To stay with a grad student or not? (During interviews)

[JSNYC]

I was just wondering if anyone had advice on whether or not it's best to stay with a graduate student during interviews if given the option. I need to decide by today whether or not to request it, and I'm really not sure what to do! I can see that there may be many benefits, but I also think it could be an added stressor. Any advice? Thanks!

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[kapinkkidowski]

According to a lot of "getting into clinical and counseling psych ph.d. program" books, it's a really good idea to stay with a grad student. Not only does it save money, but you might be able to get "behind the scenes" information from a grad student that you won't from the program - i.e. how they like the program, just how easy/difficult it is to get internship placement, what supervision is like, what living on a grad student budget in that city is like, etc. Of course I'd be tactful about asking all that, but I think it can give you a really good feel about what actually being a student there is like. I'm staying with a grad student during one of my interview weekends, and will def always take it if it's an option for any other interviews (knock on wood) that I might get.

 

[irish80122]

I am a current grad student who stayed with grad students when applying and have hosted an applicant. I recommend staying with the graduate students overall. You are "on" a bit longer, because they may have some say on if you get in, but the information you get is invaluable. For instance, I knew at one of my schools that I was interviewing at that I wouldn't fit in before I even interviewed. It is a safe time to ask the questions you really need to know like how an advisor treats their grad students or the relationships within the department. I know I felt comfortable answering these questions as a host and viewed them positively as important questions to ask.

Just remember, however, that you are still somewhat "on" so keep things clean, write a thank you note, do the little things (don't kick their pets).

 

[psychmama]

While I'd agree with everyone who says staying with a grad student is good to do -- the bottom line is know yourself. Personally, I'd rather be able to relax fully in my hotel before a full day of stressful interviewing. That alone time is really important for me to be able to "center" myself. If you feel the same, that's worth considering in my view. Of course, there are financial benefits to staying with a student too!

 

[psy86]

In my program, it would be considered pretty odd if you chose to stay in a hotel rather than staying with a grad student. It might informally raise concerns that you are not too social or are particularly high maintenance. Just another factor to consider.

 

[JSNYC]

Thanks so much for the advice, guys! I finally decided to ask the admissions secretary to stay with a grad student the night before. I figure it might calm my nerves to know someone in the program before the interview and to ask them questions. Thanks again!

 

[psychmama]

Thanks so much for the advice, guys! I finally decided to ask the admissions secretary to stay with a grad student the night before. I figure it might calm my nerves to know someone in the program before the interview and to ask them questions. Thanks again!

Good luck!

 

[Psyched77]

Personally, I'd rather be able to relax fully in my hotel before a full day of stressful interviewing.

Me too. I always stayed in a hotel, & I was offered admission everywhere I interveiwed; so, it doesn't seem that it was a deal breaker. I just felt that I really needed to be alone to be nervous & such, & I didn't want to feel like I was being interviewed for a day before the interviews! I think that either way goes. My current program doesn't at all frown upon applicants staying in hotels, but also accomodates all who want to stay with grad students.

 

[irish80122]

In my class I was the only student who is currently here that stayed with a grad student, lol. Our program (at least) doesn't seem to factor that in. However, it can be a benefit because here the graduate students also vote on who gets in, so the more information the better.

 

[zeldazelda]

At my school it is not a factor either way. I would do what you think would be best for you.

 

[psychanxiety]

I just picked up a bottle of wine (inexpensive, $8) as a gift for my grad student host from a local winery. My mother always hammered home that it's nice to bring a small gift when someone, esp. a stranger, lets you stay at their house. Is this inappropriate for grad interviews?

 

[Ollie123]

I think its a nice gesture, but certainly not expected. I didn't bring a gift to any of my hosts, the guy who stayed with me didn't bring anything and I didn't care in the least.

Personally I think it might come on a bit strong - I think its a little awkward to be giving a gift (even a small one) when you are interviewing for something. Even if it isn't meant as a bribe (I don't think you do in your case), there's always that lingering thought in people's minds, and grad student hosts may be involved in the interview process as well.

Just be polite, maybe write a thank you note, etc. If you do want to bring a small gift...I might re-think the wine. I don't want to overblow this, but alcohol may carry certain connotations with certain people, or you might be staying with a student who doesn't drink, etc. Really not a big deal and I think its really nice, but its one of those situations where the 1/1000 chance it might come across poorly is not worth the risk. Perhaps I'm overly conservative on the matter though - but I think there are better options that don't run the risk of pissing off the wrong person.

