Relationships and Vet School

Hi Kelly,
I am actually going through the same predicament right now. My boyfriend of 6 years applied to medical school and I applied to veterinary school for Fall 2005. We both thought we had it planned so that we would be together, however it did not work out the way we hoped. Veterinary school is a lot harder than medical school to get into, so I thought if I did not get in this year I would live with him in Philadelphia because I was certain he would get into a philadelphia medical school. I, being from philly, assumed that my best bet would be U of Penn because I was an in state resident and that if I were to get into any vet school it would be there. Then, I and my boyfriend both applied to other schools together hoping for the best. We both applied to Cornell, Tufts, Penn, Ohio State. As it turns out I actually got into a veterianry school, Ohio State (a total shock) and I was waitlisted at U of Penn. My boyfriend got into Jefferson medical school (located in philly, which you probably already know). Let me tell you how much I dread the upcoming school year. He will be here in philly and I will be in Ohio (8 hrs away). I wish I could tell you that everything will turn out ok, but I am hoping for the best. I started looking up plane tickets, buses etc...anything to ease the pain from being so far apart. Actually I considered deferring for a year, but you know what, this is what I want to do with my life and I know that he wants to be a doctor, so it is a difficult decision. My boyfriend actually starts Aug. 1st and I do not start to mid Sept., but still a day does not go by that I do not dread the inevitable. It is hard to promise someone that everything will be ok, I can only hope. However, if we were really meant to be than I think we can make it work. He suggested to drive up and even fly up on certain weekends. To keep in touch I will probably get some sort of phone plan and call him at least every night and travel if I have to in order to see him. You can always try penn, ohio, cornell, tufts. They are the closest to NJ. My mother leaves in NJ, that is where I am at now. Penn campus and NJ are not far. Tufts (you can take a train, which is not too bad) Ohio and Cornell are a good 7 and 1/2 to 8 hours away from NJ. I only applied to areas around the east coast mostly that would not be too far. I made out pretty good, applied to 4, interviewed at 2, Waitlisted at 1 and accepted to 1. If you have any questions let me know. I will answer them as I go through this process. Right now I am getting a plan together with him as when to see each other, how etc.... Honestly, if it was not meant to be then it is not, nothing I can do about that. I will be lucky that I found out what kind of man he is now, then finding out to late (when I am married to him and he cheats). Sorry, for all the typing just thought you could use an honest opinion of someone who is going through this first hand. Hope I answered some questions.

Carol

P.S. Would there be any way that your about to be husband could make a job change on your behalf? Would he consider it? At least you have room to talk to him to look for a job in the state in which you get accepted to veterianry school. Would he think about sticking with the same job but in a different state? Talk to him and see what he says, it is worth a shot.

Hey Girls

I too will be going through the same thing-- my boyfriend will be in DC and I will be at school in Illinois.

I do have to say that I have a good friend who goes to vet school in the midwest and has kept her boyfriend (of 8 years!) while he has been on the east coast. She will be a 3rd year so it has already been 2 years of the long distance and they are doing great! They see eachother when they can, he flys up once a month or so and she is home for holidays and summers.

It sucks but you do what you can. Youre right-- if its not meant to be its not meant to be. But be thankful that youre only 8 hours away-- I am 16 hours by car from my Boyfriend and we arent even from the same hometown (I am from CT and he is from MN) so even if we are both home were not in the same place.

All you can do is see how it goes.... ) It CAN be done!

Good Luck

Beauty

I am wondering the same exact thing when I attend veterinary school. I have been dating a great guy for 8 months now. Definitely no 4-8 years like some of you. But I really want to keep our relationship going. We both will be graduating in May. He is graduating with a BS degree in Engineering and he does not plan on going to graduate school. All I asked of him was to at least try to find a job where I go to veterinary school. In these economical times, he has to go where he can get a job. He went to school to be an engineer and I cannot be selfish and ask him to give that up for me. And he isnt asking me to not go to veterinary school for him and that is because we love each other. I bet you all understand. I am just really worried that he wont find a job near me. All I ask is he at least live in the same state as me. We are both from Arizona and there are no veterinary schools in Arizona, sadly. The nearest ones are Colorado, Oregon, Washington and California. Even if he does find a job where I go, I hope we can survive the duration of my years in veterinary school. The four years are going to be rigorous. But I think we can do ok. I just hope he can make it over near me.

