A Serious Question

[LP1CW]

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Usually, I'm just goofing around on here and occasionally I'm sincere. I know some of my responses have peed a few people off too. I have found this site to be a fun diversion. And I have gotten some good info.

But I have a serious concern and I'm not sure what to do. I'm thinking about withdrawing from this application cycle. I found out last week, that my mother has cancer. It's surprising, not because it's cancer, but because it's so advanced. She's a physician and my dad is too. But it is what it is. It just makes me wonder why she wasn't up on it, how could it happen. I'm thinking about just spending this year with my family, working, and taking time to clear my head. I have syblings.

My mother has lymph involvement and multiple bone mets. My parents want me to stay focused, but I think I should withdraw. I'm still young. She's trying to remain positive. I just don't know.

 

[AAKRAZY]

I'm not a big poster, but I feel compelled to tell you to stick with the application process.

If you can still put your best foot forward (despite that heavy burden on you), then you could make your family very proud by eventually succeeding. Otherwise, there is no rush. Family comes first.

I'll keep you in my prayers.
AAK

 

[PMED99]

Do what makes you feel the best. Cause when it is something as important as this, some people react differently. You know yourself better than anyone, and dont ever look back on the decision that you make out of this with remorse for doing so.

You will make the right decision and I know that everything will work out.

Ill keep y'all in my thoughts and keep us updated on everything.

 

[Downhill Racer]

I'm sorry to hear of your mother's situation but fortunately there are many great docs and therapies for cancer even at advanced stages, sounds like your mother is fairly young so that helps. I pray for a successful outcome for her and your family!

back to you. I think you must ask yourself how much have you invested in this year's application cycle? Are your app's complete or do you need to submit AMCAS? If everything is complete you can always DEFER med school for a year--- taking care of your family/siblings is not only understandable but also commendable. Prioritizing the needs of others is a fundamental quality of a physician. Ofcourse, I'm not in your shoes, nor do I know your family situation. So take my comments as that of an outside perspective. I would wager that it may be challenging to focus on writing personal statements or 10 mini-essays for med schools... but if you're already done and feel comfortable pursuing interviews.... I'd consider defering acceptances rather than defering the app cycle. G'luck!

*edited for readability and grammar

 

[XCanadianRagwee]

One word: DEFER
Usually schools will let you defer for one year...should you need two, I'd keep close contact with the school that accepts you.

 

[SpiritiualDuck]

hey,
usually, you're being pretty crazy on here. You like to get people going. I'm not going to analyze you, but I understand where you're coming from. I've been there. It's easy to play at times, avoid, than to face our fears.

My thoughts are with you and your family. Brother, life is always going to be difficult. This is it. It's not the easy answer, but it's the truth. And we need to just carry on. PM and I'll tell you where I"m at.

I hope this doesn't mean that we're going to start seeing a new side to you. I hope this doesn't mean that you're not going to be the cutting, sarcastic sexist that gives me laughter. I've enjoyed disagreeing with you and laughing at what a punk you are. I've shown your post to friends so they could pick on you too. So, stick around, stay strong, focused, and live by faith. And continue to entertain us.

And if all else fails, start a flame warm about DO's and MD's. You're good at it.

 

[kito]

I am very sorry to hear this. I hope your mom gets better and stays well for a very long time. Whatever you decide, know that all of us are here for you. Despite the infighting we are all one big family here.

 

[DMO]

Hey man,

I'd say stick with it. Deferment is, I think, a great option.

I wish the best of luck and health to you and your family.

 

[Arista.MD]

I'm sorry about your mother; don't lose hope though, there is treatment even when the disease is advanced.

If you finished most of your secondaries, you should stay in the application cycle, and when you get in you can always defer admission.

Good luck to you and your family.

 

[Ms. Dawson DO]

Having had several family members battle cancer, I feel where you are right now. I think its important to look at your mom's state of mind...which seems based on your account ...very positive. Keeping this in mind, while you want to be 'there' for them phsyically....you have to keep positive as well and there are ways to do this spiritually and mentally. I think backing out of the app cycle this far in (assuming you have submitted most of your secondaries and AMCAS) could be conceived as negative.mentally. It might even add an unnecessary burden to you mom....she may feel she is the reason for you backing out of you dream and feel bad for it. (this can't help treatment). It also seems your parents are a large part of your motivation to be a doctor...and I think this is a great opportunity to make your mom feel even better by being able to be proud of you. We can't forsee the future, but in 10 months, I would hope your mom would be done with treatments...and happily attending your white coat ceremony...thinking back on her own. I think you have MORE motivation now to continue with the process and make your parents, particularly your mom, very proud of you.


