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I am planning on getting married after my second year of med school and hope to have kids as soon as I graduate, which is unfortunately at the start of my residency training =/
Has anyone been in this situation before? Is it doable?
The forums are filled with how difficult it is for women to get married and have kids while still in their medical training. However, the training never ends as medicine is a field of lifelong learning. I feel like waiting until you start your physician career to get married is not the only solution. Family is EXTREMELY important to me and I do not want to get married at like age 40...In fact, I'm pretty sure I want to have a family by the time I'm 27-28, and that is what most women in my culture do.
What are your thoughts on this?
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The forums are filled with how difficult it is for women to get married and have kids while still in their medical training. However, the training never ends as medicine is a field of lifelong learning. I feel like waiting until you start your physician career to get married is not the only solution. Family is EXTREMELY important to me and I do not want to get married at like age 40...In fact, I'm pretty sure I want to have a family by the time I'm 27-28, and that is what most women in my culture do.
What are your thoughts on this?
It would be better to get pregnant during your third year and have your child during 4th year.
I got married after 1st year of medical school. Some things I picked up:
-It will work if both partners are busy. You're in med school? Your SO should be employed full time. Most of the marriages that dissolved by graduation involved the busy med student and the stay at home spouse who spent all day waiting for the other one to come home.
-It sounds like common sense, but just remember to make your marriage a priority every once in a while. Let's get real- your training will be your #1 priority for the next ~10 years. But when you're post call, studying 24/7 for that next step exam, and you're running on fumes, you still have to remember you owe that same effort into your relationship. Even after all the $hit that goes down in the hospital, your spouse still deserves some time. It's tough, but that's what being married means.
-In terms of kids, I can't really help you. Some specialties are more kid friendly than others, so depends what you plan on going in to. Personally, I know having kids now would be too much of a distraction, but I was blessed with a wife who is completely on the same page in terms of timing kids. Plenty of people do it, but keep in mind it's one more GIANT thing that you will have to juggle with your training and new marriage.
I am planning on getting married after my second year of med school and hope to have kids as soon as I graduate, which is unfortunately at the start of my residency training =/
Has anyone been in this situation before? Is it doable?
The forums are filled with how difficult it is for women to get married and have kids while still in their medical training. However, the training never ends as medicine is a field of lifelong learning. I feel like waiting until you start your physician career to get married is not the only solution. Family is EXTREMELY important to me and I do not want to get married at like age 40...In fact, I'm pretty sure I want to have a family by the time I'm 27-28, and that is what most women in my culture do.
What are your thoughts on this?
had a classmate who got married before med school and had a baby during M1 and another during M2
she never complained publicly during pregnancy
she never took any time off
i swear she only took like 3 days off before coming back to school
now that's a woman i can respect!
Ugh comments like this make me realize how far we still have to come. Because a woman who *does* have to take off time to heal her body after a PREGNANCY does not deserve our respect? This just smacks of attitude where we get into the sphere of calling maternity leave "vacation" and women who take it "lazy".
Ugh comments like this make me realize how far we still have to come. Because a woman who *does* have to take off time to heal her body after a PREGNANCY does not deserve our respect? This just smacks of attitude where we get into the sphere of calling maternity leave "vacation" and women who take it "lazy".
Ugh comments like this make me realize how far we still have to come. Because a woman who *does* have to take off time to heal her body after a PREGNANCY does not deserve our respect? This just smacks of attitude where we get into the sphere of calling maternity leave "vacation" and women who take it "lazy".
Ugh comments like this make me realize how far we still have to come. Because a woman who *does* have to take off time to heal her body after a PREGNANCY does not deserve our respect? This just smacks of attitude where we get into the sphere of calling maternity leave "vacation" and women who take it "lazy".
yeah because you're full of respect when you're overworked but still have to cover for someone else as well while they're not around
I think you can get married if your SO is able to handle it.....(ie. not needy)
Kids.....I would wait until after intern yr at least
enjoy your alimony payments
Rich, intelligent, married folks do not get divorced
Or at least, it is statistically unlikely
Now, on the other hand, poor teenagers without diplomas tend to get divorced
I'd say don't even get married, but perhaps I'm just bitter. Let me explain.
Two years ago my (then) fiancee and (now) wife and I were planning on applying to med school together. At that point we were both confident we would get into the same state school. I was already ready to apply to school, had all my ducks in a row, but ended up waiting a year before applying so she could finish her prereqs and take the MCAT.
She scheduled to take the MCAT in the summer of 2011, ended up not being able to focus on studying and pushed it back till September or something like that. Still couldn't get to studying, pushed it back till January of the following year, pushed it back again till March (we were married in May of 2012), then May, and finally ended up taking it and doing poorly in June. We applied 2012, needless to say, I got in, she didn't. I don't even think she finished any of her secondaries. Mind you my last semester of school was in spring 2012, and I was working about 60 hours a week at the hospital and taking a full course load to pay for our wedding. I made like 10 grand in those couple months to pay for nearly everything (and worked a bunch of overtime after the wedding to pay the debt off).
