my attending is weird around me?!

[epsilonprodigy]

I'm rotating on the specialty I want to match in and having a great time. I have one problem that I don't know what to make of, however: my attending acts super awkward around me. He's sometimes abrupt and seems to purposely avoid looking at me. It's a bit difficult to explain, but overall, he just doesn't seem as relaxed as he does with the others. I'm the only female in the group, and it seems like while he jokes around with the guys, he's afraid to do the same with me. He's young, so I don't think it's really a sexist thing, just a social awkwardness thing. I'm really not an uptight person- if anything, quite the opposite- and get along fine with most people. In fact, all of my evals so far have complimented my ability to fit into situations easily and engage both coworkers and patients. I also get along great with the rest of my team. Granted, I do get pretty nervous when presenting on rounds and tend to stumble… maybe my anxiety gives him anxiety?! The handful of times I've had one on one interactions with this attending, sometimes we'll just talk and be completely cool, although still seemingly not to the same extent as with the guys, and other times he's just completely weird and acts uncomfortable. I can't think of any single incident that seemed to precipitate this- it's literally been going on since day 1, before he knew me well enough to draw any conclusions about me. If he was just some a**hole, I wouldn't care, but I can see that he's a cool person and very knowledgeable. I really like and respect him, and I may rank my home institution, so I want us to be on good terms. What gives?!

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[username456789]

1. As a newly minted young new attending, he may be extra aware of the possibility of seeming even slightly inappropriate with a female student.

2. Maybe he loooooooves you

 

[epsilonprodigy]

Well, if he were really new, I'd assume #1, but he's been there for 10-15 years and is well-established. He's 40-ish- I just meant he's a bit young to be a member of the "women belong at home" crowd.

As for #2- haha! A friend suggested the same. It doesn't seem to add up, though. He's married with small kids and seems to really love his family. Plus, as I said, there are times when he's borderline rude to me, which is pretty inconsistent with anything like that. I really wish I could figure it out.

 

[TraumaLlamaMD]

Any chance you're reading too much into this out of nervousness since you're doing a rotation you really want to ace?

If it's really bothering you, you could find out from some of your female classmates who have had a clerkship with him if he acts the same way around them. Maybe he's just an awkward guy.

 

[HoboCommander]

Maybe it's you, because you're an anxious person it rubs off on others.

 

[username456789]

Plus, as I said, there are times when he's borderline rude to me, which is pretty inconsistent with anything like that.

Did you just entirely skip all of elementary/middle school, or what?

 

[J ROD]

He wants to crush you. But, does not know how to make that move. Scared of what will happen if you say no and scared of you saying yes.

The real question is are you hot?

 

[epsilonprodigy]

So, I talked to a friend who worked with him, and she said he wasn't weird to her at all. Geez, I get nervous presenting on rounds but in general I'm not a big ball of stress. I certainly hope that alone wouldn't cause someone not to want to talk to me.

As for the other theory, lol....I dunno about all that. I consider myself fairly attractive, but it seems silly to think that's what's going on. Besides don't most people grow out of being rude to people they like by like...6th grade?

 

[J ROD]

Don't you know dudes never grow up. He wants to smash you. Hard. That simple. Now, you got to decide how bad you want that "A"....lol

 

[boogaloo]

So, I talked to a friend who worked with him, and she said he wasn't weird to her at all. Geez, I get nervous presenting on rounds but in general I'm not a big ball of stress. I certainly hope that alone wouldn't cause someone not to want to talk to me.

As for the other theory, lol....I dunno about all that. I consider myself fairly attractive, but it seems silly to think that's what's going on. Besides don't most people grow out of being rude to people they like by like...6th grade?

Problem solved. Some people just don't know how to act around someone they find attractive.

 

[Cytarabine]

no pics huh?

 

[OMFS21]

Could be a few things:
1) maybe you are anxious around him and its affects him
2) maybe he feels as if he can't joke around you like he can "with the boys"
3) maybe he wants to bang you? (are you hot???)
4) maybe you are oversensitive and are seeing something that isn't there.....show up, do your job, have a good attitude, and if you want him to joke around with you maybe you should drop in a joke from time to time to show you have a personality

 

[epsilonprodigy]

No, no pics! Hellll no am I identifying myself after an admission like that, lol. But for the record, 5'6, 125, blonde with blue eyes...ok, now I'm just being silly

 

[J ROD]

No, no pics! Hellll no am I identifying myself after an admission like that, lol. But for the record, 5'6, 125, blonde with blue eyes...ok, now I'm just being silly

PM me with more details, please. I am a senior member here and can access the situation. Thank you for your assistance in this matter.

 

[stsa84]

I don't think it's really a sexist thing, just a social awkwardness thing.

