Married mom of a toddler- starting med school

[MommyMD2022]

Hello all-

I'm new to SDN, so I apologize if this is a duplicate post. I am a nontrad (35yo) who is diagnosed with ADHD (inattentive type). I'm married with a 17-month-old son. I have been accepted to medical school in Texas. I'm thrilled, but also concerned about managing school and family.

My school is located near where we live, but my professor husband will have a bit of a commute. We have found a great daycare and my mom may be available for backup.

I have met a couple med student moms who have husbands that either work from home or stay at home. Are there any moms out there who got through medical school with kids & a spouse who works outside the home? I would appreciate any advice!

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[frosted2]

Although I am not a mom, as a female, this website has been very useful and supportive in my experience

MomMD - Connecting Women in Medicine

 

[siliso]

Yes, I did. Had kids who were 3, 5, and 7 when I started med school, and a full time working husband. A good daycare that you are comfortable with is wonderful and the reliability of quality center-based daycare was important. Also having family on call for backup, sick days etc was extremely helpful.

The first two years were very manageable and not much more logistically difficult than the time I was doing prereqs - the schedule was generally no more than 8 or 9a- 3 to 5p, weekdays only, for classes (and many could be streamed for added flexibility if needed). So that is not much different to having a regular job yourself - especially if you treat 8-5 Mon-Fri as dedicated school and study time whether you’re in class or not. Then there will be need for additional study time evenings and weekends and the amount is variable depending on exam timing and your personal studying needs. I would usually do at least one weekend day of studying and a couple weekday evenings. Plan it out so you have some reserved home/family time to just be mom/wife without studying, if and when possible. Keep a regular date night with your spouse! Most people in med school do have some free time and leisure so you’ll just spend yours with your family rather than at the club or whatever the young people get up to these days

Third year things get more hectic with longer and more variable hours, so that is when a supportive spouse with (hopefully) more normal business hours and family backup become more needed for daycare pickups, evening meals and bedtime etc.

Tbh it’s been a blessing to already have my kids and have them out of diapers, sleeping all night, able to get themselves a sandwich and a shower on their own by the time I was in clinical years and residency. My colleagues are having babies and that seems like it would be more challenging than having older kids already. But they’re making it work too! And I still say that nothing in medical school or residency was harder than being a stay at home mom with a newborn, toddler and 3 year old!

 

[Campana]

Not in med school at the moment, but worked full time 8-5 while taking classes at night M-F for two years doing my post-bacc and my husband works full time with a demanding schedule that changes without notice (last minute business trips, evening meetings that go till very late)

I agree that it's definitely all about finding a daycare provider you trust. With a toddler, you possibly have pre-school and before/after care to consider, but having a nanny (or nanny-like person) really makes a huge difference.

I have three kids, all in elementary school. We had a nanny for whom we had a starting guaranteed pay rate with the agreement that she essentially had to stay with the kids till one of us got home - if we came home early, she still got paid the guaranteed amount; if we came home later, she got paid more for the extra hours. This made my schedule possible - I was not rushing to get the kids by 6, or make last minute arrangements for a friend or family to get them when my husband couldn't.

 

[siliso]

Agreed, during third and fourth year and residency we had a retired family member whom we paid to do school pickup and care until we got home, and that was essential for unpredictable hours situations, times when kids were sick and so forth.

 

[drdpmn]

Check out this thread — and the FB group!

Women who started med school after 26 -- tell me your experience!

 

[Mt Kilimanjaro]

Yes. Really not much different than managing a demanding job. Plan on full days plus studying/review at least 1-3 hours in the evening and at least one weekend day per week. Good support is imperative. Your husband should cook and clean. Your main challenge will be staying on task while at school. Don’t waste any time at school if you can help it. Try to minimize your commute. Your kid probably won’t remember much of your medical school and as long as you make good memories when you have time they will not be affected by your education. As the kid of two doctorate level parents they will be extremely fortunate compared to the global population, so don’t feel too guilty.