Keep your head up...we are never given more than we can handle. Goodluck to you and your mom.

 

[LP1CW]

Ms. Dawson,
I appreciate your thoughts. I've enjoyed the banter with you. I've talked to my dad, heart to heart, without my mother around. And he said that it's not good. She will die. She's smart, determined, and strong. My dad acts like everything is okay. He did say that he feels some guilt. He should have insisted that a long time ago. It doesn't make sense that medical providers wouldn't look out for themselves. I don't get it. I never thought to ask them. I just assumed. I mean they both workout, look good, seem healthy. She noticed a lump in her neck one day when showering. Immediately, it seemed like lymphoma. But it wasn't. It was advance cancer. Normally, it should have been detected before it got to that point. Just seems strange. She's in her mid-50's.

To me, it's still not real. Probably won't be real for sometime. I know that there will a day that she's gone. I just thought it would be in 30 years. Death is inevitable, I know for all of us. It just doesn't seem real.

 

[rgporter]

I don't know you, I'm new to this forum, but I am sorry for the pain that you and your family are experiencing. I wish I had some consolation to offer you; all I have is some small advice.

You would be foolish to waste any time you could spend with your mother and your family.

That said, I wouldn't withdraw my application, if you are still planning to go to medical school. I would let the process take care of itself. Spend all the time you can with your family, finish your application in any spare time. If you are accepted, explain your situation and ask them to let you defer your acceptance until the next academic year.

No one else can tell you what is best for you. If you really feel like you should withdraw your application, then do so.

 

[OhioMD]

I am very sorry to hear about your mother. Yes it is hard to lose a parent. I lost my mother a few years ago and it didn't seem real. I kept expecting to hear her voice for a long time afterwards. But,she had a serious chronic illness so I was prepared.

Just a note of encouragement, my father was diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer and the doctors did not know how successful the treatment would be. That was 20 years ago, he is still alive!

Best Regards to you and your family. I am sure your family will understand whatever decision you make. I will say dealing with illness really has been motivating me this year during the application season, I want to participate in success stories like my Dad.

 

[aqs200]

I lost my dad to pancreatic cancer when I was 10 and my mom battled breast cancer when I was in college. In fact, I had to withdraw for 2 years because the fact I had to work full time to make ends meet.
Anyway, my mom was given a 50% chance to live 5 years. It will be 5 years this October and she's doing very well - just still a bit anemic. She was even making a joke about it. She said one good thing about her battle with cancer is that she doesn't have to shave the hair on her legs(because the hair hasn't come back).
Anyway, never give up irregardless the odds and if you need to defer, do it. Medical School can wait, your mom can't.

 

[PreMedPoohBear]

Though I'm not in the same situation you are in, I feel as though I know where you're coming from. My father is going through renel failure and many many times I've thought about giving up my dream of becoming a doctor and doing something else that doesn't take too long to help support the family. My dad has been on dialysis for about 3 years total. He's weak at times but never really shows it. Until the other day, I haven't given much thought to the fact of losing him. He had to have small veins in his arm cut out so that his cath. in his arm could develop more, and my mom asked the doctor why it wasn't developing because this is his third problem with the cath, and the doctor told her that they were just buying time. When she told me this, it just hit me that he could be gone any minute. I was upset with the doctor also because I think that is really an insensitive way to put it. I think that was the biggest time I ever though about just quitting this dream all together, but I began to think about the fact that my dad wouldn't want me to quit and that he would want me to follow my dreams. I'm sure your mother would too. You just have to be strong and take every day one step at a time. Like other posters have said, if you get accepted you can always defer so that you can take the time to be with your mother. I do very much hope that everything works out for you and your mom.

 

[Buster Douglas]

I'm sorry to hear about your mom...

I mean no disrespect by this. As much as we've previously disagreed to disagree, I do think you should stay on course... I was in a similar situation only a little bit over a year ago.
My grandfather passed away the morning before the MCAT...

I only hope to give perspective and I don't mean to come across as insensitive. In attempting to prepare for the mcat, while watching my grandfather in the ICU slowly get worse last summer, I took this Bruce Lee quote to heart,

"Don't add worry to your troubles... One who is possessed by worry not only lacks the poise to solve his own problems, but by his nervousness and irritability creates additional problems for those around him."

