How do you deal with angry parents as an intern? Lately, Ive been the one dealing with the brunt of frustration and anger from parents in many situations I have no control over (I am in a urban hospital with limited resources). I've tried my medical school taught line "I understand why you are frustrated, I am trying my best...." but it seems not to work as well in practice. Any thoughts or ideas? Any other newbie deal with this?
Angry parents?
- Thread starter bhop
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Honestly, there are sometimes you can't make people happy. Sometimes it's other frustrations they have (work, relationships, money, etc.) that are really the problem, but you are who they interact with more and your job is (to some degree) to listen to there complaints, and well there it is. Sometimes people are just angry and not personable. Remember all those personality disorders you learned about in psych... well parents can have them. I don't think this is all that common, but it does happen. Sometimes parents are just so frusterated that their child is sick (generally kids with chronic illnesses in my opinion) that it is overwhelming for them (usually also related to work, money, relationship concerns) that they will seem oppositional. And lastly, sometimes there is a cultural reason (ie, they come from a gender dominated culture and if your the opposition gender, that can create hierarchy issues... also somewhat rare in my experience). But mainly, I think work, money, relationship (ie lack of parental support) stresses on top of their children being ill makes people really worried, which comes across as anger.
There really is nothing special to do per se. Just be professional and kind. Explain everything that is going on and everything you are planning to do for their children. Ask how they (the parent) are doing and if there is any other assistant you can provide (ie do they need to see a social worker because they don't have food at home or the parent just lost her job and medical insurance). And always symphatize with their frusterations like it sounds you were doing... "I sense you are frusterated, I know this must be hard for you and (insert child's name). If there is anything else I am able to do for you, please don't hesistate to ask." or something along those lines. I would try to avoid making excuses or somehow bringing yourself into their frustration like "I'm trying my best" because a) it puts the conversation on you when they are ones who are frusteration and b) allows them an oppportunity to get more frusterated at you... eg "Are you really doing your best?!" While you probably are, you can see how you being on the defensive makes the conversation go south quickly. In other words, sympathize and keep the conversation on them and their children. Leave yourself out of it.
Anyway, I hope that helps and even though it seems discouraging when a parent is angry at you, just remember that they really aren't mad at you typically, they are mad at their situtation and you are just there while they're on their soapbox.
There really is nothing special to do per se. Just be professional and kind. Explain everything that is going on and everything you are planning to do for their children. Ask how they (the parent) are doing and if there is any other assistant you can provide (ie do they need to see a social worker because they don't have food at home or the parent just lost her job and medical insurance). And always symphatize with their frusterations like it sounds you were doing... "I sense you are frusterated, I know this must be hard for you and (insert child's name). If there is anything else I am able to do for you, please don't hesistate to ask." or something along those lines. I would try to avoid making excuses or somehow bringing yourself into their frustration like "I'm trying my best" because a) it puts the conversation on you when they are ones who are frusteration and b) allows them an oppportunity to get more frusterated at you... eg "Are you really doing your best?!" While you probably are, you can see how you being on the defensive makes the conversation go south quickly. In other words, sympathize and keep the conversation on them and their children. Leave yourself out of it.
Anyway, I hope that helps and even though it seems discouraging when a parent is angry at you, just remember that they really aren't mad at you typically, they are mad at their situtation and you are just there while they're on their soapbox.
I agree. It is bound to happen to all of us, and most of the time it has nothing to do with you or a mistake you made--you're just the messenger.
I try to keep it simple and straightforward, i.e. "I understand this is very frustrating, but I'd like to tell you what we are going to do next to help your child."
Try not to make excuses and try to explain too much because often that's not what the issue is--it's circumstances beyond any of our control.
If you feel your serum epinephrine levels rising and you might start shouting, leave the room immediately (you can always come back, talk to the attending, call security if necessary, etc. but you can't take back words said in anger).
In my experience, most of the parents who have been angry at me have just needed to vent. In many cases, these were parents of sicker kids and I had to deliver bad news, especially with lots of uncertainty.
I can think of several of them who went on to be very happy with me and thanked me at the end of the hospitalization or whatever (days or weeks later).
I try to keep it simple and straightforward, i.e. "I understand this is very frustrating, but I'd like to tell you what we are going to do next to help your child."
Try not to make excuses and try to explain too much because often that's not what the issue is--it's circumstances beyond any of our control.
If you feel your serum epinephrine levels rising and you might start shouting, leave the room immediately (you can always come back, talk to the attending, call security if necessary, etc. but you can't take back words said in anger).
In my experience, most of the parents who have been angry at me have just needed to vent. In many cases, these were parents of sicker kids and I had to deliver bad news, especially with lots of uncertainty.
I can think of several of them who went on to be very happy with me and thanked me at the end of the hospitalization or whatever (days or weeks later).
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Others have given you good thoughts. In general, the more time you spend listening and the less time speaking the better. If you feel it is escalating, call the hospital ombudsman or social services. If you feel seriously threatened, call hospital security.
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...And never be afraid to call in your senior resident for help. My interns tended to always try themselves first, and usually did a great job, but working with frustrated families is a skill that improves over your training, and one of the roles of a ward senior is to help with these things. If they're good, you could model off them for future encounters.
Also, you'll find that families have a wide spectrum of understanding and a great variety in how much/to what detail they want things explained. Consistency also is important to families, so if the service/plan is changing constantly, that would be a set-up for these situations.
Also, you'll find that families have a wide spectrum of understanding and a great variety in how much/to what detail they want things explained. Consistency also is important to families, so if the service/plan is changing constantly, that would be a set-up for these situations.
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As soon as stops being a medical-related issue and becomes a social-related issue, I leave and call the social worker. I am there to deal with the child's medical issues, not to solve long-term social conundrums. Those are the issues that social workers are paid to mediate.
Parents are angry...I listen intently...apologize for the problem and leave telling them a more appropriate person will be seeing them.
I am not going to deny medical care to other kids just to listen to parents unload on the medical system using my face as a conduit.
Parents are angry...I listen intently...apologize for the problem and leave telling them a more appropriate person will be seeing them.
I am not going to deny medical care to other kids just to listen to parents unload on the medical system using my face as a conduit.
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Don't forget patient relations or something similiar that is set up in the hospital. Sometimes is good to have a third party mediate these issues or find out exactly what the problem is. A lot of times it better for everyone, if you are not getting anywhere as a team.
