When to get married? Pros/Cons and Medical School

[doctorQT2690]

Background Info:
My bf of 6 years recently proposed and I will graduate with my bachelors in biology in Spring 2014. He is working as a teacher for two years before going to law school. We will be living together for the two years. We do not know where we will be going to professional school yet. I plan on working as a research assistant for the year between undergraduate and med school. We are a focused and supportive couple and understand our relationship may have to be sacrificed for our education at times.

The Question:
When is the best time to get married when one person in the relationship is in medical school? What are the pros and cons? Does anyone know if the financial aid is impacted and if it is better or worse under married status? He will be taking out loans as well for law school. We obviously do not know if we will be in the same area/school but we can handle the long distance relationship. We both agree to go to the best schools we get acceptances to. Is there any criticism in the interview and/or decision process of the admissions committees of medical schools for being married? Has anyone been married while their spouse is away from them at medical school? Any other information would be greatly appreciated!

Additional Info:

He is thinking we will get married after professional school but if marriage means we will be saving money and other benefits then we will get married before professional school. Additionally if it worked out, we both have loved ones who are declining in age and mental clarity that ideally would be at our wedding. =) However, we will be on a tight budget for the next two years so there will not be much money for a wedding.

Thanks!

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[abolt18]

Background Info:
My bf of 6 years recently proposed and I will graduate with my bachelors in biology in Spring 2014. He is working as a teacher for two years before going to law school. We will be living together for the two years. We do not know where we will be going to professional school yet. I plan on working as a research assistant for the year between undergraduate and med school. We are a focused and supportive couple and understand our relationship may have to be sacrificed for our education at times.

The Question:
When is the best time to get married when one person in the relationship is in medical school? What are the pros and cons? Does anyone know if the financial aid is impacted and if it is better or worse under married status? He will be taking out loans as well for law school. We obviously do not know if we will be in the same area/school but we can handle the long distance relationship. We both agree to go to the best schools we get acceptances to. Is there any criticism in the interview and/or decision process of the admissions committees of medical schools for being married? Has anyone been married while their spouse is away from them at medical school? Any other information would be greatly appreciated!

Additional Info:

He is thinking we will get married after professional school but if marriage means we will be saving money and other benefits then we will get married before professional school. Additionally if it worked out, we both have loved ones who are declining in age and mental clarity that ideally would be at our wedding. =) However, we will be on a tight budget for the next two years so there will not be much money for a wedding.

Thanks!

Sooooo I couldn't answer a few of the questions but I've bolded the ones that I have an opinion on. My wife is a stay-at-home mom and therefore will not be working while I'm in school so being separated is not an issue. As far as finances, I do not receive any more loans being married than I would being single. Makes no difference on that matter.

I do not feel that being married hindered me in any way during the application/interview period. In fact I feel it gave me something to talk about as it is a major source of my motivation to succeed.

I love being married and wouldn't change how my life is for anything! I wish you the best of luck and hope you figure out the best option for you and your future family.

 

[TAMallick]

As early as possible you should complete your marriage.

 

[J ROD]

IF you are def going to get married, I would do it before all the fun of med school starts..........

once you are in it, little time for much else.

 

[gostudy]

There was a thread about this a couple of years ago. Here's my post:

No perfect time but each year has it's advantages and disadvantages.

Before year 1. Adv: before anything gets started and crazy. Presumably have time to schedule and plan wedding before med school starts. Also the chance to "go through" med school together as a new married couple.
Disadv: may feel like have to spend time with new spouse and thus not get to know new classmates. First year can be stressful and in turn put stress on the marriage.

Before year 2. Adv: Seems like the most ideal time to do it. First year is under the belt. Have had one year to get acquainted with classmates without the responsibility of being married. Also in the traditional 2 pre-clinical 2 clinical years schedule the first summer is one for vacation/research. Disadv: none really.

Before year 3. Adv: Most people on the classic schedule get a few weeks of between Step 1 and the beginning of 3rd year so there is time to schedule a wedding. Disadv: Probably the worst time to get married though imo. Planning a wedding and studying for Step 1 is not for the faint of heart. Plus the first year of marriage is during 3rd year clinicals which can be tough for the couple.

Before year 4. Adv: it's an undercover good time to get hitched. It's when I did it. Your first year of marriage is during 4th year which is hands down the best year of med school. The first half of the year can be tough with sub-Is, aways, and interviews but come spring it is chill time until intern year starts. Plus you can get a year of marriage under your belt before the craziness of intern year starts Disadv: as mentioned, the first half of the year can be hectic and stressful on the marriage. Plus finding time to schedule a wedding between the end of 3rd year and the beginning of 4th year can be tough.

Before intern year. Seems like a logical choice to many (and also to many parents that want their young student doctors to finish med school first). Adv: time at the end of 4th year to plan and schedule wedding. Time between 4th year and intern year for a wedding and extended honeymoon. Disadv: intern year is a beast in terms of time, emotions, and spirits. Imo it would be a tough year to be the first year of marriage. If a couple is ready to get married at some point during med school I say do it and not wait until just before intern year. It's a strain for any marriage let alone a brand new one.

In the end you and your partner have to decide what's best for YOU in YOUR own unique situation. All others can do is give advice and perspective but no advice and perspective is perfect.

 

[Lollygag]

There was a thread about this a couple of years ago. Here's my post:

Very interesting, that was a pretty good summary!

 

[doctorQT2690]

Thanks for the advice everyone! Very helpful! =)

 

[summersimpson]

OP: thanks for starting this thread. I've been wondering the same.

