2018-2019 APPIC Internship- Students Who Are Parents

Discussion in 'Psychology [Psy.D. / Ph.D.]' started by ICantStopHittingRefresh, Nov 22, 2017.

  1. ICantStopHittingRefresh

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    Disclaimer: I don't really know what I'm doing. With starting this thread. As a first time mom. As an internship applicant. Whoever mentioned daycare wait lists scared the crap out of me (because I've just avoided thinking about it!)...so here's our parenting-while-going-on-internship-interviews-we-must-be-out-of-our-minds thread!

    <quietly hoping I won't just be talking to myself here...not a good sign for an intern applicant>
     
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  3. Psychchick09

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    Yay for parents applying to internship! Not going to lie, I thought I might be one of the only moms applying, but I am so comforted to see I’m not alone :biglove:
     
  4. getitgirl

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    Thanks for starting this thread, look forward to seeing if people find good tips/advice as they go-
     
  5. Hopingtomove!

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    Thanks for doing this! I've been stalking SDN like crazy but just made an account to be a part of this thread! I have two daughters, one is almost 6 and the other is 9.5 months :)

    Any breastfeeding moms out there? Wondering about pumping on interview days.....
     
  6. ICantStopHittingRefresh

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    There are a couple of applicants from my school who are parents but I definitely felt this way as I think I'm the only one who applied nationally and plans to move.

    And whoever posted about taking the fam along for interviews or going through the heartache of separating from little ones...THIS! All the feels! And I'm still not sure what I'm going to do...it depends on what my interview schedule ends up looking like and whether we can swing it to bring the partner/baby along. The thought of having to be apart from the baby for these interviews slays me. :arghh:
     
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  7. ICantStopHittingRefresh

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    Fellow breastfeeder here!! I've received 1 interview offer (and complete radio silence otherwise!! :confused:) and let them know I needed time to pump as it's an all-day interview. They were VERY gracious, thank goodness! We'll see how it goes at other sites...
     
  8. Psychchick09

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    Yes! Me :)

    Some of the interviews that are only half days I’m not stressing about, but for all day ones, I’ve let the site know when I accept the interview that I will need breaks to pump and so far people have been really accommodating!
     
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  9. Hopingtomove!

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    Awesome! I have one invite so far and its all day. I think I will email right now and let the coordinator know.
     
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  10. Psychchick09

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    What’s kinds of places are people applying? VAs, hospitals...? Wondering if different kinds of sites are more/less family friendly :)
     
  11. getitgirl

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    I've always heard that more research heavy places < family friendly, hospital/VA settings > family friendly, however, I'm not convinced that some of that isn't becoming outdated as more and more women are having children across all of these settings, in graduate school, internship, post-doc, etc.

    I think it's most likely the case that most places are open to people with families now, though individual supervisors, or places with higher hour expectations, may be warier.
     
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  12. Psychchick09

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    Makes sense!
     
  13. feelings_doctor

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    Girl, that was me--sorry about the waitlist scare. Don't let my anxiety become yours! You WILL find childcare. And thanks for starting this thread--I am so happy to not feel alone in this!!!
     
  14. Hawkeye11

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    I'm an extended breastfeeding mom. My child is 2. I've finally given up on pumping as I prepared for written comps, my program's oral case presentation and defense version of comps, worked at externship, and prepared application materials at the same time these last few months. I still nurse when I'm with her, so I'll probably bring the pump for mornings and evenings, but will be able to make it through interviews without it.

    For interviews, I'd recommend making sure your rental car has a functioning cigarette lighter, and bring a windshield cover and if you're particularly modest, maybe some thin light towels or T shirts or whatever that you can close in the front windows to hang down for privacy. Then, if you don't already have one, get a car adapter for your pump. I actually always used to pump during commutes, which was a wonderful time saver that got two sessions out of the way. Early on, I would park off in a discreet place and put the windshield cover up to unhook everything once I arrived or hook everything up when I was leaving, but I eventually stopped giving a **** and just did it as quickly and dicreetly as possible.

    If you have the above setup, and the place you are interviewing doesn't have a good spot for pumping, you can just head out to the car to do it. Also, if you know your schedule and know you will get breaks, you can have some choice about whether to bring it up or not.

    Also, if you want to go the not mentioning route, you can pack an ice chest if you need to save the milk.
     
  15. Hawkeye11

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    This part is killing me. I feel like I'm feeling it even harder now with my 2 year old than I would have when she was brand new because back then, a part of me would be telling myself she wouldn't know the difference. Now, we're bonded af.

