28 yr old loser trying to make something happen..

[Lost Soul]

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Hello all,

I don't know how to start my story. I am in desperate need of an advice, guidance and insight into something I might be missing. So I'm a college dropout. I am 28 years old. I was once a most likely to succeed in high school turned into a loser of all time 🙁 I got accepted to Yale straight out of high school with nearly perfect GPA (who doesn't have perfect GPA from high school, right? ). Following the crowd & somewhat harshly advised by my parents, I've decided that I will be a doctor. It didn't seem like a big deal, until I was hit hard with first year science. Gen chem. I never knew I could suck so much at science like this. I was okay with science back in high school, but oh man it was different. Well I barely passed the class with a C. Then o-chem & bio came along. I failed first half of O-chem twice. Passed Bio with barely C+. I was devastated. Anyways, stuck in the awe of despair and shock, I decided to withdraw from school on my third year after having declared my major. I couldn't keep going. Was sick of all the science stuff which never made any sense to me at the time or till today and I just didn't know what to do. Now that's about 6 or 7 years ago when I withdrew from school. Since then, I have been working part-time as an SAT instructor for couple years and also did an internship at a local medical center near my home in California.

Now I'm working full-time at some random company where I don't even know what the hell I'm doing. I'm treated like **** and I know for sure that this is not what I want to do for the rest of my life. Now or later I'll have to make up my mind whether to finish my degree at Yale or get a degree at some local school near my home. This is what is really leaving me confused and vexed. I mean, I know for sure that my every cell hates science since there was not a single science class that got my interest and I know I'm unbelievably dumb at science. But I'm good at math. Not a genius status, but have been pretty good with numbers since very young. So I was thinking maybe I should become an accountant? Because it has something to do with numbers...? So I was thinking I should go to a local school and major in accounting and hopefully become a CPA. This seems like a achievable goal for me and something that at least interests me. However, I still feel like I should get a degree at Yale because a degree at Yale might mean something big? I don't know. But every time I think of going back to Yale to finish my degree with Bio major just makes me wanna kill myself. I know I will struggle just like before, and there is a high chance I might get kicked out if I continue to fail courses. Upper div courses is way harder than the lower div.. At least I realized it when I tried to take bio-chem, which really made me question my capability of doing bio as my major.

Anyway, what are your thoughts on this? I don't want to go back to Yale. The only reason that compels me to go back is the prestige of having a degree from Yale. I'm just worried if I had gone to some random school, people might think less of me. People might ignore me.. I know that people always tell you you shouldn't care about what other people think about you but still.. I don't wanna be looked as an unintelligent loser who went to some unnamed school.. 🙁 But at the same time I really want to start with something that is non-science that I can be good at and I can find interest in. I want to study something that I actually could truly enjoy learning. So I am more leaning towards going to a local school and graduating with accounting degree, but I am not sure. This path might be not for me either. I just want to know if there could be something I'm missing. I just want to listen to your insight that I couldn't have thought of. I guess I'm just very insecure at the moment, so I'm being very indecisive. Can you guys please help? 🙁

 

[heartsink]

Two things: first, you need to work on your self-esteem and self image. A 28 year old loser is not going to be a CPA or a doctor. Decide for yourself that that is not who you will be from now on, whatever that requires for you to believe.

Second, you need to figure out why you sucked it up so much in college and make sure that, whatever your path, you don't let that happen again. If you really believe accounting will be significantly more interesting than chemistry and biology and that will be the change, then great. If you think it was because you were young and didn't take it seriously, take it seriously this time.

 

[TOLonghorn]

Yale doesn't let you change majors once you've declared? In the working world, I have found with having an Ivy degree, especially a top one like Yale, people are more forgiving.

 

[smpbound]

This reminds me of what Anderson Cooper said in his interview with Howard Stern. When he was at Yale, he knew some brilliant people but he also knew lot of people who were just lost: kind of like OP.

You have to learn from past experiences or else you're no better than a Dartmouth grad. You should nix any idea about going back to Yale and finish your degree closer to home.

 

[QofQuimica]

Agree with SMPbound. Yale doesn't sound like a very good learning environment for you, then or now. There are tons of excellent colleges in Cali to choose among. And being a grad of an obscure public college myself, I can't say attending a local school ever made me feel like a "loser." No one has ever suggested such a thing to me in the past 20 years, and I'd just laugh at them if they did, because I went to my college for free and got an amazing education there. And regardless of what you think others may be thinking about you, finishing a degree from your local U will serve you better in life than being a college dropout, will it not? So the first thing is to get yourself into a learning environment that you feel is conducive to your learning. It's ok to not be a Yale grad.

As for major, don't declare one right away. Start taking some classes that sound interesting and see what you like. I ended up going to grad school because I loved chemistry so much. I had never expected to become a chemist when I started college. Who knows what will ultimately capture your interest?

