- Joined
- Feb 24, 2006
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- 104
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So now, it's almost 4 years later. Graduating in May. Finally getting hooded. First and only time actually going on "official business" to the college-town university that gave rise to the large-city med school. Walking with all the undergrads, the grad students, the engineers, and the law students. Took long enough.
But wait a minute. Yesterday, wasn't I just picking out a suit to wear to the med school interview? The same damn suit I wore to residency interviews?? And wasn't I just worrying about Kreb's cycle, the innervation of the deltoid and the three cell layers of the cerebellum? Or wait... wasn't I just reading up on zero-order pharmokinetics and the stepwise evolution of colon carcinoma? Or was that the next day?
Or nevermind... Actually, yesterday I was just shoved into an overly-lit exam room to meet my first real live patient in the clinic. I mean, I can still recite his medical history. How was that not yesterday? And that afternoon I was put at the end of the bed to catch my first baby. Er... I think. And the next day I was scrubbing in on my first procedure in the OR, which turned out to be a whipple that went on and on and on, which sucked because that afternoon I had to round with the nephrology team and present my five patients.
Wait, now I'm confused. Was that the same time I was doing my cardiology elective, dodging pimp questions from an attending who expected me to know more "since I was practically a doctor at this point"? Didn't I have to jump on a plane the next day to fly to New York and then Chicago and then Omaha, Nebraska, to have basically the exact same interview over and over and over? Wasn't there a big expensive board exam somewhere in this too?
And then, realization washes over. It does seem like all this happened just yesterday. But it really doesn't. Not at all. The med school interview was so long ago it may as well have been in a different life. And the premed years? O-Chem? MCAT? Still so clueless and idealistic? May as well be talking about the Eisenhower presidency!
In that time, all the friends. All the people met and then gone. Can you believe I was telling that dude some of my darkest secrets? I barely even nod at him in the hallways anymore! Endless series of late-night cram parties, real parties, hugs, smiles, plans to practice in the same town forever. The fights. The dramas. The relationships. Entire marriages have come and gone over the last 4 years. Entire friendships. How is this not a big thing?
The reality, of course, is that our brains cannot process the enormous ordeal of the last 4 years at all, and must focus instead on the big picture. Which makes everything seem like yesterday. Or, it can focus on a few individual details. Which makes everything seem like a lifetime.
But, whatever. All I know is that I could relive all this 20 times like a sequel to the movie "Groundhog Day," and still only appreciate a fraction of what really went down.
My only appreciation is that I got through it. And my only regret is that I did not spend more time getting to know my classmates.
That is all.
But wait a minute. Yesterday, wasn't I just picking out a suit to wear to the med school interview? The same damn suit I wore to residency interviews?? And wasn't I just worrying about Kreb's cycle, the innervation of the deltoid and the three cell layers of the cerebellum? Or wait... wasn't I just reading up on zero-order pharmokinetics and the stepwise evolution of colon carcinoma? Or was that the next day?
Or nevermind... Actually, yesterday I was just shoved into an overly-lit exam room to meet my first real live patient in the clinic. I mean, I can still recite his medical history. How was that not yesterday? And that afternoon I was put at the end of the bed to catch my first baby. Er... I think. And the next day I was scrubbing in on my first procedure in the OR, which turned out to be a whipple that went on and on and on, which sucked because that afternoon I had to round with the nephrology team and present my five patients.
Wait, now I'm confused. Was that the same time I was doing my cardiology elective, dodging pimp questions from an attending who expected me to know more "since I was practically a doctor at this point"? Didn't I have to jump on a plane the next day to fly to New York and then Chicago and then Omaha, Nebraska, to have basically the exact same interview over and over and over? Wasn't there a big expensive board exam somewhere in this too?
And then, realization washes over. It does seem like all this happened just yesterday. But it really doesn't. Not at all. The med school interview was so long ago it may as well have been in a different life. And the premed years? O-Chem? MCAT? Still so clueless and idealistic? May as well be talking about the Eisenhower presidency!
In that time, all the friends. All the people met and then gone. Can you believe I was telling that dude some of my darkest secrets? I barely even nod at him in the hallways anymore! Endless series of late-night cram parties, real parties, hugs, smiles, plans to practice in the same town forever. The fights. The dramas. The relationships. Entire marriages have come and gone over the last 4 years. Entire friendships. How is this not a big thing?
The reality, of course, is that our brains cannot process the enormous ordeal of the last 4 years at all, and must focus instead on the big picture. Which makes everything seem like yesterday. Or, it can focus on a few individual details. Which makes everything seem like a lifetime.
But, whatever. All I know is that I could relive all this 20 times like a sequel to the movie "Groundhog Day," and still only appreciate a fraction of what really went down.
My only appreciation is that I got through it. And my only regret is that I did not spend more time getting to know my classmates.
That is all.
