Write your REAL Personal Statment Here (The Honest Truth)

[baylormed]

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Members don't see this ad.

I thought it would be fun to create our own funny/sarcastic personal statement, composed of all those irrational sentences that come to mind when one is trying to create the sensible personal statement one intends to let the adcoms read (not the crazy one that keeps popping up in my head)...

So, here's mine.


Dear ADCOM folks:

I became interested in medicine during the second week of the third month of the year 1992, at around 11:43:32 A.M. I was only five years old at the time, and was yet again sitting in the pediatrician's office, waiting for the dreaded vaccination or sucky icky medicine he always gave me. I knew fighting would be no good, I had tried that before. But I wanted to DO something.
Ever since, those memories bring back the desire to become a physician. No, it is not because I want to be a pediatrician and cure sick children. It is because that day, I swore I would one day take revenge. I would one day become a doctor and specialize in Geriatric medicine. Then I would look for that old man until I found him, and poke him like he once (many times, actually) poked me. Yes, that is my REAL motivation for becoming a physician.
Also, one day, I realized that going into business was not for me. It was too risky, and too much butt to kiss in order to get to the top.
I realized teaching was not for me. I know yet I can't explain. Plus, I don't like children THAT much.
I once wanted to be an engineer, then realized I would have to take math classes FOREVER. I changed my mind right away.
I also wanted to be a politician for a while. But let's face it: politics make no sense at all, and I like stuff that makes sense.
I once wanted to be a dentist like my father. But then I had the misfortune of finding out--to my surprise and regret--how many people don't bother to brush their teeth.
I have no physical condition, so I knew I could never be a policeman, firefighter, or play a sport for a living. I would simply die.
Then, one day, I thought to myself "Why not be a doctor?"
And at that moment, I knew that is what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.
Oh, yes, and most of all, I want to help people.

Thank You.

PS: At least I'm being honest with you.









Disclaimer: I have more motivations (better ones) for wanting to become a physician other than the ones listed above. This essay is intended to be unrealistic and, in other words, completely ridiculous.

 

[baylormed]

I just thought of another one I'd like to write:



Dear ADCOM:

Please Please Please Please Please....(repeat until you reach 5300 characters)....Please Please Please Please.

Sincerely,
Baylormed.

 

[8744]

I thought it would be fun to create our own funny/sarcastic personal statement, composed of all those irrational sentences that come to mind when one is trying to create the sensible personal statement one intends to let the adcoms read (not the crazy one that keeps popping up in my head)...

So, here's mine.


Dear ADCOM folks:

I became interested in medicine during the second week of the third month of the year 1992, at around 11:43:32 A.M. I was only five years old at the time, and was yet again sitting in the pediatrician's office, waiting for the dreaded vaccination or sucky icky medicine he always gave me. I knew fighting would be no good, I had tried that before. But I wanted to DO something.
Ever since, those memories bring back the desire to become a physician. No, it is not because I want to be a pediatrician and cure sick children. It is because that day, I swore I would one day take revenge. I would one day become a doctor and specialize in Geriatric medicine. Then I would look for that old man until I found him, and poke him like he once (many times, actually) poked me. Yes, that is my REAL motivation for becoming a physician.
Also, one day, I realized that going into business was not for me. It was too risky, and too much butt to kiss in order to get to the top.
I realized teaching was not for me. I know yet I can't explain. Plus, I don't like children THAT much.
I once wanted to be an engineer, then realized I would have to take math classes FOREVER. I changed my mind right away.
I also wanted to be a politician for a while. But let's face it: politics make no sense at all, and I like stuff that makes sense.
I once wanted to be a dentist like my father. But then I had the misfortune of finding out--to my surprise and regret--how many people don't bother to brush their teeth.
I have no physical condition, so I knew I could never be a policeman, firefighter, or play a sport for a living. I would simply die.
Then, one day, I thought to myself "Why not be a doctor?"
And at that moment, I knew that is what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.
Oh, yes, and most of all, I want to help people.

Thank You.

PS: At least I'm being honest with you.









