Any Time For Family?

[luckyzero]

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There have been several threads similar to this, but just wanted to check the opinions out there again.

Am I going to have enough time for my family when I am in med school/residency?
Is medical school 12 months long, or is their some kind of "break" between the school years?

What does one typically do after residency?

I am very interested in going to medical school and becoming a doctor, I am just looking at all the positives and negatives now. Going to med school is important to me, but so is having a good relationship with my wife, and being there for my son.

Any comments/advice would be appreciated.

 

[Dr Barry Zlatko]

It is wise for you to consider this now, as the answer could disappoint you.

My belief is that anyone who chooses this profession MUST be prepared to forego a traditional family life. This is not easy, but you will find that it gets easier as time goes by. Just because you will be alone, does not mean you will be lonely, as you will have formed a close bond with your colleagues.

I have seen many colleagues of mine attempt to have families. Ultimately they fail, and this is of course bad for the children. IF they do not fail, it is equally bad, as they are not fully committed to their vocation.

 

[thewzdoc]

Originally posted by Dr Barry Zlatko
I have seen many colleagues of mine attempt to have families. Ultimately they fail, and this is of course bad for the children. IF they do not fail, it is equally bad, as they are not fully committed to their vocation.

So you feel that a family is too much of a burden for a doctor to handle? Then according to you, the best doctors are only those without the family.

 

[thewzdoc]

Originally posted by luckyzero
There have been several threads similar to this, but just wanted to check the opinions out there again.

Am I going to have enough time for my family when I am in med school/residency?
Is medical school 12 months long, or is their some kind of "break" between the school years?

What does one typically do after residency?

I am very interested in going to medical school and becoming a doctor, I am just looking at all the positives and negatives now. Going to med school is important to me, but so is having a good relationship with my wife, and being there for my son.

Any comments/advice would be appreciated.

Like Barry said it is good that you are thinking of this now before you find yourself knee-deep in med school and at home. You need to sit down with your wife and really communicate to her why this is important to you and make sure that she will be there for you. Both of you have to make this journey together, it?s not like going to a new job. If you go this alone now you will be alone after med school and you may only see your son every other weekend.

 

[commymommy]

Well, I will answer from the other perspective for a sec...the spouse....The medical training years are traditionally around the time where family planning comes into play...and no, you will not have much time for family once you hit clerkships at the earliest and internship year at the latest. How bad it will be depends largely on your specialty choice.

We struggled through those years and it was hard. When my dh finally finished 8 years of residency, we had 3 children (1st grade, kindergarten and 3) and he literally told me that he felt like he has suddenly become a parent.....and he struggled to adapt.

Where you do have control is 1. your choice of specialty and 2. your choice of post-training job. My hubby interviewed mostly in big cities at prestigious jobs that would have had him coming in at 7am and leaving at 7pm....and driving to up to 4 diff. hospitals during the course of the day/week. Ultimately, he chose a more rural position simply for the family lifestyle. We really knew that if we had to continue on the treadmill that we would not be together anymore as a family.....it was too hard. It was a difficult choice for my husband and one that was not supported by his fellowship attendings who thought he was making a big mistake...

Two years post-training, we have nearly every weekend together, he sets his hours and doesn't kill himself, we have baby#4 on the way and our children have a real relationship with their dad now.....this would never have happened had we kept up the pace that we were...

So I guess it's all about choices and what you want out of life....

kris

 

[pathdr2b]

Originally posted by mommd2b
How bad it will be depends largely on your specialty choice.

Which is why people need to use simple common sense when choosing a speciality. If family is more important than career, then don't choose surgery. OTOH, I know a woman MD/PhD (oncologist) that had 5 kids between undergraduate and residency, so this says 2 things to me:

1) First, life is what you make it and attitude is everything. If you think you can't handle a family and a medical career, then you won't.

2) With the right support, ANYTHING can be done just choose your speciality wisely.

Personally with the exception of the 3rd year of medical school, I EXPECT to have a relatively normal family life. Because I plan to become a pathologist, the internship year is a moot point. The key is to decide now that no matter what choices you make career wise, your family structure is going to survive!!

 

[gwyn779]

Originally posted by Dr Barry Zlatko
My belief is that anyone who chooses this profession MUST be prepared to forego a traditional family life. This is not easy, but you will find that it gets easier as time goes by. Just because you will be alone, does not mean you will be lonely, as you will have formed a close bond with your colleagues.

I disagree. Again, it depends on your specialty, but I just spent the last month working in a family practice office where the docs both got to do cool procedures, incl. C-sections, yet had families w/ young children who they got to see. One even walked his daughter to school for her first day and didn't miss seeing any patients. It CAN be worked out. Sure, there will be times when you have to be absent, but if family's a priority, you can work it out.

 

[phar]

anyone of you having a long distance relationship with your children? how are you managing it?

 

[Teufelhunden]

My wife and I have recently come to the conclusion that we will probably never be able to have children. As a 32 y/o MS-III, I don?t foresee having the time or the money to afford children anytime soon. For the unforeseeable future, I will probably be working un-Godly hours, which is not very conducive to being a good dad. Not to mention, that we just couldn?t afford it?.daycare alone would kill us!

It?s sad, because my wife and I both think we?d make great parents, but it just doesn?t seem feasible. She is 30, recently got out of the Navy (after 11 years) and is in school full-time. She worked her butt off for years to support me through college and med school, now it?s her turn to pursue her education.

By the time I?m through with med school, internship, military obligation, residency, etc?.we?ll be WAY too old for kids. Who wants teenagers running around the house when you?re 60?

 

[pathdr2b]

Originally posted by Teufelhunden
Who wants teenagers running around the house when you?re 60?

I do !!!😀

It's unfortunate that you feel this way about your family's prospects for having children. I tell my friends that when you have/adopt a child( or children), you "become" a whole other person, someone that you'd never meet without having ever become a parent.


I had my first child at 30, I'm now 36 (soon to be 37
) and I'm HOPING to have at least one more before I'm 40. That means I'll be almost 60, potentially with a 19 year-old kid(s) and that sounds just fine to me.

As others have said, you can have it all but it starts with the belief that you CAN have it all!!!

 

[thackl]

I'll be 44 when my youngest heads off to college

 

[DocForAll]

All is possible. Failure shoud not be and in my case will not be the standard. As a child of a physician (I was six when my mom started med school) I can tell you that it is the most awe inspiring thing to watch someone do better for themselves for the sake of our family. In addition my mom was a single mother of three at the time. In my minds eye I felt sorry for the children whose moms were not capable of showing enough strength and determination to make a better life for themselves while doing something they love.
As for me, my husband and I will be trying in this fall for a baby next year while I am in my second year of med school.

All is possible.

 

[daisygirl]

Originally posted by DocForAll
All is possible. Failure shoud not be and in my case will not be the standard. As a child of a physician (I was six when my mom started med school) I can tell you that it is the most awe inspiring thing to watch someone do better for themselves for the sake of our family. In addition my mom was a single mother of three at the time. In my minds eye I felt sorry for the children whose moms were not capable of showing enough strength and determination to make a better life for themselves while doing something they love.
As for me, my husband and I will be trying in this fall for a baby next year while I am in my second year of med school.

All is possible.

Your post has quite an impressive message. Good luck to you and your husband....Hopefully my husband and I will have a baby on the way between my third and fourth year of medical school 😀