A funny story

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Amusing client stories are always good.

I had the owner of a pretty obese dog a day or two ago tell me he was trying to help their dog lose weight with Hills w/d (or r/d, I forget) ... and they were free feeding.

Had a tough time keeping a straight face.
 
My go-to crazy client story occurred several years ago. A middle aged woman came in with her young intact female cat for a "large belly". Vet palpates fetuses and mammary glands are enlarging. Rads confirm, pregnant! We tell the client that she has little cats on the way.

At that point the client starts sobbing because she can't take care of a bunch of kittens, and we explain that we could spay her cat. Then the blurts out "But you don't understand, these are God's kittens!". We were a bit confused, and when we asked her to explain she said "My cat never goes outside so it's impossible that she's pregnant unless it was through immaculate conception!". Yes, she believed that her cat was carrying holy kittens.

She took the cat home and brought it back a few days later to be spayed. I guess her convictions weren't too strong?
 
DVMDream said:
Ok, remembering funny stories from years past:

  • Client calls and I answer the phone. Client: "Hi, I want to get those antibiotics you gave my dog last time." Me: "Ok, could you tell me your last name and your pet's name so I can get your chart? Client gives me the info and I put them on a quick hold while I get the chart (yes, this was back in the old days where charts were written on paper and filed on shelves 😱). Look at the chart and this client has not been seen in the last year. The last time the pet was in antibiotics were prescribed for a UTI. So, I get back on the phone to speak with the client to see what is going on. Me: "Thank you for holding, I have "xxx's" chart here, I see we gave antibiotics about a year ago for a urinary tract infection, could you tell me what is going on with "xxx"?" Client: "Yeah, she had some infection in her urine or something then, I need them antibiotics again. Me: "Ok, what makes you think she needs the antibiotics again?" Client: "Well, she has this red rash on the back of her front legs, I think the bacteria from her urine got on her legs and got them infected too." Me: :bored:


  • I am at reception and someone comes walking in. I say hi and ask how I can help them out. Guy says, "Yeah, I need eye meds for my dog." Me: "Ok, can I get your last name and your dog's name so I can pull up his medical history." Guy: "I have never been here before, I just need eye meds." Me: "Ok, I understand, do you have a prescription for the eye meds for your dog?" Guy: "No, they are just eye meds, I just need another bottle, I ran out." Me: "Ok, unfortunately, I can't refill your dog's eye meds without a prescription or the vet seeing your dog so that we can be sure he is getting the proper medication. I can call your previous vet to see if they will give us a prescription over the phone or I can set you up with an appointment to see one of our vets." Guy: "This is stupid, there isn't more than one eye medication". He then walked out the door. Me: :wtf:

  • The clinic I worked at closed at 7PM, however if there were still clients in the building or it was before 7:30PM and we were still there we had to answer the phone. It is 7:15PM, the last client had just left, we are all cleaning and the vet has her stuff in hand walking out the door. The phone rings and I answer. "Thank you for calling, xxx animal hospital, after hours, this is DVMD how can I help you?" Client: "Ok, so I am a client of yours and I have two cats that hate each other so I keep them in separate areas of the house so they can't get to each other. Well, one of the doors got left open and they got into a fight and one of the cat's eyes is really messed up. I need an appointment tonight." (Vet seriously walked out the door already). Me: "I am sorry to hear that your cats got into a fight, unfortunately, we are closed for the night and our vet is not longer here, I can give you the location and phone number of the emergency clinic down the road." Client: "No, I am not going to the emergency clinic, I know you have appointments left, just squeeze me in, I don't care if I have to wait." Me: "I don't have a veterinarian here to look at your cat, so all I can offer you right now is to go to the emergency clinic tonight or I have an 8AM appointment tomorrow morning." Client: "No, the emergency clinic is expensive and I have to be at work tomorrow morning before 8, I know you can fit me in tonight." Me.. :poke: "I can't fit you in tonight because we are closed and don't have a vet here right now. We can get you in tomorrow morning or you will need to go to the emergency clinic tonight." Client: "Well, this is all your fault! I can't come tomorrow because I have work and you have the worst hours ever! (our clinic is open the earliest and stays open the latest of all clinics in the immediate area except for the 24 hour emergency clinic). My cat is going to lose its eye because of you!" and she hangs up. Me (thinking in my head): "no, your cat's eye is damaged because you insist on keeping two pets in one house that don't get along, this is your fault, not mine." :annoyed:

Ok, I will stop there, I could go on forever... including milk in wound, guy who chopped off dog's ear, box**** puppies, how does dog make milk... I have too many stories.
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Hmmm, not sure if you understand the meaning of "funny" anymore. 😵
 
StartingoverVet said:
Hmmm, not sure if you understand the meaning of "funny" anymore. 😵
Click to expand...

You know, I used to let every little thing get to me when I first started working at the vet clinic and some things will still get to me or make me upset. (Like the one guy shouting at me about how inferior vet med is to human med and we should stop pretending to be doctors). However, I learned that is the quickest way to burn out, you have to just shrug or laugh at some things, because if not, you are going to end up in tears or with compassion fatigue.