Disclaimer: I have more motivations (better ones) for wanting to become a physician other than the ones listed above. This essay is intended to be unrealistic and, in other words, completely ridiculous.

Dude. Leave humor to the professionals. You'll put your eye out.

 

[Duchess742]

yeah. you'll shoot your eye out, kid.

 

[MediMama23]

A la Dave Chappelle's "Killin' Them Softly" stand up...

Dear Medical School Admissions Committee,

"Please let me into yo medical school, baby! I'll s*** yo ****!!!" 😱

The End.

 

[kevster2001]

PLease leave the PS satire to panda bear

 

[chaldobruin]

Dear Adcoms:

I decided to become a doctor the summer before my freshman year in college, when I cared for my sick grandmother. I realized that I love helping others. Honestly. Later on, I became a biology student at College X and realized that I am fascinated by the human body. During my 3rd year I began working in a genetics lab and discovered my love for science. As you can see, the uniqueness of my situation greatly sets me apart from other pre-meds.

My desire for medicine became so strong that I began sabotaging the lab experiments of other students, and breaking their pencils so they could not take notes, thus I was able to get a higher position on the bell curve. People label me as a "gunner" but I think they are just jealous because I'm better than them. Douche-bags.

As you can see I am dedicated to medicine. Please take me, or I'll kill you. Thanks for your time!

Sincerely,

Joe C. Gunner

 

[ShoMeYourOhFace]

Dear Adcoms:

I decided to become a doctor the summer before my freshman year in college, when I cared for my sick grandmother. I realized that I love helping others. Honestly. Later on, I became a biology student at College X and realized that I am fascinated by the human body. During my 3rd year I began working in a genetics lab and discovered my love for science. As you can see, the uniqueness of my situation greatly sets me apart from other pre-meds.

My desire for medicine became so strong that I began sabotaging the lab experiments of other students, and breaking their pencils so they could not take notes, thus I was able to get a higher position on the bell curve. People label me as a "gunner" but I think they are just jealous because I'm better than them. Douche-bags.

As you can see I am dedicated to medicine. Please take me, or I'll kill you. Thanks for your time!

Sincerely,

Joe C. Gunner

hey dingus! you ripped off my PS!

lol that's probably what baylormed's PS was to the T

relax im joking

 

[Depakote]

Come on guys. I'm tired. I've already done 2 rounds of this ****.

Let me in already...

 

[tch001]

Dear ADCOM folks:

I became interested in medicine during the second week of the third month of the year 1992, at around 11:43:32 A.M. I was only five years old at the time, and was yet again sitting in the pediatrician's office, waiting for the dreaded vaccination or sucky icky medicine he always gave me. I knew fighting would be no good, I had tried that before. But I wanted to DO something.
Ever since, those memories bring back the desire to become a physician. No, it is not because I want to be a pediatrician and cure sick children. It is because that day, I swore I would one day take revenge. I would one day become a doctor and specialize in Geriatric medicine. Then I would look for that old man until I found him, and poke him like he once (many times, actually) poked me. Yes, that is my REAL motivation for becoming a physician.
Also, one day, I realized that going into business was not for me. It was too risky, and too much butt to kiss in order to get to the top.
I realized teaching was not for me. I know yet I can't explain. Plus, I don't like children THAT much.
I once wanted to be an engineer, then realized I would have to take math classes FOREVER. I changed my mind right away.
I also wanted to be a politician for a while. But let's face it: politics make no sense at all, and I like stuff that makes sense.
I once wanted to be a dentist like my father. But then I had the misfortune of finding out--to my surprise and regret--how many people don't bother to brush their teeth.
I have no physical condition, so I knew I could never be a policeman, firefighter, or play a sport for a living. I would simply die.
Then, one day, I thought to myself "Why not be a doctor?"
And at that moment, I knew that is what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.
Oh, yes, and most of all, I want to help people.

Thank You.

PS: At least I'm being honest with you.

I like it

 

[Doctor~Detroit]

well, i can't say my ps isn't honest as it is. but i have this nagging suspicion that i should be checking the "disadvantaged" box. what do you think?


