This thread is absolutely frickin hilarious! I am just a pre-M, but I work in a small, yet busy ER. It's amazing, I used to work at a level one trauma center, but now I actually get to sit back and enjoy the stupidity, ESPECIALLY since I work thirds.
If you are in the ER 'seeking', please don't start off your lie-infested story to the Doc with..."See what had happened was..."
Please, by all means bring your child into the ER in the middle of the night for a HIGH fever (which the triage RN record's as 99.0), stay for 30 minutes and then request a doctor's excuse because you have to be at work in 3 hours.
Please, please, please bother the admissions people about why the wait is so long (for your 'sinus infection')...afterall, you've been here for hours and that guy clutching his chest JUST walked in!
Whatever you do...never, ever, EVER only have "only ONE drink" before driving, serious consequences could result.
If you have a severe case of diarrhea, the BEST cure would be two laxatives...that way you can just get rid of all of it and be done with it.
Do go into triage and tell the RN you are here for a sore throat, and then happen to add on that you have a 'irregular period'...we are really stupid and we don't realize that you just want a pregnancy test.
If you think the bartender has served you too much to drink, by all means call EMS to take you to the hospital at 2am to get a 'blood alcohol' level checked so you can report him/her.
By all means, please curse out the admissions staff, that will DEFINITELY get you seen quicker. When you finally do get to the back, why don't you curse out your nurse and ask why it took so long. THEN, when the doctor gives you a dx that you think is wrong, just go running through the ER yelling, "That's why I hate this damn hospital! I ain't never coming back!" Be sure to be on your best behavior when you return two days later...they won't recognize you!