Annoying classmate/co-researcher

[JustSomePreMed]

I'm between first and second years of medical school and I'm doing summer research in the surgical department, and it involves about 30 hours/week of research and 10 hours/week of OR shadowing. It's me and another girl in my class.

Now let me begin by saying that this girl is pretty annoying in the first place. I usually get along with just about anyone, but she embodies many of the stereotypes that people have for female medical students. You just can't have a normal, friendly conversation with her. For some reason she thinks everything she touches is gold (except her exams, apparently, since she skated through first year with high C's/low B's). Every little snag is a huge crisis to her (complete with excessive sighing while at the computer). It's apparent she's probably never had a real job in the working world, and knowing her background she's been coddled a lot in the past. We're working together on several products, and it's like pulling teeth trying to collaborate with her. We work together in a small office, and she'll ask me a question, and when I answer it for her she'll just ignore it and keep doing what she's doing.

I know these are just a few stupid examples, but it's hard to really express what the dynamic is like. But add to all of this the fact that she's trying to make this into a 3rd year rotation and it gets even worse. She'll intentionally try to find out what time I'm going to come into work so she can get there a few minutes early (our schedule is pretty flexible and often up to us as long as we're putting in the time), and she'll come in early and end up staying until 8 or 9pm to scrub in on cases on a regular basis (some days we do all research all day, some days we do surgery in the morning and research in the afternoon, that kind of deal). She'll be in the middle of a conversation with me in our office and one of the surgeons will walk by and she'll just run out of the room midsentence and start brown nosing til the cows come home.

This is a summer research position and I'd love to make the most out of this opportunity, but not at the expense of everything else. I know she's going overboard with the whole "putting in 12-14 hours a day" deal, and I don't intend to follow suit, but I feel like this is probably making me look bad by not going "above and beyond" like her.

On the one hand, I'd like to leave a good impression with the surgeons I work with. On the other hand, I'm not a douchebag. Thus the conundrum.

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[silas2642]

I'm between first and second years of medical school and I'm doing summer research in the surgical department, and it involves about 30 hours/week of research and 10 hours/week of OR shadowing. It's me and another girl in my class.

Now let me begin by saying that this girl is pretty annoying in the first place. I usually get along with just about anyone, but she embodies many of the stereotypes that people have for female medical students. You just can't have a normal, friendly conversation with her. For some reason she thinks everything she touches is gold (except her exams, apparently, since she skated through first year with high C's/low B's). We're working together on several products, and it's like pulling teeth trying to collaborate with her. We work together in a small office, and she'll ask me a question, and when I answer it for her she'll just ignore it and keep doing what she's doing.

I know these are just a few stupid examples, but it's hard to really express what the dynamic is like. But add to all of this the fact that she's trying to make this into a 3rd year rotation and it gets even worse. She'll intentionally try to find out what time I'm going to come into work so she can get there a few minutes early (our schedule is pretty flexible and often up to us as long as we're putting in the time), and she'll come in early and end up staying until 8 or 9pm to scrub in on cases on a regular basis (some days we do all research all day, some days we do surgery in the morning and research in the afternoon, that kind of deal). She'll be in the middle of a conversation with me in our office and one of the surgeons will walk by and she'll just run out of the room midsentence and start brown nosing til the cows come home.

This is a summer research position and I'd love to make the most out of this opportunity, but not at the expense of everything else. I know she's going overboard with the whole "putting in 12-14 hours a day" deal, and I don't intend to follow suit, but I feel like this is probably making me look bad by not going "above and beyond" like her.

On the one hand, I'd like to leave a good impression with the surgeons I work with. On the other hand, I'm not a douchebag. Thus the conundrum.

I'm not totally sure what this means... please explain.

 

[JustSomePreMed]

I'm not totally sure what this means... please explain.

Many of these stereotypes could probably be applied to male students as well, although they're more obvious/apparent in females, I've found. High strung, kind of a bitch . . . see the "Medical Students and Dating" thread for more. Again, some of it defies clear explanation, but most people probably know what I'm talking about (and I'm sure I'll get flak here from the females and even some of the males). Obviously not all female medical students are like this, but they are definitely out there, which is why people I know tend to have those stereotypes in their mind.

Basically, she's not the kind of person I'd ever want to have with me on a real rotation. I can't imagine trying to be part of a "team" with her. I lost a few hours worth of work yesterday because she doesn't know the difference between "please minimize that Excel sheet if you're going to use that computer" and "shut that program down immediately, being sure to hit 'don't save' so that there's no record I ever did anything this morning."

