I can't comment as a parent- but as someone who is focused in the area of child/adolescent mental health, I think it's important to recognize that:
1. "adolescent defiance" as you call it may be a normative part of development
2. Such family dynamics can be modifed. Especially if the behavior appears to be beyond the norm, there are approaches that both the teen and the parent can engage in to change behavior (e.g., PMT)
3. Adapting a primarily child treatment for a teenager often requires some creativity but many treatment approaches offer suggestions as a start
4. Regardless of the age of the child, you basically want to increase the amount of positive time you spend with them, set clear rules and specific expecations, create realistic consequences (e.g, in the age of technology- "go to your room" might not be much of a consequence at all), and offer rewards that the teen will actually enjoy (e.g., getting the car for a night)
Very basic intro- but you get the idea. Check out some books by Alan Kazdin, John Lochman, Karen Wells, etc... The are some of the foremost experts on defiant behaviors in youth.