Oh. And if you do bring wine, make sure the wine bottle is full and you're sober when you arrive

 

[psychanxiety]

I think its a nice gesture, but certainly not expected. I didn't bring a gift to any of my hosts, the guy who stayed with me didn't bring anything and I didn't care in the least.

Personally I think it might come on a bit strong - I think its a little awkward to be giving a gift (even a small one) when you are interviewing for something. Even if it isn't meant as a bribe (I don't think you do in your case), there's always that lingering thought in people's minds, and grad student hosts may be involved in the interview process as well.

Just be polite, maybe write a thank you note, etc. If you do want to bring a small gift...I might re-think the wine. I don't want to overblow this, but alcohol may carry certain connotations with certain people, or you might be staying with a student who doesn't drink, etc. Really not a big deal and I think its really nice, but its one of those situations where the 1/1000 chance it might come across poorly is not worth the risk. Perhaps I'm overly conservative on the matter though - but I think there are better options that don't run the risk of pissing off the wrong person.

Oh. And if you do bring wine, make sure the wine bottle is full and you're sober when you arrive

Thanks for the response, I was feeling a little weird about it too for the same reasons. I mistakenly asked my brother's advice, who of course has a similiar compulsion about bringing wine/gifts. Oh well, all the more for me to celebrate with after the interview!

 

[197327]

I'm glad this thread was started. I have family in the city where I am interviewing and I was a little worried about not staying with a grad student. Hopefully it won't matter..My question is, if you don't stay with a grad student and are at campus all day, should you bring a change of clothes for the dinner/social?

 

[cara susanna]

Hey all,

What is the longest time that you have stayed with a grad student, or vice-versa, for a one day interview? I'm trying to find flight times that will be the least disruptive, but it isn't exactly easy. I don't want to overstay my welcome, but I don't want to miss the evening social event, either! Nor I do want to make someone have to drive me to the airport at 4:30 AM. Urgh.

 

[psychanxiety]

I'm struggling with this for an interview too...looks like I'll have to stay 2 nights for a 1 day interview. I'm planning on sending an email explaining the flight situation and offer to stay at a hotel the 2nd night. Anyone else have input?

 

[197327]

Hey all,

What is the longest time that you have stayed with a grad student, or vice-versa, for a one day interview? I'm trying to find flight times that will be the least disruptive, but it isn't exactly easy. I don't want to overstay my welcome, but I don't want to miss the evening social event, either! Nor I do want to make someone have to drive me to the airport at 4:30 AM. Urgh.

Cara, are u talking about the EMU interview?

 

[Ollie123]

I'm struggling with this for an interview too...looks like I'll have to stay 2 nights for a 1 day interview. I'm planning on sending an email explaining the flight situation and offer to stay at a hotel the 2nd night. Anyone else have input?

I wouldn't stress yourself out over this too much. This is quite typical of the interview process, since things often start very early (8AM) and can extend to 9 or 10PM with social events, etc.

Most people come in the afternoon/evening the day before the interview, and depart in the morning/early afternoon the day after the interview. No one expects you to hop on a red eye at 1AM after interviewing all day long. As a grad student host, let me tell you I'd much prefer you stay 2 nights then have to drive to the airport at 4AM to pick you up the day of the interview, or drop you off there at an equally unholy time afterwards.

I can't speak for everyone, but if I volunteer to host I go into that expecting it to be for 2 nights. Don't feel bad about that...its a minor inconvenience for us, but we were often hosted by generous folks when we came to interview at the school, and to "Pay it forward" is really the least we can do. I have never heard anyone complaining about an applicant staying for 2 nights, as long as they were a decent, gracious person.

 

[cara susanna]

Cara, are u talking about the EMU interview?

Yes--they sent us an email with more details, and it looks like it will last into the evening.

Ollie: Thanks! That makes me feel better.

 

[blindchaos]

I always took advantage of the student host option whenever it was presented and I loved it for all the reasons that have already been mentioned (cost, getting to know students, finding out the "real story" about the program, etc) and also found it a lil stressful for all the reasons mentioned above (kinda have to stay in interview mode, little to no alone time).

