Will someone read my personal statement?

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I'll be an extra set of reading eyes for both of you 🙂 I'm a PM away
 
PM Me I would be happy to help!
 
Would anyone be willing to take a look at mine also?
 
just going to crosspost this here as well to maybe reach a larger audience:
original link:http://forums.studentdoctor.net/threads/spinning-powerlifting-into-my-do-ps.1088805/


so this is how my MD PS was laid out:
  • attention grabber to start off my story of 9 people (including my mom) in 4 generations of my mom's side of the family to get breast cancer (i don't go into it in my PS but they are BRCA1/2 negative)
  • Talk about how advancements in oncology helped find my mom's cancer early
  • Talk about my paid summer research at an MD school on pancreatic cancer and how research and clinical treatment cannot exist separate from each other, the doctors and researchers have to both work equally as hard
  • Talk about how my aunt's cancer was not found as early and goes into how hard a double mastectomy was on her emotionally and then talk into how her oncologist was able to care not only for her physically but mentally
  • Talk about how I realized I needed more than just research - i needed that emotional/hands on connection
  • Talk about my development in a few areas that I believe are strongly needed in a physician's life (no i don't define what makes a good physician)
  • wrap everything up

I think it works well for medicine in general, but I have to get some osteopathy-related stuff in there. The first place I can see that I could take out relatively easy is talking about research.
Do you guys think it would be a bad idea to exclude talking about my summer research to be replaced with powerlifting which lead me to osteopathy-related techniques (chiro, graston, ART) and talk about how a localized treatment can result in changes across the entire body?

In the case of a DO PS... is talking about osteopathy > research?
 
BUMP! I would like for someone to look over my PS. I want to submit pretty soon, so I want someone to take a last look ASAP. Thanks.
 
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