    I'm an attachment researcher FFS. How am I supposed to be expected to do this ****? :arghh:
     
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  17. Hawkeye11

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    Thank you so much for this thread. I feel like it's going to be a real savior at times when refreshing my email and the other thread are gaining me zero gratification. :laugh:
     
  18. Psychchick09

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    Shall we get to know each other a bit while we wait for the internship gods to bless us with correspondence? Haha

    I’ll start :)

    My name is Noel, I have 6 month old twin boys, and I’m interested in working with vets! (Military, not animal doctors!)

    Your turn!
     
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  19. Hawkeye11

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    I'm particularly tempted to drag hubs and kid along on my first one (only one :help:) because I'm driving. But, it's a seven hour drive and it would feel cruel to drag her that far in a single day, so it would mean more hotel nights, so more money and lost work (dissertation) time. Also, I have concerns about my ability to effectively prep with her around being needy and hubs failing to keep her engaged and distracted from me. :smack:
     
  20. feelings_doctor

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    I feel you. Fortunately you know, as an attachment researcher, that you'll be modeling for your child that even when you need to leave, you always come back--think of it as an opportunity to strengthen the security of your attachment through that modeling
     
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  21. feelings_doctor

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    Hmm, my kissy face didn't show up in my last post. Infuse a little warmth into my previous response ;)
     
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  22. Hawkeye11

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    Holy ****! Twins! I mean, I know people give a lot of props to vets, but I've gotta say you're the real hero here. :p

    I'm too paranoid to give my name because you never know who is reading and I want to be able to speak REALLY freely here. :p

    I have a 2 year old and I'm interested in all. the. things. My program's DCT was really trying to figure me out recently and was like, "ok, so you've got all of these different things in your background and you're applying to all of these different kinds of places, but what do you REALLY want to do?"

    Me,"Idk. I like all of it. I want to stay broad and not narrow my options yet."

    Finally he was like, "ok, you can do lots of different kinds of things later, but you need to be establishing a professional identity now. Then, 5 years from now, you can say, 'hey, I want to broaden and do these areas, too.' So what is it? What do you really want to focus on now?"

    Me, "Idk. I guess we'll see where I get interviews.:shrug: " :laugh:

    That conversation is identifying if my DCT is reading, but he's not an the internship site selection committees, so I'm ok with it. :p

    Edit:lol, deleted the random shrugging emoticon from before the quote. I wondered why it didn't show up when I pushed it the first time. Apparently, it did. Just not in the right spot. :p
     
    #20 Hawkeye11, Nov 22, 2017
    Last edited: Nov 22, 2017
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  23. feelings_doctor

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    Good idea, @Psychchick09 !

    I'm Hillary, mom to 3-year-old & 2-month-old girls (and wife to a really solid dude who doesn't get enough credit for supporting us through my 10-year graduate career!) My niche is women's me talk health--especially in the perinatal period.

    Fun lil fact: this is my second time applying to internship. Last year, I applied nationally and was on the interview circuit when we found out I was preggo! That turned things upside down for us, especially since we'd been through fertility treatment to get pregnant with our first & #2 was a surprise (more or less). After some soul searching, we decided I'd retract my applications so I never entered the match. I was due early September and I just did not feel confident about being able to take leave during internship. So, here I am again, doing this for a second time! This time I kept my search local--in the meantime we moved to be closer to my parents, and there's no way we're moving again that soon!
     
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  24. Hawkeye11

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    :p
     

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  25. Psychchick09

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    Congratulations! We did fertility treatments as well—hence the twins haha

    Good luck this time around! I kept it local as well, except for one east coast and one west coast site, but I’ve already been rejected from both of those, so I think the universe wants me in the Midwest! :joyful:
     
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  26. Psychchick09

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    I love it! I had that problem as well, wanting to know all the things haha
     
  27. Hawkeye11

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    We tried for years before success. I later learned I had already conceived at the appt where I was given my clomid script (which I never filled). But I started fertilaid supplements the month before, which I credit with doing the trick. Basal body temping and OPKs had never confirmed ovulation in other months. The supplements also made my menstrual migraines disappear. If I ever get this kid to stop nursing :p, I'll go back on the active ingredient (vitex) just for my migraines.
     
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  28. Hawkeye11

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    Also, regarding twins, when I first learned I was pregnant, the thought of having twins really appealed to me besides the pregnancy part. Then, after trying to keep a newborn happy for a few months, I adjusted my perspective and from now to eternity will live in awe of parents of multiples.
     