At my school, students (regardless of if they are a host not though hosts tend to have a much greater base of information to draw from) are encouraged to share whatever especially positive or especially negative impressions we have of applicants. Those who are good guests are often helped by their hosts, and those who are rude/inappropriate can very much be hurt (ie: the applicant who helped himself to EVERYTHING in the fridge/cupboards with absolutely no compensation of any kind for all that he took - his host sure had a lot to share with the admissions faculty).

Some things to DO and NOT DO if you are staying with a host:
DO ask their perspective on the program (and other questions you may have about the program, city, etc)
DO be friendly and kind with your host and anyone else staying there (roommate, another interviewee)
DO NOT assume you can take any food/beverage you want
DO keep your stuff neat, tidy, and out of the way
DO be honest but also appropriate with your host (I don't think any host will believe you if you say you aren't nervous at all. When asked, I would admit that I was nervous but also excited. Didn't want to seem like overly nervous/neurotic/catastrophizing interviewee )
DO clearly communicate your travel plans (when you plan to arrive, when you plan to depart, and maybe this was just me but all my hosts asked for flight numbers b/c you never know when a flight might be delayed. Also - make even small travel arrangements ahead of time. If you are getting a rental car, tell your host so they know. If you need transportation to campus from the host's place if it isn't within walking distance, I would typically ask about public transportation so your host doesn't feel obligated to transport you personally. I think they generally do the vast majority of the time, I just never wanted to really force the issue).
DO NOT be afraid to ask whomever is arranging it if you can have a host for 2 nights. I needed it a few times and never encountered any problems (I always phrased it so that they knew that I would prefer to have a host for two nights but if that wasn't possible, either night individually would be fine so at least one night would be covered).

If you have any questions/comments/concerns/etc about being hosted, feel free to PM if you don't want to post here I'm more than happy to help!

 

[cara susanna]

I was only able to book a flight home that departed at 6 AM. Ughhh. I said in the email that I could take a cab if they wanted.

 

[Eruca]

I was only able to book a flight home that departed at 6 AM. Ughhh. I said in the email that I could take a cab if they wanted.

To be honest, if you can afford it - I would really suggest looking into a shuttle for that flight time. As someone who has hosted the past 4 years, I'd be quite annoyed if someone wanted me to take them to the airport at 4:30 AM (!) Seriously, I would. That means getting up at 3 or 4am depending on how far the airport is. For me, that means that my clock is off for the next few days, not to mention being exhausted that day. It's no problem if you can't find a more conveniently timed flight, but I would really do everything you can to make it easy on your host. Which means maybe not putting it in their court, but assuming you cannot use them as an option for that time (and then if they offer good news)

Hosting takes quite a bit of work for us too - I have spent many interview weekends creating conversations, answering questions, driving people around, helping travel plans, cleaning bedding, etc. I'm happy to do it most of the time, but it is not always easy. Particularly when the applicant is a little socially awkward or not that chatty. I've hosted some great applicants! But again, it is work for us too.

I think some token of appreciation after the visit is proper and appreciated. Once an applicant had a plant sent to my house.. I loved that!

 

[cara susanna]

Oh, shoot, I wish I hadn't already sent the email now. Should I send another and say that I decided to just take a cab on the way home? :/

 

[Eruca]

Oh, shoot, I wish I hadn't already sent the email now. Should I send another and say that I decided to just take a cab on the way home? :/

Hmmm...It's a hard call. I'm very comfortable telling someone my limits (e.g., if I were your host I would most likely ask if it possible for you to take a shuttle or a cab). I would probably suggest some to you. Some hosts might be either nicer than me or they might be early birds who don't mind getting up before dawn. Or they might not feel as able to communicate what they are comfortable doing/not doing, and so will do it out of some feeling of obligation. It's really hard to tell.

I don't want to speak for your host. I'm really just speaking for myself as a host.. although I'm willing to do a lot of things, getting up that early (except to fly abroad!) is just not for me, as it takes many days for me to recover from the odd sleep/wake hours. If you decide to send another email, it won't look bad, and it may let your host off the hook. Though I'm just speaking to my preferences, so maybe other people can comment??

 

[cara susanna]

I just sent an email saying that I decided that it would be best to find alternate transportation on that particular day. It is my third because I had to send a second email clarifying a mistake, so hopefully it won't look too bad. :/

I really hate the thought of making someone get up that early just for me, so I don't mind finding something else.

 

[Eruca]

I just sent an email saying that I decided that it would be best to find alternate transportation on that particular day. It is my third because I had to send a second email clarifying a mistake, so hopefully it won't look too bad. :/

I really hate the thought of making someone get up that early just for me, so I don't mind finding something else.

