3 Months into 3rd year, breakup

[soulcity]

Just broke up with bf of 2 years. My now- ex and I met in med school and we've been dating since M1 year.

3rd year is certainly a testing time for the relationship. Relationship won't last unless you both (1) accept the sub-par nature of the relationship and (2) are on board with putting school above anything else. Just wanted to rant... I need a shoulder to cry on tonight

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[bashwell]

Just broke up with bf of 2 years. My now- ex and I met in med school and we've been dating since M1 year.

3rd year is certainly a testing time for the relationship. Relationship won't last unless you both (1) accept the sub-par nature of the relationship and (2) are on board with putting school above anything else. Just wanted to rant... I need a shoulder to cry on tonight

Sorry to hear it, @soulcity. 🙁 But I'm happy to be a shoulder today.

 

[bannie22]

tmr is a new day

 

[HopefulEMed]

So true, @soulcity. My fiance and I broke-up after my 1st year of medical school. Unfortunately, this is the reality we signed-up for. Hang in there.

 

[deleted585480]

be happy it was now instead of a couple years after you were married.

 

[ThreeCheers]

Sorry to hear that. I broke up with my boyfriend of 7 years as an MS-3, and I can say that third year keeping you busy can help a lot. Third year is 90% garbage 10% good, but that 10% can honestly be life-changing. Just focus on you and soon you'll be too distracted to worry about your ex.

Remember that it's ok to be sad, and be sure to maintain a good support system. I hope it works out for you!

 

[raiderette]

It is the best thing. Never let someone get in the way of your life goals.

 

[Domperidone]

Better now than during (or just before) residency. 🙁
I knew several (or many) classmates who also got together during medical school, also M1
(Medcest is real)

It went one of two ways leading up to grad or after everyone started working in PGY1. (Of the couples that made it to 4-5 years)
Either they got engaged or got married. I figured because, well you start work and you can kind of afford to settle down. Also with jobs starting, I suppose **** is getting real. still hard on a relationship/marriage, two residents married to each other.
Or they broke up. I couldn't imagine the 4-5 years they invested into it before deciding it wasn't working out. Rather tragic. Just to make it even more challenging to transition from school to residency too. In one case there was cheating (with another medical student)
A couple of the couples that had broken up had also couples matched to the same location. Just to make things awkward after splitting up.

 

[soulcity]

Thanks everyone. I am having a difficult time because we thought we were highly compatible and we had a real future together. We often talked about starting a family together. I wonder how if my ex (someone working towards a same goal) wasn't the right person for me, then who would be? I also just hate having to go back to the whole dating scene...

 

[Amalfi.aqua]

I'm sorry @soulcity 🙁 I'm about to start my MS2 year. For about the past 6 months, I was dating a fellow classmate. A few days ago, while I was on a girls' trip vacation, he broke up with me by informing me that he would be traveling alone to another country with another girl in our class.

 

[sleepyhead22]

Thanks everyone. I am having a difficult time because we thought we were highly compatible and we had a real future together. We often talked about starting a family together. I wonder how if my ex (someone working towards a same goal) wasn't the right person for me, then who would be? I also just hate having to go back to the whole dating scene...

That's really difficult, but if they WERE right for you and compatible, then you wouldn't have broken up. I know dating can suck and it's hard to imagine being with someone else, but you will find someone else who will probably be better in ways that you didn't realize you wanted/needed. Once you're not so emotionally raw, try to think about what led to this relationship's failure and what you would like or need from your next SO. It sucks. Try to keep busy but also focus on self care.

 

[Goro]

Just broke up with bf of 2 years. My now- ex and I met in med school and we've been dating since M1 year.

3rd year is certainly a testing time for the relationship. Relationship won't last unless you both (1) accept the sub-par nature of the relationship and (2) are on board with putting school above anything else. Just wanted to rant... I need a shoulder to cry on tonight

Very sorry to hear this!

Cry when you feel like you need to cry, and at other times, stay busy!!

There's a Jack for every Jill in this world, so yours will come along.

 

[Domperidone]

Thanks everyone. I am having a difficult time because we thought we were highly compatible and we had a real future together. We often talked about starting a family together. I wonder how if my ex (someone working towards a same goal) wasn't the right person for me, then who would be? I also just hate having to go back to the whole dating scene...

Awwww
It's only just happened and you're still grieving.
Give it time.
let things go for now.
if it's meant to be, then perhaps you'll find a way back to each other later on.

Also, residency is a whole other scene, and it's not uncommon for residents to date each other soon after starting. possibly because of all the long hours together.
Everyone's the same age, with similar goals and goals that are more clear than they were during medical school.

Things will get better

 

[sliceofbread136]

Better to have loved and lost.

 

[Redpancreas]

.

 

[raiderette]

There's a Jack for every Jill in this world, so yours will come along.[/QUOTE]

I would say there are several Jacks and Jills out there. Plenty of people will be compatible; the key is to grow together.

 

[futuredoc331]

My class has had quite a few marriages happen in our first year. I'm really curious to see how many last. Is 3rd year much harder on a relationship than 1st?

 

[ortnakas]

I have to fill out a form about my "greatest accomplishment" in medical school and was only half-joking when I told a friend I wanted to write down "still being married." Relationships in med school are really hard.

Give yourself a break, let yourself grieve, and move on as best you can.

 

[mistafab]

I'll tell you the same thing I told my buddy when his GF broke up with him before starting school:

The best time to break up with someone is sooner rather than later. When you find the right person, you won't break up over anything. If you are in a relationship that is wrong for you, the worst thing that can happen is that you and the other person refuse to let it go. You are better for this OP. The pain is here for now and that is okay. You'll be better for it in the long run and I hope you feel better soon.

 

[tetanitoxin]

Not to dredge up past heartbreak, but this exact same thing just happened to me and it feels like the end of my whole world. OP how are you doing now and what helped you get over this? Could use some advice on how to cope and keep it together right now

 

[trobinsonmd]

I met a girl in MS1 at orientation and we dated for two years. Step studying and subsequent clerkships got in the way of the relationship, ended up breaking up. Then I met another girl during MS3 and we dated for a bit... also ended up breaking up because of school. Met a girl in SoCal on an away rotation and dated her, initially didn't work out because of distance. Fast forward a bit, both her and I match at programs in nyc (unintentionally) and now we are happily dating again. By choosing to enter medicine and go through medical school, you are committing a huge majority of time to your craft and have to realize that this situation won't last. Once you're a resident, you might have more time (depending on what specialty you're in of course) for relationships... you can't connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backward, so stay positive and know that whatever happens always happens for a reason.