Entering Third Year

[Acage]

Hello everyone,

I'm new here and just wanted to get some input on what I should be expecting with my SOs third year starting in a little under two months.

We have been together since undergrad and she got straight into medical school. We are currently living together with her now studying for STEP 1 and me working full time. It has been a rough first two years because of it. I work 45 hour weeks and she is usually studying so it has made getting together a bit rough sometimes. I'm usually tired fro a long day of work whereas she sees the time she has spent on school during the day and is full of energy when I get home. She is somewhat unique with the amount of energy she has. She definitely likes to go go go. Because of our differing personalities (me being more lax and her being the go getter that she is) it has lead to some frustrating times where sometimes I just don't have the energy to do something after work and her wanting to reward herself for studying by doing something special with me.

This is where my predicament comes in. With her starting third year soon I know that our schedule may very well be turned upside down. It has been hard enough to make things meaningful when we see each other every night but I can't even imagine how that will be when our schedules don't match up. I've sometimes been the fall guy in the past staying up later than I should just to get some time together and see her smile but with added responsibilities at work I can't afford to waste my sleep schedule. Any tips?

Also, as I mentioned before I am more of a relaxed person and I like to keep my work and home life separate. I personally like to get home get out of work clothes and just relax the rest of the night. I'm getting worried because my SO recently told me that she thinks I should do something now that I will have some more time on my hands with her busy schedule. Her idea was to join a professional society or volunteer. While I have nothing against them and I do think they do great things they just aren't for me and I have told her that. She's mentioned in the past how much she adores super couples and I think she would like us to be one. I just don't think that is me and I'm getting worried as the whole med school thing progresses. I'm a normal guy and I am fine with that. I just don't think I can live up to the type of life she may want us to have and it gets me worried. I know I just wrote a novel but none of her friends have SOs who aren't also in med school so I'm sort of lost for advice. Thank you for the outlet and if you read all of this you're a saint.

Cage

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[2010houston]

I think it can be a normal issue for couples to have different energy levels and different expectations of what "after-work" time entails, but it sounds a bit from this post as though she isn't being particularly respectful of your attitudes and feelings (which are perfectly normal). It's possible that third year might actually make this situation better for you, as many people find themselves EXHAUSTED after being in the hospital all day. If she's gone straight through to med school, it would also probably be the first time she will be "working" like a full-time job, so maybe she will understand your perspective a bit more? Does she have friends she can go out with more often to take some of the pressure off of you?

Good luck. Wish I had something more helpful to offer.

 

[that redhead]

I think it's time to sit down and have a talk about expectations, both for the short term and the long term. Although not in medical school myself, my understanding is that third year is very demanding and as the above commenter mentioned, she may find herself worn down a bit more than when her only job is "just" studying. Or she may see herself as even more entitled to someone who operates at the hectic pace that she does.

If she expects you to become more involved with things outside of work and that isn't something you want to do, you need to communicate that to her. It's great to admire others and all, but I've never seen any good from comparing one's relationship to anyone else's. It may be that your compatibility in the aspirations department just doesn't align, and that's fine. But if she's going to spend the rest of your relationship nagging you to do things you aren't interested in just so she can gloat about being in a power couple, or if you're made to feel inadequate because you don't do things she wants you to do just so you measure up to her standards for what a couple should be....it's going to be a long road together.

I'd sit her down, express what you're feeling and go from there. Maybe there's a compromise you can reach where you do something together (volunteer one day a month for example) on a day that's more convenient for you like a weekend when you aren't tired from work. But if she's unwilling to let it go, I'd start looking elsewhere.