Will it get better? Or should I get out?

[earthbound]

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First post here, a bit of backstory. Apologies for the novel.

I am a student at a top 20ish medical school. In the months and years preceding medical school, I had a lot of doubt whether or not this was the right path for me. I am more interested in policy and population-health type work, but I do like patients and my idea was that as an MD, I might do both clinical and broader-reaching work.

One of my main reservations going into medical school was the time commitment it required--I feel like medicine is essentially a deal with the devil in some ways. You trade your prime years for what might be a fulfilling career later on. I really value my relationships and I have a lot of trouble with the idea that they will have to take the backseat. I was dating someone phenomenal before moving to my new city and we'd fallen head over heels for one another. He loves where he lives and neither of us (nor the fledgling relationship) was ready for 4+ years of cross-country long distance. I am worried that the medical path may prevent me from ever finding that again, as it requires 7+ years of long hours during the prime dating years (mid-to-late 20's).

I am now a couple of months into my first year. All of the doubts I had, rather than quieting, have become all-consuming. I am doing fine in my coursework but am so utterly disinterested in the overwhelming amount of (seeming) minutia that composes the medical curriculum. Looking forward, the clinical work that I see the older students and physicians doing seems incredibly rote. I witnessed a birth in a hospital the other day (one of the most beautiful moments of life!) and felt this weird swell of resentment towards future patient emergencies and weekend shifts that may prevent me from experiencing the highs and lows of my own life.

Essentially--I am wondering if it gets better past the preclinical years. I do not recognize nor like the somber, cynical person I have become these last couple of months. All of my extracurriculars in college and in my gap year were tangentially medical-related, and my undergrad degrees are not particularly applicable to any other real-world jobs. I have no real other skills and no idea what I would do if I left.

Has anyone else experienced similar misgivings? What happened? My fellow students seem to share none of my sentiments and have accepted the many years of late nights, scrimping to get by, and relationship sacrifices that this path demands. I have had the same experiences when talking to older physicians about my concerns--they can sympathize, but cannot really empathize as most of them seem to have accepted this path wholeheartedly.

 

[libertyyne]

your sentiments are not without merit. However, take a reality check.
Physicians marry, have children, are members of their communities.

 

[AlteredScale]

First post here, a bit of backstory. Apologies for the novel.

I am a student at a top 20ish medical school. In the months and years preceding medical school, I had a lot of doubt whether or not this was the right path for me. I am more interested in policy and population-health type work, but I do like patients and my idea was that as an MD, I might do both clinical and broader-reaching work.

One of my main reservations going into medical school was the time commitment it required--I feel like medicine is essentially a deal with the devil in some ways. You trade your prime years for what might be a fulfilling career later on. I really value my relationships and I have a lot of trouble with the idea that they will have to take the backseat. I was dating someone phenomenal before moving to my new city and we'd fallen head over heels for one another. He loves where he lives and neither of us (nor the fledgling relationship) was ready for 4+ years of cross-country long distance. I am worried that the medical path may prevent me from ever finding that again, as it requires 7+ years of long hours during the prime dating years (mid-to-late 20's).

I am now a couple of months into my first year. All of the doubts I had, rather than quieting, have become all-consuming. I am doing fine in my coursework but am so utterly disinterested in the overwhelming amount of (seeming) minutia that composes the medical curriculum. Looking forward, the clinical work that I see the older students and physicians doing seems incredibly rote. I witnessed a birth in a hospital the other day (one of the most beautiful moments of life!) and felt this weird swell of resentment towards future patient emergencies and weekend shifts that may prevent me from experiencing the highs and lows of my own life.

Essentially--I am wondering if it gets better past the preclinical years. I do not recognize nor like the somber, cynical person I have become these last couple of months. All of my extracurriculars in college and in my gap year were tangentially medical-related, and my undergrad degrees are not particularly applicable to any other real-world jobs. I have no real other skills and no idea what I would do if I left.