For example, the lady with the cats, I felt horrible for a week about that. Felt it was really my fault, then my co-worker pointed out it wasn't my fault, the lady is responsible for her pet, you provided her with options and she is unhappy because she can't get what she wants. To this day I have no idea what happened with the cat, I hope she took it to get the eye fixed because I do care, but I did everything I could for her at that moment and it is not my fault that she didn't like the options. Nor should I feel bad about that. I feel bad that the cat is hurt and the owner is upset, but I also find it funny that she thinks there are some secret appointments that I am just not letting her have.... I gave her options to get her cat care, the rest is up to her.

I have learned to not let people like that get to me. Sometimes you do have to "shrug" or "laugh" off the things people say, because otherwise you might go crazy.

Same with the guy that walked into the clinic and left telling me that "there is only one eye medication". Umm.. ok... :laugh:

Sorry, you have to laugh in this profession. I am not laughing at their faces or making fun of the situation they are in. I am not being mean, withholding treatment, or being a jerk. I am just laughing at comments they made.

The first dog with the rash came in and we treated its entirely separate condition. I was professional with her on the phone, explained why a UTI a year ago is highly unlikely to cause an infection now and the dog was brought in and treated. I still laugh though at the "UTI from a year ago causing skin infection on front legs"... because it is funny.
 
Receptionist: There's a woman on the phone who needs to talk to a vet. he says she's a client but I can't find her in the computer.
me: . "Hi, this Dr A, how can I help you?"
Client: "my dogs teeth turned black last month. Last week his eyes turned yellow and today his penis is purple. He's just laying around and having trouble breathing. He hasn't eaten or peed in days. what do you think It is?"
Me: "well i really can't be sure without seeing him. why don't you bring him in?"
Client "Oh I moved to Vegas ten years ago. Can't you mail me some antibiotics?"
Me: "no, I think he really needs to be seen. You should call your vet."
Client: "you are my vet"
Me: "your local vet. Wherever you've been taking him for the past ten years. Or a local emergency clinic."
Client "I don't have a vet here. You are the only vet clinic I use"
Me: "then I suggest you go an emergency clinic ASAP since he is having trouble breathing."
Client: "well which one do you recommend? I only have about a hundred dollars so it needs to be cheap"
me: ".....Our office is in Maryland. I'm not familiar with any Vegas clinics."
Client: "then how am I supposed to know where to go? Can't you just tell me what's wrong with his penis? I wanted to breed him once more. Do you think Neosporin will help?."
me: "I think you should find a vet to fix his breathing. it's important. Go. Now."
 
Your dog is having trouble breathing and your greatest concern is whether he'll be able to breed again.

I just.

PEOPLE
giphy.gif
 
cowgirla said:
Receptionist: There's a woman on the phone who needs to talk to a vet. he says she's a client but I can't find her in the computer.
me: . "Hi, this Dr A, how can I help you?"
Client: "my dogs teeth turned black last month. Last week his eyes turned yellow and today his penis is purple. He's just laying around and having trouble breathing. He hasn't eaten or peed in days. what do you think It is?"
Me: "well i really can't be sure without seeing him. why don't you bring him in?"
Client "Oh I moved to Vegas ten years ago. Can't you mail me some antibiotics?"
Me: "no, I think he really needs to be seen. You should call your vet."
Client: "you are my vet"
Me: "your local vet. Wherever you've been taking him for the past ten years. Or a local emergency clinic."
Client "I don't have a vet here. You are the only vet clinic I use"
Me: "then I suggest you go an emergency clinic ASAP since he is having trouble breathing."
Client: "well which one do you recommend? I only have about a hundred dollars so it needs to be cheap"
me: ".....Our office is in Maryland. I'm not familiar with any Vegas clinics."
Client: "then how am I supposed to know where to go? Can't you just tell me what's wrong with his penis? I wanted to breed him once more. Do you think Neosporin will help?."
me: "I think you should find a vet to fix his breathing. it's important. Go. Now."
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can't decide whether to laugh or cry.
 
We have a client who is a biomedical engineer of some sort who attempts (and sometimes succeeds) at using all the same medical terminology used in medical books. He brought one of his cats in to see it and our vet told him that the reason his cat was having issues eating and rubbing his face on everything was because half his teeth were rotten (worst. cat. mouth. ever). We do a full dental, do something around 12 extractions. Owner comes in for pick up, and bursts into tears, saying that he was so worried that his cat would die from infection like has has seen human patients do in hospitals he has worked on. He goes on to say, and I quote, "Doctor, I don't know if you have studied medicine, but I have studied medicine, and I just can't see how he is going to live through this." The vet at our clinic obviously has her DVM, and also has a PhD in microbiology. Her response: "Yes, sir, I have studied medicine." Super deadpan.
 
In late Feb/early March at the wildlife hospital we got a call from a lady who was bringing a "baby duck that has something wrong with its eyes". When we opened the box she brought it in, we saw one of these fellows--

HornedGrebe1LR.jpg


In her defense, I know grebes are definitely not a species I was familiar with until I started getting more into wildlife, and she was genuinely concerned for the "duck", but it gave us a little chuckle 🙂 The grebe was fine and was released the next day.
 
