is being selfish by not moving with you if there is a) any chance that she can find a job where you will be going to school, or b) any chance that she might say, "Scrap the career, I want to be a stay-at-home mom."

Let's face reality - you making $100,000/year will give your child a significant advantage. That coupled with an intact family will be advantageous to your child beyond belief. If she was really thinking about the kid, she would move. Granted, I don't know all of the details here. But those are my thoughts.

And as a woman whose first child to her now husband was born a bastard D), if you think that this is going to be a long-term thing, man up and get down on one knee NOW. I've been *that* pregnant woman before, and let me tell you, it feels a little unstable. There is a good chance that if it feels like forever, suddenly you are a family, and then she will do what she needs to do to better the family. Including a cross-country move.

One caveat - I have a friend in PA, and I sure as hell wouldn't want to give birth in PA (not many choices), but, what can you do?

My husband is willing to follow me to whatever school I get into, even if that means he loses custody of his daughter for a bit. My increased income will arrive just in time to provide for things like private high school and college.

But you and your GF have the chance to have an intact family. Give her the ring, any ring, and she will probably view things differently.

 

[KARM12]

I thought the GF had a good stable, well-paying job? Hard to justify making her move when she is the bread-winner. Plus you to take into consideration that she has people now that can help her with child care and may lessen that expense. You can't raise a child on a 10 hr/week pharmacy intern salary. I personally would call you selfish and tell you to wait a year. There are enough schools popping up that you shouldn't have a problem getting into one. If pharmacy is something you really want to do, then there is nothing stopping you from doing it a year from now.

 

[Sugadarlin]

I saw your post where you said you sent in the check so you are going I'm assuming. I wish you and your family lots of luck and I truly believe this sacrafice will be worth it in the end. In my opinion you are definitely NOT selfish by making moves that will be benefical to your family and recognizing that you are sacrificing too and is probably hard for you to leave. Family is all about support and sacrifice for the well being of the whole unit.Stay encouraged and hopefully your GF will be able to see that this is for all 3 of you

 

[StaviZFingerZ]

You've got to be kidding me, you've never learned anything from other people's experiences?

So how many responses did you get from people with this sort of experience? There are different scenarios and different ways people deal with it. If you haven't experienced it, how will you know other than a hearsay. The point is this is an semi-anonymous internet forum where you probably won't learn much about this sort of life experience.

You want to talk about other people's experience? How will you know what it feels like to win the Masters... climb Everest... save lives... hit a 300yd drive.. have a baby... be a parent etc by reading about other people's experience? You don't. If other people's experience is all that, then do you truly believe your parents teaching you their experience is good enough to wade through your life full of experience without having to experience it yourself? Do you believe you'll learn what it's like to be a parent by reading about it?

This is a serious life decision you need to sort out with your family and friends.

So what if you get 4 different responses.

1. I moved away and abandoned my family but it all worked out.
2. I stayed home and never made it to pharmacy school and gf left me.
3. I stayed home and went to pharmacy school year later and gf left me any ways.
4. I went to pharmacy school and gf stayed back and moved in with me 2 years later and I dropped out of pharmacy school.

And you're really going to try to learn from this?

LOL!.

It must have been hard completely raising yourself while growing up, teaching yourself manners and morals while taking in absolutely nothing from what other people say.

I have a rule... I evaluate what 90% of the people do...then I do it the other way. Ok, not always.

My parents taught me values and gave me opportunities to experience things. They didn't simply provide me with other people's experience for me to learn by default.

Or, perhaps you are perfect in every way and explore every possible outcome before you have a decision to make. That way you never have to ask anyone for their take on a subject that someone else may be more experienced in.

Far far from it... I still make a lot of mistakes, trust me on that. But I learn from it. But yes, I do evaluate every possible outcome before making a major decision. Sure I ask for technical expertise when I lack it. But this usually deals with technical know hows. Not life/family decisions.

Oh, and with your line of reasoning what am I/we supposed to do with this then?

Hopefully nothing. But if I ever give an advice on hospital practice, you should at least read about it...and think about it. And go experience it for yourself.

 

[CK8652]

So how many responses did you get from people with this sort of experience? There are different scenarios and different ways people deal with it. If you haven't experienced it, how will you know other than a hearsay. The point is this is an semi-anonymous internet forum where you probably won't learn much about this sort of life experience.

Yeah man, what I expect to learn is seeing it from another perspective. Sorry if you grew up in times where you just bonked your woman over the head with your club and had her do what the 'man' wanted to do. You act is if I'm a newborn bird waiting for people to vomit their knowledge into my mouth. Obviously I'm not going to take a post, rehearse it and dictate it to my girlfriend, come on man, get a clue.

This is a serious life decision you need to sort out with your family and friends.

In the end, friends and family have the same say in it as anonymous people over the internet. I'm going to evaluate what others say and make my decision based on what I think is best with the information I have. I don't plan on discriminating between advice based on if I know you or not.

So what if you get 4 different responses.

1. I moved away and abandoned my family but it all worked out.
2. I stayed home and never made it to pharmacy school and gf left me.
3. I stayed home and went to pharmacy school year later and gf left me any ways.
4. I went to pharmacy school and gf stayed back and moved in with me 2 years later and I dropped out of pharmacy school.
And you're really going to try to learn from this?
LOL!.

Yeah man, look at the responses by the posters, it's all been relatively genuine and nobody has given these lovely examples.

My parents taught me values and gave me opportunities to experience things. They didn't simply provide me with other people's experience for me to learn by default.

Your parents teaching you values is exactly providing you with theirs and other people's experiences.

Staviz: Dad, can I jump down into this big black hole? Dad can I walk off with this naked man to go play in his basement?
Father: I, or anyone I know, has never experienced that before son, so experience it on your own.
Staviz: Weeeeeeeee!