I think you answered your own question. Have any socially awkward fellow classmates? SA doesn't magically resolve when you become an attending. If you're doing well, don't sweat it. if you've been getting decent reviews on other rotations, I'm sure you'll get the same from him.

 

[giantswing]

Option C: it's nothing.

 

[Smokemont]

Problem solved. Some people just don't know how to act around someone they find attractive.

This. My female residents are rude to me but it's because I'm dead sexy. I feel your pain.

 

[Iggy0926]

So, I talked to a friend who worked with him, and she said he wasn't weird to her at all. Geez, I get nervous presenting on rounds but in general I'm not a big ball of stress. I certainly hope that alone wouldn't cause someone not to want to talk to me.

As for the other theory, lol....I dunno about all that. I consider myself fairly attractive, but it seems silly to think that's what's going on. Besides don't most people grow out of being rude to people they like by like...6th grade?

its probably the nerves. I had multiple incidences where attending would avoid eye contact with me …..I was always very nervous presenting. I took it as they thought i was inept or stupid. Always had to prove myself. But on a one to one level they were nicer

 

[IlDestriero]

 

[DermViser]

PM me with more details, please. I am a senior member here and can access the situation. Thank you for your assistance in this matter.

access or assess?

 

[J ROD]

access or assess?

Depends on what she looks like....

 

[J ROD]

Unfortunately the young lass has abandoned the thread before her matter was able to be fully ascertained....

 

[epsilonprodigy]

I haven't abandoned. The attending and I had a couple of nice conversations today, but there is no question- 90% of the time, he WILL NOT look me in the eye, especially especially if other people are around. We ended up chatting one on one about some research stuff today, and he seemed a lot friendlier and more relaxed. But if I say anything to him when anyone else is around, whether it's a group conversation or I'm just saying something to him with others around, forget it. He fidgets, frowns, won't look directly at me to the point of weirdness. It makes zero sense, and I may never figure it out, but at least I'm no longer convinced that he hates my guts. I guess the evals will tell...

 

[gators21]

.

 

[J ROD]

I haven't abandoned. The attending and I had a couple of nice conversations today, but there is no question- 90% of the time, he WILL NOT look me in the eye, especially especially if other people are around. We ended up chatting one on one about some research stuff today, and he seemed a lot friendlier and more relaxed. But if I say anything to him when anyone else is around, whether it's a group conversation or I'm just saying something to him with others around, forget it. He fidgets, frowns, won't look directly at me to the point of weirdness. It makes zero sense, and I may never figure it out, but at least I'm no longer convinced that he hates my guts. I guess the evals will tell...

Still waiting on that PM.......I am here for you.

 

[J ROD]

Just to update the situation. He wants to bang her. She is attractive.

It has been assessed and would also like to access. But alas, I am bound by my duty.

 

[epsilonprodigy]

Just to update the situation. He wants to bang her. She is attractive.

It has been assessed and would also like to access. But alas, I am bound by my duty.

LMAO. Thank God for people with such astute assessment skills.

 

[J ROD]

LMAO. Thank God for people with such astute assessment skills.

De nada......

 

[epsilonprodigy]

Update: he high-passed me and honored at least 2, possibly all, of the guys. I honestly don't think there was a serious discrepancy between us in knowledge or skills; I have a background in healthcare and have not had any such issues up until this point. So much for this thread's collective theory

I'm not going to go point-grubbing or arguing, but I truly want to understand what went wrong here and what I could have done differently (other than being a guy…. if that's the case, then screw 'em, I'm not going to worry about it.) Would it be appropriate to go ask him what went wrong in hopes of avoiding it in the future? Don't get me wrong, I know there are things I need to work on, two of which we discussed and I did work on (presenting, and trying not to "latch on" to a diagnosis while discounting other possibilities too quickly.) I get the feeling that these alone aren't enough to keep me from honoring, however…they're not exactly unique issues in 3rd year med students. On the other hand, I don't want to make things worse, since I'll almost certainly encounter him again.

 

[J ROD]

You should have banged him.........lol.

 

[surgicel]

Remind us what specialty is this your talking about

 

[solitarius]

Can't win 'em all.

Also yeah, I'd be willing to bet you sent out some creeper vibes based on what you wrote here. Pretty girls do intimidate some guys, but some of those girls are better at establishing rapport in spite of this "handicap" (and frankly, it's not a handicap at all when you consider all the social perks involved).

 

[DermViser]

Can't win 'em all.

Also yeah, I'd be willing to bet you sent out some creeper vibes based on what you wrote here. Pretty girls do intimidate some guys, but some of those girls are better at establishing rapport in spite of this "handicap" (and frankly, it's not a handicap at all when you consider all the social perks involved).

