women in medicine doomed to being alone?

[herpes]

75%?

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[sikegeek]

i heard that the majority of women who are not married by residency, or are still single during residency, are doomed to being single (not married) for the rest of their life? how true is that? 75%?

well, advertising a VD might not help 😉


J/K. I think there is a certain group of women in medicine who are more career-oriented and chose medicine for that reason, not really caring about marriage or family. So they confound any statistical data.
The rest will probably end up marrying other doctors.

 

[herpes]

hmm i dont think so...

 

[Faebinder]

Women physicians can be a bit intimidating for the average joe and more importantly, they don't really work at it as it was stated above. Guys are always looking to date if they are single, women on the other hand usually want to be picked up. If you don't take the initiative as a woman physician to ask a guy out, you might not get asked out. Just go take initiative, break the stereotype and ask a guy out, take it from there. The risk of rejection hurts I know, but guys do this all the time and get rejected. (No pain, no gain).

Happy hunting. 😀

 

[yaah]

I think part of the issue is that you tend to notice and overestimate the prevalence of those who agree with or fit a particular situation. This happens when you are looking for evidence to back up your theory. There are many women who marry later in life, it just seems like they are rarer. There are also, frankly, many people who just aren't interested in much companionship, let alone marriage. So don't necessarily lump in all the unmarried together.

What I would say is DON'T SETTLE. I am not a woman, but I met my wife during residency and I am glad I didn't settle earlier on just to be married.

 

[sharmei17]

well, advertising a VD might not help 😉


J/K. I think there is a certain group of women in medicine who are more career-oriented and chose medicine for that reason, not really caring about marriage or family. So they confound any statistical data.
The rest will probably end up marrying other doctors.

👍well, i think what u say is true..

i belong to those group of women who are career-oriented..🙂

 

[Danica]

hey

who says you have to be alone?
nonsense!
the women can pair up and make each other happy.

 

[buckley]

Women physicians can be a bit intimidating for the average joe and more importantly, they don't really work at it as it was stated above. Guys are always looking to date if they are single, women on the other hand usually want to be picked up. If you don't take the initiative as a woman physician to ask a guy out, you might not get asked out. Just go take initiative, break the stereotype and ask a guy out, take it from there. The risk of rejection hurts I know, but guys do this all the time and get rejected. (No pain, no gain).

Happy hunting. 😀

Better get my gear ready...
Seriously though, I've heard the joke of the old-maid-lady-doctor-stereotype soooooo often, I stopped caring a long time ago. Companionship isn't always husband-wife. And marriage seems so complicated right now. I have my immediate family...and well, I can always adopt or go for artificial insemination! Teeheehee...
Oh and yes, I want to be picked up. I guess I haven't found anyone worthy of exerting some effort over...hahaha

 

[herpes]

hey

who says you have to be alone?
nonsense!
the women can pair up and make each other happy.

girl and girl action seems boring to me

 

[Danica]

girl and girl action seems boring to me

that's why your name is HERPES.

 

[McGillGrad]

herpes

 

[herpes]

i dont get what the deal with herpes is.. who cares.. theres different herpes out there.. cmv, ebv, zoster..

ok i am herpes zoster then... happy? is that ok?

 

[sikegeek]

👍well, i think what u say is true..

i belong to those group of women who are career-oriented..🙂

I think that's awesome. Women add a lot to this traditionally male-dominated profession.

 

[f_w]

Whatever you do, don't marry a looser at age 35, just because you think you have to be married.
People to stay away from are:
- artists,
- school teachers,
- eternal students (Phd+MBA types),
- hunters + fishermen.

Just like their female counterparts, at some point they will decide that 'it really doesn't make sense for me to work while we pay all this money for childcare' and generously offer to stay home for the kids.

You will be feeding him and his hobbies for all your working life. By 45, you will be in a financial corner. You will be working your behind off to pay for your house, his toys (ATV, boat, that old 911cup car he is racing), childcare (so he can pursue his hobbies despite not holding a full-time job) and your kids education. And at some point, he will replace you with a younger version of yourself who 'has more time for him' and leech large amounts of palimony from you.

Whomever you pick up after residency needs to have the same or better earnings potential as you. Corporate attorneys, other physicians 'real MBA' business types are ok.