I think that was a good call. That early is really a little much to expect..

The best advice I can give is to make things as easy on your hosts as possible - they will appreciate your conscientiousness (and flexibility) and pass that info on to the faculty. They are both assets of a good grad student.

 

[Psyched77]

To be honest, if you can afford it - I would really suggest looking into a shuttle for that flight time. As someone who has hosted the past 4 years, I'd be quite annoyed if someone wanted me to take them to the airport at 4:30 AM (!) Seriously, I would. That means getting up at 3 or 4am depending on how far the airport is. For me, that means that my clock is off for the next few days, not to mention being exhausted that day. It's no problem if you can't find a more conveniently timed flight, but I would really do everything you can to make it easy on your host. Which means maybe not putting it in their court, but assuming you cannot use them as an option for that time (and then if they offer good news)

Hosting takes quite a bit of work for us too - I have spent many interview weekends creating conversations, answering questions, driving people around, helping travel plans, cleaning bedding, etc. I'm happy to do it most of the time, but it is not always easy. Particularly when the applicant is a little socially awkward or not that chatty. I've hosted some great applicants! But again, it is work for us too.

I think some token of appreciation after the visit is proper and appreciated. Once an applicant had a plant sent to my house.. I loved that!

Ditto, ditto, ditto. I'd be SO unhappy, & I don't know a single grad student in my program that would be kosher with getting up at that time.

 

[cara susanna]

It's fine; it seems like everything worked out. Thanks for the advice!

 

[psychcavy]

Along the lines of bringing "thanks-for-letting me crash with you" gifts, I was thinking about bringing something small that says "I really appreciate it" but not "do you like me enough to recommend me now?". Do you think that something like pralines or a local chutney (something that can't be found around that area) would be along these lines? What are some things that people have brought in the past?

Secondly, should I ask to bring an air mattress or bedding or something (I'm driving)?

Lastly, I'm a little socially awkward sometimes and I don't want to make the stay uncomfortable for the grad student. I'm always nice, but I don't know how my nerves are going to play into the whole social interaction scenario. So, I guess what I'm asking is, what exactly do you mean when you say the person staying with you was "socially awkward"? (I just want to make sure I avoid doing what they did)
Thanks!

 

[Ollie123]

Along the lines of bringing "thanks-for-letting me crash with you" gifts, I was thinking about bringing something small that says "I really appreciate it" but not "do you like me enough to recommend me now?". Do you think that something like pralines or a local chutney (something that can't be found around that area) would be along these lines? What are some things that people have brought in the past?

Secondly, should I ask to bring an air mattress or bedding or something (I'm driving)?

Lastly, I'm a little socially awkward sometimes and I don't want to make the stay uncomfortable for the grad student. I'm always nice, but I don't know how my nerves are going to play into the whole social interaction scenario. So, I guess what I'm asking is, what exactly do you mean when you say the person staying with you was "socially awkward"? (I just want to make sure I avoid doing what they did)
Thanks!

I think offering to bring bedding is nice, though most of the time you will have a couch or futon made available to you.

Being nervous is expected and fine. If you don't say a word to your host, don't shower the entire time you're there, crap in their kitchen sink, then get wasted at the department social and pick up a hooker on the way home, that's a problem.

We know this is a nerve-wracking time. I can't speak for others, but I'd think more highly of an applicant who is a little bit nervous...being completely confident, especially at the level of "applicant", is probably a sign that someone isn't aware of their own limitations. Plus, being nervous shows you care. Though obviously there is a continuum of nervousness and bursting into tears and running out of the room every time someone asks you a question is not going to be good for you I don't want to speak for Eruca, but generally speaking, stay within 2 SDs of the mean on any behavior and you're probably fine. Being charming might make us feel a little less inconvenienced, but its not going to play a major role in your acceptance, whereas we make it a point to warn faculty if people are wildly inappropriate.

I remember how awful this process is, so I really hope I'm helping to assuage fears here. Obviously, great social skills will work in your favor. However, if you're anything like I was during this process, you'll be freaking out about whether you said "Hi" when you should have said "Hello" (bit of an exaggeration, but I hope it makes my point), and I promise you, its not worth obsessing about that garbage. We are looking for nice, normal people who we can spend 4-5 years sharing an office with, without wanting to strangle them. We're not analyzing every word, and every gesture. Its an opportunity to adventure out and see a new part of the country you may never have been to before, and meet some people with similar interests. Smile and enjoy it.

