(If AMCAS was in charge of interviews...)
Dear Applicant,
On behalf of the <insert school>, I am happy to inform you that you have been granted an interview. In order to save costs on travel and hotel accomodations, all interviews will be conducted by phone.
Your interview date and time will be Sunday, September 22nd at 2:00am PDT. You are required to call from a pay phone located in the most ghetto part of your neighborhood. Refer to our website to access our special database listing ghetto areas throughout the country.
Your phone interview will last approximately 45 minutes and will be conducted by two individuals: A faculty member and a Viennese Mountain Chicken. Communication over the phone must be done using Filipino Sign Language.
If you are unfamiliar with Filipino Sign Language, inform <insert school>, we will provide you with a telegraph so that you can conduct your interview via morse code.
If you are unfamiliar with either Filipino Sign Language or morse code, then you're screwed.
By the way, you may be aware of the saying "There's no such thing as a stupid question."
The faculty at <insert school> believes that this statement is absolutely bulls*it. Thus, you are not allowed to ask any questions at the end of your interview.
Once again, congratulations on your interview, and we look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Eat S*it, M.D.
Director of Admissions
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p.s. - I sincerely apologize to hearing impaired Filipinos (Pinoy pride, baby!), those that use morse code as their primary language, residents of so-called ghetto neighborhoods (I live in a ghetto neighborhood, myself), and avid worshipers of the Viennese Mountain Chicken. I know that some of my comments were way out-of-line.
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