I think I'm on the other end of the spectrum here. My boyfriend and I have a been living together for over a year now, and it's going pretty well. He's someone I love and trust to be there for me. He's the type of boyfriend that would drop anything at a minutes notice to come comfort me if I'm having a rough time.

That being said, I'm pretty sure we're both going our separate ways next year. He's a 7th year in grad school, so he has no idea where he'll be for his postdoc, but most certainly not anywhere I would be going for vet school. Neither of us think long distance is the way to go in our particular situation. By the time I get out of vet school, he's going to be a tad bit old to the extent that he'll probably be close to completely bald by then (which is the least of my concerns, but I don't think he wants to wait another 5 years to start a family). That and he has cheated on me a while back, so there is no way that I'm going to put up with a long distance yearning for someone who's had a history of infidelity.

The toughest part is that we're stuck in a lease until next summer, sharing a bedroom and all... so our viable choices are kind of limited to either keep going and pretend that we aren't about to face imminent doom, or break up but keep sharing a bed. bleak bleak... but I know he's not going to make a very good father anyway so I don't see getting married to him either. We'll have to break up at some point, and I'm one of those people who're kind of too lazy to do so unless something really awful is going on. so i think it's good that i'm almost being forced to just cut it loose.

G'luck to all who are going through with a long distance!

minnerbelle i'm sorry to hear all of that, but you seem very rational regarding the whole situation. i hope it turns out ok and that you aren't miserable or feel stuck.


i'm wondering about the other side. for those who have SO's who have moved with you and live together during vet...how is that working?

Minnerbelle, I soooooooooooooo know where you're coming from with so much of that post, that it is a little bit ridiculous.

(with the exception of the starting a family part, of course )

rileyroo said:

i'm wondering about the other side. for those who have SO's who have moved with you and live together during vet...how is that working?

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Idk if I count b/c my SO and I have been together for 9 years now, and got married last summer right before he moved with me to Philly... but this is actually the second round for us. I followed him to Queens/Brooklyn while he went to med school for 4 years and it was pretty fantastic. I was working/going to undergrad at the time and we never really had trouble making time for each other (but we're also pretty independent and understanding about eachother's commitments). So when it was time for him to apply for residencies and I was looking for a vet school he let me choose my first choice (within reason... Cornell tied Penn for me but there's very few opportunities for him out there...), and he followed me this time. These things can definitely work as long as you're both realistic, committed, and willing to compromise. Would he rather be back in NY right now with our friend and family? Sure, but so would I. But that's not where our life is right now, and we both get that, and I've never heard him complain

thanks shanomong! i'm wondering more about the studying/stress situation. like if one SO doesn't have the studying/demanding schedule/stress that the vet student has.

rileyroo said:

thanks shanomong! i'm wondering more about the studying/stress situation. like if one SO doesn't have the studying/demanding schedule/stress that the vet student has.

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Then that SO is sitting in the living room, playing PS3 and online poker while drinking beer (true multitasking there), while the vet student studies pathology in her quiet study room at the other end of the apartment all saturday night.....

::sighs::

rugbychick16 said:

Then that SO is sitting in the living room, playing PS3 and online poker while drinking beer (true multitasking there), while the vet student studies pathology in her quiet study room at the other end of the apartment all saturday night.....

::sighs::

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that's what i envisioned. wondered if it actually worked out that way. glad to hear it does from someone else at least.

rugbychick16 said:

Then that SO is sitting in the living room, playing PS3 and online poker while drinking beer (true multitasking there), while the vet student studies pathology in her quiet study room at the other end of the apartment all saturday night.....

::sighs::

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Awww! I'm sure I'll end up the same way, only make it Battlefield II or Quake... or Counterstrike.

As long as he stops every now and then to ask if he can make you a PBJ or something, it's okay.

This is a great thread! My SO is currently interviewing at med. schools, whereas I will be applying to vet. schools next year. I haven't endured a long-distance relationship before, but it is likely we will [eventually] end up at the same school (we're both IS in Missouri). Anyway, I'm interested to hear whatever anyone has to offer, either on long-distance relationships, those during vet. school, or more specifically on vet.-med. student relationships.

scb44f said:

This is a great thread! My SO is currently interviewing at med. schools, whereas I will be applying to vet. schools next year. I haven't endured a long-distance relationship before, but it is likely we will [eventually] end up at the same school (we're both IS in Missouri). Anyway, I'm interested to hear whatever anyone has to offer, either on long-distance relationships, those during vet. school, or more specifically on vet.-med. student relationships.