She sent creeper vibes?

 

[Psai]

Just to update the situation. He wants to bang her. She is attractive.

It has been assessed and would also like to access. But alas, I am bound by my duty.

Fine assessment but where's your plan?

She sent creeper vibes?

It is more than possible and also he's not the one who's posting about this situation on sdn

 

[epsilonprodigy]

Can't win 'em all.

Also yeah, I'd be willing to bet you sent out some creeper vibes based on what you wrote here. Pretty girls do intimidate some guys, but some of those girls are better at establishing rapport in spite of this "handicap" (and frankly, it's not a handicap at all when you consider all the social perks involved).

…based on?

 

[DermViser]

…based on?

Misogyny.

 

[DermViser]

It is more than possible and also he's not the one who's posting about this situation on sdn

So bc she asked a question asking for help in this situation that she has never confronted before, that makes her a creeper?

 

[J ROD]

Fine assessment but where's your plan?

He wants to bang her. She bangs him. Honors for the rotation. Win win.

It was implied sort of above.

 

[RJGOP]

Remind us what specialty is this your talking about

I'm guessing ortho. lol.

 

[DermViser]

I'm guessing ortho. lol.

Women shouldn't go into Ortho anyways.

 

[epsilonprodigy]

I don't really want to say… I feel like I've spilled enough already. Suffice to say that it IS a male-dominated specialty, although who knows if that actually matters.

 

[RJGOP]

Women shouldn't go into Ortho anyways.

They can't handle the brute force required to succeed in ortho.

 

[RJGOP]

I don't really want to say… I feel like I've spilled enough already. Suffice to say that it IS a male-dominated specialty, although who knows if that actually matters.

It may definitely have something to do with your situation.

 

[DermViser]

I don't really want to say… I feel like I've spilled enough already. Suffice to say that it IS a male-dominated specialty, although who knows if that actually matters.

In your case it really seems to be that way (sad to say).

 

[DermViser]

They can't handle the brute force required to succeed in ortho.

They should just be there standing giving compliments to the Ortho guys on their muscles.

 

[J ROD]

They may even think she is nurse.....

 

[J ROD]

Yeah, she does not have the surgeon personality. And is too pretty to be covered up all day. She needs to do derm or optho

 

[Atticum]

I don't think its ortho... we're ready to give the profile:

The unsub is young, successful, and generally well liked. He is an upstanding member of the community, most likely a white male in his 30s. Look for people in healthcare professions. He is possibly a surgeon given his level of anatomical knowledge. He will be tense or awkward when around women, noticeably so in social situations. Especially around blue-eyed, blonde, 5' 6" 125lbs caucasian females that sound attractive but won't post pics on public message boards for some weird reason. This is likely because he has an overbearing mother who fits this description and forced him to become a doctor. Be careful... when confronted the unsub will not surrender an honors and will likely give a high-pass.






Now, back to Criminal Minds...

 

[giantswing]

They should just be there standing giving compliments to the Ortho guys on their muscles.

And making sammiches. Don't forget the sammich.

 

[Doctor Bob]

Update: he high-passed me and honored at least 2, possibly all, of the guys. I honestly don't think there was a serious discrepancy between us in knowledge or skills; I have a background in healthcare and have not had any such issues up until this point. So much for this thread's collective theory

Well... are you certain they got honors? Did the attending tell you he gave them honors?
If I had a dollar for every med student who I heard telling other med students about their high scores on a rotation when I knew for a fact that I had failed them...

I'm not going to go point-grubbing or arguing, but I truly want to understand what went wrong here and what I could have done differently (other than being a guy…. if that's the case, then screw 'em, I'm not going to worry about it.) Would it be appropriate to go ask him what went wrong in hopes of avoiding it in the future? Don't get me wrong, I know there are things I need to work on, two of which we discussed and I did work on (presenting, and trying not to "latch on" to a diagnosis while discounting other possibilities too quickly.) I get the feeling that these alone aren't enough to keep me from honoring, however…they're not exactly unique issues in 3rd year med students. On the other hand, I don't want to make things worse, since I'll almost certainly encounter him again.

This is the problem with grade inflation. If you did as well as other students, and had the same issues that all 3rd year students have... then the deserved grade is a pass. Not a high-pass, not an honors... just an average pass. Honors ideally should be reserved for someone who is head and shoulders above the average student. I'm not going to speak to why the other people got the grades they got (because neither I nor you know), but high-pass is not a bad thing. It means you were better than average but you weren't the best.

And unless you have access to the other students' transcripts, or the attending is telling you what grades he is giving everyone, don't get concerned with what other people claim to be getting.