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Not sure if this is the right place, as I think some of this is better for a therapist's office. And I have been seeing a therapist, but I'm not sure if she has been the most helpful so I may fire her soon and look for someone else!
Basically, I started off in college premed. I wasn't HS valedictorian, but I had gotten into one of my top college choices and was proud of the setbacks and wins I had endured/earned to get into that university.
That all being said, I earned a 3 B+'s (calc/stats) and 1 B- (thanks, orgo) in my time in college. It was a competitive and grade deflated college, but doesn't everyone say that about their schools?! LOL.
I felt discouraged by those grades and switched tracks to a major that lets you have a career right out of college.
I was very appreciative of the fact that the "Plan B" career had worked out, but between the multiple rounds of layoffs and the fact that I didn't really "like" the work there, I became depressed at work too, to the point where I was just average and skating by on my "willingness to learn and help" as a new hire vs. someone who was a rising star at that company. Then they laid me off in their most recent round of cuts.
I was venting to my friends and family nearly every week for 2+ hours about how I wished I had stayed premed because at least it's interesting and it helps people. My parents and friends became really concerned about my mental health.
Without getting into too much detail, I would sometimes think that if I became a doctor, life would be really depressing (really extreme) and that the only reason I was in the "stupid" Plan B career was because I was "too stupid for science."
It also didn't help that when I moved cities, I saw this one specialist (a really competitive, sought after field) who was like one of those "popular mean girls" (LOL) and attended a very prestigious Ivy medical school. I will say that she helped me cure my condition in 2-3 visits, but didn't have the best bedside manner (multiple patients have complained) and that I'd see medical students at my favorite places in town, like bookstores or certain food/neighborhood spots. It was like I was being reminded of the path I did not take over and over.
Medicine excites me but scares me at the same time - I know it's not all sunshine and roses, but it keeps drawing me in for some reason. I know there are people who don't match, don't get the specialty they wanted, declining reimbursements, lawsuits, all that. I talked to an OB-GYN in private practice and she scared the hell out of me when she said she thought she was going to have a heart attack from the stress lol.
Not sure why I'm sharing this, but can anyone relate?
Additionally, I feel like, to my horror, that my love of medicine is just to "prove myself" lol, like to show myself I can be like the rich mean girl doctor and that I'm smarter than the premeds who got A's in the classes I struggled with above.
Basically, I started off in college premed. I wasn't HS valedictorian, but I had gotten into one of my top college choices and was proud of the setbacks and wins I had endured/earned to get into that university.
That all being said, I earned a 3 B+'s (calc/stats) and 1 B- (thanks, orgo) in my time in college. It was a competitive and grade deflated college, but doesn't everyone say that about their schools?! LOL.
I felt discouraged by those grades and switched tracks to a major that lets you have a career right out of college.
I was very appreciative of the fact that the "Plan B" career had worked out, but between the multiple rounds of layoffs and the fact that I didn't really "like" the work there, I became depressed at work too, to the point where I was just average and skating by on my "willingness to learn and help" as a new hire vs. someone who was a rising star at that company. Then they laid me off in their most recent round of cuts.
I was venting to my friends and family nearly every week for 2+ hours about how I wished I had stayed premed because at least it's interesting and it helps people. My parents and friends became really concerned about my mental health.
Without getting into too much detail, I would sometimes think that if I became a doctor, life would be really depressing (really extreme) and that the only reason I was in the "stupid" Plan B career was because I was "too stupid for science."
It also didn't help that when I moved cities, I saw this one specialist (a really competitive, sought after field) who was like one of those "popular mean girls" (LOL) and attended a very prestigious Ivy medical school. I will say that she helped me cure my condition in 2-3 visits, but didn't have the best bedside manner (multiple patients have complained) and that I'd see medical students at my favorite places in town, like bookstores or certain food/neighborhood spots. It was like I was being reminded of the path I did not take over and over.
Medicine excites me but scares me at the same time - I know it's not all sunshine and roses, but it keeps drawing me in for some reason. I know there are people who don't match, don't get the specialty they wanted, declining reimbursements, lawsuits, all that. I talked to an OB-GYN in private practice and she scared the hell out of me when she said she thought she was going to have a heart attack from the stress lol.
Not sure why I'm sharing this, but can anyone relate?
Additionally, I feel like, to my horror, that my love of medicine is just to "prove myself" lol, like to show myself I can be like the rich mean girl doctor and that I'm smarter than the premeds who got A's in the classes I struggled with above.
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