Advice needed - considering med school, single parent

[psycho-matic]

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So I am 34. I am a RN and will be a nurse practitioner in a couple of years. Yet my desire to be a physician grows with each day and not going to medical school when I was younger is my single greatest regret in life. I feel strongly called to be a doctor.

I also have 2 kids - one of whom I will likely have primary custody of when my divorce is over with in a few months. He is 2. I will be a single dad. My other child is 10, from a prior relationship, and he sees me every other weekend.

If I enter medical school, my plan is to go around the age of 4o to 41. I believe I will end up in a field heavy on procedures. Anesthesiology and interventional radiology are keen interests of mine and I will likely end up choosing one of those specialties. Urology interests me but I don't think I want to do true surgery, and it's super competitive - I already have some osteoarthritis in my hands so I think I should stay away from a surgical specialty. Realistically, I wouldn't be practicing until I'm almost 50. I figure that gives me a good 15 to 20 years to practice, assuming my health holds up.

I am afraid my children (particularly my 2 year old) would suffer from a decision to go to medical school. I want to be there for my kids and I want them to be my priority in life. Yet I can't shake the desire to be a doctor. The more time I spend in health care, the more I feel the pull to be a physician.

I want to hear from some of you that have done it - how demanding is medical school and how much time did it take away from your family? How much time did you have the first 2 years? Can you treat it like a full time job and still have time for your family? What about years 3 and 4?

I know if I carefully pick a residency, I can find one that has relatively friendly hours. I live in a city with an academic medical center and an allopathic medical school. However, if I didn't get in there and had to relocate, for school or residency, I would not have family to help me with my younger child. There are also 2 DO schools opening up in my state. I would appreciate any advice you have to offer.

ATTN: Moderator - I am interested in changing my screen name. My current screen name reveals my identity. Is this possible? Thanks.

 

[Ad2b]

To me, the bigger question would be how an adcom would see the:

RN --- > NP ---> MD/DO path

Why not just do MD/DO now?

Not in med school but taking the pre-reqs with a son at home (single mother, father was never around - my choice - and is now deceased) with a pretty huge career, and it was doable.

My son is now an adult, thinking medical school (we could actually end up in med school together , and he has been nothing but supportive; to me, it helped him see how hard I had to work for everything. We are, as parents, role models. Kids emulate what they see.

 

[psycho-matic]

Thanks for the question. I'm currently in NP school, and I think it would look bad if I don't finish school. Not to mention, being a psych NP in an outpatient practice will give me a very comfortable living and lifestyle. It is actually NP school that has really turned me on to going to med school - I attend a well-regarded program and I have felt most of my classes are a joke. The depth of knowledge I've gained is pretty superficial, and the clinical training has been disappointing. I think more like a doctor that a nurse. I love physiology. I want a deeper knowledge and NP will not give me that. Getting my biology degree was much more demanding than nursing school, and more interesting.

 

[wonder12]

My 2 cents: I don't think a desire to learn more in depth physiology is reason enough to go to medical school and if I were in your place I wouldn't do it. I realize you have other reasons, but as an NP you will have an opportunity to learn more after you graduate and you could still end up some place where you are able to do procedures. Heck, I'm worried about being a single pet parent through residency. I can't imagine being a single parent to a child without family to lean on. Children grow up fast, I would regret spending that time chasing my dream. Especially when you're so close to being an NP.

 

[Unico]

One doesn't pick a speciality before medical school, your scores during medical school dictate what speciality you could possibly match in. Many people have an idea of what they want to do and work towards it, but your performance in school and your scores on the Step are what count. IR is highly competitive and anesthesia isn't a walk in the park either.

After having my son in medical school, it became quickly apparent that I could not devote enough study time to excel (it was hard enough just to get by while being a "participating" parent). Other parents depended highly on their significant others while they were at school studying (many of which never made it home for in time for dinner). I refused to sacrifice time with my son for a career and my grades suffered badly -- hence, I can't match into any of the more competitive fields (and luckily I don't particularly want to).

If it makes you feel any better, after having my son I realized that NP or PA would have been such a better route -- the grass is always greener.

 

[QofQuimica]

My 2 cents: I don't think a desire to learn more in depth physiology is reason enough to go to medical school and if I were in your place I wouldn't do it. I realize you have other reasons, but as an NP you will have an opportunity to learn more after you graduate and you could still end up some place where you are able to do procedures. Heck, I'm worried about being a single pet parent through residency. I can't imagine being a single parent to a child without family to lean on. Children grow up fast, I would regret spending that time chasing my dream. Especially when you're so close to being an NP.

Agree with this.

