Girlfriend stressing me out even more for the MCAT

[derrick rose]

Don't know if this is the right forum... Anyways, for the past month or two I have been spending most of my time studying, going to the gym, and hanging out with my friends/gf. I am 2 weeks away from my MCAT exam and out of all the times, my girlfriend is now grilling me for not spending enough time with her during crunch time for the exam. She says I don't have enough "give". I am trying my best to spend time with her, which usually is 2-3 hours a day and pretty much the whole evening on the weekends! However, I can admit I don't have much "give" when it comes down to going to the beach and swimming...doing all the fun summer stuff. Right now I don't care about those things. I would rather just hangout casually and talk and use the little time I have with her productively! I am too stressed to even enjoy going to the beach right now. In addition, I don't want to go out and drink alcohol on the weekends, as it could risk having an unproductive hangover day!

It is now down to the point where this could influence our relationship. I am sure she is lonely and is tired of this studying crap, but what about me? I am the one taking the exam. I am the one that is determined to get a good score that could be the ticket to my lifelong dream of becoming a doctor! The least she could do is stop adding stress on top of the current situation of having a very important exam to worry about. She continues to call me after her work and ask "What are you doing?" ... 9 times out of 10 I will respond: "Just studying..."... it goes on and on like clockwork. Then the cycle repeats itself: she asks to hang out, I tell her I still need to go to the gym, then she plays the guilt trip game, and then she almost acts surprised. Like she doesn't know I study all day and that I am trying to stay focussed?

Sorry for the long rant. I just need some advice and how to approach this. She is a good girl, but she is VERY extroverted. She will literally go insane after 2 hours of not speaking to another human-being. That makes the situation much much much more difficult, as she is constantly requiring attention. I have already tried to explain it to her, but I am not very good at communicating my feelings and/or reasoning. What do you guys think I should tell her to resolve this issue?

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[QueenJames]

Cut her off. Not even trying to be funny.. but maybe this helps.

 

[derrick rose]

Cut her off. Not even trying to be funny.. but maybe this helps.

LOL. But in all seriousness, she is my girlfriend of 3 years...We are pretty serious, I understand where she is coming from, but I just need her to understand where I am coming from.

 

[Sed8&Intub8]

If she can't understand the importance of your MCAT exam, especially when you are only two weeks away from it, then you really need to reevaluate your relationship.

 

[derrick rose]

If she can't understand the importance of your MCAT exam, especially when you are only two weeks away from it, then you really need to reevaluate your relationship.

Thats a good point, except that doesn't do any good for my exam in 2 weeks. I need a short-term solution that will divert this stress and allow me to study normally. It would be ideal if I could worry about the relationship after the exam!

 

[aklark]

Sorry for the long rant. I just need some advice and how to approach this. She is a good girl, but she is VERY extroverted. She will literally go insane after 2 hours of not speaking to another human-being. That makes the situation much much much more difficult, as she is constantly requiring attention. I have already tried to explain it to her, but I am not very good at communicating my feelings and/or reasoning. What do you guys think I should tell her to resolve this issue?

Something to consider: Medical school and residency will be extremely difficult for a needy, non-independent romantic partner.

 

[Sed8&Intub8]

Can you go to another city and stay with your parents or something?

 

[wuhsabee]

Thats a good point, except that doesn't do any good for my exam in 2 weeks. I need a short-term solution that will divert this stress and allow me to study normally. It would be ideal if I could worry about the relationship after the exam!

Take her out on a really nice date when you have time to kill this weekend. Give her some lovin' too, if you catch my drift. And get her some flowers, attach a sentimental note, maybe throw in some chocolate strawberries, as well. All this should take 5 hours, max. Let her know that you desperately need some time to focus for the next two weeks, and you will come running back to her once you slay that beast of an MCAT.

 

[derrick rose]

Thanks all for the advice.

@SwedishMD2B ...I am living with parents right now for the summer, where she lives as well. Cant really go out somewhere to retreat haha!

 

[HinduHammer]

Don't know if this is the right forum... Anyways, for the past month or two I have been spending most of my time studying, going to the gym, and hanging out with my friends/gf. I am 2 weeks away from my MCAT exam and out of all the times, my girlfriend is now grilling me for not spending enough time with her during crunch time for the exam. She says I don't have enough "give". I am trying my best to spend time with her, which usually is 2-3 hours a day and pretty much the whole evening on the weekends! However, I can admit I don't have much "give" when it comes down to going to the beach and swimming...doing all the fun summer stuff. Right now I don't care about those things. I would rather just hangout casually and talk and use the little time I have with her productively! I am too stressed to even enjoy going to the beach right now. In addition, I don't want to go out and drink alcohol on the weekends, as it could risk having an unproductive hangover day!

It is now down to the point where this could influence our relationship. I am sure she is lonely and is tired of this studying crap, but what about me? I am the one taking the exam. I am the one that is determined to get a good score that could be the ticket to my lifelong dream of becoming a doctor! The least she could do is stop adding stress on top of the current situation of having a very important exam to worry about. She continues to call me after her work and ask "What are you doing?" ... 9 times out of 10 I will respond: "Just studying..."... it goes on and on like clockwork. Then the cycle repeats itself: she asks to hang out, I tell her I still need to go to the gym, then she plays the guilt trip game, and then she almost acts surprised. Like she doesn't know I study all day and that I am trying to stay focussed?