I realized that by acceptance it was easier to live day by day. It helps no one worrying about the things you cannot change. 🙁 Being comforting for those around you and being accepting of the present is best thing you can do for yourself and everyone around you. Nothing would bring me down more than seeing my child delay/pass up his future because of me. If anything, I say do it for her...

 

[LUBDUBB]

To the OP,

I'm really sorry to hear about your mother. When facing tough situations in life have faith in yourself, and have faith in God. Medical school will always be around - so spend as much time next to your mother as you can, help her heal in every way possible, and pray. Most of us cannot feel the pain that you are feeling, so it is difficult to give any concrete advice. Have faith that God will be with your family throughout this ordeal. I will keep your mother in my prayers.

 

[PrincetonRocks]

I'm so sorry to hear about your mother's condition. I can really relate to you. Both of my parents are physicians also. Two years ago, my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer. I thought about taking time off from Princeton and my older brother thought about dropping out of Hopkins for another residency program in California. But, my parents wouldn't hear of it. Sometimes life hits us with the most unexpected twists of events, but what doesn't break us will make us stronger. Continue with your application process, and ask for a defer in admissions to spend more time with your family. Good luck and I'll be sure to keep you guys in my prayer.

 

[Amy B]

I am so sorry to hear this about your mother. Speaking as a mother.... Mothers absolutely LOVE when their kids succeed. It makes us proud. Every parent beams inside with an inner glow when something good happens to their kids. Perhaps getting an acceptance would give her a inner peace feeling. Moms love their kids more than life itself. Don't give up.

And as someone else mentioned after you get an acceptance, sit down with the staff and explain what is going on. They do let students defer for reasons such as this.

My prayers go out to your mother and you and your whole family.

P.S. The reason I wanted to become a doctor was after I watched my very best friend die from Ovarian Cancer. Her father is a top doctor at Georgetown and he never suspected a thing. Even thought it took the doctors 9 months to finally find what was wrong with her. Don't be too hard on them. The human body can be a mystery as to what is going on inside. Peace to you and your family.

 

[JennaB4MD]

I am sorry to hear of this sad news. It must be very hard for you to deal with the stress of your mother's illness while still staying focused on the application process and your other committments.

I would urge you to stick with the application process, and pick where you would like to go to school, and then defer your offer of admission. Most places let you do that, and especially in this sort of situation, it is very understandable. Otherwise, you have to go through the hassle of re-applying, and telling everyone you interview with the second time around your story.

Best wishes for you and your mother.

 

[bruinrab]

Hey,

I can inderstand your situation some what. My mother was involved in a serious car accident last year, while I was away at Georgetown's SMP. She lived through the accident (tanker truck falling 25 feet off a bridge and onto her car) and the surgery, etc. But as a result of the trauma, she's had autoimmune problems which have caused arteritis. At this point, one of her carotids is almost completely occluded, and she's at very high risk for a stroke. That's besides all the musculoskeletal problems that come from that type of accident. And the physical problems are only part of it (can you say PTSD?)

It's tough watching something like that happen to a parent, especially when they were previously so active (she still doesn't drive, spends most of the day resting). I think it's worse because it's so sudden. We pre-meds/meds have an even tougher time because we do have some understanding of what's going on -- and there's NOTHING we can do!

I ended up finishing out the year, though not really well. After graduation, I came back home, though I would like to go back to DC. My mother's condition has become more chronic at this point I guess, so I'm comfortable doing that.

But at this point my advice to you would be to complete your applications and see what happens. If you're in the position to do this, it might be a good idea to leave work/school to spend time with your mother.

I thought I could deal with being away, and I did for quite some time. But I'm still haunted by something one of the doctors said. My youngest brother was eleven at the time, and it was especially difficult for him to see our mother in icu -- he would go in, cry, leave for a few minutes, go back in, cry, leave, etc. The doc said that she would never forget his face that day for the rest of her life. And I wasn't there for him.

So, even if there is nothing to cure your mother, there is still a lot you can do for her and for the rest of your family. Make the most of your time with her, if you have to defer, that's fine, you'll get where you want to be in life eventually. Just hang in there and make sure that you don't have any regrets 30, 40, or 50 years from now.

Take care and good luck.

 

[AttemptDOnowDPM]

I once read an article about a hand surgeon who reattached both of his sons hands after an accident. The son grew up and was so appreciative of what his father had done that he went through and was in residency to become a hand surgeon himself.

So, sometimes, things like this can compel us to become the best doctor we can be. I say, work hard and be the best radiation oncologist you can be because of this hardship. Sometimes, the difficult things in life make us all the better,

Seth