Considering how unpopular parents are (interview question)

[Psychiatrist wannabe]

I am participating in 2019 Match--at least I am trying to. I want to specialize in Peds Psych. I was hoping to go into a triple boards program but that is just not going to happen. Even so, I would like to have some feedback on interviewing with peds programs in general (not just triple boards, but anything peds.)

I am a parent. My children are older now, but I was a parent long before I went to medical school.

I did a search for "parents" here on the peds board and the feeling I get is that parents are often a thorn in your sides. Every fifth comment or so is neutral, and rarely there is even a positive comment about parents. The overwhelming majority of the comments are negative though. I am not criticizing anyone for this. I do understand there is some sample bias going on here. I also had my peds cores plus 3 more electives in peds (plus a peds psych elective). I saw the parents you are referring to. I just feel like maybe they made less of an impression on me because of prior life experience.

This is my question: Is it best to gloss over/minimize my parenting experience if I do get the chance to interview in anything pediatric to avoid the bias against parents in general? Due to my work experience, it would be nearly impossible to completely avoid admitting I am a parent for this match season. (Trust me on this-my work experience includes a job that actually requires being a parent first.)

I truly do not mean for this to be attacking of anyone. I understand your frustrations. If I had gone through medical school before parenthood I would be just as outspoken about it. And in a lot of ways, I am probably even less tolerant of some parents than most of you. It is just different when you have already been there.

Anyway, hide the parent stuff or not?

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[SurfingDoctor]

Being a parent makes some of the ethical decisions in pediatrics more complex, however it does not make you a better or worse pediatrician. In fact, as far as the Match goes, an interviewer asking if you are a parent is an off limits question. You relaying your personal experience does not help or hinder you, unless you can put it into a greater context, ie you were a single parent who put yourself through school by working extra hard. But that would have to be information you provide as it cannot be asked. Otherwise, I would guarantee that no one cares if you are a parent or not.

 

[mvenus929]

I think the sample bias is real. I’m not a parent, so take what I say with a grain of salt.

People who go into IM often complain about the parents as the reason they didn’t go into Peds. But there are lots of parents that truly want to do what’s right for their child and will move heaven and earth to make it happen. They’re the champions, the ones I wish other parents would be like. There are also parents that shouldn’t be parents, for one reason or another, and we fear for the safety and health of the child in that home environment. And there is every parent in between.

Being a parent puts you on a level with parents that I can’t achieve. I can speak about my experiences, which include raising my sisters, but it’s not the same dynamic as a parent. Many of my friends who became parents during residency say it made them a better pediatrician, because they can speak less theoretical and more real world.

But for the purpose of residency, I don’t think it really matters. I don’t think it will make a significant impact on your rank in the program. It makes things slightly more complicated schedule wise if you’re a single parent or your SO is also in medicine, but then you should look for a program that has other parents and isn’t made up primarily of single residents. But as a single person, I also looked for programs that had single people because I didn’t want to be the odd single person out in a program filled with families, so that advice applies to everyone.

 

[DeadCactus]

I think you're misconstruing the situation. People complain about parents because pediatrics has a unique dynamic where a third party is involved in making a decision for your patient (and rightly so). It's frustrating to have a patient not want to take your advise or have unreasonable expectations. It's more frustrating when your patient can't make their own decisions and you're now in disagreement with a third part decision maker. This shouldn't be taken as a bias against parents because they're parents and thus must be bad people.

I would not hide that you're a parent. Most places will view it as just normal banter about what's important to you and how you spend your time outside of work and that's how you should approach it. It is against the rules to ask, it may still happen. People slip. Probably not one of the forbidden questions I would make an issue out of personally unless something about the context of the question seemed like more than banter. If there is a negative perception, it will be the rare person who thinks family and children are needless distractions from your ability to spend more time in the hospital or working on academic projects. I wouldn't want to be at a program like that and especially not if I had children.

 

[FrkyBgStok]

I can’t say I completely agree. I just matched for fellowship and my interviewers said multiple times that my LORs mentioned specifically on the fact that I am a parent and it is obvious that I can relate better to patients. This would often be a big part of the interview. And I always looked at it as a strength and will continue to do so. I am not saying you can’t be a good pediatrician without kids, but I often say some version of, “The AAP tells me I am supposed to say this, but as a parent, I found that really hard for these reasons, so do your best but know it is difficult so if you sleep up, you are still doing great.” Some of these things only parents really understand. So I do think it makes a difference, even in residency as I think my fellowship chances were obviously determined by my LOR content which included me being a parent.

That’s my opinion at least and we are all entitled to our own.

 

[Psychiatrist wannabe]

Thank you for the input. I can't imagine ever reporting someone for a question. I know there are forbidden questions but that's not my concern here. And again, this year my parent status is obvious on my application because of work history. That would be ridiculous of me to get uppity about it.

I think you can be a great pediatrician with or without being a parent. I do, however, think it is a little bit easier to predict and address parental concerns if you have been there. If you aren't a parent you will gain these skills during training.

The best pediatrician I got to work with in medical school was not a parent. She was phenomenal-she was also very experienced. But then there was a peds resident who seemed to be very out of touch with the concerns of children and families in general. Hopefully he will learn in time. He did a lot of parent-bashing. Some of it was well-deserved. A lot of it, in my opinion, was unfair and arrogant. He was openly critical of things of meaningless things I recall doing with my own kids. I recall a lot of tongue-biting to avoid saying "Lighten Up!!!"

 

[Psychiatrist wannabe]

I think you're misconstruing the situation. People complain about parents because pediatrics has a unique dynamic where a third party is involved in making a decision for your patient (and rightly so).

I really like the way you explained this. When you think of parents as a third party it really puts it into perspective. Just like insurance companies-sometimes we get super frustrated at their decisions, but it's not like we want to get rid of all insurance . Thanks for making that link for me!