I have a rule... I evaluate what 90% of the people do...then I do it the other way. Ok, not always.

Far far from it... I still make a lot of mistakes, trust me on that. But I learn from it. But yes, I do evaluate every possible outcome before making a major decision. Sure I ask for technical expertise when I lack it. But this usually deals with technical know hows. Not life/family decisions.

OK, so it seems like your problem with me is that you don't believe I can act in your way of decision making. Instead of making informed, conscious decisions - I'm a robot who regurgitates other peoples ideas. You evaluate every possible outcome before making a major decision - you sure? I'd be willing to bet you come next time if you solicit some opinions about a major decision - you'll hear something you haven't heard before. And if you evaluate every possible outcome - why is that you make any mistakes at all? Fact is, hindsight is 20/20 and before that it's getting the best info to make an informed decision.

But if I ever give an advice on hospital practice, you should at least read about it...and think about it. And go experience it for yourself.

I have read advice on this from you, and others on this forum, and I think it's really helped me form a coherent picture of what to expect from pharmacy as a career. I actually found it invaluable to be used for interview questions as well. Honestly, though, how many people really take what you guys say and do it verbatim word for word? You shouldn't even have to say this, we'd all do it with our own twist.

 

[StaviZFingerZ]

Yeah man, what I expect to learn is seeing it from another perspective. Sorry if you grew up in times where you just bonked your woman over the head with your club and had her do what the 'man' wanted to do. You act is if I'm a newborn bird waiting for people to vomit their knowledge into my mouth. Obviously I'm not going to take a post, rehearse it and dictate it to my girlfriend, come on man, get a clue

Dear Abby.. someone is trying very hard to insult me on SDN.. what should I do? I would like to read about other people's experience in this matter. Then I will evaluate and talk to my close friends and family and deal with this. Because I value their opinion and experience.

In the end, friends and family have the same say in it as anonymous people over the internet. I'm going to evaluate what others say and make my decision based on what I think is best with the information I have. I don't plan on discriminating between advice based on if I know you or not.

Then you just wasted bandwidth and time posting here didn't you.

Yeah man, look at the responses by the posters, it's all been relatively genuine and nobody has given these lovely examples.

Bingo.. because no one has any experience with it. Wasted time.

Your parents teaching you values is exactly providing you with theirs and other people's experiences.

Staviz: Dad, can I jump down into this big black hole? Dad can I walk off with this naked man to go play in his basement?
Father: I, or anyone I know, has never experienced that before son, so experience it on your own.
Staviz: Weeeeeeeee!

Learning from parents equals not learning from SDN.

OK, so it seems like your problem with me is that you don't believe I can act in your way of decision making. Instead of making informed, conscious decisions - I'm a robot who regurgitates other peoples ideas. You evaluate every possible outcome before making a major decision - you sure? I'd be willing to bet you come next time if you solicit some opinions about a major decision - you'll hear something you haven't heard before. And if you evaluate every possible outcome - why is that you make any mistakes at all? Fact is, hindsight is 20/20 and before that it's getting the best info to make an informed decision.

What have you learned from people who's never experienced what you're going through on SDN besides getting rediculed by me?

Not a damn thing.

I have read advice on this from you, and others on this forum, and I think it's really helped me form a coherent picture of what to expect from pharmacy as a career. I actually found it invaluable to be used for interview questions as well. Honestly, though, how many people really take what you guys say and do it verbatim word for word? You shouldn't even have to say this, we'd all do it with our own twist.

I'm flattered you actually read my advice... becaus I don't mean to give advice rather I typically troll mostly.

 

[CK8652]

I wish I could be as old and stubborn in my ways as you, that way when faced with logic I could hide behind my apathy and ignorance disguised as "experience".

 

[StaviZFingerZ]

I wish I could be as old and stubborn in my ways as you, that way when faced with logic I could hide behind my apathy and ignorance disguised as "experience".

And you think others and you are any different? And these are the people you're seeking advice from? Good Luck with that!

You ask for advice on a public forum and you'll get replies you won't like. Hope you learned that. I said what I had to say and you're the one getting all sensitive about it...

Move on dude.

 

[johnep34]

Usual scenario in this sort of situation is that the man is far from home and suddenly discovers that a girl in class whose daddy owns a chain of pharmacies becomes friendly and suddenly he has made two girls pregnant.
Both of my nephews had long term relationships (BUT no pregnancies) and after graduating when the gf was hearing wedding bells, they took off and married someone else.
johnep

 

[wes011]

Sent my check in today, we'll see how everything plays out in the coming months. Thanks for all your responses.

This thread has gone awry....now I feel like I can throw in my two cents (that and my opinion still yields two cents).

So I am similar to you. I am married. I have a two year old son at home, all of our family lives near us, and I am starting pharmacy school this July.

I only applied to 1 school and that was in my hometown because we have our family support system here. My wife is a financial reporting manager for an insurance company. She will be shouldering the financial burden for the family, but there is no way I could dump our son completely on her for three years. It isn't fair.

I know I won't see my son as much as I want to see him, but this is the better move for us long-term so I am going back to school. Her family and my family are going to have to help us out. It will be difficult, but through our families love and support I will make it through school.

I want to do a residency, however, I will not be able to do everything to be as competitive with everybody else. I will maintain my grades, I will be active in clubs and participate when I can. I am also going to try to work as an intern. They key though is I will have to balance school/work/father-husband.

Looking back at the past 2 years, the greatest times I had was when I had that little one around. The worst times I had was also when I had that little one around. I wouldn't trade the time I have spent with my son for anything in this world....except for more time with him. Becoming a father has made me a better man.

You asked for advice, so I gave it. Now it is up to you to process it and evaluate it for what it is. Good luck.