Has anyone else experienced similar misgivings? What happened? My fellow students seem to share none of my sentiments and have accepted the many years of late nights, scrimping to get by, and relationship sacrifices that this path demands. I have had the same experiences when talking to older physicians about my concerns--they can sympathize, but cannot really empathize as most of them seem to have accepted this path wholeheartedly.

You value your life and your time and it seems you are battling with the idea of sacrificing that for pursuing medicine. There is nothing wrong with that. This is an important thing to deal with now. You should talk to an advisor at your school. Now would be the time to bow out of this profession if you cannot and will not accept that sacrifices will be required.

The LEVEL of these sacrifices will vary based on what specialty to pursue. You can have more control of your time being a primary care provider, but you will still do paperwork and deal with the daily headaches of prior authorizations. This can most definitely go beyond the time that you are in the office and you may have to finish your work at home. Which means yes, you may have to skip out on some dinners/birthdays to keep up.

You can have a guaranteed week off every other week working as a hospitalist, but you will work incredibly hard during your week on and for the most part, this is a 7am-7pm gig.

Leaving you now means you will have to restart. I do not know what there is for you if you leave. But to throw yourself into this profession when you are not ready to commit will make you despise your choice for a long long time. Take some time to speak with someone at your school to decide if you want to keep going.

 

[Dro133]

Fourth-year here, and I've experienced (and still do experience) similar feelings to what you describe. I too found that clinical work felt rote during my 3rd year, and was incredibly unhappy. Now that I'm in my fourth year and my schedule is a little bit more flexible, I've had a chance to take a step back and pursue my interests outside of clinical medicine. I've been able to work on research that I'm interested in and go to and present at conferences where I'm interested in the subject matter. I'm getting residency interview invites from schools with faculty that do awesome research that I'm interested in getting involved in. When I think about the opportunities I have in the future to become involved in work that is meaningful to me, I get really excited, and these glimpses of my possible future life is what keeps me going. It's really, really hard to see those glimpses during the pre-clinical years and third year, and sometimes, it can feel like things won't get better.

There are lots of specialties out there, and within each specialty, lots of different practice setups. If you never want to see a patient again for the rest of your life after medical school, there's a specialty for that. If you want to see patients but only half of the time, there's a specialty and a job for that.

Since it sounds like you're more interested in the research and policy side of things, I would suggest that, if you haven't already, trying to find faculty members who work on topics that you're interested in. At a top medical school, there should be no shortage of policy-focused folks for you to reach out to. Seeing what's out there outside of the minutiae of the preclinical years might get you excited once again for the potential career that lies ahead.

Best of luck!

 

[7331poas]

unless your parents are rich, you should think long and hard about how "mindless" your alternative career routes are.

 

[order66.exe]

First post here, a bit of backstory. Apologies for the novel.

I am a student at a top 20ish medical school. In the months and years preceding medical school, I had a lot of doubt whether or not this was the right path for me. I am more interested in policy and population-health type work, but I do like patients and my idea was that as an MD, I might do both clinical and broader-reaching work.

One of my main reservations going into medical school was the time commitment it required--I feel like medicine is essentially a deal with the devil in some ways. You trade your prime years for what might be a fulfilling career later on. I really value my relationships and I have a lot of trouble with the idea that they will have to take the backseat. I was dating someone phenomenal before moving to my new city and we'd fallen head over heels for one another. He loves where he lives and neither of us (nor the fledgling relationship) was ready for 4+ years of cross-country long distance. I am worried that the medical path may prevent me from ever finding that again, as it requires 7+ years of long hours during the prime dating years (mid-to-late 20's).

I am now a couple of months into my first year. All of the doubts I had, rather than quieting, have become all-consuming. I am doing fine in my coursework but am so utterly disinterested in the overwhelming amount of (seeming) minutia that composes the medical curriculum. Looking forward, the clinical work that I see the older students and physicians doing seems incredibly rote. I witnessed a birth in a hospital the other day (one of the most beautiful moments of life!) and felt this weird swell of resentment towards future patient emergencies and weekend shifts that may prevent me from experiencing the highs and lows of my own life.

