MD & DO How to survive medical school after a break up?

[HistoryMD2015]

My boyfriend broke up with me after almost 3 years. It was blindsided and there was no indications of unhappiness up until the very end.

Needless to say, I am devastated, broken and numb. However, I am a first year medical student and I’m just not sure how I’m supposed to get on with my life and finish the semester. I can’t I’m worried about my grades being absolute trash and messing with my chances of a good residency.

my family is 15 hours away and right now I just want to go back home. But I’ve worked so hard to get into medical school.

Does anyone have any advice?

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[CyrilFiggis]

Remember that this is your life.

 

[Scrubs101]

Spend the time you would have spent with your SO with your friends and working on yourself. I reconnected with a lot of my long time best friends after i went through a break up last year, it helped more than anything. Seeing as youre very far away from home, just try spending more time with your friends youve made. If theyre med students that are open to studying together to that, youll be surprised how the occasional funny comment/banter break from silent study can help make you feel better. Find out what everyones doing after the next exam and tag along.

I found that when i was wifed up in preclinicals i either was with my SO or studying, and always turned down offers to go out/chill outside of school. My social life got so much better when i started allowing myself to spend my free time with friends and actually accepting invites to hit the bars after exams/just do fun nonschool things with classmates.

Whatever you do DO NOT lock yourself up in your room alone and force yourself to study. Study with friends, study in public, force yourself to go out and be social. Studying and just being alone just allows for too much opportunity to wallow in self pity. Dont allow yourself to fall into that hole, you can stay busy and keep your mind off your ex and still be productive school wise dont worry about that. If you have any questions or wanna PM me feel free, i went through a similar thing last summer.

 

[Dr G Oogle]

I broke up with someone (rather they broke up with me) after 2.5 years when I was a second year. It really sucks, especially with no support and an overwhelming amount of work to do which feels insurmountable when you have actual physical pain related to this emotional turmoil. All I can tell you is that this will pass even though it does not feel like it. If it is possible (I.e. you’re not close to exams) maybe take a few days or even a week off of studying, sure you will have to catch up and yea maybe you’re grades might take a small hit, but honesty you sometimes you just gotta shut down to restart. Maybe even see if you can get a ticket home for a few days or go stay at a friends house. I actually went to stay at my aunt and uncle’s place for about a week and just watched Firefly on repeat, and Serenity, read all of the available volumes of Wheel of Time and His Dark Materials (you can probably tell that I am giant nerd and fairly old) ate my weight in chipotle. Now 12 years later this person is barely a memory and the best part of that relationship was that I gained experience to really truthfully tell someone who is now in this same position that it really does get better .
So do whatever you need to to help yourself through this, comfort foods, people, movies , books, whatever, give yourself permission to take time for yourself, and you will come out of this terrible funk in a lot shorter time than you think.

 

[IMGASMD]

Exercise. I lost good 20lbs.

Be glad it is now, not when you’re M3, M4, or even in residency. He isn’t the one, obviously.

Give yourself a day, a week. Cry, sulk, get drunk. Then try your best to refocus. Life still happens when you’re in med school.

Time. Best healer, so they say.

Good luck, OP.

 

[Goro]

My boyfriend broke up with me after almost 3 years. It was blindsided and there was no indications of unhappiness up until the very end.

Needless to say, I am devastated, broken and numb. However, I am a first year medical student and I’m just not sure how I’m supposed to get on with my life and finish the semester. I can’t I’m worried about my grades being absolute trash and messing with my chances of a good residency.

my family is 15 hours away and right now I just want to go back home. But I’ve worked so hard to get into medical school.

Does anyone have any advice?

Very sorry to hear this.

Don't let his foolishness derail your career.

Stay busy and cry when you feel the need to cry.

Talk to trusted Faculty, counsellors and of course, your friends.

True story: I was in a torrid, passionate affair with a gal for a month, and she dumped my ass, hard. I was devastated.

Two months later, I met my future wife to be.

When one door closes, another opens up. There is a Jack for every Jill in this world, and vice versa. He just wasn't your Jack.

 

[AMEHigh]

I got a divorce while in med school.
You will get through this.
Allow yourself to be sad right now, but think about being tomorrow a new day.
Obviously continue to study, but be kind to yourself and give yourself some me time when you need it.

 

[stickgirl390]

A lot of good advice, but I’ll step in with a more specific suggestion:

Google a martial arts gym in your town. I personally highly recommend Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, but boxing/kickboxing works too. Self defense classes allow you to release so much stress through physical activity while also building social bonds with your teammates. I personally think a single BJJ class solves all problems. Most gyms will let you train at least a week for free.

 

[PieOHmy]

My boyfriend broke up with me after almost 3 years. It was blindsided and there was no indications of unhappiness up until the very end.