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Some of the old time SDNers may remember me posting a bunch of times over the past few months on exactly this topic, because I was literally FREAKING out about the med student=vet student long distance relationship. I am in Glasgow, Scotland and my boyfriend is a first year med student in Missouri....super long distance?? I think yes. I'm not going to sugar coat it for you...it is TOUGH. I had heard horror stories of SOs of med students not being able to hack it for the med students first year, even if they lived with them..simply because time seeing the other was so limited...but I think being a vet student gives us an advantage, as we are more understanding of the other's schedule. You both will have very difficult and stressful schedules, but as long as you bump up your communication skills, it IS possible. Sometimes there is frustration because we would like to talk more than time and work allows, but we are trying our best to show each other we care in other ways.

My boyfriend bailed on every other of his previous gfs who wanted to do LDRs, but for some reason, he found me special enough to make the effort I miss him like crazy of course, and this will be the longest stretch of the year I will be going without seeing him (August-December), but Skype and cute little texts throughout the day make the situation more bearable...and I have a feeling just seeing him in December will be all the Christmas gift I need this year

Good Luck and I hope it all works out for you and your boy!!!

Shortnsweet, I'm glad to hear that you two are making it work. I have definitely been bailed on before when an LDR was imminent, so it has to be a good feeling that you are worth the effort! Thanks for the communication tips as well. We have a pretty good system going, but I'll definitely have to look into Skype in a year when he's off to med. school.

As tough as it is, hearing success stories and encouragement from others in the same boat is great. My boyfriend and I have been dating only since this past February and have been long-distance since we both graduated in May. So far, so good. We're both low-maintenance people and since we've been geographically separated for most of the relationship, there wasn't a lot of readjustment we had to do in terms of dealing with the change. I do worry about what will happen next spring and summer as I start thinking about accepting at a vet school - I figure we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. I don't want to choose a school location only because of one person or one relationship, but it is a factor that I wasn't anticipating having to deal with.

nyanko said:

Minnerbelle, I soooooooooooooo know where you're coming from with so much of that post, that it is a little bit ridiculous.

(with the exception of the starting a family part, of course )

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Sucks doesn't it? well at least i'm not the one balding! (not to be offensive to bald people... i actually think baldness is kind of charming, it's just that the bald person usually tends to mind)

Minnerbelle said:

Sucks doesn't it? well at least i'm not the one balding! (not to be offensive to bald people... i actually think baldness is kind of charming, it's just that the bald person usually tends to mind)

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i can't stop laughing about this!!! i think it's b/c i've lost my mind from biochem. i needed that lol

well, he isn't an SO...but he is my husband.

You certainly won't be alone. At least half a dozen of the students in my class have spouses at a distance. It actually seems to work best when both spouses are busy and fairly independent.

And you might avoid some of the problems that some students have of trying to divide their attention between SO and school.

I won't say it is easy....but I definitly get more done studying/wetlab/club/etc wise when my husband isn't here. He visits ~3wks, and currently only lives 3.5 hours away. We have lived as far as a 15 hour drive apart (visiting every 2-3 months.)

I also appreciate my husband more and treasure how much value he is putting into my goals. The additional stresses are the little things; two households, travel, phone calls (cell phones dropping), dealing with the things the other spouse normally tends to (computer issues), and miscommunications. Sometimes the unknowns....like not being able to get hold of a partner when you need to...and wondering if something happened.

I think both people have to be comfortable with it and really want to continue the relationship. I miss my husband, but to be honest, most days I am way too busy to really even think about it other than fleeting moments. Some people can't do it, though...so it is something you and your partner have to figure out about yourselves.

Best wishes!

sumstorm said:

well, he isn't an SO...but he is my husband.

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LOL... I wouldn't suggest telling him that first part!!

My husband and I will celebrate our 7th month wedding anniversary next month 900 miles apart from each other. I started vet school here in Kansas 6 weeks ago, although it seems like its been longer with all the information I've tried to cram into my head since then. He is in Georgia.

