All right, I can't stand it anymore, I have to vent...

[Eyegirl2k7]

Right now, I am so depressed.

Let me start by saying that I am extremely happy that I have been accepted into ICO. Of course I am. I've loved it forever. I have 28 days to put down my deposit (which by the way will put me into the po' house. This is one level below the poor house, since I can't afford the extra two letters.) I have to wait till my paycheck comes.

Also, I really enjoyed NEWENCO. I loved Boston. There are two problems with the whole Boston situation though:

(1)Good grief, I can't believe how much NEWENCO costs. And I thought ICO was expensive.
(2)My husband, absolutely, flat out refuses to go any where near Boston, quote "It holds no allure for him." Grr.. Well it does for me.

What annoys me more, is that he's said much the same about Chicago. He'll "consider" moving to Milwaukee or some such place but says that the job market is too bad to get a job in Chicago. In all truthfulness, I think he just doesn't want to move anywhere (he's lived in the same place his whole life). Of course this is just my POV. I mean, I know that I shouldn't expect him to follow me around like a puppy. I'm just starting to feel like he expects ME to stay in his small conservative everybody knows your name hometown and cook things for him. It's not like this is news that I'd be moving either--he's known my dreams since he met me.

I love him very much and he loves me very much. We have an incredible relationship and we are the best of friends. I don't know what to do. I know he has valid reasons for what he's saying even though I can't see them from my pov. This is tearing me up inside. Right now, I can't even study for my micro test (on Wednesday). All I can do is cry. I can't lose him, but I can't lose myself either. And what if I was meant to go to Boston? What if I miss the best opportunity of my life?

I am so confused, sad and angry. Why must everything be so hard?
Eyegirl

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[rpames]

I'm sorry to hear of your dilema. Clearly I can't tell you what to do, but here is my thoughts. You are right when you said you can lose yourself (give up your dreams), nor can you ignore your husbands desires either. I lucked out, I'm getting married this summer and she said she will move anywhere with me and support me in any desion I make. On that same note, I have to keep her needs in mind too. Because of this, among other reasons, ICO is the best location for us, it is right between our families (Toledo, OH and Oshkosh, WI). You and I are from the same area, only ~3 hours from Chicago, really not that far, espessially for only 4 years. I would say that Boston may just be to far away. Chicago would probably be met with less opposision.

Because I don't know you or your relationship I can't really judge, nor should I, but...if your marrage is suppose to be, then he will follow and support you. One thing I do know is this, if you give-up your dream for him you will never forgive him and that will ruin your life together. I'm sure you have done this, but really discuse it calmly. Maybe make a chat with the pros and cons and show a timeline that puts the 4 years in perspective to your life time. He will turn around.

I hope I will see you at ICO!

 

[ncaliguy]

greetings eyegirl....

best wishes to you as you handle the "where to go to o.d. school?" question...it's a tough situation you're in right now...rpjames made good points about both sides of the issue and i also wish you the best in handling this tricky matter. in my own opinion, the market is pretty bad in general wherever one may be, but there may be surprises out there in the job market, be it in chicago or another city you're interested in.

as a sidenote: congrats on all that you and others have done on your roads to opto school....after reading all these posts in here, i finally joined in to the forum and hope to join you in the o.d. party as well in the near future.

 

[r_salis]

Things get so much more complicated when there's more than just yourself to consider, don't they?

First of all, it's fantastic that you have a husband who loves you and understands and supports your dreams to become an OD (I am extremely lucky to count myself as someone in that position ).

I think you should look at things from his perspective for a moment, though... You are both young, and I'm assuming have lived in the same place (maybe with the exception of college) forever, right? The change to moving and living in Boston or Chicago is going to be huge for both of you, but the difference is that, for you, your new life in either place is going to be defined around you being an "OD student". That will be your purpose and reason for being there. You already know what 99% of your life is going to be like (more or less), you'll have a built-in way to spend your time and people to do that with (i.e. school). He, on the other hand, is not only going to be dealing with moving from the comforts and familiarity of home, but is going to have to find a new way to "define" himself in this new city -- by finding a new job and a new "niche" -- the one definition he has is "OD student's husband", but all the rest he'll have to build from scratch.

I dunno, maybe I'm not making any sense, it's early, I have a monster huge exam this morning... I'm just thinking of the time I moved a zillion miles away with my husband for his job and how I felt before I found my new "niche" there...

 

[J.opt]

Before moving anywhere, make sure that you guys are 100% happy with the decision BOTH of you made. You guys would have to take this situation as a challenge and an adventure. Nothing will make him more unhappy than to live and work in a place he does not like. And nothing will make you more unhappy than the feeling of giving up your dreams. Make sure to emphasize the great things that lie ahead of you, and be careful of ensure that he is on board, whenever you guys take a decision. I know that you?ll find a way to work it out. Best wishes.

 

[TPMOH]

Eyegirl- what city do you guys live in currently live in? Is there an optometry school close enough by that you could live in betw your husband's job and the school so you could both commute? That way, he wouldn't have to leave his job. Just wondering. Good luck in working things out.

 

[Eyegirl2k7]

Thanks everyone. You've brought up some really good points.

TPMOH, I live about 4 hours by car north of Chicago so ICO is the closest. What you said is what we're currently trying to work out.

I just don't know. I dont' want to have to choose.

 

[Tyra]

Eyegirl

I feel your pain. I'm hoping that I won't have to go thru that in a couple of years. ICO is only about 20-25 minutes from my house and furthermore, I love the facilities there so have decided I MUST go there. However, if I don't get accepted when I apply, I will have to move out of state. I have a husband and kids too, so I am praying that I get in. My husband says he will move anywhere, but I don't know....both our families live in Chicago and we love the social aspects of Chicago---so much to do!!!! Now my husband is starting to open his own barbershop, so I'm wondering how will we ever move if need be??? I'm starting to get scared myself...Anyways, I hope you and hubby work this out. Good luck!!