If you wait about 5 years out of residency, you will have a good selection of recently divorced male surgeons to choose from. The only downside are usually child-support and alimony eating into their earnings, but at least there is no risk of them turning into leeches.

Oh, if you are not hitched by the end of residency, take an academic job and by god stay in a major city for a couple of years.

 

[Faebinder]

Whatever you do, don't marry a looser at age 35, just because you think you have to be married.
People to stay away from are:
- artists,
- school teachers,
- eternal students (Phd+MBA types),
- hunters + fishermen.

Just like their female counterparts, at some point they will decide that 'it really doesn't make sense for me to work while we pay all this money for childcare' and generously offer to stay home for the kids.

You will be feeding him and his hobbies for all your working life. By 45, you will be in a financial corner. You will be working your behind off to pay for your house, his toys (ATV, boat, that old 911cup car he is racing), childcare (so he can pursue his hobbies despite not holding a full-time job) and your kids education. And at some point, he will replace you with a younger version of yourself who 'has more time for him' and leech large amounts of palimony from you.

Whomever you pick up after residency needs to have the same or better earnings potential as you. Corporate attorneys, other physicians 'real MBA' business types are ok.

If you wait about 5 years out of residency, you will have a good selection of recently divorced male surgeons to choose from. The only downside are usually child-support and alimony eating into their earnings, but at least there is no risk of them turning into leeches.

Oh, if you are not hitched by the end of residency, take an academic job and by god stay in a major city for a couple of years.

😆😆 Thanks for making me smile.

 

[Winged Scapula]

i heard that the majority of women who are not married by residency, or are still single during residency, are doomed to being single (not married) for the rest of their life? how true is that? 75%?

I never thought of being single as being "doomed"!

I'm a female surgeon, single...but:

- have never had a particular desire to be married; companionship yes, but married no

- have never had any desire to have children; hence, I don't see the need to be married

- would get married if it were important to my BF

- am often told that I intimidate "regular Joes", or at least my career does. Eh... I'm not interested in someone with such lack of self confidence that they cannot handle an intelligent woman or someone who might make more money than they do.

- have never had problems getting dates

- have a high tolerance for being alone, doing things by myself

As noted above, you cannot look at the number of single female physicians and assume they are single because they are desparately seeking someone and cannot find a partner. Many are single by choice, some by chance. It may very well be true that as you move up the career ladder you find fewer men who will ask you out - intimidation, preference for a SAHM type, younger females, etc. But there is no shortage of available men who do find female physicians attractive, it just might take a little more work on your part to find them.

As an aside, re: fw's post. I saw the same thing happen with a friend of mine. She married a man who had considerably less employable skills than she. Sure enough, after they married, he decided not to work, never did get a job and things went downhill from there. It raised my consciousness that there are men who will see female physicians as a money source.🙄

 

[f_w]

- have never had a particular desire to be married; companionship yes, but married no

- have never had any desire to have children; hence, I don't see the need to be married

Make sure to post this on your fridge.

By my estimation (recently out of fellowship surgeon), you are in your early thirties. Within the next 3-4 years, you will notice that everyone around you only seems to exist in the context of their family and kids. And somehow, that seems to have a deleterious effect on womens brains. I have seen some crazy stuff happening, two of the self reliant independent female docs suddenly married loosers and desperately tried to get knocked up (no expense spared, the local IVF doc flies a nice plane).

- am often told that I intimidate "regular Joes", or at least my career does. Eh... I'm not interested in someone with such lack of self confidence that they cannot handle an intelligent woman or someone who might make more money than they do.

You don't want a 'regular joe' in the first place.

It raised my consciousness that there are men who will see female physicians as a money source.🙄

Well, there are the ones who really look for a meal ticket, but those should be easy to spot. The developments I have portrayed in a bit of a tongue in cheek manner are more gradual and unintentional. The end result is the same. A female doc in her 40s supporting the entire family. And while stay at home wives tend to pull their weight by taking care of the household, the stay at home type men I described seem to occupy their time with spending money rather than saving it.

 

[Winged Scapula]

Make sure to post this on your fridge.