 

[MommyMD2022]

Yes, I did. Had kids who were 3, 5, and 7 when I started med school, and a full time working husband. A good daycare that you are comfortable with is wonderful and the reliability of quality center-based daycare was important. Also having family on call for backup, sick days etc was extremely helpful.

The first two years were very manageable and not much more logistically difficult than the time I was doing prereqs - the schedule was generally no more than 8 or 9a- 3 to 5p, weekdays only, for classes (and many could be streamed for added flexibility if needed). So that is not much different to having a regular job yourself - especially if you treat 8-5 Mon-Fri as dedicated school and study time whether you’re in class or not. Then there will be need for additional study time evenings and weekends and the amount is variable depending on exam timing and your personal studying needs. I would usually do at least one weekend day of studying and a couple weekday evenings. Plan it out so you have some reserved home/family time to just be mom/wife without studying, if and when possible. Keep a regular date night with your spouse! Most people in med school do have some free time and leisure so you’ll just spend yours with your family rather than at the club or whatever the young people get up to these days

Third year things get more hectic with longer and more variable hours, so that is when a supportive spouse with (hopefully) more normal business hours and family backup become more needed for daycare pickups, evening meals and bedtime etc.

Tbh it’s been a blessing to already have my kids and have them out of diapers, sleeping all night, able to get themselves a sandwich and a shower on their own by the time I was in clinical years and residency. My colleagues are having babies and that seems like it would be more challenging than having older kids already. But they’re making it work too! And I still say that nothing in medical school or residency was harder than being a stay at home mom with a newborn, toddler and 3 year old!

Thank you so much for this!! I wish I could tell you how much I appreciate it!

 

[2010houston]

Yes! Started when kids were 3 and 7, now about to finish residency. Husband worked throughout. It gets harder as you go, but in different ways- easier in that the kids get older and more self-sufficient, harder as your schedule becomes unreliable (esp MS3 and intern year) and your husband gets more and more tired of it! I tended to pick my kids up by 3-4 on most days during MS1-2 and spend the afternoon / evenings at home doing family stuff, and then studied again later in the evening after kids were in bed if necessary. Have back up plans for the back up plans for child care; helps if husband can sometimes work from home or call in sick sometimes. Feel free to PM if you’d like, I did MS in TX as well. Good luck!!

 

[Whatwethinkwebecome]

This is such a relief to hear. I am applying to school this year and have a 5 and 2 year old. I am curious ... did any other mothers mention motherhood in your personal statement?

 

[@Hazel-rah]

I’m on this train! Good to hear everyone’s encouragement. My sons are 3&5 and we chose the school closest to a lot of family. I’ve had them in full time preschool + aftercare this year and gone back to work full time so they’re used to separating. I’m sure there will still be challenges and hard times but such would be the case even if I weren’t going to med school.

I’m also pretty grateful I’ve got through the pregnancy and new mommy anxiety, and got my kids stable and strong family ties. I’m excited!

 

[siliso]

This is such a relief to hear. I am applying to school this year and have a 5 and 2 year old. I am curious ... did any other mothers mention motherhood in your personal statement?

I did. It was part of my life experience and story/motivation, and explained what I had been doing for several post college years. I remember getting some feedback that it sounded like I was somehow apologizing for being a parent like it was a downside to explain, and editing accordingly. Best wishes!

 

[@Hazel-rah]

This is such a relief to hear. I am applying to school this year and have a 5 and 2 year old. I am curious ... did any other mothers mention motherhood in your personal statement?

I didn't. My motherhood had zero to do with why I want to be a physician. I did list in Work & Activities section things that made it obvious I was a parent.

I spoke to an admissions counselor at UVA specifically about how to approach motherhood in my application and her best advice was: just be you, who you are. Don't try to use motherhood to get ahead or hide your motherhood because you think its a weakness. Just---if it is relevant, talk about it. The admissions people get plenty of essays from moms.

Also, (my personal advice) do not list "Mother" or "Parenting" under Work & Activities.