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  29. affectiveH3art

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    I'm actually interested to see if some sites are more family friendly then others. I'm planning on asking them if they feel if they are and if any previous interns are parents. University counseling centers are definitely family friendly... But then again I might be bias because I'm so very spoiled. "They love me THEY REALLY LOVE ME"


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  30. affectiveH3art

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    I'm lucky my girls are at least toddlers (6 and 3) but I have to ship them to Nanas house for an unknown amount of time while I do or do not receive interviews. Single mom problems


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  31. affectiveH3art

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    Nice to meet you folks! I'm a single mom of two girls 6 and 3. I was told I would never have children (long story) so these two were surprises. The youngest was born in my first year of grad school. Their fathers decided to disappear so 0 support on that end. And I'm in a relationship (kind of?) With someone overseas.. which is odd because there is quite a language barrier and he has yet to arrive to the states (waiting for visa). So i'm not really partnered but kind of. Let's just say "it's complicated."

    I also would love to work in an Academic Medical center as a health psychologist/ pain psych to be specific. My heart is in burn care but excited to see what internship will offer me. I just enjoy fast paced and challenging work. I am not for University counseling- too structured and low distress and oh the privilege... And too many politics. From walkouts to sit ins to meetings with the Dean to the microaggressions. It hurts my heart. So I'd like something I can thrive in long term!


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  32. feelings_doctor

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    You sound awesome & love the overview of your interests I met a single mom of 2 at an interview last year and was humbled hearing about how she made it work. Super impressed by how much you're juggling! Aren't Nanas the best?
     
  33. temppsych123

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    I'm not a parent, but I just completed my internship at a super research-oriented site, and I can say that the setting was very family friendly. In some ways, sites that facilitate staying on for research postdocs/research positions allow you to have a lot of flexibility in your timing/schedule, whereas full-time clinical positions after internship are more typically tied to a "traditional work week" schedule. I'm sure it varies widely by site, of course, but don't discount all research-focused sites off the bat! I was worried about even talking about the idea that I'd want to have kids on postdoc (many people at my site stay on for research postdocs at the same location), and was told that was actually less taboo than saying you don't want to go into academia ;)

    Also, IMHO, reaching out about needing time/space to pump during interviews may be scary, but also allows you to get some useful insight about the program's values - if people are rude or not accommodating to applicants on interview, when they should hopefully be putting their "best face forward" so to speak as a site, it doesn't bode well for how family-friendly the site will actually be once you're there.

    I would also consider, once you know where you're interviewing and when you're thinking about ranking, to find out if any former interns were parents during the time they were on internship, and see if you can reach out to those people about specific questions (like waitlists for childcare, costs, schedules for internship rotations and how accommodating or not accommodating they are) before you have to make your rank decisions. Even if you can't talk to someone about this info, it's informative to know if that's because there haven't been other parent interns (a potential red flag although probably depends on the size of the site, how long they've had interns, how many interns per year, just statistically in terms of how many parents they're liable to get) or whether there are former interns who were parents at the time of internship, but who aren't willing to talk to you (also maybe a red flag...).

    As I said, I didn't have this specific issue when I applied to internship, but I was trying exceptionally hard to match in a city where my husband could also get a postdoc position (different area), and so have thought a lot about how to bring up or ask about "real life stuff" when making internship decisions. Good luck, applicants!
     
  34. affectiveH3art

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    Yes! I love my mom, she's like the coolest person IN THE WORLD! Yeah most folks are like seriously you go through how many babysitters a semester?

    Yes- school, daycare, a babysitter for dissertation data collection, a babysitter for when I'm on-call to the hospital for detoxes, and a babysitter for when I want me time (I have yet to fulfill this). And it's very very expensive... Like super expensive. Oh gosh and they don't stop eating, pooping and crying lol

    There is no such thing as me time. If only people understood how crazy it is. But it sure helped me be efficient in time management. I have 30 minutes until I no longer have daycare? Ok, how many notes can I get done? Craziness.


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  35. ICantStopHittingRefresh

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    6-month-old twins and a single mama of 2?!?!?! <bowing down before the both of you> You inspire me!! I have a 5 month old. As an older mama who was never committed to having a biological kiddo and new nothing of 'baby' stuff beforehand, the learning curve has been MUCH harder than getting a doctorate!! Breastfeeding is without a doubt the hardest damn thing I've ever tried to do in my life. I cannot even begin to fathom caring for more than one little one through this process! I am DREADING having to leave the LO for FT internship work. :arghh: I'm super lucky to be at home with her now much of the time.
     
  36. Hawkeye11

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    Hey, do you people have facebooks...? We could be one step closer to IRL friends? PMs welcomed.
     
