Why have friends?

Started by janderson001
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janderson001

janderson001

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I know it's good to have friends, but as I see it, there are as many drawbacks to it too, as least for me. You lose your comfort and freedom of mind because you have to give certain portion of your spirit and energy to others, whereas if you have no friends, you get to keep that amount of energy and spend it elsewhere or keep it so that you're less tired. Two other benefits I can think of now is 1) you avoid getting labelled as a loner and portrayed as a social person, which is generally perceived in this society as much better than nonsocial person, 2) you get to network and share info with others, which is often one of the best ways of reaching your goal.
I currently have no friends. Absolutely none. People who "act" to be my friends are only those who use me for homework, exam, etc. Most of what they say to me are like "What did you get on X?" "How do you do this problem, etc." I'm sick of these people. I heard that the only way to have a true friend is for you to be one first. But it seems that some people become true friends to each other even when they didn't try to be friends first, they just seem to naturally become friends.
I want to hear your opinions on why you have friends. Some of you might think this question is weird or trollish, but I'm NOT a troll. I also don't want any ppl accusing me of troll.
 
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seriously though,

have you tried going to any sorts of clubs or activities with people who have similar interests as you?? that's a way to meet a friend.

i just never considered this question..friendship is important to me.

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather is one of those things that give value to survival."
- C. S. Lewis
 
hopefuldoc87 said:
seriously though,

have you tried going to any sorts of clubs or activities with people who have similar interests as you?? that's a way to meet a friend.

i just never considered this question..friendship is important to me.

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather is one of those things that give value to survival."
- C. S. Lewis
Click to expand...

2nd this. Friendship often starts with sharing a common activity. What are you interested in? Do you belong to any clubs?
 
hopefuldoc87 said:
"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather is one of those things that give value to survival."
- C. S. Lewis
Click to expand...

I love C. S. Lewis!

OP,
Friends are important, we are naturally social creatures which have need of support in life (friends and family).....I think you realize this though, you just seem to be analyzing the natural flow of friendship a bit too much....for me, it just happens with some people when your personalities compliment each other (sometimes you dont necessarily have much in common on the surface)...I agree that a good place to start is with groupings of people you have stuff in common with....and remember, it never really matters how many friends you have as opposed to how good your friends are.....sometimes people who seem like they have scores of "friends" are actually the loniest people on the planet
 
OP you'll get more friends when you stop being a doormat. seriously, have some self respect and tell the next person who tries to use you for homework answers to go f*** him/herself. i'm sure you're a nice dude, and don't change that, just don't be scared to go out and take some risks - join a club, mac on a girl, i dunno you just gotta make yourself available.
 
if OP wants a serious answer, having "friends" demonstrates to others that you have a valuable life skill - the ability to get to know other people, like them for their good points, accept them for their bad points, etc.

Being a physician requires this life skill, too, along with a host of other skills...

If you are truly clueless about the value of friendship, you should probably avoid a career like medicine which will put you in constant contact with other humans, on some of whom you will have to rely upon for their friendship to help you on your journey...

No man is an island...
 
it sounds to me like its not by choice that you don't have friends. is saving energy for yourself an actual reason for you?? i kind of feel sorry for you if you truly believe that. join a club, join a sport, join a gym and like you said you SHOULD naturally click with someone. it happens if you socialize and interact with other people.

as far as the answer to your question, i'm not even sure its worth answering. theres a reason people sometimes have a fear of dying alone...i imagine its a miserable life. When have you ever heard someone say "i'm just scared that I'll die with too much social support and too many family members and friends to take care of me when I am old."
 
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OP:

Reverse your logic about people asking you for answers, etc.

You need friends so you can use them to get stuff
 
DrYoda said:
You are correct. Friends are for the inefficient.
Click to expand...

Sarcasm??

more like the inefficient dont have friends.

relationships are the most important thing in life....not accomplishments...when people are dying they dont ask to review all of their diplomas, awards, certificates, etc....they immediately seek out family and friends....that should be a clue
 
rockydoc said:
Sarcasm??

more like the inefficient dont have friends.

relationships are the most important thing in life....not accomplishments...when people are dying they dont ask to review all of their diplomas, awards, certificates, etc....they immediately seek out family and friends....that should be a clue
Click to expand...

dying is for the inefficient
 
OP what's your opinion on all of this?

Some people would actually like to help you. Understanding why you feel the need to compensate for not having friends by citing reasons why it is more beneficial to not have friends would help.
 
You are right OP you don't have friends. The reason you see no real benefit to a friend is because you've never had a real friend. My friends motivate me. When I feel as if I'm not good enough and will never accomplish what I want to, my friends are there to push me and remind me of why I torture myself on a daily basis. When something happens that I feel I can't go to my family for (out of fear that they'll judge me) I can count on my friends to be there. That's what real friendship is. Not continually giving, like you do with your hw and test answers, but also receiving.


Gosh I sound like a douche. Bleh
 
as I see it, there are as many drawbacks to it too, as least for me. You lose your comfort and freedom of mind because you have to give certain portion of your spirit and energy to others, whereas if you have no friends, you get to keep that amount of energy and spend it elsewhere or keep it so that you're less tired.
Click to expand...