By my estimation (recently out of fellowship surgeon), you are in your early thirties. Within the next 3-4 years, you will notice that everyone around you only seems to exist in the context of their family and kids. And somehow, that seems to have a deleterious effect on womens brains. I have seen some crazy stuff happening, two of the self reliant independent female docs suddenly married loosers and desperately tried to get knocked up (no expense spared, the local IVF doc flies a nice plane).

Thanks for the above, but medicine is a second career for me. I didn't go to medical school until after age 30 (so I'm a bit older than your estimation).

And I've "been there, done that"...ie, seen my friends get married, have families, etc. and its done nothing to my desire except perhaps to make it even STRONGER not to have children. I've seen the above happen to friends of mine, but honestly, I'm missing that maternal gene.

 

[f_w]

Thanks for the above, but medicine is a second career for me. I didn't go to medical school until after age 30 (so I'm a bit older than your estimation).

Great ! So you are safe 😀

Just make sure you don't run into the 'love of your life' 😍, it is a slippery slope from there.

 

[Winged Scapula]

Great ! So you are safe 😀

Just make sure you don't run into the 'love of your life' 😍, it is a slippery slope from there.

I've already met him and no, it still didn't change my thoughts on childbearing or marriage (although I wanted to know that he'd at least consider it...spending the rest of his life with me, that is).

 

[nonesuchgirl]

I've already met him and no, it still didn't change my thoughts on childbearing or marriage (although I wanted to know that he'd at least consider it...spending the rest of his life with me, that is).

Aww.

If you wait about 5 years out of residency, you will have a good selection of recently divorced male surgeons to choose from. The only downside are usually child-support and alimony eating into their earnings, but at least there is no risk of them turning into leeches.

Oh, if you are not hitched by the end of residency, take an academic job and by god stay in a major city for a couple of years.

I love this post sfm.

 

[Winged Scapula]

Aww.

More like awwww 🙁 since we are no longer together.

 

[happytime]

I think it's funny the thread says ladies are "doomed" to being single. Is George Clooney complaining about his lot in life?!

Seriously though, "smart" is a pretty severe filter on the dating scene, and add "busy and self-sufficient," and the filter gets even higher-gauge... no matter what your profession.

Might as well do what you love!

 

[herpes]

it's different for george clooney. he justs wants to bed girls

i'm pretty sure a lot of female doctors can bed random guys. just go to a bar and club. why wouldn't they want free ---?

i think women doctors are looking for more than that (and they don't want herpes, jk!). also, their standards are higher like you said

doing what you love will get old, everything gets old

 

[sikegeek]

What is SAHM ?

 

[smq123]

What is SAHM ?

Stay At Home Mom, I believe.

 

[SippiGirl08]

doing what you love will get old, everything gets old

doing what you love only gets old when you stop loving it.

 

[f_w]

Women fascinate me. For some, the fact that another woman just wants to have her career and has no interest in kids and marriage is just too big a concept to understand. The other day, I talked to my cousin. She is a state supreme court judge, never got around to pick up a family along the way and loves it. Still, some of the other women in our family are aghast at such a biological aberration

 

[Faebinder]

Women fascinate me. For some, the fact that another woman just wants to have her career and has no interest in kids and marriage is just too big a concept to understand. The other day, I talked to my cousin. She is a state supreme court judge, never got around to pick up a family along the way and loves it. Still, some of the other women in our family are aghast at such a biological aberration

The concept is quickly disappearing, have no fear. We'll start seeing marriage as a rare event maybe. (Well divorce is common now.)

 

[Winged Scapula]

I find its more men that are fascinated, troubled or simply think I'm lying when I express no desire to have children. Women are interested as well, but they seem to at least understand the concept.

 

[f_w]

Women are interested as well, but they seem to at least understand the concept.

Nah, they are just lying to your face to talk about you to their girlfriends afterwards.

 

[PeepshowJohnny]

Nah, they are just lying to your face to talk about you to their girlfriends afterwards.

I gotta agree.

A man may have issues with your decision not to procreate but they tend to say it to your face.

I think a lot of women have to walk this line of woman's empowerment while also wanting to be a nurturing figure. So they'll say "Right on sister" if a lady tells them she doesn't want children, but still disparage her privately.