I know it'll be harder for those in new relationships, but for us it has been surprisingly easy. We skype alot, text alot, talk alot, but we don't get in each other's way when there is stuff to do and we don't resent each other for being too needy or not needy enough. I do miss him like crazy, and it is incredibly daunting to think that I may spend the next four years away from him, but right now it is working out well. The decision was also easier because we love our home in Georgia and will likely reside there when this is all over, of course Manhattan ain't bad either but I haven't experienced winter yet.

I did make sure I bought tickets home for every holiday early in the semester, in fact I'm headed home this weekend.

My only advice for those going into this is to do what is right for you, it is your life and if it isn't a fullfilled one you aren't going to be any good to anyone else.

Hey Everyone, This board is making me feel so much better that so many other people are in the same situation! My boyfriend of 5 years moved out to CA in August while I'm still in school. It sucks already! 4 years more apart is going to be tough. He says he'll move but I feel like it is a huge thing to ask of someone. What if he can't get a job, doesn't like it etc. and end up resenting me for it later. Is anyone else worried about asking their SO to move for them?

twelvetigers said:

Awww! I'm sure I'll end up the same way, only make it Battlefield II or Quake... or Counterstrike.

As long as he stops every now and then to ask if he can make you a PBJ or something, it's okay.

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What about Half-life? YAY for shooting zombies!

(yes, I know this response is, like, a month late, but I still HAD to comment. )

There are Zombine in the newest release... zombie Combine. Boy do they sound creepy!

twelvetigers said:

There are Zombine in the newest release... zombie Combine. Boy do they sound creepy!

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Want! Just like a zombie wants brains. Mmm brains. I think I need to get a life, lol.

zpinkpanther said:

Want! Just like a zombie wants brains. Mmm brains. I think I need to get a life, lol.

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Haha no, not at all! There is a program called Zombies vs. Humans taking place in the residence halls on campus at my school right now. I think it's a week-long event. You can get infected, or you can form caravans of survivors. It's pretty intricate and so far it's been a big hit. Then again, I go to a huge nerd school...

I just celebrated my first wedding anniversary w/ my husband. I am applying to UCD for the 2nd time this year. Each time my husband has always been encouraging and supportive. I only applied to UCD because it is close to home about 2 hrs drive. And if I got in, I would stay in Davis during class days but go home on weekends. At the same time, though, I am aware that I am severely limiting myself in terms of getting into vet school. But for me, I'd rather keep applying to a vet school close to home instead of being away for 4 long years.

That's my 2 cents!

scb44f said:

Shortnsweet, I'm glad to hear that you two are making it work. I have definitely been bailed on before when an LDR was imminent, so it has to be a good feeling that you are worth the effort! Thanks for the communication tips as well. We have a pretty good system going, but I'll definitely have to look into Skype in a year when he's off to med. school.

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OK, i'm not saying this to scare anyone, I just wanted to update you all on my situation, and be available to give advice or just talk if anyone needs it. I posted about a month ago with regards to the med school/vet school relationships. It proved too hard in my case, and a friendlyish break up ensued (though it scared me to death the first few days and I was super upset). This is not to say with communication it cannot work, but in our case, there just wasn't enough time in the day to be satisfied with how much we talked. We still love each other and always will, but long distance can be very hard and trying it you don't work at it. I am also starting to realize, vet school is a time when you are allowed to be a little bit selfish. Think about you first, and your dreams, the rest will fall into place when it is time

shortnsweet said:

I am also starting to realize, vet school is a time when you are allowed to be a little bit selfish. Think about you first, and your dreams, the rest will fall into place when it is time

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I have to strongly agree with this...and it is something my husband and I had a long discussion about. We had a pretty upsetting argument (he was cranky from the drive here, I was cranky from 2 quizes early in the week and an exam the next day) and I visited our campus counselor...and this is one thing she realy emphasized. No one, except maybe another vet student with similar personal commitments, can really get what it is like...the constantly being buried in a cadaver, the long hours, the endless hoops, the wetlabs to get the practical skills, the endless quizes and tests, the constant surround of students, etc. That my first priority has to be me, and protecting my mental sanity and time. I was less upset about the argument and more upset about the loss of study time, which made me more upset with my husband.

I don't think I could/would plan on the next four years with a person if we didn't have the history and the commitment...and his acknowledgement of the sacrifice from his end (I have previously sacrificed for his career.) Oh, just to make things more fun....my husband's job is talking about cutting his income by $800/mo post merger...so he is looking for other work, possibly in CA.