My question:
If you have a SO that does have a significant income but you aren't married, then you don't have to mention it at all on the aid applications. If you were married would you have to mention it on your aid applications and wouldn't that impact how much they offered you?
For example: on the FAFSA do you have to state that you are married and provide your spouses income,etc? Then the amt of loans may change depending on this?
I understand there what a previous post about this but they said their SO was a stay at home mom so that's a little different situation. I thought a significant income would be different and may impact aid.

I'm asking because I honestly have no earthly idea. The chance that it could decrease any loans, grants, etc has kept me from getting married. I'll be leaving school with too much debt as it is. We know we will get married, and that's all either of us has cared about for 8+ yrs.

The bigger question may be when to have kids. Gulp!! That's for another forum another day.

I really appreciate the post by gostudy! Great info. Thanks!

 

[abolt18]

In med school, the amount of loans you qualify for is always going to be the same whether you are married or not, filthy rich or not, filing jointly or not. For med school you'll just get the same garbage everyone else gets (i.e. 6.8% UNSUBSIDIZED stafford, and 7.9% gradplus.)

If you're asking about undergrad loans, I have no idea.

 

[summersimpson]

In med school, the amount of loans you qualify for is always going to be the same whether you are married or not, filthy rich or not, filing jointly or not. For med school you'll just get the same garbage everyone else gets (i.e. 6.8% UNSUBSIDIZED stafford, and 7.9% gradplus.)

If you're asking about undergrad loans, I have no idea.

Thanks. I'm talking about dental school, which I believe is the same as med school (for the most part). From what you said, I understand the loans you specified wouldn't change if I married someone that has an income, which is good. I wasn't sure about that.

What about HPSL?
The Health Profession Student Loan
My assumption is the loan amount for the HPSL would definitely change because it is need based. Does that sound right to anyone else?

I don't believe I will qualify for HPSL regardless of being married b/c of my parents, but I'll probably be submitting it anyway. I'm not receiving help from my family and I'm hopeful that their income may only be negatively affecting that one loan (HPSL) and none of the other miscellaneous grants and loans that I may be able to receive.

 

[bopper]

Background Info:
We are a focused and supportive couple and understand our relationship may have to be sacrificed for our education at times.

As a parent, I would advise you to wait until your professional schooling is done.
You will be more likely to choose a school that is right for you and not just near fiance.
You will be more likely to find a residency that is right for you and not just near fiance.
You will be more likely to complete med school.

You and he will have explicit and implicit assumptions about marriage.
What does he expect from a wife?
What do you expect from a husband?
If you were married, what would you expect in terms of travelling to each other?

Also, you will gain more knowledge about each other.
Say you find that you are always having to travel to him after you are married. Wouldn't you have liked to know that before you are married?
l

 

[Loptometriste]

As a married person, I would recommend getting married first.

If you were my child, I would recommend getting married first.

You don't need to change who you are to get married. You do need to discuss what choices are the best for you as a couple. If you are planning on getting married, you are already doing that.

I can honestly say, I study harder and do better in school as a married person than I did before. I have more invested into my studies than just my future. It is our future.

So, take the stress of "getting married someday" off your shoulders and go do it. I recommend you to elope. Weddings are too much work for what they are worth.

 

[Columbia09]

Allow me to add some spice to this discussion. My boyfriend and I are very close and we've been dating for over a year and a half now. I believe he is the one for me but heres the thing, we aren't out to our parents. Yes we are in a homosexual relationship and I fear what will happen if I'm still financially dependent to my parents while in med school. I see myself with him and he doesn't exactly know what he's doing after graduation but there is a high probability that we will still be together while I'm in med school. The overall point of this is that while I'm in med school I'm still financially dependent to my parents and I want to really be with my bf. I feel med school will keep me under my parents domain for years and this might mean we can't have a normal life together and get married etc. Any advice from other closeted med students out there ?

 

[DrZed]

Allow me to add some spice to this discussion. My boyfriend and I are very close and we've been dating for over a year and a half now. I believe he is the one for me but heres the thing, we aren't out to our parents. Yes we are in a homosexual relationship and I fear what will happen if I'm still financially dependent to my parents while in med school. I see myself with him and he doesn't exactly know what he's doing after graduation but there is a high probability that we will still be together while I'm in med school. The overall point of this is that while I'm in med school I'm still financially dependent to my parents and I want to really be with my bf. I feel med school will keep me under my parents domain for years and this might mean we can't have a normal life together and get married etc. Any advice from other closeted med students out there ?

How are you still financially dependent on your parents. If all else falls to crap, just take out the student loans like everyone else.

 

[Columbia09]

How are you still financially dependent on your parents. If all else falls to crap, just take out the student loans like everyone else.

They pay for my school and I live in their house

 

[jakeislove]

There's no real advantage to being married in medical school.

 

[Columbia09]

Columbia09, tough situation. I don't think it's urgent though. It sounds like your boyfriend is also in the closet so unless he's also wanting to be out with your relationship, you have some time to figure it out.

Money is never strings-free and it will be up to you to choose what it's worth. Lots of people go to med school on loans so if you decide to come out, and your parents cut you off, it shouldn't stop you.

Came out to them a couple of weeks ago. Wasn't cut off

 

[nmnjr]

Came out to them a couple of weeks ago. Wasn't cut off

Glad to hear it!

 

[Escape_Goat]

There's no real advantage to being married in medical school.

There's no real disadvantage to being married in medical school.