Essentially--I am wondering if it gets better past the preclinical years. I do not recognize nor like the somber, cynical person I have become these last couple of months. All of my extracurriculars in college and in my gap year were tangentially medical-related, and my undergrad degrees are not particularly applicable to any other real-world jobs. I have no real other skills and no idea what I would do if I left.

Has anyone else experienced similar misgivings? What happened? My fellow students seem to share none of my sentiments and have accepted the many years of late nights, scrimping to get by, and relationship sacrifices that this path demands. I have had the same experiences when talking to older physicians about my concerns--they can sympathize, but cannot really empathize as most of them seem to have accepted this path wholeheartedly.

Just my N=1 but I absolutely hated the pre-clinical years. Sitting around studying minutiae endlessly, increasingly isolated and surrounded by neurotic overly anxious classmates while step 1, the medicine equivalent of the sword of Damocles, looms over your head. I also felt resentful of the required clinical experiences we had because I felt like it was just sapping study time and making my life harder.

I've become much much happier though since starting the clinical years. It comes with its own challenges (long hours on difficult rotations, sometimes difficult people to work with, patients that can be emotionally exhausting to care for, subjective evaluations) but you also start seeing yourself grow as clinician and for me personally having opportunities where I could apply my knowledge and see my skill grow was really rewarding. There are also opportunities to really become part of a team which could be really fun actually especially when your work helps everybody leave the hospital a little earlier than they usually would. Weirdly, I felt like I made more friends and have closer relationships after third year than after the first and second year.

So in my opinion, you're in the worse part of medical school and it does get better. I also felt that working hard in the pre-clinical years really paid off for me in terms of having a strong fund of knowledge and minimized the amount of studying I have had to do for shelfs so honestly I felt like I had a ton of free time (except for maybe the most demanding rotations). Do your best to cope and try to prioritize exercise/nutrition and possibly therapy or regular meeting with a psychiatrist.

 

[Freeinfinity]

Yep. The clinical years were much better for me than the pre-clinical. It gets a lot better with residency, and hopefully even more when you're an attending. You're not alone. Just stay focused and you'll eventually get there.

 

[mistafab]

It is unclear in your post whether you actually want to work 1 on 1 with patients in a physician-patient relationship. If you do not, then quit now. That is really the only thing that makes it all worth it. I would go shadow a few docs ASAP and go to your school counseling center ASAP to figure out if you are just burnt out or are really just not into this. You can have a great life and career with an MPH if all you want to do is public/population health. You are clearly smart enough to get into med school so you will live a great life regardless of your choice.

Best of luck.

 

[Tenk]

Your $/hr as a physician dwarfs most professions. Physicians can work far, far, far less than most other professions and bring in the same amount of annual cash. You can even work just a few days a month if you want, you’ll just be middle class. It just depends what your priorities are and it sounds like you have the same priorities as me. I’d say continue but find a specialty that has shift work so you can work as much or little as you want.

 

[nimbus]

I actually enjoyed medical school, more than college, so I didn’t really feel like I was trading anything. 27 years later some of my closest friends are friends from med school. Attending life is awesome too...so much freedom over how you live your life.

 

[nimbus]

Your $/hr as a physician dwarfs most professions. Physicians can work far, far, far less than most other professions and bring in the same amount of annual cash. You can even work just a few days a month if you want, you’ll just be middle class. It just depends what your priorities are and it sounds like you have the same priorities as me. I’d say continue but find a specialty that has shift work so you can work as much or little as you want.

Exactly. You can work the equivalent of 2days a week, still pay the bills, and have a nice life.

 

[Tenk]

I actually enjoyed medical school, more than college, so I didn’t really feel like I was trading anything. 27 years later some of my closest friends are friends from med school. Attending life is awesome too...so much freedom over how you live your life.

Agreed.

 

[seeinghowitgoes]

First post here, a bit of backstory. Apologies for the novel.