I have applied for the first time this cycle and my fiance has agreed to move with me no matter where I get in. We have been living together for three years happily and I can't imagine being apart. I think the key is them realizing that your number one priority isn't them and won't be until you are done school. He gets this and never takes when I don't have time devoted for him now while I finish my undergrad. Our relationship isn't "perfect" but if we find we are becoming to distant we just make sure to focus more on one another so we do not simple "co-exist". My thoughts are that relationships should never be an ADDED stress and if mine was I wouldn't be in it.
(However, I say that now. Maybe I will repost after my first year of vet school)

How many of you out there are married/engaged/domestic-partnered? What are your plans for dealing with a move to go to school? How are your significant others handling this process?

radio2020 said:

I think the key is them realizing that your number one priority isn't them and won't be until you are done school.

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This was hard for my husband and me when I first started vet school. I thought he understood how much of my time school would take and it turned out he really didn't. He wasn't ok with not being a real priority in my life, and it took a lot of adjusting and seeking balance to make him a priority. Now that I've done it (successful 80-90% of the time, I'd say), I'm glad I did. We're both happier this way.

So for everyone, the key isn't necessarily making sure your partner knows they're low priority. I think that might be why some relationships don't work. It's very hard to sustain a relationship for 4 years when one partner is low on the priority list of the other. For some it might work, but it's definitely not for everyone.

Of course, it works both ways. Part of his making me a priority in his life is that he has to deal well with the times when school does dominate my life, knowing that when it dies back down again, he'll get his wife back. I guess what I'm saying is it's a give and take thing. You can't take for 4 years without giving back. Even if your partner thinks they're ok with that arrangement going in, sometimes things change.

Hey guys! From reading previous posts a lot of ya'll share the same worries and doubts that I have. My boyfriend and I have been together since high school and we dated long distance all throughout college. We've already discussed marriage in the future, but also the possibility of me going to vet school out of state. I'm both scared and frustrated at the fact that I don't know the answer to what our future should look like. Where am I going to end up? Is he going to follow me? Would he ask me to marry him before I started vet school or until I'm done? I personally want to be married to him, as clingy as that sounds; but I've been with him for 8 years. I realize that something this important should not be rushed or pushed, but I feel insecure about what will happen to us. A lot can happen in 4 years. I'd really like to start a life with him. So, I guess my question to ya'll who are in similar situations is how did you overcome this fear/obstacle with you SO? What's helped you kind of keep your mind off of it?

Following this thread because my gf and I will be facing something similar. I'll be going to vet school at K-State (hopefully class of 2024) as long and I keep my science GPA to a 3.3 (they just lowered it from a 3.5 YEAH!!) and she will hopefully be going to med school somewhere else in Kansas. Our best option is about 2 hours apart which is doable but still hard. Right now we are both committed to make it work but our relationship is still new but a really great one! We've been talking about it already because neither of us wants a short term relationship.

Sammydoo2017 said:

Hey guys! From reading previous posts a lot of ya'll share the same worries and doubts that I have. My boyfriend and I have been together since high school and we dated long distance all throughout college. We've already discussed marriage in the future, but also the possibility of me going to vet school out of state. I'm both scared and frustrated at the fact that I don't know the answer to what our future should look like. Where am I going to end up? Is he going to follow me? Would he ask me to marry him before I started vet school or until I'm done? I personally want to be married to him, as clingy as that sounds; but I've been with him for 8 years. I realize that something this important should not be rushed or pushed, but I feel insecure about what will happen to us. A lot can happen in 4 years. I'd really like to start a life with him. So, I guess my question to ya'll who are in similar situations is how did you overcome this fear/obstacle with you SO? What's helped you kind of keep your mind off of it?

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Anyone going to vet school with a partner/bf/gf?
Here is the link to kind of the most current thread on this topic. What I truly suggest since you've been together so long is have good sit down conversation about all of this. Talk to him about it. You can't really figure out where you are going to end up until the schools tell you, but you can start planning for that. Rank your schools now on your choices of acceptance should you receive them. Then you can start looking at living arrangements in the area and get a feel for what you both want, etc. Ask him if he is willing to follow you where you may end up. Talk to him about wanting to get married and when and all of the different outlooks. I really think if you two have an honest conversation about this it will help ease your mind for sure and probably his even if he hasn't really thought about all of this he will have to soon enough.