Finally, I'd suggest that you see your doctor to make sure that s/he doesn't think you might be depressed. Even if you aren't, referral to a therapist to help you work through your issues of feeling inadequate might help. Right now your thought process is pulling you down and making it harder for you to become a success. You aren't a loser. You merely took a detour in life. It's ok to not go straight through college right out of HS. The important thing is that you're able and willing to do something to change what you don't like about your life. Changing the status quo takes courage. So give yourself a little credit there. 🙂

 

[Mars41]

So being a doctor might not be for you. What's the big deal? You got into Yale and that alone is something to be proud of.

80% of the doctors on this forum probably couldn't get into Yale out of high school. Be proud of your accomplishments and move on with your life.

Go to a state school, have fun, stop worrying about $ and what people think and you'll live a charmed life.

Good luck.

 

[Lost Soul]

Thank you all for your kinds words & your elaborate advice. It really gave me different perspectives of my current situation after reading all your replies. I really appreciate it.

 

[Goro]

TLDR
Please ask a question without the novella.

Hello all,

I don't know how to start my story. I am in desperate need of an advice, guidance and insight into something I might be missing. So I'm a college dropout. I am 28 years old. I was once a most likely to succeed in high school turned into a loser of all time 🙁 I got accepted to Yale straight out of high school with nearly perfect GPA (who doesn't have perfect GPA from high school, right? ). Following the crowd & somewhat harshly advised by my parents, I've decided that I will be a doctor. It didn't seem like a big deal, until I was hit hard with first year science. Gen chem. I never knew I could suck so much at science like this. I was okay with science back in high school, but oh man it was different. Well I barely passed the class with a C. Then o-chem & bio came along. I failed first half of O-chem twice. Passed Bio with barely C+. I was devastated. Anyways, stuck in the awe of despair and shock, I decided to withdraw from school on my third year after having declared my major. I couldn't keep going. Was sick of all the science stuff which never made any sense to me at the time or till today and I just didn't know what to do. Now that's about 6 or 7 years ago when I withdrew from school. Since then, I have been working part-time as an SAT instructor for couple years and also did an internship at a local medical center near my home in California.

Now I'm working full-time at some random company where I don't even know what the hell I'm doing. I'm treated like **** and I know for sure that this is not what I want to do for the rest of my life. Now or later I'll have to make up my mind whether to finish my degree at Yale or get a degree at some local school near my home. This is what is really leaving me confused and vexed. I mean, I know for sure that my every cell hates science since there was not a single science class that got my interest and I know I'm unbelievably dumb at science. But I'm good at math. Not a genius status, but have been pretty good with numbers since very young. So I was thinking maybe I should become an accountant? Because it has something to do with numbers...? So I was thinking I should go to a local school and major in accounting and hopefully become a CPA. This seems like a achievable goal for me and something that at least interests me. However, I still feel like I should get a degree at Yale because a degree at Yale might mean something big? I don't know. But every time I think of going back to Yale to finish my degree with Bio major just makes me wanna kill myself. I know I will struggle just like before, and there is a high chance I might get kicked out if I continue to fail courses. Upper div courses is way harder than the lower div.. At least I realized it when I tried to take bio-chem, which really made me question my capability of doing bio as my major.

Anyway, what are your thoughts on this? I don't want to go back to Yale. The only reason that compels me to go back is the prestige of having a degree from Yale. I'm just worried if I had gone to some random school, people might think less of me. People might ignore me.. I know that people always tell you you shouldn't care about what other people think about you but still.. I don't wanna be looked as an unintelligent loser who went to some unnamed school.. 🙁 But at the same time I really want to start with something that is non-science that I can be good at and I can find interest in. I want to study something that I actually could truly enjoy learning. So I am more leaning towards going to a local school and graduating with accounting degree, but I am not sure. This path might be not for me either. I just want to know if there could be something I'm missing. I just want to listen to your insight that I couldn't have thought of. I guess I'm just very insecure at the moment, so I'm being very indecisive. Can you guys please help? 🙁

 

[Lost Soul]

TLDR
Please ask a question without the novella.

I guess you really liked my novella 🙂

 

[Gauss44]

Agree with SMPbound. Yale doesn't sound like a very good learning environment for you, then or now. There are tons of excellent colleges in Cali to choose among. And being a grad of an obscure public college myself, I can't say attending a local school ever made me feel like a "loser." No one has ever suggested such a thing to me in the past 20 years, and I'd just laugh at them if they did, because I went to my college for free and got an amazing education there. And regardless of what you think others may be thinking about you, finishing a degree from your local U will serve you better in life than being a college dropout, will it not? So the first thing is to get yourself into a learning environment that you feel is conducive to your learning. It's ok to not be a Yale grad.