Yes, I know, "suck it up and deal with it", but it's getting on my nerves.

 

[JustSomePreMed]

Additionally, we're supposed to be collaborating evenly on three separate projects. She started a week before I did, and has been working mostly on one of the projects that we're trying to finish ASAP. She started working on that mostly during the week I wasn't there, and she'll continue to sigh and complain about all the work involved, and when I offer to help (since I haven't had a chance to do anything on that project yet) her response is a sigh, then "it'd just take too long to explain what you need to do at this point." This is made laughable by the fact that it's apparent that most of the time she has no idea what she's supposed to be doing.

 

[bydotte]

if you were looking for some sympathy i'll give you some. she seems way more annoying than my research partner, who feels the need to explain his entire life plan every time we have a conversation, and he has that lifeless, unwavering eye contact some people have. not too hard to handle a few hours at a time. i think in your situation i would have to leave the room and run laps to avoid going insane.

 

[CorazonDoc]

i had a similar experience doing surgery research between 1st and 2nd year and i've got a couple of comments.

1) the people you work with have likely dealt with students long enough to be able to see through brown-nosing and recognize personality problems in students. so if your classmate sucks, they'll eventually figure it out. if she turns out to just be a better medical student than you, that's okay too. just the fact that you're doing research with the department will have a lot of pull later on.

2) your job is to do well on the research side of things. you'll be judged later on (when asking for letters or during your rotations) on the thoroughness of your research work and the finished product, not your clinical interactions.

3) be strategic about your interactions with the attending surgeons/PI. its about quality not necessarily quantity at your stage. no one expects anything real clinical out of a 1st year medical student. figure out a few good questions to ask your PI to have ready at any time "i was doing a little reading about x and found it interesting that y, and i was wondering what your thoughts or experience has been with ...?" this isn't necessarily brown-nosing. often times if you ask a good clinical question you'll learn something that will help you out when you do begin your rotations.

4) you're going to have plenty of time to work 12-14 hour days later on, don't kill your last summer trying to keep up with a work-a-holic.

hope it helps.

 

[WellWornLad]

Have you tried telling her your feelings?

Just kidding. Bury that b*&%h at her own game, else carve out your own independent niche on the project and ignore her as much as possible. Depends on your level of vitriol.

 

[JustSomePreMed]

Depends on your level of vitriol.

Rising by the day.

 

[Catholic Guilt]

Have you tried telling her your feelings?

Just kidding. Bury that b*&%h at her own game, else carve out your own independent niche on the project and ignore her as much as possible. Depends on your level of vitriol.

I would actually talk or email her. I wonder if she is just completely oblivious. I also never had a "real" job and have had a pretty pampered life.😳

I usually feel grateful when someone gently points out something I can improve on. I remember those moments as slightly awkward but I'm really glad that they cared enough and had enough faith in me as a person to put themselves out there.

Obviously, saying "you get on my nerves" is not going to help. Make sure that your suggestion is somewhat attainable/doable.

I'm a female, btw.

 

[OncoCaP]

You could pick another research project / team when the opportunity presents itself. The solution is simple: leave at the end of your position and don't return if she does. You can get a calendar and mark of the days one-by-one if that would make you feel better. Life is too short for this kind of annoyance in an elective area. There are plenty of good projects out there with people who aren't that difficult. People issues are unavoidable, but your situation sounds over the top. Just make sure you don't mutter unkind things about her or anyone associated with this situation ... it could come back to haunt you. I also would not talk to her about this; it would be pointless. Always be polite and professional. Good luck.

 

[Warbux]

You should just link her to this thread.

 

[45408]

I've never really understood how you can get this far and never have had "a real job" of any sort. what did she do all summer every year before this?

 

[tomorrowgirl99]

Trust me there are plenty of people who have never had a real job. It doesn't necessarily mean they are spoiled. It could just be that they have had the financial means not to work or that their parents may not want them to work while in school.

 

[JustSomePreMed]

Trust me there are plenty of people who have never had a real job. It doesn't necessarily mean they are spoiled. It could just be that they have had the financial means not to work or that their parents may not want them to work while in school.

Like Prowler said, what the hell did they do during their summers in high school?

 

[tomorrowgirl99]

Hang out/summer school/who knows?

 

[njbmd]

When anyone starts explaining that someone "thinks" something or is "annoying", I get a red flag that there is some immaturity on the part of the person making the complaint. Being a professional means that you figure out a way to work professionally with anyone regardless of the behavior.