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  37. Psychchick09

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    I do! You can pm me your name if you want to make this thing Facebook official :)
     
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  38. Hawkeye11

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    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    I'm the paranoid one who looks up other people first!
     
  39. Secret CBT Squirrel

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    Thank you so much for starting this thread!! I have a soon-to-be 1 year old and a supper supportive husband (thank God because we don't have family!). Since my hubby and I both work full time (I'm in a research-heavy PhD program, teaching, etc...) our little one is in daycare already. I'm interested in mostly Community Mental Health sites (but applied to all kinds). What scares me are the work hours for working with children/families because I will likely be missing tons of bedtimes with my baby and that makes me super sad. I feel like I'll be missing so much of his 1.5yr-2.5yr crucial development and I just want to cry when I think of that. There is one site that is 10 minutes from my house so I am just PRAYING to get in there! Otherwise for interviews, I'm currently feeding/pumping every 4 hours so I shouldn't have trouble unless I get full-day interviews (which I don't think any of my sites have). Lovely meeting you fierce grad mamas in here!
     
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  40. PsychPhDStudent

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    Hi! I hope it's ok to pop my head in here. I'm a few years out from internship and have helped with intern selection at two different sites now. We have been super happy to accommodate pumping during interviews at both sites with which I've been affiliated. If you have any questions about how to carefully word questions/requests as you go on your tour-du-internship, please always feel free to shoot me a message. You're all badasses! Good luck! :luck:
     
  41. feelings_doctor

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    YES!!! Social support = mental health
     
  42. feelings_doctor

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    So I'm PMing interested parties to cement our bonds via Facebook. Whoever's interested, I'll make us our own FB group for longevity's sake
     
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  43. AlmostThere2018

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    Mamas, you have no idea how relieved I am reading these posts! I'm the mom of an 8 week old and the one who asked about leaving babies for interviews.

    My son was born about 4 weeks before apps were due, which we expected (he was 38.5 weeks, so full term). And that was already pretty stressful, trying to get as much of the applying part done in advance and defending my proposal. However, we did not expect him to have an exceptionally rare neurological condition called Moebius Syndrome that causes facial paralysis along with some other impairments. Learning that he will never have the ability to smile or express any emotion on his face was absolutely gut wrenching. We had a NICU stay and a hell of a time getting him to eat and breathe safely, but things are looking up! He is a CHAMP and so, so cute. I had basically decided to not even apply this year, when we'd only been home from the hospital for 1 week and I'd only written 2 cover letters. I decided on Oct. 29 to give it a shot, knowing I could withdraw before submitting rankings if need be. I have 5 interviews so far! And we are feeling more confident about managing his complicated health moving forward. I also applied last minute to our one local site, which would sure make things easier in terms of continuity of care (he has, like, 11 doctors).

    So, all of this is to say, I am only 30% emotionally engaged in this process because nothing provides a WHOPPING dose of perspective like a life changing event. I feel incredibly lucky to be able to entertain going and if sites are not supportive or he can't get the care he needs, that's not the place for us. Dealing with actually getting to the interviews is still a pickle. My mom was planning on being my travel buddy with the baby but, in another odd twist, got diagnosed with cancer 2 weeks before he was born and is mid-chemo. (Did I mention something about perspective?)

    I am just super happy to hear other mamas who are navigating these waters! I admire you all tremendously. We are in it together.
     
  44. feelings_doctor

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    Goodness. Perspective indeed. So much strength in your family!
     
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  45. Hawkeye11

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    I already started one before seeing this. Added you. Hope that's cool.
     
  46. feelings_doctor

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    That is the coolest.
     
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  47. feelings_doctor

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    (This was for you, @AlmostThere2018 )
     
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  48. Psychchick09

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    Oh my goodness, all the props to you! I can’t inagine the stress. If you ever need to talk/vent, please reach out <3
     
  49. affectiveH3art

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    Hey now... I need to take it slow. I don't like rushing it to making it facebook official. *Saying the single mom with 2 kids thanks to my crazy 20s* haha


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  50. affectiveH3art

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    Can we also make a FB group for PhD mamas/papas?


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  51. Psychchick09

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    We have a group! A whole 3 of us haha

    APPIC internship applicants (for the 2018-2019 year)
     
  52. affectiveH3art

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    It can be very difficult. If anything don't be afraid to ask for help. My kids are healthy aside from my daughter's language delay. And to think I used to work in cognitive developmental neuroscience, specifically in language acquisition!!! I had a difficult time when she was born as she was jaundice and I was alone. I finally got her diagnosed and she's significantly delayed but we are working on it. Asking for help was hard but people were kind. PhD mamas are the coolest!!! I love all the support


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