As for major, don't declare one right away. Start taking some classes that sound interesting and see what you like. I ended up going to grad school because I loved chemistry so much. I had never expected to become a chemist when I started college. Who knows what will ultimately capture your interest?

Finally, I'd suggest that you see your doctor to make sure that s/he doesn't think you might be depressed. Even if you aren't, referral to a therapist to help you work through your issues of feeling inadequate might help. Right now your thought process is pulling you down and making it harder for you to become a success. You aren't a loser. You merely took a detour in life. It's ok to not go straight through college right out of HS. The important thing is that you're able and willing to do something to change what you don't like about your life. Changing the status quo takes courage. So give yourself a little credit there. 🙂

This sounds like good advice.

Additionally, I wanted to add, that people go to see counselors and psychologists all the time for help getting through difficult periods of life, for guidance in making decision, and for advice. PSYCHOLOGISTS SEE MANY PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT MENTALLY ILL!!! And if you are, by chance, struggling with temporary and situation based depression, or even biological depression, they can help you determine that. They can also help with issues of low self esteem, low self image, rising above discouragement, life planning, etc. If I were you, I would specifically seek out an actual psychologist/counselor who specializes in this, NOT an MD or generalist. If I remember right, there are some pretty good listings here as well as on a typical google search: http://m.therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/

Good luck!

 

[Lost Soul]

This sounds like good advice.

Additionally, I wanted to add, that people go to see counselors and psychologists all the time for help getting through difficult periods of life, for guidance in making decision, and for advice. PSYCHOLOGISTS SEE MANY PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT MENTALLY ILL!!! And if you are, by chance, struggling with temporary and situation based depression, or even biological depression, they can help you determine that. They can also help with issues of low self esteem, low self image, rising above discouragement, life planning, etc. If I were you, I would specifically seek out an actual psychologist/counselor who specializes in this, NOT an MD or generalist. If I remember right, there are some pretty good listings here as well as on a typical google search: http://m.therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/

Good luck!

Hello,

Thank you for making that suggestion. Actually, I did go see a psychologist, and was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, etc. Went to a counseling session for a month & then stopped going once I was employed for full-time. They didn't have any availability for weekend session, so I couldn't go anymore although I wanted to. It was also free because I had zero income, but now I have income I would have to pay, which is not an option for me..

 

[Gauss44]

Hello,

Thank you for making that suggestion. Actually, I did go see a psychologist, and was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, etc. Went to a counseling session for a month & then stopped going once I was employed for full-time. They didn't have any availability for weekend session, so I couldn't go anymore although I wanted to. It was also free because I had zero income, but now I have income I would have to pay, which is not an option for me..

Glad to hear that you had the courage to give counseling a try. It's not a bad thing. In general, I think most psychologists are very socially gifted and can be very helpful with many things, including simple problem solving or providing guidance in any number of circumstances, as well as with actual depression, anxiety, etc.

Do you have insurance? Have you asked about sliding scales (where low income people pay less)? Have you tried contacting other psychologists to see if you can find someone who works weekends? Any chance your employer would be flexible one day a week or every other week?

Again, I'm glad that you are willing to accept help. (In my experience, everyone goes through hard times, and those who are willing to help themselves, and to seek out help, generally rise from the ashes a bit faster and better.) I hope it all works out.

 

[TOLonghorn]

There's gotta be some psychologist that does Saturdays. I've had one that did

 

[Promethean]

So, every school that isn't Yale isn't "unnamed," and there are a lot of people who graduated from lesser known schools have made a life for themselves that they could enjoy.

If you already know that you hate science, please don't try to go to medical school. It isn't going to get magically more interesting to you.

You know what you do and don't like. Take an honest appraisal of what you want to do every day, and then go to school for it. If you like math, you might really love being a CPA, and there is decent money in it. Call Yale admissions and tell them that you want to come back and study finance/accounting. Ivy grads in that field do quite well for themselves. Or go to a local school and still do better than you are now.

What won't help you at all is continuing to stew in your misery, debating whether you should do something about it. Pick something you want and throw yourself at it.

 

[Meeah]

You are not a loser, you just have to figure out your goals and go for them.
Also figure out the reason why you left Yale. Was it science or the atmosphere there?
Once you know this, you can move on.
Good luck!

 

[deleted547631]

I mean, I know for sure that my every cell hates science since there was not a single science class that got my interest and I know I'm unbelievably dumb at science.

Being a physician involves understanding pathology, i.e. science, to establish differential diagnoses. So, not liking science poses a problem. Also, you haven't stated why you want to be a physician other than bending to pressure from your parents and following the crowd. That's not a good enough reason to take on this journey.