StartingoverVet said:
Please do.
Click to expand...
Lady comes in with her dog and asks if we see exotics. I like to dabble in it, so I tell her sure. She's convinced this hamster has cancer. Apparently she had the mother before and that hamster died of cancer. So she's freaking out about her "son" (and yes she calls him that). So I ask her why she thinks that and it's because he's losing hair. So I take a look at this hamster of hers. And this is when my tech decides that even though he's never handled hamsters before he's going to grab it and let it jump out of his hands. And I catch it getting bitten in the process because a 6 foot drop would not be good (and thus ended up with lymphocytic choriomeningitis). So it looks exactly like ringworm. And I offer her a fungal culture which she declines due to price. And she asks me about chemotherapy for her hamster. I tell her to at least try the griseofulvin first to rule out ringworm.

A week later she calls (and doesn't say who it is) and tells us she needs to talk to us about her son. My tech starts telling her we are a veterinary clinic not a pediatric office. She finally says who she is and tells us that she's sure the medication isn't working. So we work in a recheck early and take a look. And there is new hair growth there. But she's still convinced that it is cancer. So we talk to her about continuing the meds for at least 3 weeks because we are seeing resolution. She didn't say anything, but she was obviously not super happy with us.

Fast forward to 4 months later (last week) and she comes back in with a new rat that has a degloving injury. She comes in and tells us that no other clinics will see her exotics for the price we charge and that I magically cured her hamster's cancer...
 
dyachei said:
And I catch it getting bitten in the process because a 6 foot drop would not be good (and thus ended up with lymphocytic choriomeningitis).
Click to expand...

AHEM.

dyachei said:
And I catch it getting bitten in the process because a 6 foot drop would not be good (and thus ended up with lymphocytic choriomeningitis, which was only discovered because a super quick-thinking vet student on SDN suggested it as a top differential upon hearing the story, which is what sent me to the hospital and led to the testing and diagnosis.).
Click to expand...

FTFY.
 
dyachei said:
Lady comes in with her dog and asks if we see exotics. I like to dabble in it, so I tell her sure. She's convinced this hamster has cancer. Apparently she had the mother before and that hamster died of cancer. So she's freaking out about her "son" (and yes she calls him that). So I ask her why she thinks that and it's because he's losing hair. So I take a look at this hamster of hers. And this is when my tech decides that even though he's never handled hamsters before he's going to grab it and let it jump out of his hands. And I catch it getting bitten in the process because a 6 foot drop would not be good (and thus ended up with lymphocytic choriomeningitis). So it looks exactly like ringworm. And I offer her a fungal culture which she declines due to price. And she asks me about chemotherapy for her hamster. I tell her to at least try the griseofulvin first to rule out ringworm.

A week later she calls (and doesn't say who it is) and tells us she needs to talk to us about her son. My tech starts telling her we are a veterinary clinic not a pediatric office. She finally says who she is and tells us that she's sure the medication isn't working. So we work in a recheck early and take a look. And there is new hair growth there. But she's still convinced that it is cancer. So we talk to her about continuing the meds for at least 3 weeks because we are seeing resolution. She didn't say anything, but she was obviously not super happy with us.

Fast forward to 4 months later (last week) and she comes back in with a new rat that has a degloving injury. She comes in and tells us that no other clinics will see her exotics for the price we charge and that I magically cured her hamster's cancer...
Click to expand...
that's a good one. (except your getting bit which is the only part I knew).

You are a miracle worker. Congrats!
 
dyachei said:
Lady comes in with her dog and asks if we see exotics. I like to dabble in it, so I tell her sure. She's convinced this hamster has cancer. Apparently she had the mother before and that hamster died of cancer. So she's freaking out about her "son" (and yes she calls him that). So I ask her why she thinks that and it's because he's losing hair. So I take a look at this hamster of hers. And this is when my tech decides that even though he's never handled hamsters before he's going to grab it and let it jump out of his hands. And I catch it getting bitten in the process because a 6 foot drop would not be good (and thus ended up with lymphocytic choriomeningitis). So it looks exactly like ringworm. And I offer her a fungal culture which she declines due to price. And she asks me about chemotherapy for her hamster. I tell her to at least try the griseofulvin first to rule out ringworm.

A week later she calls (and doesn't say who it is) and tells us she needs to talk to us about her son. My tech starts telling her we are a veterinary clinic not a pediatric office. She finally says who she is and tells us that she's sure the medication isn't working. So we work in a recheck early and take a look. And there is new hair growth there. But she's still convinced that it is cancer. So we talk to her about continuing the meds for at least 3 weeks because we are seeing resolution. She didn't say anything, but she was obviously not super happy with us.

Fast forward to 4 months later (last week) and she comes back in with a new rat that has a degloving injury. She comes in and tells us that no other clinics will see her exotics for the price we charge and that I magically cured her hamster's cancer...
Click to expand...

Seriously need to write a case report on this:

"Griseofulvin cures cancer in hamster"...

You could be onto a breakthrough in veterinary medicine here... 😉
 
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