I am a student at a top 20ish medical school. In the months and years preceding medical school, I had a lot of doubt whether or not this was the right path for me. I am more interested in policy and population-health type work, but I do like patients and my idea was that as an MD, I might do both clinical and broader-reaching work.

One of my main reservations going into medical school was the time commitment it required--I feel like medicine is essentially a deal with the devil in some ways. You trade your prime years for what might be a fulfilling career later on. I really value my relationships and I have a lot of trouble with the idea that they will have to take the backseat. I was dating someone phenomenal before moving to my new city and we'd fallen head over heels for one another. He loves where he lives and neither of us (nor the fledgling relationship) was ready for 4+ years of cross-country long distance. I am worried that the medical path may prevent me from ever finding that again, as it requires 7+ years of long hours during the prime dating years (mid-to-late 20's).

I am now a couple of months into my first year. All of the doubts I had, rather than quieting, have become all-consuming. I am doing fine in my coursework but am so utterly disinterested in the overwhelming amount of (seeming) minutia that composes the medical curriculum. Looking forward, the clinical work that I see the older students and physicians doing seems incredibly rote. I witnessed a birth in a hospital the other day (one of the most beautiful moments of life!) and felt this weird swell of resentment towards future patient emergencies and weekend shifts that may prevent me from experiencing the highs and lows of my own life.

Essentially--I am wondering if it gets better past the preclinical years. I do not recognize nor like the somber, cynical person I have become these last couple of months. All of my extracurriculars in college and in my gap year were tangentially medical-related, and my undergrad degrees are not particularly applicable to any other real-world jobs. I have no real other skills and no idea what I would do if I left.

Has anyone else experienced similar misgivings? What happened? My fellow students seem to share none of my sentiments and have accepted the many years of late nights, scrimping to get by, and relationship sacrifices that this path demands. I have had the same experiences when talking to older physicians about my concerns--they can sympathize, but cannot really empathize as most of them seem to have accepted this path wholeheartedly.

Intern here with policy and health services interests. I think it gets busier but better from year one of med school onward.

First, it’s tough to see how much you matter to people when you’re sitting memorizing some random chemical pathway. But when you’re the one actually accompanying patients through some of the most trying times of their lives, you feel differently. As you sit there dealing with memorization, remember that is coming.

Second, as other have mentioned, plenty of doctors are married, have kids, and are involved in their communities. Most of my residency class is partnered.

Third, as somebody very involved with health systems work, the MD perspective opens a whole set of doors that are otherwise locked, and I would argue on-the-ground experience with the healthcare system is necessary to go about reforming it properly. There is a reason studies have shown hospitals run by docs vs MBAs tend to be better - being in the trenches turns out to be as valuable as you may have thought it would be for informing policy work.

Lastly, I would just caution you to thinking the other paths are all that easy. If you want to actually affect change, you can’t go work 40 hours a week on policy - if you want to get to the top in that realm and really make a big difference it’ll also involve a lot of work. Along the same lines, every profession has its nonsense you have to deal with to be able to do the things you really want to - right now its rote memorization for you, but it’s meetings and conference calls all day for corporate America.

Your fears are valid, and it will be busy. But it definitely gets more fun as you go on, you will still have a life, and you’re guaranteed to have an impact on people’s lives going down this path.

 

[PieOHmy]

I didnt feel the same way you are feeling until 3rd year. 3rd year was a horrendous s h*t show. Working with exceedingly difficult people. Wondering every morning how someone is going to treat y ou. And if they treat you like Sh** this was totally ok because there are no labor laws with regards to students. But back then i had an ace in the hole, the thought of attending life was much better and we werent beholden to the electronic medical record, badges, contracts etc etc. Attending life was a little better but not by much. There were not advanced practice providers to deal with who actively make your life more difficult. fast forward today, healthcare is a veritable complete and utter "horror" show. Hospitals are pressure cookers that are terrible environments. Its horrendous.
Im about 20 years in and I cant even imagine having graduated at this time.

