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A lot of people talk about New Haven as a dealbreaker for the family, but why don't they just live in the southern outskirts of Hartford (or some other town in CT) and commute to New Haven? It's not that far.
I understand the spirit of your post, but on the specifics I must point out you are wrong. Many residents with families do enjoy living in neighboring towns (Hamden, North Haven, Branford, Trumbull, Woodbridge, etc). Hartford is not a particularly nice place and I don't know anyone in the program staying there.
(My SDN avatar is just a homage to my favorite Arrested Development character - Tobias Funke)