"Explain below why you believe you should be considered a disadvantaged applicant by your designated medical schools. The space available for your explanation is 1325 characters, or approximately ¼ page."

The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.

 

[MediMama23]

well, i can't say my ps isn't honest as it is. but i have this nagging suspicion that i should be checking the "disadvantaged" box. what do you think?


"Explain below why you believe you should be considered a disadvantaged applicant by your designated medical schools. The space available for your explanation is 1325 characters, or approximately ¼ page."

The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.

Originality is lost on you, huh?

 

[Doctor~Detroit]

A la Dave Chappelle's "Killin' Them Softly" stand up...

Dear Medical School Admissions Committee,

"Please let me into yo medical school, baby! I'll s*** yo ****!!!" 😱

The End.

what's that i hear? "touche, touche" ?

 

[MediMama23]

what's that i hear? "touche, touche" ?

You copied word for word. I improvised with medical school, because Dave was clearly talking about s***ing the President's d***.

All the same, that's not your life story; it's Dr. Evil's.

I actually would s*** their d****. 😱

If you don't get the distinction, then I certainly can't help you.

 

[Slide]

Here would be mine:

"I'm good in bed. I don't discriminate against sexual preference. Admit me into your med school and you'll find out why they call me 'Da screamer'."

I think it's a 50/50 shot.

 

[Doctor~Detroit]

You copied word for word. I improvised with medical school, because Dave was clearly talking about s***ing the President's d***.

All the same, that's not your life story; it's Dr. Evil's.

I actually would s*** their d****. 😱

If you don't get the distinction, then I certainly can't help you.

you go, girl.

 

[xanthomondo]

Is it OK to mention in the personal statement that ever since I saw the porno with the doctor and the nurse I've always wanted to become a doctor...or should I save that for the interview?

 

[Callogician]

Dear admissions committee: Allow me to tell you a story.

It was a few years ago...

I find myself at a house party hosted by a good friend, Geoffery. At 5'4 105 lbs and extremely awkward and nerdy, I'm not exactly what you would call a prime specimen, and the party scene is not my comfort zone. I'm known to trip over my own feet and forget my own name in the presence of the fairer sex. But tonight, things are different. I am intoxicated beyond comprehension, and I feel completely confident and disinhibited.

Me: "Hey Sarah."
Sarah: "Oh. Hi Callogician"

Sarah is a princess among princesses. I have longed for her loins since the very moment I glanced at her from across the room the first time we met (as is true for all females without any gross anatomical abnormalities).

Me: "I am the c*nt master!"
Sarah: "ha ha. I see you've been drinking."
Me: [slurring words] "No seriously...you should see my c*nt collection."
Sarah: "he he. I've never seen you like this before. I thought you were so straight arrow."
Me: [grabbing Sarah's left breat] "Will you join my c*nt collection?"

Sarah bats my hand away and slaps me hard. Jarred by the impact, I fall forward and vommit into her lap.

Sarah: "Ahhh!"

Everyone turns to look at us, and there are laughs all around. Embarassed, I leave the scene and wander secretly through the hall into Geoff's bedroom. Browsing through Geoff's closet, I collapse and fall asleep.

Hours later, I awake to nearby screams of excruciating pain. I sit up within the closet, grasping my pounding headache and thinking to say, "Who is it!? Are you ok!?" ...but I say nothing, still too drunk to have my wits about me. As I regain alertness, I realize that the screams are not screams of pain at all. I open the closet door to witness the unthinkable: Sarah, the love of my live, is having wild drunken sex with Geoff, my good friend.
________________

That I had to experience the story above is unfortunate, but I learned something that day which changed my life: I am a pathetic whiny loser, and if I am ever going to get laid, I need the power, money, and prestige that comes with being a doctor.

 

[Zuerst]

I was born well "endowed" and as I hit my teens and on, I noticed that my humongous "buddy" can inflict pain on my female partners. It was through those interactions that I realized my desire to become a plastic surgeon so that i can reduce my "instrument" and thus make my "interactions" with the opposit sex more pleasurable.

Yes, THAT is why.