Sorry for the long rant. I just need some advice and how to approach this. She is a good girl, but she is VERY extroverted. She will literally go insane after 2 hours of not speaking to another human-being. That makes the situation much much much more difficult, as she is constantly requiring attention. I have already tried to explain it to her, but I am not very good at communicating my feelings and/or reasoning. What do you guys think I should tell her to resolve this issue?

Girlfriend during MCAT studying? WHAT"S THAT?!?! Haha I haven't gone out with a girl since January... sigh #lonely

Anyway, seriously, your best course of action IMO is to tell her: "Love you, but can't talk to you for 2 weeks." Explain why and everything, plan an amazing date night the day of your exam and tell her to plan a weekend trip or something the weekend after, but then, seriously, radio silence for 2 weeks. Re-evaluate things with her after that. I bet things will be fine. If not, she isn't right for you anyway. Things aren't going to get better when you study for med school finals and boards,

 

[sillyjoe]

LOL. But in all seriousness, she is my girlfriend of 3 years...We are pretty serious, I understand where she is coming from, but I just need her to understand where I am coming from.

Maybe you should find a way to make some time and take her somewhere nice. Have some open communication about how you are feeling and why this time is so important to you. If she doesn't accept it, maybe you should reevaluate the relationship because it only gets worse in medical school.

I am in a committed relationship and I would not be successful if my girlfriend didn't let me do everything I needed to realize my dream.

Hope it works out! Most of the time issues can be fixed with an open line of communication. Bring her to a nice environment and just share your concerns passively.

Best of luck!

 

[bambam92]

How would you ever make it through med school and residency with this partner? I say consider yourself lucky she is showing the ugly side now, before you are in too deep. I say axe the relationship now. Btw I am not some single miserable person (have been in relationship with same partner for a bit over 5 years now) , but if my partner started putting me in the spot yours is I would definitely voice my displeasure. If the partner couldn't alter their disposition I would unquestionably move on. And this is someone I have been with for five years… run.

 

[lNVlNClBLE]

How would you ever make it through med school and residency with this partner? I say consider yourself lucky she is showing the ugly side now, before you are in too deep. I say axe the relationship now. Btw I am not some single miserable person (have been in relationship with same partner for a bit over 5 years now) , but if my partner started putting me in the spot yours is I would definitely voice my displeasure. If the partner couldn't alter their disposition I would unquestionably move on. And this is someone I have been with for five years… run.

I agree with this man.

She should realize how important this exam is for you. She can't give you two weeks? Does she realize it's going to get a lot worse if you get into medical school?

 

[AmishExpressWay]

Cut her off. If she is worried more about herself in this difficult time, then she is poison for you. Get rid of her.

 

[DoctorLacrosse]

Take her out on a really nice date when you have time to kill this weekend. Give her some lovin' too, if you catch my drift. And get her some flowers, attach a sentimental note, maybe throw in some chocolate strawberries, as well. All this should take 5 hours, max. Let her know that you desperately need some time to focus for the next two weeks, and you will come running back to her once you slay that beast of an MCAT.

5 hours covers the lovin'... what about the rest of the date?

Edit for serious response: I had a very needy girlfriend when I started college. she played a major role in my academic failure at that time because I stupidly gave into it. my girlfriend now has been much more supportive, but did start complaining a bit during my MCAT studying.

you know what worked for me? I said I love you but back off for a couple weeks or you'll end up single. she gave me space, and we've never been better now that I'm post-MCAT.

 

[wuhsabee]

He's gonna run out of ammo within 2 hours. That leaves him 3 hours. I have it all calculated!!

 

[orangetea]

awww it makes me so sad to see so many people saying to just "cut it off" #hopelessromantic

 

[poop420]

Man you think thats bad i got 2 GF who are needy as F*&k and they understand what im going through. MCAT isnt nice to use lovers!

 

[AmishExpressWay]

awww it makes me so sad to see so many people saying to just "cut it off" #hopelessromantic

The point of a relationship is not to "make it work" it's to help everyone involved. If I am getting held back by a relationship, I drop it like it's hot. No lover is worth dropping my quality of life, imo.

 

[lNVlNClBLE]

awww it makes me so sad to see so many people saying to just "cut it off" #hopelessromantic

I don't think he should just cut her off. He should explain to her the importance of the exam and tell her that after these 2 weeks, he'll do whatever she wants. But she's going to have to learn to deal with this sort of stuff should he make it into medical school. If she can't deal with it, their relationship is never going to last.

 

[ymmit]

Thats a good point, except that doesn't do any good for my exam in 2 weeks. I need a short-term solution that will divert this stress and allow me to study normally. It would be ideal if I could worry about the relationship after the exam!