The drawback you listed isn't a drawback because it doesn't describe friendship. Being around friends isn't uncomfortable. It's the opposite. You don't lose freedom of mind; it's where you can let loose with it. You have to give a portion of your spirit & energy? Man! It's a two-way street! Sure, sometimes you there for support when they need it, but it works the other way, too. That can help you pull through the low times much more quickly, and help bring you back up. More often, it's synergistic; being around each other gives you more spirit and energy.

What you said really sounds like it's self-protective thinking, instead of a realistic view. No one HAS to have friends, but most people wind up being happier knowing that they aren't going through any stage of life alone.
 
janderson001 said:
I know it's good to have friends, but as I see it, there are as many drawbacks to it too, as least for me. You lose your comfort and freedom of mind because you have to give certain portion of your spirit and energy to others, whereas if you have no friends, you get to keep that amount of energy and spend it elsewhere or keep it so that you're less tired. Two other benefits I can think of now is 1) you avoid getting labelled as a loner and portrayed as a social person, which is generally perceived in this society as much better than nonsocial person, 2) you get to network and share info with others, which is often one of the best ways of reaching your goal.
I currently have no friends. Absolutely none. People who "act" to be my friends are only those who use me for homework, exam, etc. Most of what they say to me are like "What did you get on X?" "How do you do this problem, etc." I'm sick of these people. I heard that the only way to have a true friend is for you to be one first. But it seems that some people become true friends to each other even when they didn't try to be friends first, they just seem to naturally become friends.
I want to hear your opinions on why you have friends. Some of you might think this question is weird or trollish, but I'm NOT a troll. I also don't want any ppl accusing me of troll.
Click to expand...

I know what you mean. I came from a....how can I put this nicely...A redneck town. While my friends were out having a great time, I was studying. They would always try to convince me to join, but I always had to study. Needless to say they dropped out and we all grew apart. It sucks, but that's life.

It's hard to make friends in a strange place, I've been there. Especially if you're like me and never go to parties and get drunk.

Bottom line is, do what floats your boat. If not having friends makes you happy, then who cares what anyone else has to say?

(BTW, stop letting your classmates walk all over you)
 
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hopefuldoc87 said:
"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather is one of those things that give value to survival."
- C. S. Lewis
Click to expand...

I beg to differ with C.S. Lewis, and I never thought I'd say that. Being a "founder" of Christian hedonism (from which John Piper bases a lot of his doctrine), what's the complete context of this statement?

Anyhow, collaborative efforts can actually help you survive. Without friends, I can think of many examples where life would be much harder. Which, in turn produces more stress and lessens your lifespan.

Regardless, I do not envy your position. I do not view my friendships as "wasted" energy. We have consciousness and the ability to communicate for a reason.

rockydoc said:
relationships are the most important thing in life....not accomplishments...when people are dying they dont ask to review all of their diplomas, awards, certificates, etc....they immediately seek out family and friends....that should be a clue
Click to expand...

HumidBeing said:
The drawback you listed isn't a drawback because it doesn't describe friendship. Being around friends isn't uncomfortable. It's the opposite. You don't lose freedom of mind; it's where you can let loose with it. You have to give a portion of your spirit & energy? Man! It's a two-way street! Sure, sometimes you there for support when they need it, but it works the other way, too. That can help you pull through the low times much more quickly, and help bring you back up. More often, it's synergistic; being around each other gives you more spirit and energy.
Click to expand...

Truth. I can almost guarantee the OP that you will, in the future, look back upon your life and realize you have made a huge mistake by not pursuing meaningful relationships.
 
disorder said:
I beg to differ with C.S. Lewis, and I never thought I'd say that. Being a "founder" of Christian hedonism (from which John Piper bases a lot of his doctrine), what's the complete context of this statement?
Click to expand...

I agree...but I still like him....and you seem to know a bit about these guys....do you like Piper??....or Christian hedonism for that matter?
 
if you haven't found out why you should have friends at this point...maybe you don't need them.

but for me, friends are a nice way to stay grounded and not get too caught up in something (like med school applications)
 
HumidBeing said:
BlitzSleep has a very good point. If the people around you aren't compatible, then you can't really form friendships. There are many times when it's good to be comfortable on your own.
Click to expand...

This is true. I think people forget that we've all had experiences of being in a town or just in an environment where others don't like the same things we do. Hence it's difficult to form much of a bond or connection, i.e. friendship.

OP: there's nothing wrong with you if that is the case! It happens. But in all likelihood, there are plenty of people who would get along with you and you would enjoy socializing with, if you guys were in the right situation and met each other. Some part of this is just chance.

Also, "friend" has become a dilute word nowadays. Like a poster in another thread who mentioned meeting 20 "friends" in a wk or something... I mean, being social with someone is different than being friends with someone, imo. It takes time to really get to know someone (and with some acquaintances/buddies, this never happens). By that definition, I've only had a handful of people in my entire life that I'd consider "true friends." It's as hard to meet a really compatible, good friend as it is to meet a really compatible, good significant other. Maybe harder, because there's not the romantic attraction there that draws two people together.