 

[blindchaos]

In regards to bringing a little gift... one aspiring applicant last year mentioned that she brought her hosts something specific to her hometown/geographic area. If I recall correctly, this person was from Vermont and brought some special sort of syrup made only in her specific area. Something cute and little and (conveniently) specific to the person. She had a couple different ideas for various areas like someone from Ohio could bring homemade buckeyes (peanut butter balls dipped in chocolate I think?). General theme was just something cute, small (cheap), and specific to wherever the person was coming from.

Anyway, not saying you have to find something very unique to you, I just thought it was a cute and a relatively inexpensive idea that will also remind your host (ideally for the better) of you

Along the lines of bringing "thanks-for-letting me crash with you" gifts, I was thinking about bringing something small that says "I really appreciate it" but not "do you like me enough to recommend me now?". Do you think that something like pralines or a local chutney (something that can't be found around that area) would be along these lines? What are some things that people have brought in the past?

Secondly, should I ask to bring an air mattress or bedding or something (I'm driving)?

Lastly, I'm a little socially awkward sometimes and I don't want to make the stay uncomfortable for the grad student. I'm always nice, but I don't know how my nerves are going to play into the whole social interaction scenario. So, I guess what I'm asking is, what exactly do you mean when you say the person staying with you was "socially awkward"? (I just want to make sure I avoid doing what they did)
Thanks!

 

[Eruca]

^ ^ Hey psychcavy -- I think Ollie123 did a nice job of summing up my thoughts as well. He's right, the more extroverted or easy-going someone is, the easier it was to host them. That's just how those things work. But, in no way did it impact my evaluation of them as potential grad students. It so depends on the program too. Mine is quite gregarious as a whole and so I think we tend to gravitate toward people with similar personalities. This really doesn't speak for the 100s of other programs out there. Soooo, we're back the 'the match' again!

For those more introverted folks, don't sweat it too hard. You may want to use this as an opportunity to step out a little bit and stretch those social skills. But definitely be yourself and don't overthink the little words. At the end of the day, we really just want to know if you can integrate into the dept, and also have the social skills that will allow you to step into the clinical work.

 

[psychcavy]

Ollie123, blindchaos and Eruca- Thanks for all the advice guys! You've all been really helpful and I feel much more at ease now that you have answered my questions I'll bring a little chutney, ask if I can bring bedding, and I will be sure to avoid any extreeme behavior like pooping where I'm not supposed to or eating pets. The worst thing that could happen is for me to get really nervous and start going on about guinea pigs, start mopping their floors, or reciting poetry I suppose-but these are things which I will try to avoid. All right, so with your advice in towe, I boldly (or not) step into the interview arena...

 

[Eruca]

^ If you're staying in CO, do let me know - as I know nothing about guinea pigs, definitely need my floors mopped, and I love poetry! Bring it on!

 

[psychcavy]

^ If you're staying in CO, do let me know - as I know nothing about guinea pigs, definitely need my floors mopped, and I love poetry! Bring it on!

If only I was going to CO- oh how I could entertain you! (do love CU Boulder tho) So far I am going to interview at U Miss. The people there seem really nice, tho I'm not sure of their affinity for tailess little pig rodents or Plath. If only...

 

[Therapist4Chnge]

I guess I should share my cautionary tale....

I have been a host for a few years, and only once did it go really poorly. Two years ago I was asked at the last minute to host someone. I was a "regular" at interview days, typically doing some of the grad student interviews and handling a Q&A, so it wasn't a big change to my schedule....or so I thought.

My person was pushy, rude, and a complete mess with her scheduling. She missed her flight from ATL (stuff happens), so she informed me she was making her bf drive her down, and that they'd get in around 11pm. She never asked if I'd mind they coming in really late, that her b/f was coming, etc.

She arrived around 1:36am....I remember because my guard called me (gated community), and I had just gotten to bed about an hour before. She didn't apologize or anything, and pretty much just brought their stuff into the spare bedroom and went to bed. The next morning they got up, and she didn't say more than 4 things to me. The b/f ended up being a really nice guy, and he apologized for coming in late, thanked me for letting him stay, etc.

