Any resources on how to deal with breakups as a med student?

[AJS59]

See the title above; I'm not looking for a whole lot but my girlfriend (only of 4 months of dating, but still felt things were serious enough) broke up with me today. Wondering if there are any specific med student tailored resources for how to grieve appropriately and still balance all of the other obligations of someone trying to match competitively as an M1.

And more importantly, if there are resources for med students and dating...I'm not trying to rush things, but it's mildly saddening to see most of my class in committed long term relationships (like the one I thought I was in) and a good chunk of them are engaged or married.

Mods, please feel free to delete if this is not appropriate to ask.

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[Nontrad_FL_LGBT]

I'm sorry you got broken up with. My advice as a 31 yo married guy is to chill out. I had no intention of a serious relationship or marrying my partner when we met, it was supposed to be a Grindr "date" and we ended up falling in love. It'll find you when the time is right if you put yourself in enough situations with people who have something in common and you're a decent person/in the right head space. Join some casual clubs/sports/whatever hobby type stuff and hit the gym.

 

[SurfingDoctor]

See the title above; I'm not looking for a whole lot but my girlfriend (only of 4 months of dating, but still felt things were serious enough) broke up with me today. Wondering if there are any specific med student tailored resources for how to grieve appropriately and still balance all of the other obligations of someone trying to match competitively as an M1.

And more importantly, if there are resources for med students and dating...I'm not trying to rush things, but it's mildly saddening to see most of my class in committed long term relationships (like the one I thought I was in) and a good chunk of them are engaged or married.

Mods, please feel free to delete if this is not appropriate to ask.

Come back to this in like 10-15 years...

 

[Hollow Knight]

So I took the “tough it out” approach to mental health in medical school, and I regret that. My performance has not been nearly as good as it could have been if I had talked with somebody about anxiety/depressive symptoms. I also had some stuff going on in my personal life that had nothing to do with med school (divorce, and worse things I don’t even want to get into).

“Free” stuff: make sure you’re getting 7 hours of sleep, go outside some/study outdoors, make a little time each week for friends, mindfulness exercises (DM me for specific exercises), go to the gym, walk on a treadmill, etc. there’s an org called Healthy Gamer doing mental health education for gen Z/millennials that I have personally found helpful. I recognize doing the above things are basically impossible depending on your medical school (we still do 36 hour shifts as M3s at my school), so the next steps are….

CBT is good, but make sure you don’t charge your insurance and their records are inaccessible.

Pamela Wible has a website going over what different state boards do in the event that you go see a psychiatrist for anxiety or depression. If you’re in Tennessee (for example), their board is amazing. Alaska is draconian and horribly unethical (for example). If you are a medical student in Alaska, and you need mental healthcare, I’d go pay cash and use a pseudonym and then lie on your licensing application. Good luck. Reach out anytime if you want a non-judgemental person to talk to.

 

[Goro]

See the title above; I'm not looking for a whole lot but my girlfriend (only of 4 months of dating, but still felt things were serious enough) broke up with me today. Wondering if there are any specific med student tailored resources for how to grieve appropriately and still balance all of the other obligations of someone trying to match competitively as an M1.

And more importantly, if there are resources for med students and dating...I'm not trying to rush things, but it's mildly saddening to see most of my class in committed long term relationships (like the one I thought I was in) and a good chunk of them are engaged or married.

Mods, please feel free to delete if this is not appropriate to ask.

Seek out your school's counseling center, talk to your friends, and stay busy!!

Plenty of fish in the sea, OP. S/he wasn't your fish, that's all.

 

[Mr.Smile12]

Some pretty good advice.

H

MD & DO Thread 'How to survive medical school after a break up?'

Jan 17, 2020

My boyfriend broke up with me after almost 3 years. It was blindsided and there was no indications of unhappiness up until the very end.

Needless to say, I am devastated, broken and numb. However, I am a first year medical student and I’m just not sure how I’m supposed to get on with my life and finish the semester. I can’t I’m worried about my grades being absolute trash and messing with my chances of a good residency.

my family is 15 hours away and right now I just want to go back home. But I’ve worked so hard to get into medical school.