Either a coworker gets in your way or does not get in your way. If they don't get in your way of getting your work done, then leave them alone and concentrate on your own stuff. If they prevent you from performing your duties, then you find a way to work around them and interact with them as professionally as possible.

Leave the personal stuff and emotions/your projections of what you imagine that they "think" out of it. You only know your thoughts. You can only control your behavior and it looks like you are the one with the problem.

 

[tomorrowgirl99]

When anyone starts explaining that someone "thinks" something or is "annoying", I get a red flag that there is some immaturity on the part of the person making the complaint. Being a professional means that you figure out a way to work professionally with anyone regardless of the behavior.

Either a coworker gets in your way or does not get in your way. If they don't get in your way of getting your work done, then leave them alone and concentrate on your own stuff. If they prevent you from performing your duties, then you find a way to work around them and interact with them as professionally as possible.

Leave the personal stuff and emotions/your projections of what you imagine that they "think" out of it. You only know your thoughts. You can only control your behavior and it looks like you are the one with the problem.

That's a really grown up approach but I don't think that necessarily happens. I mean that's why offices have cliques. Additionally, if someone is truly annoying you can only try avoid them for so long especially if you have to work with the individual in close quarters. I'm sure the OP did this and has now reached his/her limit. That's why she/he is asking for advice.

 

[Catholic Guilt]

I've never really understood how you can get this far and never have had "a real job" of any sort. what did she do all summer every year before this?

During high school I actually wanted to work but my parents didn’t want me to. During college I worked as a resident advisor and had a couple of paid research positions. I spent most of my childhood summers in sports camps. Now I volunteer.
I know my family was tight on cash when I was a baby and I try not to spend too wastefully. I just never got around to getting a "real" job.
I wouldn’t be surprised if a lot of second generation immigrant kids are like me.

Well, good luck with your research. I really hope that things turn around.

 

[bydotte]

When anyone starts explaining that someone "thinks" something or is "annoying", I get a red flag that there is some immaturity on the part of the person making the complaint. Being a professional means that you figure out a way to work professionally with anyone regardless of the behavior.

Either a coworker gets in your way or does not get in your way. If they don't get in your way of getting your work done, then leave them alone and concentrate on your own stuff. If they prevent you from performing your duties, then you find a way to work around them and interact with them as professionally as possible.

Leave the personal stuff and emotions/your projections of what you imagine that they "think" out of it. You only know your thoughts. You can only control your behavior and it looks like you are the one with the problem.

Sir, you cannot deny the existence of annoying people.

 

[njbmd]

Sir, you cannot deny the existence of annoying people.

I am not a sir and one is only "annoyed" if they allow themselves to be annoyed. People will always try to "pull your strings" if you allow them to do so. If you are doing your job, there is no room for this stuff especially in surgery otherwise you are wasting your time and energy on something that gets you nowhere. The OP is obviously being manipulated by the person who isn't going to change. The OP can either keep wasting time trying to do some psychoanalytic "crap" or get the job done and leave the drama alone.

 

[tomorrowgirl99]

I guess you are on a higher level of awareness/maturity than most humans. I at least can't help but find some people annoying. Sorry...

 

[JeffLebowski]

When anyone starts explaining that someone "thinks" something or is "annoying", I get a red flag that there is some immaturity on the part of the person making the complaint. Being a professional means that you figure out a way to work professionally with anyone regardless of the behavior.

Either a coworker gets in your way or does not get in your way. If they don't get in your way of getting your work done, then leave them alone and concentrate on your own stuff. If they prevent you from performing your duties, then you find a way to work around them and interact with them as professionally as possible.

Leave the personal stuff and emotions/your projections of what you imagine that they "think" out of it. You only know your thoughts. You can only control your behavior and it looks like you are the one with the problem.

I think this is usually true - but let me advise that with some people, just staying the hell away from them as much as you possibly can really really is the best course of action. No "kill 'em with kindness", no trying to win them over, no trying to establish a professional relationship, just cut your losses avoid future further discord by just staying the hell away. Never forget that complete indifference, ignoring a person completely, and distancing yourself is a viable option.

And people who warrant this approach usually drown themselves by making a bad impression on residents and attendings anyway, so you should keep your distance and let them do that.

 

[Perrotfish]

Like Prowler said, what the hell did they do during their summers in high school?

