About to go long distance a 2nd time :(

[darkangel77]

Hey there!

After being a lurker for some time now, I've noticed how helpful and encouraging everyone is here. With that said, I do need some advice on how to cope with an impending long-distance relationship...let me explain the situation between me and my boyfriend.

We met 3 years ago, and we actually started our relationship long distance (him in WA, myself in NY), and stayed in an LDR for a year before I moved to be with him in WA 2 years ago. Now, I'm still living in WA, and applying to physical therapy school at the same time. I applied to schools in both WA and NY, and I just got my acceptance from NYIT, and unfortunately, no acceptances from schools in WA. The program is set to start on May 20, which means I will be moving back home to NY in 3 months, while he has to stay in WA to finish his schooling and receive his bachelor's We are both 24 years old.

So needless to say it's been a bit hard coping for both of us (though he doesn't like to think or talk about it since its still 3 months away), and rather than dwelling on it I enjoy as much time as I can with him in the time being. There's good communication between the two of us when we're apart (such as when I'm on vacation visiting family, and of course when we started out in an LDR)...we talked everyday for at least an hour (we set a time to meet and if one of us will be late, etc, we let the other know), and of course we're huge fans of Skype! He plans to visit me every 2 months or so and I plan on spending my 4-week long winter breaks visiting him. We've decided that when he graduates, he will come live with me for a year or two until I graduate, and then wherever we end up after that is anyone's guess. But that's 1-1.5 years away...granted, it's not too long, but it seems like a long time to wait.

Though I am familiar with all the emotional ups and downs of LDRs, since I've been in 2 LDRs before I met my current b/f, and our relationship started out long distance, I'm still having a bit of trouble coming to terms with the fact that after spending 2 happy years together, we're going to be separated again. If you've ever been in this situation before, how did you cope / come to terms with it?

Any advice is helpful, and if you read through all this, well, thanks for listening!

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[xanthines]

My significant other and I have been in a LDR twice so far (currently 4 years into the second one) so it can be done....

We dated for a couple of years and then went into LDR mode for 2 years while she went to grad school. That experience almost ended us, but we made it through. After the first year we hit our stride and I think learned to give each enough space as well as enough attention. Ad difficult balance, I must admit. We had to talk on the phone and email each other often enough to be satisfying, but not make it feel like a duty, burden, or nuisance. On some level, you have your own life, so it's hard not think of that voice far away as being drag when they're having a bad day.

Anyway, we lived together for another 3 years which was wonderful. Then we applied to med school together and the application gods were not kind.

The second time has been much easier, although not without some trouble spots. My situation is different from yours since I'm going through a shared experience with my better half. I think that helps a lot, since we can relate to each other a little easier from a distance. I don't think we're doing anything different from our previous time apart. I think the second LDR came at a time when our relationship was pretty strong, unlike the first time.

So in the end, I guess I don't have any real specific advice to give. Sorry! However, my personal anecdotal experience says that hopefully the second time won't be as bad.

Best of luck! Feel free to report back in with how things are going or to vent or whatever.

-X

 

[natesgirl]

I can't say I have been in your shoes exactly,
but after 8 deployments in 7 years (three pregnancies most on my own, anniversaries and holidays) I do know a little about separations... and I am hoping med school will be at least a little easier on us... but I doubt it.
-they don't get easier they are just different each time, that being said you do learn to "hit the ground running" get on a schedule and force yourself out of bed faster.
-you grow through each one, your relationship will also grow if you cultivate it. I am not an expert on separations or relationships but the blessing in disguise for us has been that our communication skills with each other though not perfect are better than most couples married twice as long as us. when you have 15 minutes to talk at a time you don't nit pick at each other and you don't sweat the small stuff.
-the weeks or days before he left the first couple of times instinctively I would draw away from him and we would argue, but being aware of that we're able to pray with each other and just realize that's what is happening. and we work on it. perhaps he's worried or sad about it and doesn't want to dwell on it...
as far as coping or coming to terms with it, I guess we both just saw it as life and tried to make the most of it...
I am unsure I have any advice though...