At face value I would echo the other posters who are just urging you to "get rid of her". However, not knowing how old you are, I would say a few things in addition to that, having been around the block a few times myself. You've been with her for 3 years? Then it's likely that one of two things is happening:

(1) She is truly needy and should work on herself. Her behavior doesn't sound like extraversion, it sounds like borderline-pathological codependency and starving need for affirmation. Maybe you personally have not had to deal with anything as important/urgent as the MCAT until now, and up to now her behavior has not been truly detrimental to your well being. If she is your college girlfriend, and you are both still in school, then this is a very likely scenario. Even if you do not break up with her now, you need to explain to her once again that you are not willfully avoiding her because you don't like her or don't care about her. Set strict boundaries for when you will be able to hang out with her and when you need to be studying. Tell her that you will stick to these timelines, and show her that once 8PM hits or whatever you decide, you are paying her undivided attention. If she cannot handle even this, then I would treat this as a serious red flag, possibly dealbreaker for a future doctor like yourself. I'm sad to tell you that college relationships are often like this. True colors are seen only when something truly important comes up.

(2) If you are not in college and are older, and this is a very solid relationship with a secure future, and everything else about her seems fine, then maybe she doesn't completely understand your need to study the way you are now. This would explain her constant bothering you. Sit down with her and explain once again, and then offer to set strict timelines for this time period right before the test. Promise her a trip or a gift afterward.

Both of these options are already going above and beyond. Having a partner who needs to devote time and attention to a career-starting or career-changing exam is the least of the storms we will weather in life. You have your whole life ahead of you. Choose your partner carefully. Good luck.

 

[QueenJames]

awww it makes me so sad to see so many people saying to just "cut it off" #hopelessromantic

...

 

[DoctorLacrosse]

Man you think thats bad i got 2 GF who are needy as F*&k and they understand what im going through. MCAT isnt nice to use lovers!

lets just hope you never run into both of them in the club at the same time, bc chances are they know about each other and they're just tryna set you up. or maybe I'm just paranoid...


... if no one knows this song then you guys all need to stop studying so much and go out once in awhile. that is all. hahaha

 

[QueenJames]

lets just hope you never run into both of them in the club at the same time, bc chances are they know about each other and they're just tryna set you up. or maybe I'm just paranoid...


... if no one knows this song then you guys all need to stop studying so much and go out once in awhile. that is all. hahaha

TY$ is the SHHHHH******T

 

[DoctorLacrosse]

TY$ is the SHHHHH******T

amen to that!! I'm just grateful someone knew it lmao

 

[derrick rose]

WOW. Overwhelming support from the sdn community. I really appreciate all of the advice you guys have given me (as well as the humour)! Thanks a ton!

 

[Uafl112]

awww it makes me so sad to see so many people saying to just "cut it off" #hopelessromantic

If thats the case, she needs to fix how shes treating him. MCAT aint no joke brah

 

[LiamNeesons]

How is she going to understand medical school and residency if she can't handle you studying for the MCAT?




MD Class of 2017

 

[BeachBlondie]

From someone who is also two weeks out from the MCAT, who just dropped her husband off to take his first round of boards, who has been supporting her husband through his process in its entirety:

Medical school--and all of the training that is required of future physicians--is grueling. For everyone. And--without trying to sugarcoat it for you--over 90% of my husband's class has since split from their respective significant other.

Please know that the amount of time that you've been in a relationship (in your case: 3 years) is not, by any means, correlated with how well that person can handle your workload. Human beings are selfish creatures by nature. So, OF COURSE she wants your time. And if I'm interpreting your situation correctly, she is not in the health field, as an allied member or otherwise. It's obvious: She. Does. Not. Get. It.

What can I say for certain? I get it. I get why my husband studies for 16 hours out of every day. I get why he can be on-edge for seemingly no reason, only to take it out on me from time to time -- we're both going into the SAME field. And, frankly, it's STILL emotionally taxing.

If her attitude is concerning enough for you to air it on a publicly-accessible forum, then it's harshing your ability to focus at a time in which it's most critical. And people in our position cannot afford to cater to that kind of drama.

Bottom line: break-ups in medical school happen for the same sentiments you're expressing, "Oh, we've been together for xx years, and we're serious." Just being "serious" doesn't cut it. Typically, if they don't get it from the get-go (i.e., probably the easiest period of time in your near future), then they never will and it will continue to escalate as your study hours stack up. Just statistics (p<0.001)

 

[dudewheresmymd]

My girlfriend made me an inspirational quote jar for every day leading up to the exam...your gf needs an introversion adjustment...though I dealt with a similar type at one point. You either need to sit down and have a convo or just move on to another one.

 

[hogfan12]

Was literally in the same position you are about a month ago when I took my MCAT. My gf would become furious anytime I started studying when we were together and definitely got jealous that I spent more time with my MCAT books than with her (LOL). We had a truce that lasted for maybe two weeks and then it started all back up again about a week before my test. I broke up with her the day after we had another argument after I thought things were cool. It's been about a month since I've been single and haven't regretted doing it at all, if she can't handle me taking the MCAT, no way things will last in medical school.

Good luck with your situation!

 

[studentp0x]

Just talk to her about it, properly.