Sports , classes, science camp (I kid you not), and basically anything else that would look good on a college applicationl

My family's opinion was that any work that wasn't educational was a waste of time. It wasn't a rule per se but it was a strongly voiced opinion and how hard does a teenager really want to fight to make fries? I could have worked in a research position if I could have found one, but as I never did find one work was basically off limits until I could start doing Internships in college. I did an engineering major, so I ended up working plenty of internships in college, but if I had gone for a liberal arts major that only offered unpaid Internships odds are I never would have worked a real job.

 

[45408]

Sports , classes, science camp (I kid you not), and basically anything else that would look good on a college applicationl

My family's opinion was that any work that wasn't educational was a waste of time. It wasn't a rule per se but it was a strongly voiced opinion and how hard does a teenager really want to fight to make fries?

Never worked in fast food. Once I finished 8th grade, my dad sent me out on his landscape crews. I don't even think he asked if I wanted to...

 

[Jolie South]

Never worked in fast food. Once I finished 8th grade, my dad sent me out on his landscape crews. I don't even think he asked if I wanted to...

My parents had more than enough money to provide me with whatever I could have needed/wanted at that stage, but they forced me to work as well.

I think it was mostly to allow me to see that most people bust their ass for what they have and that money doesn't grow on trees. I definitely have never had a sense of entitlement about anything because of it.

 

[WellWornLad]

how hard does a teenager really want to fight to make fries?

If they're broke, pretty hard. I'm guessing you received a generous allowance, though.

Never worked in fast food. Once I finished 8th grade, my dad sent me out on his landscape crews. I don't even think he asked if I wanted to...

I did landscaping and carpentry for an anesthesiologist one summer around that time. The guy was absolutely nuts, I was like 13-14 and he wanted me to rebuild his garage door by myself (including from-scratch design), and routinely chastised me for being hesitant to use the acetylene torch. I swear, I feel like I got my first rotation out of the way already.

I remember being blown away by my first 3-digit check, however.

 

[coldweatherblue]

My family's opinion was that any work that wasn't educational was a waste of time. It wasn't a rule per se but it was a strongly voiced opinion and how hard does a teenager really want to fight to make fries?

I wasn't always ecstatic about going to work in high-school/undergrad, but there were some really cool people there and it definitely made everything easier for me as far as med school goes.. I did, however, really want to pay rent to avoid eviction, be able to drive places (car/gas costs money), buy food, travel, pay for insurance, etc.. I don't think it was a waste of time to have a place to live or whatever..

 

[tomorrowgirl99]

My parents always told me that "my Job is my school" and they would rather have me work hard doing that than making "chicken-change" as they liked to refer to minimum wage. My parents and I are immigrants so they always felt that education was the way out of poverty. Anyways, its kind of ingrained in my culture that I will be taking care of my parents later in life so they took care of me while I lived under their roof.

 

[45408]

I did landscaping and carpentry for an anesthesiologist one summer around that time. The guy was absolutely nuts, I was like 13-14 and he wanted me to rebuild his garage door by myself (including from-scratch design), and routinely chastised me for being hesitant to use the acetylene torch. I swear, I feel like I got my first rotation out of the way already.

I remember being blown away by my first 3-digit check, however.

Haha, I mowed an anesthesiologist's lawn for several years, and then I shadowed him a few times in college, and then I did a GYN case with him in April on my ob/gyn rotation. Time flies. He was a lot of fun, but his wife drove me bonkers with her demands. I mowed that lawn to perfection, but not the way she saw it 🙄

I don't remember my first 3-digit check, but I do remember being infuriated the few times I came painfully close to a 4-digit check (two weeks of work). Durn taxes.

 

[Black Surgeon]

I agree with NJBMD. The OP is reluctant to come to terms with his or her own lack of determination and drive. Instead of pointing the finger at the self, he or she chooses instead to turn someone else's strength and passion into the culprit of his or her inability to perform. OP, I personaly find YOU annoying.

 

[JustSomePreMed]

OP, I personaly find YOU annoying.

Cool.


For the record, there's no inability to perform on my end. I'm not sure which thread you were reading. It's simply an annoyance to deal with people like the one I described; however, in Fantasy Land, no one gets on anyone's nerves, and we're all robots with blinders.

 

[Black Surgeon]

I know she's going overboard with the whole putting in 12-14 hours a day deal, and I don't intend to follow suit, but I feel like this is probably making me look bad by not going above and beyond
like her.

Your words. I have nothing more to say about your situation, Good luck.

 

[JustSomePreMed]

Your words. I have nothing more to say about your situation. Good luck.

Yeah, where's the part about me not being able to perform?

 

[DH78]

If they're broke, pretty hard. I'm guessing you received a generous allowance, though.