OP, I suggest that you complete NP school as planned and spend some time (at least a few years) practicing as an NP before making any decision to go into six figure debt just to come out on the other end basically being able to do the same job that you're already going to be able to do. You haven't been an NP yet, so you don't really know what it's going to be like. Being a student is nothing like being in practice, and I can tell you that there is a lot of useless idiotic crap you have to learn in medical school too. If you give yourself a fair chance, you may be able to find a practice situation as an NP that you find fulfilling and intellectually stimulating. There is also no reason why you can't take charge of your learning yourself, such as by completing CMEs, attending conferences, asking physicians to show you how to do procedures, etc. And if you don't like your first area of practice, the good news is that it's relatively easy for you to switch to something else since you don't have to do a residency like an MD/DO would. I really see very little to gain by someone like yourself going to medical school. As the person I quoted above said, wanting to learn physio is not a good reason to attend medical school. You could accomplish the same thing by buying and reading a physiology textbook, which would cost all of a couple hundred dollars max and whatever amount of time you chose to devote to it.

And yes, you should be able to change your username via your user panel. Click on your profile and go into the settings. If you are not able to change it, you should go to the help desk and submit a ticket.

 

[trev5150]

Another point to consider for your 2 and 10 year old, your impending divorce (congratulations) and what your life is going to look like going forward. What is your custody/visitation schedule going to be? Bear in mind if you do get into a medical school it might not be in the same state or even the same county. Or are you only going to go if the medical school down the street accepts you? Where will you match to a residency? It's not likely to be down the street, either. From my friends divorces (most of them, really) they have to live within a certain distance and within the same county (particularly thinking of California in this instance) and they have to ensure that the kids are in school and all kinds of hoo hah.

 

[BeddingfieldMD]

I don't want to discourage you, but I'm going to be honest. Neither medical school nor residency will be anything like a full-time job. You will definitely have much less time available to spend with your children, and if you proceed with this plan, you will have to think very carefully about how you will manage childcare, emergencies with children, and spending time with your kids.

The preclinical years (Years 1+2) of medical school will require at least a 30-hour workweek of attending (or watching online) lectures, labs, and exams. Add to that another 20-30 hours per week of studying for exams, USMLE Step Exams, and other academic obligations. The clinical rotation portion of medical school (Years 3+4) involves a highly erratic and frequently changing schedule, with some rotations requiring very early days and long nights, others requiring you to spend the night in the hospital periodically. And during these years, you will still have to prepare for exams, decide upon a specialty, prepare for and apply to residency, and prepare for USMLE Step 2 CS and CK.

Depending on your specialty, residency can be similar to the above--or much worse. In nearly all specialties, overnight call shifts will be required, along with working weekends, difficulty getting away from work if one of your kids is sick or has a special event, and generally very little control over your life. And yet again, there are still more exams: USMLE Step 3, in-service exams, and eventually specialty boards.

All of the above is not to say you cannot accomplish your goal of becoming a physician at the age of 40-41 with sole custody of a small child and shared custody of an older child. But...don't expect it to be easy. Other challenges that come to mind are that you may have to move geographically...potentially for both medical school and again for residency and possibly fellowship (interventional radiology would require a fellowship, for example). That might create problems for your shared custody situation.

I started med school at the age of 26 and ended up having children starting my first year of residency. My older daughter attended daycare for the first couple years--until I was about halfway through residency. After that, my wife stayed home with our child and we ultimately had a second. As an anesthesiology resident (another field you said you were interested in), I routinely had to be at the hospital well before the daycare facility opened--and frequently left after they closed. So my wife was generally left with the responsibility of transporting our children to and from daycare--and ultimately stayed home to serve as primary caretaker.

There were many classmates in my med school who had children. But I cannot think of any examples in which they were single parents or had no parents or extended family nearby to help. If you can afford to hire a nanny or something like that, it might be more feasible. But as you've described your situation, I think it will be very challenging to succeed in medical school and residency, raise and spend what you feel is adequate time with your children, and have any time at all to preserve your own interests and/or sanity.

I'm not saying impossible...but VERY challenging.

Good luck!

 

[FCMike11]

If I was a single parent, I wouldn't. I have two kids and if it was just us I feel like I would have to prioritize being present more over my career (I am also a nurse who considered NP).

Fortunately I have a supportive spouse who has a career with flexible hours.

It can be done, but the cost will be high. Personal decision.
Sent from my Nexus 6P using SDN mobile

 

[DrCaffeinated]

invest in a good nanny

 

[y123]

I would not do it if I were a single parent. It would be really really difficult for your kids.

 

[Goro]

I've had single moms as students. I've had students who also lived away from their spouses but had the kids with them.

Get used to this dialog, though:

Them: What are you doing?
You: Studying.


And first, get into med school before thinking about a specialty.

So I am 34. I am a RN and will be a nurse practitioner in a couple of years. Yet my desire to be a physician grows with each day and not going to medical school when I was younger is my single greatest regret in life. I feel strongly called to be a doctor.