I've been with my bf going on 5 years, not as long, but we have had serious conversations about all of this. I only applied to 4 schools in which we've both checked out the area. He is fine with any of the places thankfully, but if he wasn't we would talk it through and if he didn't want to go to my first choice then I would consider why and then make compromises whether it would be choosing a different school or if it's a compromise in living situation once we moved there. After we got past the get to know you part and got into the more serious stuff of what my future looks like to me and what he wants to do with his future we started thinking about what this might mean long term. For us he is going into a career that he can go anywhere and get a job so he is going to follow me. We had to have that conversation though about it all. I could have applied to vet school last year and left him to finish undergrad for a year, but he didn't want that and so we compromised. We will both finish this fall. It wasn't an extra burden for me to postpone vet school and for me it actually ended up being beneficial because I got to work an extra year and save that money to pay for vet school. As far as getting married for me I'd like to just go down to the courthouse than have an actual wedding, but I also want to have my actual name on my DVM diploma and not my married name. So although I love him and care for him deeply I'm in no rush to get married and he knows that even though he would love to get married asap I think. So we are compromising here. He'll probably propose sometime between now and when we move (hopefully off to vet school), but we aren't going to get married until after I graduate. We will be living together which I know some people don't agree with, but it's the most economical for us. He can work and pay bills meaning I don't have to take out those additional loans, while I'll still be able to stay on my parents health insurance. So we are starting a life together in a way still because we will both be together in a new city where we don't know anyone or anything but each other.

As far as how do I keep my mind off of all of it, I just take it one day at a time. You can't change what is going to ultimately happen, but you can help direct the course and prepare. Have those serious conversations so you can be best prepared for you as a couple. Other than that I've just been focusing on school and work currently and I've been designing projects I want to get done around the house. I broke out the Nintendo 64 the other day for some good times. Enjoy yourself while you can, because when vet school comes it's a bit crazy. Hope this helped and feel free to PM me.

TheEvilShoe said:

I haven't really written anything in the forums, but I've been lurking around for a few months... I'm not applying to vet school until next summer, but this topic is pretty relevant to me right now.

So... my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years (soon to be fiance?! maybe? haha) is in the midst of interviewing for med schools. His current top pick of the places he has interviewed is Tufts, and he receives their decision in a couple weeks (!!!). Anywho, if he gets in, I will likely switch my residency to MA so that I can up my chances of going to Tufts vet school, as it's the only one in the area and I'd love to go there anyway... I've also been working on my undergrad in Boston for the last few years, so I know what the area is like I'm actually currently a VA resident, but VMRCVM doesn't have any med schools near by - the closest would be VCU or UVA in the state, but even those are a few hours away... we've been long distance (with visits every 2 weekends or so) since we started college, so we'd really like to close that gap for once, if we can. I already checked with Tufts, and switching my residency by matriculation of 2011 is doable according to the admissions people there, yay!

Anyway my question is... assuming we both end up going to our respective hopeful schools, do you think living together would work out, in terms of commute? I know that Tufts med is right down town, and Tufts vet is about an hour drive by car outside of Boston, so I'm wondering what/where you all think is an appropriate in between point... or whether it would be better to each live right near our respective dorms? I know the decision is a ways from now, assuming I even get in on my first try which I'm a little apprehensive about, but it's been on my mind a lot lately so it'd be cool to hear other people's opinions on the matter.

Sorry if this seemed kind of long winded, and full of terrible grammar... I'm not used to forum posting :-\

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I'm a DVM student at Tufts, and my husband works in Boston. We live in between. He has a long-ish commute (1 hr 15 min); my drive is about 20 minutes. It's definitely doable; it just may make your 8am classes a little harder than it is for the students who live 5 min from campus

There are a couple students in my class who live in Boston or right outside the city; I personally wouldn't recommend that. They make it work, but it's a long way in the morning, particularly on exam days. Housing is also a lot cheaper once you get west of Rt 495.

Sammydoo2017 said:

Hey guys! From reading previous posts a lot of ya'll share the same worries and doubts that I have. My boyfriend and I have been together since high school and we dated long distance all throughout college. We've already discussed marriage in the future, but also the possibility of me going to vet school out of state. I'm both scared and frustrated at the fact that I don't know the answer to what our future should look like. Where am I going to end up? Is he going to follow me? Would he ask me to marry him before I started vet school or until I'm done? I personally want to be married to him, as clingy as that sounds; but I've been with him for 8 years. I realize that something this important should not be rushed or pushed, but I feel insecure about what will happen to us. A lot can happen in 4 years. I'd really like to start a life with him. So, I guess my question to ya'll who are in similar situations is how did you overcome this fear/obstacle with you SO? What's helped you kind of keep your mind off of it?