Anyhow, she ended up being ridiculously jealous of me getting into school. Work through that, she is told by the adcom that if she retook the MCAT and applied again she would get in most likely because her husband would be in school. Decides not to take the MCAT. Decides to go to PA school instead, but needs the GRE. Plans to take the GRE in April of 2013. Guess who hasn't taken it yet...?
Mind you she's over $100,000 in debt from private school loans at her tiny liberal arts school. They're deferred at the moment because she is taking a graduate class in Public Health (which cost another couple grand).
She's going to end up being a CNA for the rest of her life. No amount of coaxing her, helping her, or even getting angry about getting her life together have worked. I've given up trying to push her. I don't care if she becomes a doctor or not, just something to take care of her $100 grand debt. I thought she was responsible, turns out she wasn't. Not at all. It'll all come crashing down sometime next year when she's not taking classes and we have to pay those loans. Try doing that on $13 an hour, lol.
Also, she's extremely jealous of other women, so I'm pretty sure the moment she sees a pretty girl in my class and me *gasp* talking to a classmate, it'll all unravel.
Yea, I'll be divorced before med school is over.
So here's my tip. Don't marry someone who pretends to be hard working, but ends up being lazy and irresponsible. The egg is on my face.
I'd say don't even get married, but perhaps I'm just bitter. Let me explain.
Two years ago my (then) fiancee and (now) wife and I were planning on applying to med school together. At that point we were both confident we would get into the same state school. I was already ready to apply to school, had all my ducks in a row, but ended up waiting a year before applying so she could finish her prereqs and take the MCAT.
She scheduled to take the MCAT in the summer of 2011, ended up not being able to focus on studying and pushed it back till September or something like that. Still couldn't get to studying, pushed it back till January of the following year, pushed it back again till March (we were married in May of 2012), then May, and finally ended up taking it and doing poorly in June. We applied 2012, needless to say, I got in, she didn't. I don't even think she finished any of her secondaries. Mind you my last semester of school was in spring 2012, and I was working about 60 hours a week at the hospital and taking a full course load to pay for our wedding. I made like 10 grand in those couple months to pay for nearly everything (and worked a bunch of overtime after the wedding to pay the debt off).
Anyhow, she ended up being ridiculously jealous of me getting into school. Work through that, she is told by the adcom that if she retook the MCAT and applied again she would get in most likely because her husband would be in school. Decides not to take the MCAT. Decides to go to PA school instead, but needs the GRE. Plans to take the GRE in April of 2013. Guess who hasn't taken it yet...?
Mind you she's over $100,000 in debt from private school loans at her tiny liberal arts school. They're deferred at the moment because she is taking a graduate class in Public Health (which cost another couple grand).
She's going to end up being a CNA for the rest of her life. No amount of coaxing her, helping her, or even getting angry about getting her life together have worked. I've given up trying to push her. I don't care if she becomes a doctor or not, just something to take care of her $100 grand debt. I thought she was responsible, turns out she wasn't. Not at all. It'll all come crashing down sometime next year when she's not taking classes and we have to pay those loans. Try doing that on $13 an hour, lol.
Also, she's extremely jealous of other women, so I'm pretty sure the moment she sees a pretty girl in my class and me *gasp* talking to a classmate, it'll all unravel.
Yea, I'll be divorced before med school is over.
So here's my tip. Don't marry someone who pretends to be hard working, but ends up being lazy and irresponsible. The egg is on my face.
I'd say don't even get married, but perhaps I'm just bitter. Let me explain.
Two years ago my (then) fiancee and (now) wife and I were planning on applying to med school together. At that point we were both confident we would get into the same state school. I was already ready to apply to school, had all my ducks in a row, but ended up waiting a year before applying so she could finish her prereqs and take the MCAT.
She scheduled to take the MCAT in the summer of 2011, ended up not being able to focus on studying and pushed it back till September or something like that. Still couldn't get to studying, pushed it back till January of the following year, pushed it back again till March (we were married in May of 2012), then May, and finally ended up taking it and doing poorly in June. We applied 2012, needless to say, I got in, she didn't. I don't even think she finished any of her secondaries. Mind you my last semester of school was in spring 2012, and I was working about 60 hours a week at the hospital and taking a full course load to pay for our wedding. I made like 10 grand in those couple months to pay for nearly everything (and worked a bunch of overtime after the wedding to pay the debt off).
Anyhow, she ended up being ridiculously jealous of me getting into school. Work through that, she is told by the adcom that if she retook the MCAT and applied again she would get in most likely because her husband would be in school. Decides not to take the MCAT. Decides to go to PA school instead, but needs the GRE. Plans to take the GRE in April of 2013. Guess who hasn't taken it yet...?