 

[sikegeek]

I find its more men that are fascinated, troubled or simply think I'm lying when I express no desire to have children. Women are interested as well, but they seem to at least understand the concept.

I hate getting asked the question and I try to be evasive about it. I guess because most "normal" people have children and because I dont want to, I feel like they'll think I'm not "normal" and they won't be able to relate to me. Does that make any sense? Kids are great. I like them very much. I just don't want any to live at my house, nor do I want to birth any.
It's the worst with the in-laws 'cause thy're starting to drop hints.....

 

[RTrain]

doing what you love will get old, everything gets old

If everything gets old for you, then so will a committed relationship and family, no? What's the point in making a commitment to anything?

Women in medicine are intelligent and tenacious (just like men in the medical field). They know what they want, are willing to wait for it, and to commit to it - in their careers and personal lives.

 

[herpes]

yea

 

[danielmd06]

Thanks for the above, but medicine is a second career for me. I didn't go to medical school until after age 30 (so I'm a bit older than your estimation).

I believe the term is "Cougar." 😉

 

[Winged Scapula]

I hate getting asked the question and I try to be evasive about it. I guess because most "normal" people have children and because I dont want to, I feel like they'll think I'm not "normal" and they won't be able to relate to me. Does that make any sense?

Absolutely. And the fact is, not having children, at least by choice, is not normal in our society and is viewed a bit suspiciously.

What you don't want to have children? Why you must hate children. You're a selfish person. You probably are some sort of sociopath or at the very least a troublemaker who also doesn't mow her lawn, pay taxes or buy Girl Scout cookies. Its much worse if you are in a relationship or married...then there is no reason not to have children, right? When you get older the anger will turn to pity, because they'll assume you couldn't have children and just feel sorry for you.

 

[THP]

So what happens when you get old, say 65+? Do you think you will be lonely not having any children or grandchildren to think about? I understand that some people never marry or have children, but I don't understand those who don't want marriage or children, it seems like that is the default state to me.

 

[Winged Scapula]

I believe the term is "Cougar." 😉

Absolutely....those kittens have nutin on me! 😉

 

[Winged Scapula]

So what happens when you get old, say 65+? Do you think you will be lonely not having any children or grandchildren to think about?

No. I have plenty of friends, a close relationship with my nephew and brother. I also have a huge tolerance for being alone, without being lonely.

I understand that some people never marry or have children, but I don't understand those who don't want marriage or children, it seems like that is the default state to me.

While it is certainly the more typical route, and some who wish to never do marry or have children, there are still a fair number that choose to do neither. Its not that we don't want a committed relationship with a SO, its just that a marriage license doesn't seem necessary. And I think its a crime to have children just because its the "default". If you don't feel the urge to do so, it would be a terrible mistake, IMHO.

 

[sikegeek]

So what happens when you get old, say 65+? Do you think you will be lonely not having any children or grandchildren to think about? I understand that some people never marry or have children, but I don't understand those who don't want marriage or children, it seems like that is the default state to me.

I like the word "default" in this situation. That is definitely what I woud call it. As for why, I guess everyone has their reasons and knowing youself well enough to know that marriage and children would not be right for you is insightful.

 

[supercut]

Several single female resident friends have had the same experience I have had...dates with guys who aren't doctors...and these guys can't let go of the fact that we are. They've said things like..."I keep feeling like I'm taking up your time because you're a doctor" Or "I'm not as smart as you are". These guys clearly can't handle an intelligent, successful woman. So we are still looking, while we go about building our careers and our lives.

I think we are entering a time of transition. I've seen media reports in the past several years about how women are seeking higher education with more frequency, and men with less. Currently > 50% of new medical school classes are women. I've also seen that single women are the fastest growing group of homebuyers. And that in the past 30 years, single women have increased their income at a much higher percentage than single men.

So as a group, I think single women are overtaking single men. Guys are either going to have to step up, or get over themselves and learn to be OK with smarter/more educated/higher earning women.

One thing I do know...any woman who appears anxious to get married and not comfortable with her current situation is going to have trouble on the dating scene.

 

[danielmd06]

Hmmm. My 2 cents. For the record, I'm 28.

