Advice desperately needed

[CarlATHF]

This is not going to be a typical pre-med post (i.e. omg I have a 4.0 and 40 MCAT will I get in anywhere????). This is something that has caused me many a sleepless night and caused me not to enjoy my senior year of college so far.

So I have an issue. I've been dating a girl for the past 3.5 years, and I love her to death. We get along so well, and I can't seem myself continuing the next step (medical school and life in general) without her. We met on the very first day of classes and have been dating ever since.

That being said, there is a problem. She and I are both pre-med, both with decent/above average stats (32 on MCAT for me, 35 for her, good GPA, etc.), and we've both been accepted to med school. We applied broadly, with most of our schools being the same. She's a New Jersey resident, and has gotten into both Jersey schools and Drexel; I am a Florida resident who's gotten into UF and New York Medical College. That being said, our top choice so far has been the Philly schools (which haven't shown me any love) and UMiami (which both of us haven't heard a peep from after submitting our apps back in August).

So I'm asking for your advice. I would do anything to be with her (go into more debt by going OOS to Philly, etc.) and I'm not interested in a competitive specialty. Here's my question to you: Is there anything I can do at this point? Writing a letter to schools of mutual interest explaining the situation? Asking my pre-med advisor to send an email to somebody?

I am beyond myself right now. I can't imagine myself with anyone else because she just makes me so happy. If anybody can provide some insight, I am most anxious to hear it. If there's no hope, please let me know so I don't get unrealistic expectations.

If you've made it this far, thank you for taking the time to read this. I appreciate your time.

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[chman]

This is not going to be a typical pre-med post (i.e. omg I have a 4.0 and 40 MCAT will I get in anywhere????). This is something that has caused me many a sleepless night and caused me not to enjoy my senior year of college so far.

So I have an issue. I've been dating a girl for the past 3.5 years, and I love her to death. We get along so well, and I can't seem myself continuing the next step (medical school and life in general) without her. We met on the very first day of classes and have been dating ever since.

That being said, there is a problem. She and I are both pre-med, both with decent/above average stats (32 on MCAT for me, 35 for her, good GPA, etc.), and we've both been accepted to med school. We applied broadly, with most of our schools being the same. She's a New Jersey resident, and has gotten into both Jersey schools and Drexel; I am a Florida resident who's gotten into UF and New York Medical College. That being said, our top choice so far has been the Philly schools (which haven't shown me any love) and UMiami (which both of us haven't heard a peep from after submitting our apps back in August).

So I'm asking for your advice. I would do anything to be with her (go into more debt by going OOS to Philly, etc.) and I'm not interested in a competitive specialty. Here's my question to you: Is there anything I can do at this point? Writing a letter to schools of mutual interest explaining the situation? Asking my pre-med advisor to send an email to somebody?

I am beyond myself right now. I can't imagine myself with anyone else because she just makes me so happy. If anybody can provide some insight, I am most anxious to hear it. If there's no hope, please let me know so I don't get unrealistic expectations.

If you've made it this far, thank you for taking the time to read this. I appreciate your time.

Well, think about what you know for sure so far. So far, you know that the worst case is that you go to school in New York, and she goes in New Jersey. You guys could still see each other on weekends if that is the case.

Until you guys both know what schools you have been accepted to, it is kind of hard to plan your next step. But if I were you I would at least be thankful that you know that, at worst, you will only be a short train ride away from each other.

 

[Global Warming]

I don't have anything to contribute, but this type of stuff is always tricky to handle. Personally, I may go through a similar situation depending on my MCAT score.

Bump.

 

[Disinence2]

That's a pretty difficult situation to be in.

When I was applying to medical school I knew a girl who was re-applying having had previous acceptances which she declined, to be with her b/f who was accepted to my school. So that's one option, though clearly not the best. It didn't work out for her.

Witting admissions offices may be of benefit, your argument would likely be stronger if your are "engaged"

Option 3: Try to transfer. We had 2 students in my class this year who transferred between 2nd and 3rd year to be with their fiances.

Either way, at this point the decision is mostly out of your hands. Your situation really sucks.

Rest assured if you make it through med school you can always couples match.

 

[Catalystik]

I've seen it work when the more competitive applicant plays the "engagement" card. But the common wisdom is that most med schools won't regard a relationship that isn't legally formalized.