Mind you she's over $100,000 in debt from private school loans at her tiny liberal arts school. They're deferred at the moment because she is taking a graduate class in Public Health (which cost another couple grand).
She's going to end up being a CNA for the rest of her life. No amount of coaxing her, helping her, or even getting angry about getting her life together have worked. I've given up trying to push her. I don't care if she becomes a doctor or not, just something to take care of her $100 grand debt. I thought she was responsible, turns out she wasn't. Not at all. It'll all come crashing down sometime next year when she's not taking classes and we have to pay those loans. Try doing that on $13 an hour, lol.
Also, she's extremely jealous of other women, so I'm pretty sure the moment she sees a pretty girl in my class and me *gasp* talking to a classmate, it'll all unravel.
Yea, I'll be divorced before med school is over.
So here's my tip. Don't marry someone who pretends to be hard working, but ends up being lazy and irresponsible. The egg is on my face.
I am planning on getting married after my second year of med school and hope to have kids as soon as I graduate, which is unfortunately at the start of my residency training =/
Has anyone been in this situation before? Is it doable?
The forums are filled with how difficult it is for women to get married and have kids while still in their medical training. However, the training never ends as medicine is a field of lifelong learning. I feel like waiting until you start your physician career to get married is not the only solution. Family is EXTREMELY important to me and I do not want to get married at like age 40...In fact, I'm pretty sure I want to have a family by the time I'm 27-28, and that is what most women in my culture do.
What are your thoughts on this?
Rich, intelligent, married folks do not get divorced
Or at least, it is statistically unlikely
Now, on the other hand, poor teenagers without diplomas tend to get divorced
my condolences
have u thought about having your wife be seen for depression/anxiety?
She actually has diagnosed depression. She does take her meds, but I feel as if the dosages or perhaps the medicine itself needs to be changed. I've been trying to get her to go back to her psychiatrist to better manage her depression, but she won't go. She says the situation of us fighting all the time isn't help her depression (obviously), but her capacity to cope is also a medical issue. Do I think she'll ever get up and go to one? No. As an example, she has headaches every single day almost, and it took me about 6 months of reminding/asking/pleading that she see a neurologist or her PCP about them. After making the first call to the neurologist, it took her about two months to schedule an appointment. There's just no help.
Of course, the entire situation is made worse from the fact that emotionally, I'm just not in it anymore, and she isn't able to give me space. Hopefully with school starting up I'll get some. I plan on many long days in the library lol.
They do
I am planning on getting married after my second year of med school and hope to have kids as soon as I graduate, which is unfortunately at the start of my residency training =/
Has anyone been in this situation before? Is it doable?
The forums are filled with how difficult it is for women to get married and have kids while still in their medical training. However, the training never ends as medicine is a field of lifelong learning. I feel like waiting until you start your physician career to get married is not the only solution. Family is EXTREMELY important to me and I do not want to get married at like age 40...In fact, I'm pretty sure I want to have a family by the time I'm 27-28, and that is what most women in my culture do.
What are your thoughts on this?
Either fix the marriage or get out now. The last thing you want is an alimony payment because she "helped put you through medical school."
If it came down to choosing my marriage over medicine, I'd drop out of med school in a heart beat. She knows that, and I know that she would never ask me to do that. But if push came to shove, wife/family>medicine any day.
I am planning on getting married after my second year of med school and hope to have kids as soon as I graduate, which is unfortunately at the start of my residency training =/
Has anyone been in this situation before? Is it doable?
The forums are filled with how difficult it is for women to get married and have kids while still in their medical training. However, the training never ends as medicine is a field of lifelong learning. I feel like waiting until you start your physician career to get married is not the only solution. Family is EXTREMELY important to me and I do not want to get married at like age 40...In fact, I'm pretty sure I want to have a family by the time I'm 27-28, and that is what most women in my culture do.
What are your thoughts on this?
If family is extremely important to you then why are you becoming a doctor?... The way I understand it, there are a lot of other professions where the time commitment to work isn't nearly as much as in medicine.
Go away.
If family is extremely important to you then why are you becoming a doctor?... The way I understand it, there are a lot of other professions where the time commitment to work isn't nearly as much as in medicine.
Many people in medicine work part time so they can be there for their family.
I always get annoyed when people say that all doctors should be workaholics who care only for their job and work 90+ hrs/week as an Attending. I signed up to be a physician, not a monk. And I'll value my lifestyle to the extent that I please.
There's room in medicine for lifestyle-minded people, fortunately.
You have to get used to that personality, it's a lot of doctors. I wouldn't be annoyed by it - let them live at the hospital while you enjoy a vacation with loved ones. No reason for any hostility though.
You have to get used to that personality, it's a lot of doctors. I wouldn't be annoyed by it - let them live at the hospital while you enjoy a vacation with loved ones. No reason for any hostility though.
It takes a lot of time and money to make a doctor and it's not just yours. If you want friendly hours so that you can be a mommy then pick something else. we already a shortage of physicians as it is