Let me shed a bit of light on the "average guy." Most of the ones you girls would really be interested in are self-confident enough to not be overwhelmingly intimidated by an intelligent, successful woman. Many (such as myself) actually thrive on such women. A brain or high paycheck never hurt anybody on the dating scene that I am aware of - man or woman. Don't be so fast to chalk up dating failures on your own financial and academic success or mental capacity.

True, I'm not female.

So why would a guy use that line? Saying such passively flattering comments are a nice, non-confrontational way of saying that they are not interested in dating you...perhaps for other reasons that they are not mentioning. The average guy may be thinking more than he talks. Albeit rarely. 😉 Look...all I'm really communicating here is just don't assume that other factors such as physical appearance, family, and distinctly separate personalities didn't have alot more to do with the lack of "spark" than you think. But flattering scapegoats are a nice escape route. Haven't you ever used them?

Also for the record, I think most of you gals are stressing about something that you shouldn't be worried about. There are going to be men in your lives as long as you continue to be socially active and place yourselves in situations where men can make the first move and instigate relationships. Laugh if you want, but I suggest churches, bookstores, and "study spots" in your vicinity. I met my wife studying in Barnes & Noble. This gorgeous girl walked in and (horrors!) she actually had a book about dental pathology under her arm. I proposed to her in that same store nearly two years later.

If you go to a bar or club, then that's the type of girl you're going to land...same with guys. If that's what you're looking for, then fine. But most of us look for different types of personalities to marry than the personality of the college freshman we were interested in dating a few years back. Different objectives in the relationship and all that.

Don't think that just because you met someone in a goofy, do-gooding atmosphere they'll be boring. You might be surprised at what's out there waiting for you.

Now as for those lovely cougars...be careful boys...be careful. They'll teach you alot about yourself. 😀

 

[f_w]

I hate getting asked the question and I try to be evasive about it.
.
.
.
It's the worst with the in-laws 'cause thy're starting to drop hints.....

Alternative 1
Just well up and cry and have your husband get all defensive about it. Alternative 2
Say something along the lines of: 'Oh, I guess you didn't know yet that we can't have kids'.

People will be embarassed enough to never bother you about it again.

 

[Winged Scapula]

Hmmm. My 2 cents. For the record, I'm 28.

Let me shed a bit of light on the "average guy." Most of the ones you girls would really be interested in are self-confident enough to not be overwhelmingly intimidated by an intelligent, successful woman. Many (such as myself) actually thrive on such women. A brain or high paycheck never hurt anybody on the dating scene that I am aware of - man or woman. Don't be so fast to chalk up dating failures on your own financial and academic success or mental capacity.

I think I missed the comment from someone, anyone here who said they had "dating failures". Is not being married considered a dating failure? Even if its your desired state of relationship "being"?

I didn't realize that marriage constituted success and not being married constituted a failure. I don't regret any of my relationships and just because I haven't married any of them, would not classify them as "dating failures". All depends on what your goal is...I suppose if it were to be married, then any relationship which doesn't end up in a ceremony might be seen as a failure, but I have missed any comments here from SDN users who feel that way.

FWIW, its the men in my family who seem to have a problem with my status, not the men I date (of which I have not really had a problem finding). However, many men, even in polls here on SDN, do not want to have a long term relationship with a female who is:

1) more interested in her career than a family
2) who does not want children

I don't know that this has anything to do with lack of self-confidence on their part but rather a recognition that they want to be married and have children and that most of the time, its the woman who does the vast majority of child-rearing and career sacrifice. When you can show me a large number of men who would be willing either to have a relationship without children or to have them and be the primary caregiver, then I'll agree with your statement that there are lots of men who are looking for highly educated women who are not interested in being married or having children.

So why would a guy use that line? Saying such passively flattering comments are a nice, non-confrontational way of saying that they are not interested in dating you...perhaps for other reasons that they are not mentioning. The average guy may be thinking more than he talks. Albeit rarely. 😉 Look...all I'm really communicating here is just don't assume that other factors such as physical appearance, family, and distinctly separate personalities didn't have alot more to do with the lack of "spark" than you think. But flattering scapegoats are a nice escape route. Haven't you ever used them?