Needless to say, I am devastated, broken and numb. However, I am a first year medical student and I’m just not sure how I’m supposed to get on with my life and finish the semester. I can’t I’m worried about my grades being absolute trash and messing with my chances of a good residency.

my family is 15 hours away and right now I just want to go back home. But I’ve worked so hard to get into medical school.

Does anyone have any advice?

A lot of good advice, but I’ll step in with a more specific suggestion:

Google a martial arts gym in your town. I personally highly recommend Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, but boxing/kickboxing works too. Self defense classes allow you to release so much stress through physical activity while also building social bonds with your teammates. I personally think a single BJJ class solves all problems. Most gyms will let you train at least a week for free.

dude the girl is fresh from a break up i dont think brazilian jue jitsu is gonna help. Lets start with tactics on how to get out of bed in the morning.

 

[CyrusHabs7695]

Got dumped after 5 years the day after M1 ended, it definitely stinks and I wouldn't wish that pain on my worst enemy. Months later, ive made a bunch of new friends and connected with old friends I haven't seen in forever, like others have mentioned.

Instead of looking at the situation like "what could have been", look at it as excited for whats going to come in your life! Get up every morning with the mindset that you're 1 more day to becoming an MD and a day to work on you.

Definitely recommend going to the gym, takes off a lot of stress. Just remember time heals everything! PM if you need someone to talk to!

 

[kawaiipupae]

Hey there, I'm adding to the list of replies from people who have been in your shoes, but unlike you they have had time and distance from their breakup to look back on it as a growing experience. You probably don't see that now because you're fresh from the event which is fine, you're allowed to grieve like with any other life changing event and I guess my advice is to not give yourself a timeline for grief because the process is different for everyone.

This person was supporting you from undergrad through the stress of med school application so it may seem daunting to imagine continuing without this support system and close confidante but at the end of the day, it was you alone that did well in school, took the MCAT, interviewed and you have already shown strength and resiliency which will surely continue throughout finishing this M1 semester and beyond. Your goal now is to find support systems that don't involve this ex anymore. Seek out your friends, classmates, facetime family, consider talking to a therapist to help you get there, journal to try and organize your anxieties and to put into words what you're feeling.

 

[stickgirl390]

dude the girl is fresh from a break up i dont think brazilian jue jitsu is gonna help. Lets start with tactics on how to get out of bed in the morning.

Spoken like someone who’s never stepped on the mat before. I welcome you to try it as well.

 

[Seb345]

I know it's hard to wrap your head around it at the moment. My gf broke up with me when I was in med school after a 2+ years of relationships. I was heartbroken. I threw myself into my studies but it was hard to concentrate so I tried learning a new language and tried to go out more. It's hard with all the classes and the workload but it gets easier after a while

 

[Pluto98]

Let this be a lesson to all of you: do not come into med school with a relationship and do not get into a relationship. Singe and free of restrictions is the way to go. The risk is not worth the reward.

 

[OrthoTraumaMD]

My bf broke up with me the first day of med school. Best thing that’s ever happened to me, looking back.
Exercise and eat well.
And listen to this. It helped me.

 

[alprazoslam]

My bf broke up with me the first day of med school. Best thing that’s ever happened to me, looking back.
Exercise and eat well.
And listen to this. It helped me.

Did he ever come back after u finished w school or residency “like ey gurl wuz big mistake”

 

[OrthoTraumaMD]

Did he ever come back after u finished w school or residency “like ey gurl wuz big mistake”

at some point during med school. by that point i was happily single and not interested.

 

[Chibucks15]

Let this be a lesson to all of you: do not come into med school with a relationship and do not get into a relationship. Singe and free of restrictions is the way to go. The risk is not worth the reward.

This is absolutely not true for everyone. If I didn’t have my SO I don’t think I would’ve made it through. She has absolutely made the biggest difference for me and many others who have had relationships and even kids in med school. Get out of here with that nonsense.

Dating is hard and you’re gonna get crushed sometimes. Whether you’re in medical school or not. That’s how life is, its gonna suck a whole lot but you’ll get through it OP. If anything just use school as a way to take your mind off things. Better than sitting at an office job with nothing to do but think about it

 

[Pluto98]

This is absolutely not true for everyone. If I didn’t have my SO I don’t think I would’ve made it through. She has absolutely made the biggest difference for me and many others who have had relationships and even kids in med school. Get out of here with that nonsense.

Dating is hard and you’re gonna get crushed sometimes. Whether you’re in medical school or not. That’s how life is, its gonna suck a whole lot but you’ll get through it OP. If anything just use school as a way to take your mind off things. Better than sitting at an office job with nothing to do but think about it

High risk high reward.

 

[Strawberrylover]

So sorry to hear this. Has happened to my friends too. I'd recommend trying to reconnect w/ old friends, reaching out to school counseling services...anything you can to get the support you need