Boyfriend studying for MCAT

[medshoes]

Hello,

My boyfriend is studying for the MCAT as well as taking three classes plus research, so he's pretty busy. I understand that he's busy but he's been really distant and his personality almost changed like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde if you know what I mean, except less severe. He's just less cooperative, a lot more self centered, a lot less willing to spend time with me, and etc. It doesn't even seem like we're in a relationship anymore. What should I do? I took the MCAT too, and we actually started going out when I was studying for the MCAT, but I wasn't like the way he is now. I've been thinking of breaking up with him, but should I wait and see if he becomes better after he takes the MCAT in April? That's a long time to have to deal with this.

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[WhtsThFrequency]

Why don't you actually communicate with him.

Tell him that it is becoming a strain in the relationship. Ask him how you two can work together to improve your communication skills during stressful times. What level of interaction do you consider appropriate during stressful times?

 

[EParker37]

That is some solid advice above, communication is probably the single most important aspect of a relationship, don't let your feelings build up until you can't stand it anymore. I'm on the flip side of this, working full time, studying for the MCAT and taking classes, but my fiancee and I talk a lot. Ask him to make at least a little time each week that is just for the two of you, even if it is just going out for a dinner date. But the important thing is to start the conversation now, don't wait.

 

[1nnocuous]

If this is how he handles stress now, how will he be during the rest of the application process and beyond? It's worth a conversation. You deserve to know how it's going to be before you pour all your time and energy into the relationship.

 

[medshoes]

I've actually brought this up a lot of times, but he never really cooperates and say what's wrong. I also tell him we should spend more time together, and he doesn't really reply. I always have to guess what's wrong. I asked him if the reason he's stressed is that his dad had a concussion and brain damage and recently came home but with a slightly changed personality, and he said yes, but he doesn't talk about it with me. The time we spend together is mostly doing homework for a class we have together. We don't eat dinner together b/c he doesn't want to go to my dorm. Yesterday I went to his place to eat dinner, but he didn't eat anything and just studied so it was my eating alone. He also doesn't want to do anything for Valentine's day. We don't even hug anymore. He did work out with me two weeks ago though. I know he's busy, but it's like talking to a wall that just says "okay" or "no" or "yes." I asked my sister in law, and she says he's probably shutting down on me because of all his stressors. I think it's also because studying is consuming most of his energy, but he seems to talk fine with his friends and not with me so it shouldn't be that.

Ultimately, I decided to take an indefinite break with him, because I think with all the stuff he has going on, he doesn't have time to have a meaningful relationship and doesn't care about compromising his time.

 

[touchpause13]

I think that calling it quits is the smart move here. In medical education there will be things more stressful than studying for the MCAT and if that's his reaction now I don't think he would be so great to be in a relationship with during med school.

 

[Smurfette]

I agree with TP but also think his behavior sounds like he is not really into the relationship anymore....maybe he wants to break up but is afraid to initiate that conversation? If it is just stress and nothing more, things will only get worse over time.

 

[deleted480308]

it doesn't matter if he cares or not right now, you aren't happy with his level of "busy" and it will only get worse for 7years....move on

 

[medshoes]

I asked him if he still likes me and he says yes. He says he has a lot of stress and problems. What I don't get is how he can normally act with his friends and talk to me when we're in a group situation such as doing homework together, but once we are alone, he closes off and barely talks to me, he doesn't say hi to me at all when I say hi to him but to his friends he does. Any answers? I don't want to break up with him though.

 

[touchpause13]

I asked him if he still likes me and he says yes. He says he has a lot of stress and problems. What I don't get is how he can normally act with his friends and talk to me when we're in a group situation such as doing homework together, but once we are alone, he closes off and barely talks to me, he doesn't say hi to me at all when I say hi to him but to his friends he does. Any answers? I don't want to break up with him though.

Break up with him

 

[FranzLO]

Yeah...this is dumb.

Go talk to people in real life. Relationships aren't that simple.

 

[VenusinFurs]

Eh, they maybe aren't, but this guy hasn't even hugged her in weeks. I'd say DTMFA.

 

[VenusinFurs]

Like, you can't even spare a half an hour a week to eat a meal with someone? You're not ready for a big boy relationship.

 

[tiedyeddog]

it will only get worse if he gets in to medical school. move on

 

[medshoes]

Yeah we broke up. Turn out he has been acting that way to get me to break up with him and ultimately he finally broke up with me. Haha lesson learned, listen to your gut and listen to other people.
what i don't know is whether we can be friends. he says he still considers me as as a close friend and he loves me non romantically, and he loves anyone who makes him a better person. But he sent me a list of things wrong with me and that I could improve upon, saying it's because he "cares." What?

 

[touchpause13]

Yeah we broke up. Turn out he has been acting that way to get me to break up with him and ultimately he finally broke up with me. Haha lesson learned, listen to your gut and listen to other people.
what i don't know is whether we can be friends. he says he still considers me as as a close friend and he loves me non romantically, and he loves anyone who makes him a better person. But he sent me a list of things wrong with me and that I could improve upon, saying it's because he "cares." What?

Sounds like a douche. People who try and get other people to break up with them are pond scum. And that list? I would suggest never reading it and then never talking to him again

 

[WildZoo]

Yeah we broke up. Turn out he has been acting that way to get me to break up with him and ultimately he finally broke up with me. Haha lesson learned, listen to your gut and listen to other people.
what i don't know is whether we can be friends. he says he still considers me as as a close friend and he loves me non romantically, and he loves anyone who makes him a better person. But he sent me a list of things wrong with me and that I could improve upon, saying it's because he "cares." What?

Yeah I wouldn't waste any more time on this guy, friend or otherwise. If he really cared about you he would have broken up with you initially instead of stringing you along and hoping you would break up with him. And who writes a list of someone's faults like that? Sounds like he has his own issues to work on.

 

[tiedyeddog]

Yeah we broke up. Turn out he has been acting that way to get me to break up with him and ultimately he finally broke up with me. Haha lesson learned, listen to your gut and listen to other people.
what i don't know is whether we can be friends. he says he still considers me as as a close friend and he loves me non romantically, and he loves anyone who makes him a better person. But he sent me a list of things wrong with me and that I could improve upon, saying it's because he "cares." What?

Dude sounds like he has issues. I would cut all ties, it is the best way to start the healing process. You're better off without him.

 

[Omppu27]

Lol dude tries to get you to break up with him then writes you a list of things that's "wrong" with you???? Hahahaha forget about him.