I also have 2 kids - one of whom I will likely have primary custody of when my divorce is over with in a few months. He is 2. I will be a single dad. My other child is 10, from a prior relationship, and he sees me every other weekend.

If I enter medical school, my plan is to go around the age of 4o to 41. I believe I will end up in a field heavy on procedures. Anesthesiology and interventional radiology are keen interests of mine and I will likely end up choosing one of those specialties. Urology interests me but I don't think I want to do true surgery, and it's super competitive - I already have some osteoarthritis in my hands so I think I should stay away from a surgical specialty. Realistically, I wouldn't be practicing until I'm almost 50. I figure that gives me a good 15 to 20 years to practice, assuming my health holds up.

I am afraid my children (particularly my 2 year old) would suffer from a decision to go to medical school. I want to be there for my kids and I want them to be my priority in life. Yet I can't shake the desire to be a doctor. The more time I spend in health care, the more I feel the pull to be a physician.

I want to hear from some of you that have done it - how demanding is medical school and how much time did it take away from your family? How much time did you have the first 2 years? Can you treat it like a full time job and still have time for your family? What about years 3 and 4?

I know if I carefully pick a residency, I can find one that has relatively friendly hours. I live in a city with an academic medical center and an allopathic medical school. However, if I didn't get in there and had to relocate, for school or residency, I would not have family to help me with my younger child. There are also 2 DO schools opening up in my state. I would appreciate any advice you have to offer.

ATTN: Moderator - I am interested in changing my screen name. My current screen name reveals my identity. Is this possible? Thanks.

 

[esob]

I've got 4 and on days like today when one of the aspies has a meltdown (even with a supportive spouse at home) I'm just sitting down to study at 11:40. I'll probably make it until two and then get up at 6 to get the older one's off to school while my wife takes care of the the younger ones. I can't even begin to imagine doing premed, let alone medical school as a single parent. Both of the older one's will be gone (the oldest likely in an adult home) when medical school starts, which is the only way I think I could do it even with a wife who has super flexible hours.

 

[futuremdforme]

Honestly I don't think it's worth it in your situation... Your NP knowledge might be limited in classes so far, but you can enrich your own knowledge and education, and do lots of procedures. I think it would be hard to argue for primary custody during clinical/residency.

 

[Promethean]

I'm an RN who chose not to go to NP school after hearing a number of my colleagues complain that it was far less than what they had expected, academically. They'd been expecting something a lot more like medical school and got something that was very watered down, even compared to their undergraduate nursing education. Especially in psych nursing... one complained that a poster presentation to a hospital's staff had counted toward required clinical hours.

So, I did the work to get into med school instead. I don't have kids, and I can't imagine how much harder this would be if I did. And if I were a single parent? That's rough. I have a classmate or two that is pulling it off. They have supportive families and resources to make it work.

It won't look bad to switch gears now, if you are going to. If you explain to schools that you were disappointed in the rigor of the NP program and wanted to pursue medical school instead, they will definitely get that, and respond to it. Don't wait another day if this is what you want to do. If you can be happy making NP money and doing psych nursing, finish it out and settle down.

Don't plan to start med school 6 years from now. That is just crazy talk. Med school / post grad training is physically challenging... the weird hours, the sleep deprivation, the tendency to eat too much and sit too much and not to have a lot of time for self-care... it takes a real toll on your body and mind. You don't want to put it off any longer, as you aren't going to get any younger while you wait around. Do it or don't. Talking about doing it a few years from now is just daydreaming. I'm not saying that older folks can't do medical school... I'm saying that I don't know even one that doesn't earnestly wish that they'd started 5, 10, 15 years sooner. You have that opportunity. Don't sit on it.

 

[coffeemycupoftea]

.

 

[psycho-matic]

I want to thank everyone for their input. I will try to generally address what everyone has said instead of responding to individual posts.

I realize that wanting to understand physiology better isn't a reason to go to medical school. It was just an example of how I feel that my knowledge is insufficient and I think only med school would really satisfy me in terms of a foundation of knowledge to build upon. I would be able to become an expert in a specialty. I also understand that one does not pick a specialty before med school - however, I've been in the medical field a long time with exposure to many fields and I have an idea of what I think I will be drawn to. I know my personality and I know what I like reading about when it comes to pathophys. I also don't think I would want to do clinic or follow patients longitudinally.

It's possible I could have a spouse in the future who might be supportive of my desire to be a doctor. I am pretty much limited to this area due to family commitments. Right now, I'm not going to plan on going to med school. My children should be my focus. I'm not sure what the future may hold, but I do know as a psych NP I will make bank (120k + starting salary) and have a comfortable living.

 

[@Hazel-rah]

@srleslie , I don't know where you live but I've noticed that some schools have special consideration with regards to prerequisites for nurse practitioners . For example see item number eight at this following link: https://www.vcom.edu/admissions/admission-requirements