thanks for the feedback, i def see your points. ig for me i just thought this response bc it really has been something I've had to live through and encounter. whatever happens in my family, im heavily involved in just bc of that sense of collective resonpsibility ive grown up in. my main point was to try to convey how my moms traditions/arab upbringing and how my sister wants to live could not be any more different and the responsbility to manage it does fall on me a lot. ive learned a lot in how to validate perspectives. end of the day, it really depends on how I can write it but i'll definitely think of other ideas.
Independent of this conversation, you might want to do some reading on parental enmeshment and parentalization. If you don't have a psychology background, I recommend
The Emotional Incest Syndrome by Dr. Patricia Love. If you do,
The Fantasy Bond, by Dr. Robert Firestone. Fantastic reads; the latter is totally mind-blowing in places.
My point is that a third person reading about your situation is going to think about you as an independent, rational actor.
To say that you were responsible for managing conflict between your mother and sibling is nonsensical. You are the child, you cannot parent your parent; or your sister, for that matter. It is not only an invalid request (given that there are obvious physical boundaries that limit your ability to truly "manage" conflict by force), and unenforceable (given that you depend on your parent to survive).
The rational reaction in these circumstances (for a child) is to reject your own needs and try desperately to meet your parent's needs as they are your only hope of having needs met if only by coincidence.
The rational reaction in these circumstances (as an adult) is to reject the premise and leave the room. You've got your own life to live, out there.
I'm not saying this isn't truly challenging, extremely sensitive, and uncomfortable... it's just something that is common across demographic lines. Everyone has parents by definition, and conflict is as human as it gets. It is not my idea of a diverse experience.
In my essay, I wrote about how being outed as gay in high school led me to be disowned by my family and resulted in not having a "safe place to land" when college didn't work out, which led me down a path of homelessness. For me, the diverse perspective comes not necessarily from the dynamic I had with my family, but with the experience of having zero social support, even the type of support we mostly take for granted. What I'm bringing to medical school is a knowledge of what to do
when you have no one—because it's an experience I personally can attest to. That's something I can talk about in class that would be applicable to anyone and can be adapted to a lens that I can see certain patients through.
For example, many doctors in my experience took on homeless patients in clinic and broadly suggest social services to them and send them on their way. These doctors are not aware that many social services require a permanent mailing address to participate. They may also need reliable transportation, which they might not have. These patients get a 30-page packet at the end of their visit with a bunch of resources they can't use, but when they return with some obvious medical exacerbation of their circumstances, they are consciously or unconsciously blamed for not taking the recommendations. I'll never be that doctor because I had to navigate those services and I know the special Hell it can be to acquire them.
I think focusing directly on the content of the arguments in your family is potentially useful for someone trying to get to know you as a friend, but maybe not as relevant when taken explicitly for the purposes of professional presentation.