Does anyone have any advice?

• HistoryMD2015
• Replies: 19
• Forum: Medical Students (MD)

• 

Note: you can always find very bad advice on the internet. 🙂

 

[AJS59]

Some pretty good advice.

H

MD & DO Thread 'How to survive medical school after a break up?'

Jan 17, 2020

My boyfriend broke up with me after almost 3 years. It was blindsided and there was no indications of unhappiness up until the very end.

Needless to say, I am devastated, broken and numb. However, I am a first year medical student and I’m just not sure how I’m supposed to get on with my life and finish the semester. I can’t I’m worried about my grades being absolute trash and messing with my chances of a good residency.

my family is 15 hours away and right now I just want to go back home. But I’ve worked so hard to get into medical school.

Does anyone have any advice?

• HistoryMD2015
• Replies: 19
• Forum: Medical Students (MD)

• 

Note: you can always find very bad advice on the internet. 🙂

Thanks Mr.Smile and Goro, I think this was helpful.

I still didn't see the signs of it coming, and I'm still trying to rationalize it (especially given that her rationale was that she was going through a tough time and dealing with emotional baggage, and that she felt that she was holding me back), but I think I'm starting on the path towards healing my heart some.

It didn't ultimately work out with her but the more I look at it, just in the same way that I look at going to a MD school that wasn't near the top of my list initially, I think its something like a blessing in disguise or perhaps a sign from some higher power. Of all the times it could've happened, it could've happened later on during rotations, in dedicated, right before the match, etc. in ways that would be significantly more devastating. In a weird way, breaking up over our spring break was maybe the best thing to happen — especially given that she was my first real relationship. At least now I have the rest of the weekend to process things and hopefully go to classes on Monday with a clear mind focused on finishing out the rest of the year. I took a lot of last night and today to do the ugly crying and talking and eating comfort food and watching good TV. I think I'll give myself out the rest of the weekend to relax and do fun things and get to the gym, and then recenter myself for the stretch run starting Monday.

And to everyone else in the thread with respect to dating, thanks. I had come up with some irrational thoughts last night about wondering "if I was behind" or if there was a "special someone out there for me" and after a lot of conversations today — mostly over the phone, some in person — I think I've realized just how not rational those thoughts were. Part of why I think I had the underlying fear I had was because I felt I didn't have a community outside of med school, at least locally, to both lean on and to potentially find someone, and after some reflecting and brainstorming I think I've found some options in my area to engage with that would be good hobbies and where I might be able to develop community and meet people I might be interested in. And I'm not ruling out the possibility of dating within med school, it's just not my personal preference atm given the particular mix of people. But who knows, that could change.

Once again, thanks everyone.

 

[operaman]

Sorry you’re having such a rough time man. Med school and training really are quite unforgiving of anything outside of medicine that pulls you down for a time - the train of learning keeps on chugging.

Young people make all kinds of stupid decisions about relationships because it’s hard to make those kind of life decisions when everything else in life is unsettled. It’s almost comical now to watch how everyone magically finds their partner sometime in that late 20s/30s range when life is a bit more settled and wow, wouldn’t ya know it, their perfect soulmate just happens to be nearby them right now. Wouldn’t be surprised if this girl comes back around in a few years seeing if you’re still available.

Medical training is basically 10 years of delayed gratification where you have little time and little control of that time. It’s also an experience that changes many people at a deep level. It’s a big ask for any partner.

I see a lot of the M1s here split off from shorter term relationships as the time demands and stress of med school become apparent. And somehow all the residents end up married or in long term relationships as they get to the end of training. Every single guy in my residency program with one single exception got picked off by a hot nurse or PT or some other ancillary hospital person, and one by another resident in other field. Seriously - about 10 years spread from all those above me when I was a tern to all those behind me as a chief. The single exception appears to be having a great time playing the field as an attending in a city with 6:1 F:M ratio in the 20-35 demo.

 

[Rachapkis]

Keep passing the open windows . . . and be good to yourself.