Disadvantaged appicant essay help

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katpandas

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Hey, I was just hoping for some feedback/help with the disadvantaged status essay. It's sort of weird talking about my family's financial status. This is what I have so far, any feedback is appreciated:


I grew up in a small, rural town in a single parent household living paycheck to paycheck. For 6 years, 3 of us lived cramped into 1 bedroom at my grandma’s house while my mom saved to buy us a home. As a teen, I remember that we would go to the food pantry for food and the thrift shop for clothes. Our area didn’t have a strong healthcare system, and the nearest ED was a 25 minute drive and was notorious for having long waits and poor quality care. I rarely saw my primary care physician, and I didn’t realize until I went to college that yearly physicals are for more than just student athletes. I remember that my mom once broke her finger so severely that it became deformed, but she never went to a doctor because she would rather save the money for any health emergencies that my brother or I might have had. Our financial troubles continued as I attended college, but I was able to earn scholarships toward my undergraduate degree. Now, I can say that I am the first in my immediate family to earn a Baccalaureate degree. My obstacles in life have given me countless opportunities for growth and broadened understanding, and I am proud of who I have become.

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Hi, I'm not sure whether you will like my edit. Basically I corrected few grammar mistakes and changed some sentences. Actually, I took for the reference this essay writing style. Good luck with your application.

I grew up in a small, rural town in a single parent household living paycheck to paycheck. For 6 years, 3 of us had lived cramped into 1 bedroom at my grandma’s house while my mom was saving for our own house. As a teenager, I remember us having to go to the food pantry for food and the thrift shop for clothes. Besides, in our neighborhood healthcare system lacked in many aspects but most of all in quality. For example, the nearest ED, which was a 25 minute drive, was notorious for having not only poor quality care but long waits. I rarely saw my primary care physician, and I hadn't realized until I went to college that yearly physicals are for more than just student athletes. I remember that my mom once broke her finger so severely that it became deformed, but she never went to see a doctor because she would rather save the money for any health emergencies that my brother or I might have. Our financial troubles continued as I was studying in college. But, luckily, I was able to earn scholarships in order to work successfully towards my undergraduate degree. Now, I can say that I am the first in my immediate family who has a Baccalaureate degree. And, actually, the obstacles in my life have given me countless opportunities for growth and broadened understanding. No matter what anyone says, I am proud of where I come from and who I have become.
 
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*Do not use numbers (spell out six years etc).
*Giving the reader some sense of where you grew up may be less awkward may actually work as a bit of an interest hook. You don't necessarily need to mention the name of your town (although in some cases there might be a story there which could work) but at least giving a bit of the geographic region and some community flavor may be helpful---you can also scrap this entirely and flesh out something else.
*Generally when I read these the ones that I view as the strongest tie together how their background motivated them to pursue medicine or influenced their plans for practice.
Good Luck!

Hey, I was just hoping for some feedback/help with the disadvantaged status essay. It's sort of weird talking about my family's financial status. This is what I have so far, any feedback is appreciated:


I grew up in a small, rural town in a single parent household living paycheck to paycheck. For 6 years, 3 of us lived cramped into 1 bedroom at my grandma’s house while my mom saved to buy us a home. As a teen, I remember that we would go to the food pantry for food and the thrift shop for clothes. Our area didn’t have a strong healthcare system, and the nearest ED was a 25 minute drive and was notorious for having long waits and poor quality care. I rarely saw my primary care physician, and I didn’t realize until I went to college that yearly physicals are for more than just student athletes. I remember that my mom once broke her finger so severely that it became deformed, but she never went to a doctor because she would rather save the money for any health emergencies that my brother or I might have had. Our financial troubles continued as I attended college, but I was able to earn scholarships toward my undergraduate degree. Now, I can say that I am the first in my immediate family to earn a Baccalaureate degree. My obstacles in life have given me countless opportunities for growth and broadened understanding, and I am proud of who I have become.
 
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