Anyway, just being social with people can be fun too, even if they aren't super close friends. Like others have mentioned, we're social creatures and we all need that to some extent.
 
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rockydoc said:
I agree...but I still like him....and you seem to know a bit about these guys....do you like Piper??....or Christian hedonism for that matter?
Click to expand...

Piper is okay; he is definitely a gifted speaker (literally) and writer. I have listened to a couple of his sermons, but I haven't read any of his books all the way through--something just rubs me the wrong way about Christian hedonism and I can't place my finger on it. Maybe because the Christian church is heavy on "sacrifice", like monetary gain, it seems counter-intuitive to follow hedonism. I realize Piper assuages the disconnect, but when you grow up in a conservative church, it's hard to shake that foundation. I don't think Christian hedonism is wrong, and it has several viable points, but I, personally, don't feel I will change my lifestyle to accommodate it.

I'll have to think more if I have anything else to add.

EDIT

Also, many have the potential to fall prey to Christian hedonism in this highly materialistic society. Way walk the fine line? I feel that many will wrongly interpret Piper's words, because it really does require a certain degree of maturity to understand what he has to say.
 
Last edited:
OP, your rationalizations are self-protective. it hurts to not have any friends. that is why you are trying to make yourself feel better by thinking of the drawbacks of friendship. you need therapy, and possibly medication.
 
There are drawbacks for having friends? Come on, no offense, but like others have said, those are pretty juvenile reasons. The one that made me laugh was that friends suck out the energy and spirit of a person. To be honest, if someone is "sucking energy and spirit" out of you, that is most likely an enemy as opposed to a friend. A friend is someone who brings back energy into you, and is usually the people that you go to in order to let loose. Friends should not be uncomfortable at all!

On a serious note...if you REALLY think people are making you uncomfortable, then it might be that you have an introverted personality. These people STILL have friends, however they are usually people who would rather do things solo. I am sorta this way, but I would never underestimate the power of friendship(as corny as that sounds, it's true).
 
unsung said:
Also, "friend" has become a dilute word nowadays. Like a poster in another thread who mentioned meeting 20 "friends" in a wk or something... I mean, being social with someone is different than being friends with someone, imo. It takes time to really get to know someone (and with some acquaintances/buddies, this never happens). By that definition, I've only had a handful of people in my entire life that I'd consider "true friends." It's as hard to meet a really compatible, good friend as it is to meet a really compatible, good significant other. Maybe harder, because there's not the romantic attraction there that draws two people together.
Click to expand...

haha, that would be me (and it was the summer not a wk 😉)....i agree with you though...I also only have a handful of truly close, long-term friends....the rest are "friendly"....but have the capability becoming a true friend, just havent known them long enough yet

disorder said:
Piper is okay; he is definitely a gifted speaker (literally) and writer. I have listened to a couple of his sermons, but I haven't read any of his books all the way through--something just rubs me the wrong way about Christian hedonism and I can't place my finger on it. Maybe because the Christian church is heavy on "sacrifice", like monetary gain, it seems counter-intuitive to follow hedonism. I realize Piper assuages the disconnect, but when you grow up in a conservative church, it's hard to shake that foundation. I don't think Christian hedonism is wrong, and it has several viable points, but I, personally, don't feel I will change my lifestyle to accommodate it.

I'll have to think more if I have anything else to add.

EDIT

Also, many have the potential to fall prey to Christian hedonism in this highly materialistic society. Way walk the fine line? I feel that many will wrongly interpret Piper's words, because it really does require a certain degree of maturity to understand what he has to say.
Click to expand...

I've read two of his books....he does have some really good points but I also see the danger in crossing the line....I think his form of Christian hedonism is probably pure for him...but others may stumble b/c of it....I know some church leaders that are completely against the notion, but I have never asked them why....on the whole, I probably disagree with Piper in some really nit-picky ways, although doctrinally, I think Im congruent with him.
 
EpiPEN said:
He happens to be a paladin in a PVP guild after the nerf, so now no one wants to group wit him anymore
Click to expand...


Now i know why he doesnt have friends...no one likes a paladin. should have been a shaman or a priest...as healer classes they are much more social 🙂
 
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SDN always finds new ways to amaze me with some of its threads. How can someone never have had friends? Unless you were always the odd one out in elementary school, middle school, and high school, I find it hard to buy that someone has never had any close social relations other than their parents or siblings.

OP, do you have a brother or sister? do they have any friends? if so go out in a group and do something with them, maybe that can ease the awkwardness when you venture out on your own
 
OP:

You don't need to go search for friends if you don't want to, many people with no self confidence will flock to you anyways if you are successful enough.

oh you meant real friends...
 
Half the time my best friend and I can just sit around on our butts on the couch eating triscuits and watching re-runs of 90's shows and we're perfectly content. Heck, we don't even have to talk if we don't feel like it. I don't think that takes much "energy" out of me...unless I need to change channels...then I have to pick up the remote.
 
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