frustrated

[bigtimesmally]

I'm a first year general surgery intern in midwest. I really enjoy surgery. In fact, when i was given the scapel this year as a first year, I had a natural high and felt such a great sense of achievement. Unfortunately my problem is that the residency is killing my free time. I was a former bodybuilder and now have difficulty to stay in shape. Just like others who have posted, I have days that I stay up all night during call and don't get the chance to eat even though Im religious about taking lots of food with me to work. It's really depressing to see myself shrink away like this. I'm told, it will get better, that I will adjust. I want to know if anyone else has the same background as me and can offer some words of wisdom. I can only hope to see the light at the end of the tunnel some day soon, but, sometimes I am so frustrated. But, I can say honestly that even after a bad day, i come home and feel a certain kind of satisfation.

I know others like me have had doubts and thoughts of quitting to easier specialties. I hope that feeling doubt this early on doesn't mean that I am probably in the wrong specialty. I was told today that if I'm questioning myself this early, it might mean I better change to something else.

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[THE instiGATOR]

I was fairly thin when I started this mess and am currently wasting away. At least you had some body mass to give at the onset.

I never doubted this as a career choice until this year. My hope is that it is just the intern experience. Seems s#!t always rolls downhill. People at the top are tired and, I hate to say it, sometimes lazy. It's easier to make the intern do it than to do it yourself. All we can hope is that we keep perspective after having gone through this experience and don't act in a similar manner.

PS - at least you are getting to hold the scalpel!

Good luck. My rant is over.

 

[boston]

I'm a first year general surgery intern in midwest. I really enjoy surgery. In fact, when i was given the scapel this year as a first year, I had a natural high and felt such a great sense of achievement. Unfortunately my problem is that the residency is killing my free time. I was a former bodybuilder and now have difficulty to stay in shape. Just like others who have posted, I have days that I stay up all night during call and don't get the chance to eat even though Im religious about taking lots of food with me to work. It's really depressing to see myself shrink away like this. I'm told, it will get better, that I will adjust. I want to know if anyone else has the same background as me and can offer some words of wisdom. I can only hope to see the light at the end of the tunnel some day soon, but, sometimes I am so frustrated. But, I can say honestly that even after a bad day, i come home and feel a certain kind of satisfation.

I know others like me have had doubts and thoughts of quitting to easier specialties. I hope that feeling doubt this early on doesn't mean that I am probably in the wrong specialty. I was told today that if I'm questioning myself this early, it might mean I better change to something else.

I know where you are coming from -- it is depressing. I used to lift religiously throughout college and med school, 5 days a week. Come intern year, it all ended. I lost 15% body weight intern year alone from not lifting, and eating one meal a day and basically shriveled up. Tried to start it up again a few times but it never lasted beyond a few weeks because I'd invariably hit a killer rotation. This, despite living a block away from a gym that opens at 5am. (Also, it's hard to find a lifting partner to spot you that will conform to your strange hours.) It gets better than intern year though. I know a few chiefs who were able to hit the gym regularly. However, it's a matter of priorities. As much as it was important to me when I was younger to maintain a physique, now it is way down on the bottom rung of the priority latter -- below sleep, rest, and other things. Personally, I find it difficult to find the time to read enough to maintain even an adequate knowledge base -- therefore, lifting becomes "non-essential for survival." Also, even if you can keep it up for a few weeks, eventually you'll be back on transplant, vascular, peds, whatever busy rotation and have to drop lifting for a month again -- then what's the point of starting if you can't be consistent? Not saying lifting can't be done in surgical residency, but it's a matter of balancing your priorities in pursuing a surgical career and other things and also how much pain you are willing to tolerate (i.e. sleep deprivation / fatigue). I was as disciplined about lifiting as anyone in medical school, even during third year. But I find that, for me, it's just not compatible with succeeding in academic surgery -- maybe someone else who is more efficient and can function on 5 hours of sleep every night can do it.

As for doubts and thoughts of quitting -- it is natural, especially intern year. Almost everyone has them, some occasionally, some recurrently. Doesn't mean you aren't fit for surgery. Just means you are human. Give yourself more time before making any decisions -- I'd advise sticking it out to the end of intern year at least and then re-evaluating because obviously you still enjoy being in the OR and don't hate surgery itself, just the hours.

 

[Playmakur42]

Intensity is key when you only lift 2x/week. As for food, try buying the myoplex single servings to get some calories throughout the day. I really hope this helps you because I know how much it sucks to watch yourself get out of shape.....

 

[supercut]

Whether it gets better or not schedule wise depends on your program. My program coddles the R1 and R2s, so as you move up you have more work to do. Less overnight call, but more often staying til 8pm or later to cover the late cases. Plus you don't get to come in that much later.

I've never been a body builder, but had been going to the gym more for basic fitness. I found it a lot easier to go as an intern than as R3.