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A little (read: FUNNY) diversion

Discussion in 'Pre-Medical - MD' started by SaucyAZN, Oct 9, 2001.

  1. SaucyAZN

    SaucyAZN Member
    7+ Year Member

    Jul 25, 2001
    Likes Received:
    What is up you Saucy People? Work's a little slow, and so I decided to post this little thing my boss's wife found on eBay...everyone on this SDN needs a good laugh, and I'm pretty sure you'll get quite a few chuckles from reading this:
    Never in eBay history has a product of such importance even been introduced in this manner. This product is for every person no matter how old or young, no matter what profession and no matter what gender. It is for you! Made for you, with your health in mind. Finally...

    ...EXTREME COLON CLEANSER has found its way onto the pages of eBay and with your help into the homes of millions of eBayers. By the time you read this ad in its entirety the question will not be should I buy this product, the question will be how many bottles should I order.

    EXTREME COLON CLEANSER is designed to aid in the body's digestive system. It is made up of 11 all natural herbs. These herbs break down the foods that we eat & pass them through the body more easily. EXTREME COLON CLEANSER is not a harsh laxative. It is a safe and natural way to help regulate your system. Studies have shown that the average person contains 5 to 25 pounds of waste build-up in their colon. This build-up leads to bacteria and toxins that contaminate our system causing common sicknesses and diseases. Approximately 90% of all disease & discomfort is related to an UNCLEAN COLON. Internal cleansing is essential for a health, active lifestyle.


    ...Prevent colon cancer
    ...Remove deadly toxins
    ...Remove parasites
    ...Prevent toxicity
    ...Prevent common sickness & deadly
    Do you have any of these symptoms?

    -Headaches -Unclear Thinking
    -Constipation -Slow Reflexes
    -Irregularity -Dry lips during the day
    -Fast Heartbeat -Unable to lose weight
    -Depression -Diarrhea
    -Digestive Problems
    -Bad breath -Damp lips at night
    -Eating but still feeling hungry
    -Unable to gain weight
    -Body aches -Gas & bloating
    -Problems sleeping
    -Irritability -Numb hands
    -Nervousness -Always tired
    -Poor appetite -Lack of concentration
    -Constant sickness
    -Grinding teeth -Burning sensation in stomach
    -allergies -Forgetfulness
    -Loss of appetite
    -Itchy ears & nose
    -Menstrual problems
    -Drooling while sleeping
    -Yellowish face
    -Joint & muscle aches

    If you answered "YES" to any of these symptoms, then you may need EXTREME COLON CLEANSER.

    It contains fiber which helps bond waste together so that it may be easier for the digestive system to transport it thorugh the colon & rectum without leaving toxins. Fiber is not found in most processed food (fast food), meat, sugar, or fat, therefore leaving most Americans with a deficiency in fiber.

    EXTREME COLON CLEANSER is an all natural, safe way to keep your system clean & healthy. Many people shy away from colon cleansers because they're afraid they will have a laxative effect. This product is not a laxative. It's herbal ingredients work together to simply aid in the digestion of your food & to cleanse the colon of stored waste. Keeping your system clean leads to a lifetime of better health.

    EXTREME COLON CLEANSER, if taken as directed, is designed to cleanse the colon, thereby making your digestive system run more effeciently. This may help preven colon disease such as colon cancer. Some of the signs of an unhealthy colon are stress, feeling weak and tired, drowsiness, constant bad breath (because it irritates the lungs), arthritis, repetitive sickness, unclear thinking, liver spots, paleness, and skin blemishes.

    It is claimed that you may become spiritual in mind, body & soul by cleansing the body, as stated in the BIBLE, by fasting. Fasting usually takes 40 days of living strictly on water - something that most people are unwilling to do these days. So, that brings us to the next best alternative: EXTREME COLON CLEANSER.
    Remember, EXTREME COLON CLEANSER is not a laxative. So what's in EXTREME COLON CLEANSER?

    -Irish moss: Acts as a bulk laxative, coats & soothes the entire gastrointestinal tract. Helps to alleviate peptic & duodenal ulcers

    -Ginger: Lowers both serum & hepatic cholesterol

    -Licorice: Purifies the blood & may inhibit the growth of some cancers. Soothes mucous membranes, eases bronchitis, symptoms of colds, influenza, & common ulcers

    -Cascara Sagrada: Acts as a laxative

    -Rhubarb: Acts as a mild laxative & softens the stool

    -Psyllium Seed: Acts as a bulk fibrous laxative

    -Senna: Increases the peristalic movements of the colon & alleviates constipation

    -Kaolin: Protects against diarrhea

    -Bukthorn Bark: Relieves constipation & helps strengthen, tone & stimulate the secreting functions of the liver

    -Butternut Root Bark: Acts as a mild laxative & supports intestinal health

    -Cayenne: Promotes a healthy cardiovascular & digestive system

    "I began having problems with constipation 35 years ago after giving birth to my son. After seeing several doctors who had prescribed every type of laxative that is available (plus being advised that I had symptoms of colon cancer), I then tried all of the over-the-counter products; nothing worked. My daughter introduced me to EXTREME COLON CLEANSER in March 1999. Within a couple of months, I began having normal bowel movements, which rid me of my constipation problem. Also my doctor has seen this product's ingredients and is now recommending EXTREME COLON CLEANSER to other patients."

    -Annette Russell

    "I would like people to know that EXTREME COLON CLEANSER has changed my life physicially and financially. I was diagnosed with a spastic colon for over 12 years & constipation was a way of life for me. I was then introduced to EXTREME COLON CLEANSER. Now, I am regular. At age 35, I cannot imagine life without this product. I also have a lot of customers that feel the same way that I do. Thank you."

    -Carol McCarver

    (end ad)
    The preceding was a shortened version of what my boss's wife printed off of eBay. When I read it the first time, I was literally crying buckets of tears because it was so freakin' hilarious. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did.

    -The SaucyAZN Sensation

    p.s. - Looks like all of us have an unclean colon! :eek: :eek: :eek:
  2. aisha

    aisha Senior Member
    7+ Year Member

    Sep 27, 2001
    Likes Received:
    ive never seen something like this before
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  3. dustinspeer

    dustinspeer Who's your daddy?
    7+ Year Member

    Oct 6, 2001
    Likes Received:
    I was on a long distance drive the other week, and late at night I was listening to whatever radio station I could find. In the middle of Kansas, there is not much for hours! But, I found a radio station playing n ad for this product! (Seriously) The 5 to 25 lbs of excrement that you had inside you was explained as proof because when John Wayne died, he was found to have 20+ lbs of waste in him. I kinda thought that inappropriate. But, the person I was riding with and I found the funniest part of the program to be the semi-guarantee they gave (and I kid you not!): 1 to 4 foot stools! Thats gross!
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