Would you prefer to work with your wife/husband at the same place?

[spo01]

My girlfriend and I talked yesterday: I want to open up my own private practice in the future and I thought it would be a dream come true if she could work with me (she's an accountant with some nursing background). I loved the idea, she hated it. She was vague in her reasoning but I guess she felt like she wanted her own job and independance elsewhere. I was a bit shocked. My dad is an Internist and my moms been working with him as an LPN for the past 20 years and they are as happy as could be.

Any thoughts? If you had your own practice would you want your wife/husband to work there with you?

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[typhoonegator]

My wife and I aren't in the same practice, but we are residents in different programs in the same hospital. I think that provides just enough convenience that we get to see eachother from time to time, but we don't get in eachother's way. I shudder to think of what it would be like if she consulted me on one of her patients.

In ordinary professional interactions, there are rules of formality and decorum that define what we can and cannot say or do to eachother in any particular instance. Even though I may hate you for calling another BS consult in the ED at 4 in the morning, it isn't appropriate to ridicule you in public. The result is you get your consult, I stay professional, and no one's feelings get hurt.

Now let's try that again, only make it between me and my little sister. I hate her for calling another BS consult in the ED at 4 in the morning. I trudge down the the ER and call my sister "icky" while pulling her hair and kicking her in the shins, and my sister tells my mom on me. This occurs because we don't have any professional boundaries that govern our behavior. The net result here is no one gets a consult, I get fired, and my sister needs a band-aid.

What the hell are you going to talk about after work if she was there with you all day?

 

[45408]

No way. I'm getting an MD, and my wife's a nurse, so I'd be the one writing orders, and she hates taking orders from me where I'm in a position of authority over her. I'd be okay with working in the same hospital, occasionally having a patient on her floor or something, but that's it.

 

[jonathon]

Try to avoid mixing your personal life with your professiona life. This not only goes with working at the same place as your SO, but also your private life outside of where you work. Nobody needs to know that you got ripped off for the cost of getting an oil change, nobody needs to know you you hate this kind of beer or this and that show.

 

[lilnoelle]

There is NO WAY I would work with my husband for a lot of reasons. One is that my husband is a micro-manager. I don't like to be managed. Another reason is that I need a life outside of my marriage. Also, as others have pointed out, it is good to have a professional/business relationship with colleages to keep unpleasant situations under control i.e. disciplinary action, call in the middle of the night, etc. Also, believe it or not, you will have periods of time where you aren't all that fond of your spouse and wouldn't want to have anything hindering your work.

 

[TexasFool]

no way in hell, i have to escape her sometimes

 

[Samoa]

Why so private? I agree that nobody needs to know the details of my sex life, but what harm does it do to discuss TV shows and where to go to get your oil changed?

Work would be an awfully sterile place without that kind of small talk.

 

[OncoCaP]

I would love to work in the same place as my wife ... things are always better when she's around. However, I doubt we would work an overlapping schedule because it's more important to us that the kids have a parent around as much as possible.

 

[45408]

Why so private? I agree that nobody needs to know the details of my sex life, but what harm does it do to discuss TV shows and where to go to get your oil changed?

Work would be an awfully sterile place without that kind of small talk.

well, make sure you avoid jonathon, but you can come talk to me 😀

 

[Hurricane95]

Oil change eh? hehe....sorry, i couldn't help it.

No. I wouldn't want to work with my future wife. Hell, I don't want to date another girl in medicine to begin with. Maybe a nurse, but that's it. Not a doc. So the chances we would work together are very slim. But anyhow no way.

In any relationship you need time off or it gets waaaay too absorbing for my taste. That way you are way happier to see each other in the evening if you haven't already done so the past 10 hours.

Plus what the hell do you ask when you get home? "Hi honey, how was your day? Oh wait, I already know, cuz we spent the last 12 hours together, just like evey day for the past 10 years..." Too much for me.

 

[Hurricane95]

Some of the best times I had with my ex-gf were the months immediately after she came back from studying abroad for 3.5 uninterrupted months. Nothing like making up for lost time 😉

 

[soonereng]

Plus what the hell do you ask when you get home?