Again, I'm not sure who you are responding to here...did anyone say they are turned down by men using the "I am intimidated by you" line? I think not. For me the issue generally comes down to not wanting children rather than men (outside my own family) being intimidated by my salary or job. It does happen, and a think a lot more than you realize. Sure, it may be a line when it does, but I'll bet there are a lot of men who just can't handle making less or having less education than their spouse. Even men full of confidence are raised to believe that they are to be the primary breadwinner, to be smarter, more educated and all around more successful than women. I don't think it takes more confidence to overcome that but rather a recognition that our family or societal mores don't come in a "one size fits all". That its ok to do things differently than your parents or your friends or co-workers do.

Now the big difference may have to do with your age. I see a world of difference between men in their 20s and men in their mid 30s-40s. I think you'd be suprised at the number of men older than you who feel differently about dating an educated, intelligent woman. Men in your age group have grown up with mothers who worked outside of the home, or accepting that women can be found in all walks of life, doing all sorts of things, and really have come to accept it as natural. That is not necessarily true for men 10-20 or more (not that I'm looking for a 50 yo) years older than you. Its one reason I tend to date younger men - they are more relaxed about gender roles.

Also for the record, I think most of you gals are stressing about something that you shouldn't be worried about. There are going to be men in your lives as long as you continue to be socially active and place yourselves in situations where men can make the first move and instigate relationships. Laugh if you want, but I suggest churches, bookstores, and "study spots" in your vicinity. I met my wife studying in Barnes & Noble. This gorgeous girl walked in and (horrors!) she actually had a book about dental pathology under her arm. I proposed to her in that same store nearly two years later.

...If you go to a bar or club, then that's the type of girl you're going to land...same with guys. If that's what you're looking for, then fine. But most of us look for different types of personalities to marry than the personality of the college freshman we were interested in dating a few years back. Different objectives in the relationship and all that.

...Don't think that just because you met someone in a goofy, do-gooding atmosphere they'll be boring. You might be surprised at what's out there waiting for you.

Again, I don't know that there is anyone posting here who is stressing about their social life. I know I am not and am very happy with my life. And yes, we've all read the Ann Landers columns about where to meet prospective mates, so the above advice isn't exactly news.

 

[danielmd06]

(1) I think I missed the comment from someone, anyone here who said they had "dating failures". Is not being married considered a dating failure?

(2) I didn't realize that marriage constituted success and not being married constituted a failure.

(3) Again, I'm not sure who you are responding to here...did anyone say they are turned down by men using the "I am intimidated by you" line? I think not.

(4) For me the issue generally comes down to not wanting children rather than men (outside my own family) being intimidated by my salary or job. It does happen, and a think a lot more than you realize. Sure, it may be a line when it does, but I'll bet there are a lot of men who just can't handle making less or having less education than their spouse.

(5) Now the big difference may have to do with your age. I see a world of difference between men in their 20s and men in their mid 30s-40s. I think you'd be suprised at the number of men older than you who feel differently about dating an educated, intelligent woman.

(6) Its one reason I tend to date younger men - they are more relaxed about gender roles.

(7) Again, I don't know that there is anyone posting here who is stressing about their social life.

(8) And yes, we've all read the Ann Landers columns about where to meet prospective mates, so the above advice isn't exactly news.

Sheesh, where to begin?

(1) Yeah. The poster directly above me. And no, not being married isn't a dating failure. I think you're twisting my words. I meant precisely what I typed.

(2) It doesn't. You're reading too much into my post.

(3) Yeah. The poster directly above me. She also insinuated that it is a relatively common complaint amongst people she knew. I happen to agree with her post. It is frankly a very common complaint among the majority of female medical students and residents I know (who are still single).

(4) I really wasn't particularly commenting on your personal position (except for my last playful, little line). The "cougar" line was directed at you. It was intended as a compliment. Cougars, by the urban definitions I have always heard, are emphatically attractive (in addition to certain other traits). And I don't disagree with your comment, either. I am simply saying that in my own experiences, it is a polite scapegoat line...nothing more.

(5) That is entirely possible. I never said that I had a professional degree in relationship counselling. I clearly stated my age and the fact that I was a male to explicitly clarify my position for all potential readers. I think that I was transparently not trying to come of as something that I wasn't.

