Age and Stamina issues

[slowlybutshelly]

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If I pass step2ck by May 2011, I will be 45 yrs old applying for a residency. I am friendly with a doc who finished med school when he was 22 and has been a trauma surgeon (vietnam and post vietnam) for 44+ years. He is working as long as possible and does not plan to retire until he is forced to. I marvel at his health. I have good health.

But I am a woman and I hate to say this "but the system is beating me down'.

It is all I can do to pass these exams and get up and go forward. There are times when I feel like staying home in a country house and knitting and living off the land. yet, I am somehow in a world where I will never have to cook another meal for myself if I do not want to.

I have decided that I do not want to work for the government. I would rather learn acupuncture and focus on wellness issues for anyone who encounters me in practice.

My life is out of balance and I do not know how to put it in balance. I lost a 'love of my life' in a tragic accident in Africa in my 20's; I was in a relationship for almost 14 years and it fell apart because someone was competing with a dead person.

I have come back to the small town I grew up in and everyone is married and I have no idea how I fit in.

I feel like a misfit and do not know where my 'family is', outside my family.

In essence, by virtue of passing tests, I have to interact with one world. and noone says I have to stay in the first class world (I like to step out of it).

Is anyone else tipytoeing around the world right now?

 

[Quik]

I'm sorry that I can't truly relate to what you're going though, which seems to be a lot, but it sounds as though you're overwhelmed with the pressure and pace of med school at the moment. It also sounds like you could use a good break, vacation, and adventure in your life right now.

[edit to add (inserted here): Yes, I too am tiptoeing; I have no REAL friends, besides my family. I am in very new world, new place, pursuing this dream of medicine, unsure if it will even accept me. I too lost who I think was my soulmate, but due to my own ignorance, not any accident. ]

Of course the system is beating you down, I don't think you're so old that it is treating you THAT unfairly from your younger colleagues. The system is meant to test your stamina and fortitude. If you've gotten this far, surely you can live through the rest.

You do not have to work for the government. I'm not sure if you mean literally work for the government, or work for them as a taxpayer; either way, there are countless things you can do while staying afloat. Become an ex-pat and practice in a country far less medically fortunate than the US. You have SO many options ahead of you, which I believe is your greatest ally. Remember that with your medical training, you are truly an asset to more than 'society' but to the many people (individuals) you will help. You will change lives, heal the sick, provide compassion, mentor young children who will look to follow in your footsteps, etc. Keep pushing, and get through for these reasons. Obviously the money isn't your motivation, which it shouldn't be.

Take a deep breath, sit back and have a glass of wine, water, or whatever you fancy, and think about the unknown adventure ahead. Hope this helps.
cheers and good luck.

 

[slowlybutshelly]

My sister bought me a bottle of wine labelled "mad housewife". I did not pass and am not in a celebratory mood; but I should open it and drink it. I have to keep studying.

 

[tennisfan]

My sister bought me a bottle of wine labelled "mad housewife". I did not pass and am not in a celebratory mood; but I should open it and drink it. I have to keep studying.

Hi,

It sounds like you are going through a difficult time. I would suggest that you seek help, perhaps professional, to help you get through these issues so that you can move on in your life.

I wish you the best and good luck.

 

[Pons Asinorum]

This is the oddest thread to pop up in Non-trad in quite some time.

 

[DrMidlife]

Best case, this story turns into this one.

 

[Quik]

Best case, this story turns into this one.

Not sure I see the parallel you're drawing, or that you're hoping is drawn.
It seems to me that the OP is suffering from lonliness, fatigue, and still mourning the loss of a loved one, all to which I can relate.

 

[Pons Asinorum]

Not sure I see the parallel you're drawing, or that you're hoping is drawn.
It seems to me that the OP is suffering from lonliness, fatigue, and still mourning the loss of a loved one, all to which I can relate.

Everyone can. This isn't the place to diagnose or treat those feelings, however.

 

[Quik]

Everyone can. This isn't the place to diagnose or treat those feelings, however.

I don't think that's what the OP is seeking, rather a place to vent and express feelings in the absence of personal consule in her life. It also relates very closely to this forum's topic; a non-traditional student experiencing burn-out in M4. Furthemore, there is nothing taboo about the subject being discussed. This is an open forum, with any and all participation optional; you chose to click on the thread, again to comment, and again to return to comment.

 

[Pons Asinorum]

This is an open forum, with any and all participation optional; you chose to click on the thread, again to comment, and again to return to comment.

Exactly. Which is why my and DrMidlife's input is just as valid as yours.

 

[QofQuimica]

Just to clarify, threads to vent or share feelings are fine. We do not allow threads asking for medical (including psychiatric) advice on SDN, and we will close threads where it sounds like the OP is in danger of harming themselves or being harmed, as well as advise the OP to seek professional counseling. I would ask, therefore, that all of you who are posting here please refrain from offering the OP any advice of a medical nature.

That being said, I'm not sure exactly what you're looking for here, OP, but this probably isn't the right place for you to find it. Besides myself and a few others, most of the forum regulars are premeds and preclinical med students. You are probably already aware that we have a Step 2 forum (sorry that you have to retake, BTW). But I get the impression that you're having more of a general lack of direction/crisis of faith at the moment, and I'm going to move your thread to the Allo forum so that you can get input from fellow med students and residents. Best of luck to you--I hope you find your way.