I did some shadowing in the clinic that my wife works in as an NP, and I saw her only in passing. I think that if it's a busy clinic, hospital, or whatever, you will still have things to talk about because you won't necessarily be interacting with one another on a minute by minute basis. Now if business isn't doing so well...that might be a different story.

I'm looking forward to practicing with my wife in the future.

 

[Catalystik]

Any thoughts? If you had your own practice would you want your wife/husband to work there with you?

My spouse and I have different medical specialities. When we were both in separate single-specialty private practices we often consulted each other and enjoyed sharing an interest in common patients. We had too-much "space" due to incompatible call schedules and, often, days of rarely seeing each other. Now we are in a multi-specialty practice, working in the same building. We only see each other at meetings and during lunch, but find it a terrific advantage to have a quick 'curbside' consult available by phone when needed, or easier access to a consultation appointment for an urgently-needed opinion (through already knowing the other person's schedule). We have lots of enjoyable conversations to and from work about co-worker friends, politically charged issues within the practice, how best to achieve certain ends in committees we both serve on, etc. We love working together. We love working toward making our practice a great place for patients to get good care.

 

[DarksideAllstar]

Although initially it might be fun for my girl to work in the same place as me, I think it would wear thin fast. For me, working in different places (and in different, but semi-related fields) allows for a sense of retaining some of the individuality that may be lost when two people are married. I have seen way too many couples become "the same person" and do absolutely EVERYTHING together--leaving little time for their own interests or activities. I think for me this would be "a relationship/marriage-ender", but may work well for others, as long as one person doesn't feel less important than the other.

 

[helpfuldoc2b]

My girlfriend and I talked yesterday: I want to open up my own private practice in the future and I thought it would be a dream come true if she could work with me (she's an accountant with some nursing background). I loved the idea, she hated it. She was vague in her reasoning but I guess she felt like she wanted her own job and independance elsewhere. I was a bit shocked. My dad is an Internist and my moms been working with him as an LPN for the past 20 years and they are as happy as could be.

Any thoughts? If you had your own practice would you want your wife/husband to work there with you?

I would. Save more money, spend more time with your loved one, your working with someone you love and your both looking for the best interest of each other. Now your girl friend probably wants to do her own thing and flirt around and do her dirty work on the side

 

[justwondering]

no WAY.

i like having my time to myself and my "professional self" during the day and seeing my husband when i get back home. i also like to make friends/acquaintances at schl/work without everything being influenced by my husband's own taste (ie i can be friends with ppl he finds annoying and i can stay the heck away from ppl he likes but i cant stand). and if we get into a fight at home, i dont need it ruining my day at work.

if i were a nurse and my husband was a doc, then i'd be even more adamant in not working for/with him. somehow i think taking orders from him would be even more annoying than from some random person. and he'd have to watch out if he didn't say "please"!

 

[Wizard of Oz]

My girlfriend and I talked yesterday: I want to open up my own private practice in the future and I thought it would be a dream come true if she could work with me (she's an accountant with some nursing background). I loved the idea, she hated it. She was vague in her reasoning but I guess she felt like she wanted her own job and independance elsewhere. I was a bit shocked. My dad is an Internist and my moms been working with him as an LPN for the past 20 years and they are as happy as could be.

Any thoughts? If you had your own practice would you want your wife/husband to work there with you?

Your parents sound like they are living in the age of "Leave it to Beaver." If you were shocked that she wants her own job, then you obviously aren't on the same page as far as what you both want our of your professional lives.

Dream come true? Sounds like a nightmare waiting to happen. The reason IMHO is that people need to decompress to their loved ones. In such cases, unquivering support is the best source of comfort. Now if you know too much about what is making her upset in a given situation, you're going to have some kind of predisoposition as to whether or not you agree with her.

Best response to a venting partner: "You're right, the other person was wrong, I love you." If you work together, you'll be more likely to have internal conflict about representing this stance (especially in cases where one person is employing the other).

In this country, you're more likely to just ignore potential conflicts like these and then merely get divorced seven years down the road when this issue actually comes up.

Edit: Life isn't about sex. Life is about children, compassion, and spirit. It's about love. It's about people. It's about connections. It's not about rusty trombone, dirty sanchez, or the Cincinnati bowtie...