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I would hope that after 8 years together you're comfortable discussing these important topics with him directly. Perhaps most importantly: does he see long-term future with you? Does he want to marry you, do you have similar goals for family (kids or not, for example, and when)? Is he OK with continuing LDR for another four years? I would also ask the same questions you asked us: If you have to be long distance again for four years, would he come with you or plan to stay behind? What if you plan to do an internship or residency and have to go to yet another location?

I know these are tough conversations to have, and I was kind of sad when my now-husband but then-boyfriend of a long time said he wasn't coming to vet school with me. But we had a mature, adult conversation and as unromantic as it was, it was also important that we were on the same page in regards to our relationship. It has worked out very well.

MixedAnimals77 said:

but I also want to have my actual name on my DVM diploma and not my married name.

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I suppose every school is different, but they just asked us what we wanted our diploma to read. You can also get married and not change your name, or change your name later (ask me how I know about changing my maiden name to my married name like two years later...)

squibby said:

How many of you out there are married/engaged/domestic-partnered? What are your plans for dealing with a move to go to school? How are your significant others handling this process?

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I'm married, and I'm a first year student.

I don't want to make everyone here more stressed out, but I would also be lying if I said it was easy on relationships. It helps if your significant other is interested in what you are doing and is able to understand what you're going through. Some people are less able/willing to do that than others.

I also go for huge chunks of time (e.g. days) without actually even really seeing my husband -- he leaves for work before I am up for school, I get home after midnight some nights.

I would imagine long distance may actually even be a little easier sometimes in some respects, because then there's just the expectation that you won't see each other

that redhead said:

I suppose every school is different, but they just asked us what we wanted our diploma to read. You can also get married and not change your name, or change your name later (ask me how I know about changing my maiden name to my married name like two years later...)

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Lol literally going through this right now. Didn't change it after I got married; now I'm like "well crap, I said I was going to do that...but, doctor pride...and it's such a pain"

PippyPony said:

Lol literally going through this right now. Didn't change it after I got married; now I'm like "well crap, I said I was going to do that...but, doctor pride...and it's such a pain"

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Ha! I decided that I wanted to practice with my married name, but I didn't want to have to deal with all of the switching while I was in another country (study visa, bank accounts, etc). So I just waited until like right before I started working to do everything. I'm used to my married name by now but the other day I randomly signed my maiden name on a rabies certificate and had to reprint it

PippyPony said:

Didn't change it after I got married; now I'm like "well crap, I said I was going to do that...but, doctor pride...and it's such a pain"

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Or just don't... I was a headstrong child and didn't change from my mother's maiden name when my parents got married, and told my partner very early on that it wasn't going to change if we ever got married. It didn't. lol.

Trilt said:

Or just don't... I was a headstrong child and didn't change from my mother's maiden name when my parents got married, and told my partner very early on that it wasn't going to change if we ever got married. It didn't. lol.

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Exactly- everyone is different. Just wanted to point out that wanting one's diploma to read something specific is not something needing to delay a marriage.

Changing your name is such a pain in the butt and even worse the second time around....

icanhascheezbur said:

And if I got in, I would stay in Davis during class days but go home on weekends.

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Just a heads up that this may not be realistic. May vary based on the school, but I've been at school at least one day out of every weekend so far, including weekends where I basically should have just brought a sleeping bag and slept in the anatomy lab.

*Sigh* I remember those halcyon days when I thought I'd treat vet school like a job and just do work at school Monday-Friday...

(It is great that your husband sounds really supportive, though. That will help!)

PippyPony said:

Just a heads up that this may not be realistic. May vary based on the school, but I've been at school at least one day out of every weekend so far, including weekends where I basically should have just brought a sleeping bag and slept in the anatomy lab.

*Sigh* I remember those halcyon days when I thought I'd treat vet school like a job and just do work at school Monday-Friday...

(It is great that your husband sounds really supportive, though. That will help!)

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Just so you know, you're responding to some very old posts

that redhead said:

Just so you know, you're responding to some very old posts

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Oh lol nope, didn't look at the posting date at all.

Brain is apparently already on Thanksgiving break