(6) I had a sneaking suspicion. Hence the term "cougar." 😉

(7) Yeah. Hence the "scaredy smilies" and the inferred tones in some of the abovementioned posts. I didn't detect any "stress" in your personal posts and never said that I did, though there definitely seemed to be smackings of "stress" directed at me in your last one.

(8) Ahhh. But if generational gaps play such a distinctly separative role in philosophical dating outlook (as you insinuate), then is it not reciprocally fair to assume that younger females and males (of close to my own age) aren't aware of such relatively simple advice? Heck, alot of my male and female friends still aren't.

And I'm afraid that I never read Ann Landers. My personal dating strategy epiphany came from my own cathartic revelations at the ripe age of 26. You'll please note I also tossed out the idea that it might not be the correct strategy for everyone.

I often got (and get) approached by female medical students and residents with dating problems. Perhaps because I am married and therefore neutral? Perhaps because I gave sound advice in the eyes of my friends? Don't really know for sure. Point is I've responded by taking it upon myself to try and help offer truncated advice to voiced concerns (as this thread seemed to me to be) on dating since I got in medical school. Just doing more of it since it seemed to be an especial province. No harm...no foul.

Take my advice for what it's worth ladies. Best wishes. To be even more clear than before...don't settle. I think some of you are stressing needlessly.

 

[oompaloompa]

I just want to go on the record saying it is totally okay to not want kids, it does not make you a bad person. I love kids, I think they're hilarious, resilient, and inspiring, enough even to make it my career(pediatrics). But... I also love handing them back to their parents when they've been wailing for 2 hours or just took a giant dump on the floor. I am 26 and while there are tons of people 10 years younger than me that are parents, I can't imagine having that kind of responsibility, at least not yet. Also, I am definitely not alone in this, among the peds residents and others a good number profess no desire for children.

There is a caveat to this, however. It's an extremely non-PC thought but I think a valid point nonetheless. It seems as though more and more the most intelligent and high-functioning people have the fewest or no children. Case in point, while the lovely and talented Dr. Cox may have no children, I know a borderline ******ed crack ho that just popped out her 4th. Go figure.

 

[nykka3]

There is a caveat to this, however. It's an extremely non-PC thought but I think a valid point nonetheless. It seems as though more and more the most intelligent and high-functioning people have the fewest or no children. Case in point, while the lovely and talented Dr. Cox may have no children, I know a borderline ******ed crack ho that just popped out her 4th. Go figure.

yes this is very non PC but so freaking true. i do notice that ppl. from texas are less concerned about trying to be pc about everything esp. b/c some things that are considered non pc are just common sense. before i get flamed, this has little to do with economics bc we all know of ppl who are of low SES who are great parents and those who are on the high end who suck as parents. i am single, and would like to get married and have one kid one day. i would actually like to adopt though.

 

[LovelyRita]

women in medicine doomed to being alone?

I would tell any young woman considering a career in medicine that this is definitely a possibility....but I think one of the contributing factors may be your history of relationships with men. There are some lovely lady doctors out there with cute great husbands and cute little kids. But then there are those like me who have had a developmental delay in relationship-ism. I have a track record of attracting mentally unstable men, to some degree, kind of settling for them because they are someone to be with. Been out of that habit though for about 4 years now, and have gotten to know myself much better and gotten rid of a lot of insecurities

.....meanwhile I became a doctor. I think it would be neat to find someone who could put up with me and my busy career and rather carefree lifestyle. But I can happily say I am no longer insecure. Like Kim said, I can be alone without being lonely (but sometimes I am 🙂 )

 

[nykka3]

I would tell any young woman considering a career in medicine that this is definitely a possibility....but I think one of the contributing factors may be your history of relationships with men. There are some lovely lady doctors out there with cute great husbands and cute little kids. But then there are those like me who have had a developmental delay in relationship-ism. I have a track record of attracting mentally unstable men, to some degree, kind of settling for them because they are someone to be with. Been out of that habit though for about 4 years now, and have gotten to know myself much better and gotten rid of a lot of insecurities

.....meanwhile I became a doctor. I think it would be neat to find someone who could put up with me and my busy career and rather carefree lifestyle. But I can happily say I am no longer insecure. Like Kim said, I can be alone without being lonely (but sometimes I am 🙂 )

rita,
thanks for being so honest about this. i concur with ya!