 

[CarlATHF]

Thank you everyone for the advice so far, you have been most helpful!

I've seen it work when the more competitive applicant plays the "engagement" card. But the common wisdom is that most med schools won't regard a relationship that isn't legally formalized.

What if we are not planning on getting engaged until later? Would we have to provide some sort of legal document stating it, or could I simply write them a letter stating that we were engaged?

 

[Catalystik]

What if we are not planning on getting engaged until later? Would we have to provide some sort of legal document stating it, or could I simply write them a letter stating that we were engaged?

In the situation I am aware of a face-to-face contact was made at the med school and the situation was discussed. No, a proof of engagement isn't needed. The honor system is still alive and well. Perhaps a 'Second Look' visit could be used for this purpose next spring.

 

[TheMightySmiter]

I don't want to get you depressed trying to figure out a workable solution for what will happen if both of you don't get accepted to either Philly or Miami schools...but if you've gotten into NYMC, and she's gotten into UMDNJ, aren't those practically in the same city? You would be living very close. I think you should definitely go ahead and try as hard as you can to get into schools in both Philly and Miami, but if that doesn't happen, you're going to have to make some compromises in some way or another!

 

[Elpenor]

Even though you probably don't want to hear it...

No matter what happens, your career should take priority.

 

[TheMightySmiter]

Even though you probably don't want to hear it...

No matter what happens, your career should take priority.

I just want to step in and say how utterly and vehemently I disagree with this!!!

 

[mipp0]

Even though you probably don't want to hear it...

No matter what happens, your career should take priority.

What sad logic...

 

[Appless]

What sad logic...

its not really sad logic, chances are the relationship wont last med school regardless. Im not saying dont go after love and all that. But a bit of a reality check should probably be in order. So he turns down med school to be with his girl and 2 years later they split, then what? You feel like a ***** for giving up med school for a girl you are no longer with. how many people are "madly" in love like the OP and it fails? Even if they were married how many married people end up divorced? at least 50% and its even worse in med school and beyond. Not saying they will for sure split, they could spend the next 50 years together. Its just that you are giving up alot for a woman you have known for 4 years and honestly may not even be with. At 23 or w/e do you really know this is the woman you will marry and spend 50 years with? I mean OP is probably 21 and just got out of college, at that point do you really know?

I just wanted to provide the other side of the argument really. That and the idea of quitting med school for your g/f is just absolutely ridiculous. If they are truly in love he being in NY and her in NJ is not THAT far away. If they are in "love" as they say and want so badly to be together, they can easily make it happen over 4 years in med school when the states they will be in are so close. Then it would be much easier to get residencies in the same area and happily ever after blah blah can happen

 

[LizzyM]

With UMDNJ & NYMC, you'd be, at most, 2 hours away by car, somewhat more by train but not impossible for a weekend (hell, some people commute that distance daily in the tri-state area). You are going to be so busy during medical school that some distance during the week but the opportunity to get together a few weekends a month will make it possible for the relationship to survive if it is meant to be and to die a natural death if it is not.

Alternately, go to your state schools and use the money you save on airline tickets once every 8-10 weeks.

If you are going to play the "engaged" card, you should have a date set. Otherwise, it sounds like B.S. Frankly, I'd suggest that you make choices that place you as geographically close as possible.

At least for residency there is the couples' match.

 

[Tin Man]

With UMDNJ & NYMC, you'd be, at most, 2 hours away by car, somewhat more by train but not impossible for a weekend.

EXACTLY what I was thinking. Those states are fairly close to each other.

I mean, if you two seriously can't stand being two hours away from each other, then you have more problems than the one you talked about.

If you two really care that much about each other, then the relationship will survive this, regardless of your decision. If you really are willing to do anything to be with her, then your decision is made. With that in mind, there really isn't a point in asking us for advice. You have nothing to lose, so pull every string you can and see what you can make work.

But, as stated above, always remember that you will get a second chance at a relationship with either this girl or another one if the relationship goes south. If you give up med school, then the chances of going back are very slim, at best.

 

[runawayclock]

wait, you're dying over the distance between NY & NJ?

To echo what other people have said, that is NOT FAR. Also, I totally agree with Elijah. Plan for the contingency that she's not Ms. Right, but Ms. Right Now.