After leaving my bathroom a mess, the spare bedroom a mess, and barely saying, "hello"....I wasn't in a good mood about the whole experience. While she wasn't one of the applicants I interviewed that day, I left a note in her file summarizing my impressions of her, her ability to "fit" into our program, and my recommendation. I can't say if my note made a difference, but she was not offered a spot in the program.

Even if you aren't officially being evaluated......you are still liable for your behavior.

 

[psychcavy]

I guess I should share my cautionary tale....

I have been a host for a few years, and only once did it go really poorly. Two years ago I was asked at the last minute to host someone. I was a "regular" at interview days, typically doing some of the grad student interviews and handling a Q&A, so it wasn't a big change to my schedule....or so I thought.

My person was pushy, rude, and a complete mess with her scheduling. She missed her flight from ATL (stuff happens), so she informed me she was making her bf drive her down, and that they'd get in around 11pm. She never asked if I'd mind they coming in really late, that her b/f was coming, etc.

She arrived around 1:36am....I remember because my guard called me (gated community), and I had just gotten to bed about an hour before. She didn't apologize or anything, and pretty much just brought their stuff into the spare bedroom and went to bed. The next morning they got up, and she didn't say more than 4 things to me. The b/f ended up being a really nice guy, and he apologized for coming in late, thanked me for letting him stay, etc.

After leaving my bathroom a mess, the spare bedroom a mess, and barely saying, "hello"....I wasn't in a good mood about the whole experience. While she wasn't one of the applicants I interviewed that day, I left a note in her file summarizing my impressions of her, her ability to "fit" into our program, and my recommendation. I can't say if my note made a difference, but she was not offered a spot in the program.

Even if you aren't officially being evaluated......you are still liable for your behavior.

Ugh! That's horrible! You would think basic decency would be common knowledge but man that sucks!

 

[blindchaos]

I was only able to book a flight home that departed at 6 AM. Ughhh. I said in the email that I could take a cab if they wanted.

Ok now I'm curious...did your host offer to take you? I can certainly understand if they did not because that is REALLY early, but I think if I were in their position, I would be tempted to take you since I had a similar kind of experience last year (sometimes there are VERY few flights going to the place you need to get to and sometimes only one that works with your time schedule). Granted I probably wouldn't say much on the drive there since I am NOT a morning person (hehehe - I'd probably drive in my pjs and then go straight back to bed upon my return ) And I personally don't like the idea of taking a cab at 4:30am (or any other form of public transportation) in a city I don't know . Perhaps if I hadn't grown up in a rural area, I would be more comfortable with it but oh well!

Anyway, update please for those of us that are hopelessly curious! (only if you feel comfortable sharing of course).

Edit: I'm not saying I would be happy about getting up so early, but I certainly wouldn't be upset with you for taking the flight you need to take. I'm just not an early morning person (or anything close to a morning person) . And I'm in charge of arranging transportation for interviewees that need it @ my program so I've kinda already accepted the idea that I'll be making numerous airport runs at various hours

 

[cara susanna]

The coordinator said my host may or may not be able to take me, but there's another applicant with an early flight who may also stay with my host and maybe we could share a cab. But I'll let you guys know about what ends up going down.

 

[psychgrad]

I opted not to stay at my host's place. I rented a hotel right on campus. I knew that I wouldn't be able to sleep and wanted the flexibility to have my own bathroom and do research on the professors and go over my stuff.

Instead, I opted to take her out to dinner--we chose a nice Thai place and we chatted for about 2 hours. It was enjoyable and she gave me some info on all the profs I interviewed. I was afraid the environment in the program was cut-throat but she told me the faculty was quite supportive. So just knowing that piece of info makes a big difference in the final decision if I were to be offered the spot.

 

[Eruca]

I opted not to stay at my host's place. I rented a hotel right on campus. I knew that I wouldn't be able to sleep and wanted the flexibility to have my own bathroom and do research on the professors and go over my stuff.

Very creative about the dinner! Sounds like getting a hotel was a good call for you...

You're post reminds me though - if you do stay with a student, don't feel that you have to be chatting with your host the whole time. It is completely understood that you may need some time to prep, go to bed early, or just plain relax and gather your wits while you're there. Just let your host know what you'd like to do and politely excuse yourself. It is perfectly acceptable, and probably will give all parties a little break.

 

[LedZepp007]

It would be considered pretty odd not to stay with a student. You can gain loads of good info from staying with a student. Unless you simply can't, you should definitely make the effort.