 

[PieOHmy]

Intern here with policy and health services interests. I think it gets busier but better from year one of med school onward.

First, it’s tough to see how much you matter to people when you’re sitting memorizing some random chemical pathway. But when you’re the one actually accompanying patients through some of the most trying times of their lives, you feel differently. As you sit there dealing with memorization, remember that is coming.

Second, as other have mentioned, plenty of doctors are married, have kids, and are involved in their communities. Most of my residency class is partnered.

Third, as somebody very involved with health systems work, the MD perspective opens a whole set of doors that are otherwise locked, and I would argue on-the-ground experience with the healthcare system is necessary to go about reforming it properly. There is a reason studies have shown hospitals run by docs vs MBAs tend to be better - being in the trenches turns out to be as valuable as you may have thought it would be for informing policy work.

Lastly, I would just caution you to thinking the other paths are all that easy. If you want to actually affect change, you can’t go work 40 hours a week on policy - if you want to get to the top in that realm and really make a big difference it’ll also involve a lot of work. Along the same lines, every profession has its nonsense you have to deal with to be able to do the things you really want to - right now its rote memorization for you, but it’s meetings and conference calls all day for corporate America.

Your fears are valid, and it will be busy. But it definitely gets more fun as you go on, you will still have a life, and you’re guaranteed to have an impact on people’s lives going down this path.

There is no way in the world that any other profession is as tortured as the medical profession.
And on top of that we have to take it since we have soooo much invested in it and they know it.

 

[Goro]

First post here, a bit of backstory. Apologies for the novel.

I am a student at a top 20ish medical school. In the months and years preceding medical school, I had a lot of doubt whether or not this was the right path for me. I am more interested in policy and population-health type work, but I do like patients and my idea was that as an MD, I might do both clinical and broader-reaching work.

One of my main reservations going into medical school was the time commitment it required--I feel like medicine is essentially a deal with the devil in some ways. You trade your prime years for what might be a fulfilling career later on. I really value my relationships and I have a lot of trouble with the idea that they will have to take the backseat. I was dating someone phenomenal before moving to my new city and we'd fallen head over heels for one another. He loves where he lives and neither of us (nor the fledgling relationship) was ready for 4+ years of cross-country long distance. I am worried that the medical path may prevent me from ever finding that again, as it requires 7+ years of long hours during the prime dating years (mid-to-late 20's).

I am now a couple of months into my first year. All of the doubts I had, rather than quieting, have become all-consuming. I am doing fine in my coursework but am so utterly disinterested in the overwhelming amount of (seeming) minutia that composes the medical curriculum. Looking forward, the clinical work that I see the older students and physicians doing seems incredibly rote. I witnessed a birth in a hospital the other day (one of the most beautiful moments of life!) and felt this weird swell of resentment towards future patient emergencies and weekend shifts that may prevent me from experiencing the highs and lows of my own life.

Essentially--I am wondering if it gets better past the preclinical years. I do not recognize nor like the somber, cynical person I have become these last couple of months. All of my extracurriculars in college and in my gap year were tangentially medical-related, and my undergrad degrees are not particularly applicable to any other real-world jobs. I have no real other skills and no idea what I would do if I left.

Has anyone else experienced similar misgivings? What happened? My fellow students seem to share none of my sentiments and have accepted the many years of late nights, scrimping to get by, and relationship sacrifices that this path demands. I have had the same experiences when talking to older physicians about my concerns--they can sympathize, but cannot really empathize as most of them seem to have accepted this path wholeheartedly.

Can you enlighten us as to why you went into Medicine?

 

[Eyeronic]

Has anyone else experienced similar misgivings?

Yup. Happened at the same time as you're experiencing. Happened during 2nd year of med school. Happened during much of residency. Happened during fellowship, in many flavors. Happens as an attending.

I wish it wasn't so, but it is. Not a lot of people outside of your medical world "get it" (especially family) and it's hard to find those within your medical world to confide in.

Hang in there.