I did landscaping and carpentry for an anesthesiologist one summer around that time. The guy was absolutely nuts, I was like 13-14 and he wanted me to rebuild his garage door by myself (including from-scratch design), and routinely chastised me for being hesitant to use the acetylene torch. I swear, I feel like I got my first rotation out of the way already.

I remember being blown away by my first 3-digit check, however.

Heh, I used to caddy at a private golf course, and lugged bags for my share of crazy docs. There was this one peach who made me go over to the course sprinkler (the one that shoots water about 100 yards in two directions) and put my foot on it to stop its rotation from affecting his backswing. Bitter SOB didn't even buy me a sodey-pop at the 10th green 😡

 

[tomorrowgirl99]

Moral to the story: NEVER work at a golf course. Those guys are *****holes.

 

[JustSomePreMed]

Just as a little update, since I last posted there have been two incidents in which this person intentionally gave me incorrect information in an attempt to have me show up late for two events. Fortunately in both cases I realized what was up and avoided any actual problems.

I'm not always right, but I was about her.

 

[greatnt249]

My family's opinion was that any work that wasn't educational was a waste of time.

Just because the job doesn't directly relate to what you learn in school doesn't mean it can't be educational. I always made a point to gain some sort of perspective from each of the summer jobs I've had, even if the only insight I gained was being more appreciative of the fact that I didn't have to work at (insert job) for the rest of my life.

I am not a sir and one is only "annoyed" if they allow themselves to be annoyed. People will always try to "pull your strings" if you allow them to do so.

Either you're about as emotionally excitable as a robot, or you're repressing feelings and emotions for the sake of maintaining an air of "professionalism"; the latter of which isn't healthy at all. Ignoring problems or acting as if they don't exist isn't productive at all; at least the OP is seeking a diplomatic solution to the problem instead of reporting on the ensuing bloodbath that occurred when he finally snapped from this classmate's antics.

I agree with NJBMD. The OP is reluctant to come to terms with his or her own lack of determination and drive. Instead of pointing the finger at the self, he or she chooses instead to turn someone else's strength and passion into the culprit of his or her inability to perform. OP, I personaly find YOU annoying.

Right...despite the fact that this partner has the makings of a true gunner, you'd argue that such antics are examples of "strength and passion." You know, there is such a thing as a legitimate gripe; not everyone who has a complaint is projecting their insecurities onto someone else.

 

[MsKrispyKreme]

Just as a little update, since I last posted there have been two incidents in which this person intentionally gave me incorrect information in an attempt to have me show up late for two events. Fortunately in both cases I realized what was up and avoided any actual problems.

I'm not always right, but I was about her.

Have you begun plotting revenge yet?

It's the only way...

 

[bydotte]

get her intoxicated so maybe she will have intercourse with you.

 

[Jorski]

get her intoxicated so maybe she will have intercourse with you.

this.

/close thread

 

[450med]

Just as a little update, since I last posted there have been two incidents in which this person intentionally gave me incorrect information in an attempt to have me show up late for two events. Fortunately in both cases I realized what was up and avoided any actual problems.

I'm not always right, but I was about her.

That's just sick. It's really too bad that you have to work with such an annoying and downright pathetic person, but from what it sounds like, she's probably quite transparent. Eventually people will figure out what kind of person she is and she'll suffer from it. Just keep your head up, don't sink to her pathetic level, and you'll come out on top! Frankly I'm impressed you haven't lost it on her yet!

 

[JustSomePreMed]

this.

/close thread

Haven't I been punished enough?

(If you saw her you'd understand).

 

[WeenieRoast]

You're going to come across people like this througout your career. As Prowler stated, time flies. This, too, shall pass soon. Just get through it and don't choose to let her under your skin. Rise above it and let time work it's magic.

I'd plot something, too. Turn it around and use it for your entertainment. If this individual truly is oblivious, use it to your advantage and for your entertainment.

 

[JustSomePreMed]

You're going to come across people like this througout your career. As Prowler stated, time flies. This, too, shall pass soon. Just get through it and don't choose to let her under your skin. Rise above it and let time work it's magic.

I'd plot something, too. Turn it around and use it for your entertainment. If this individual truly is oblivious, use it to your advantage and for your entertainment.

Haha, any suggestions? The more time that passes, the more I realize she's probably not oblivious to what she's doing, but might think I am.

 

[JustSomePreMed]

Let me reiterate, that would be more punishment for me than hanging out in a lab with her for an entire year.