Anyone aprehensive about what medschool will do to their relationship?

Get Your Med School Admissions Questions Answered!
This forum made possible through the generous support of SDN members, donors, and sponsors. Thank you.
As cheesey as it sounds, my boyfriend and I are going to have a date night once a week. We plan to pick a night at the beginning of the week that works for both of us and do something togehter, even if it is order pizza and sit on our couch watching stupid TV shows.
Members don't see this ad.
 
As far as cleaning... I am seriously worried, because he likes everything to be perfect and I am a disaster! A cleaning lady would be fabulous, but can you really justify it in the budget. I don't know about you guys, but that is something that I have a hard time justifying when I am bringing in a negative amount of money.
 
i'm surprised at how many people think (or know) cleaning is going to be a big sticking point. glad to know i'm not alone over something that should be so minor. :)
 
Members don't see this ad :)
deuist said:
Relationships go under heavy strain in med school. In the past year, I've seen two divorces and several major breakups (i.e., the couple was living together and split). With the time commitment that students have to make for studying, few people can go out and start meeting others outside of school. The easy solution is to start dating classmates. You'll read on other forums some of the horror stories that come with that territory. I don't mean to paint a dark picture. I've also seen one classmate get married and another get engaged. You can have a relationship while in med school, but you have to make time for it when you'd rather be studying.
Click to expand...

Could somebody explain to me the 'spouse spends too much time at work/school' reason for divorce/breakup? I could never really understand it.

EDIT: Sorry if it's a stupid question.
 
durfen said:
Could somebody explain to me the 'spouse spends too much time at work/school' reason for divorce/breakup? I could never really understand it.

EDIT: Sorry if it's a stupid question.
Click to expand...

Um, I'm going to venture out and say that it has something to do with priorities. If both people have each other #1, or if both people have work #1, they are probably fine. But if:

Spouse A: Top Priority--Work
Spouse B: Top Priority--Spouse A

Then Spouse B becomes very resentful.

Now things aren't absolute. If the spouses can alternate priorities so they are on the same page (because sometimes, your spouse has to come first, and sometimes work has to come first), that would be ideal.
 
i'm probably going to have to say that i don't really care what happens to my current relationship after med school starts. i'm too focused on my career to care otherwise, at least for a few years. call me selfish or whatever, but if you can't wait for me while i get my life on track, then you'll just be dead weight.
 
It has always been my dream to dump whoever I'm with when I graduate medical school for a younger more attractive woman. (Chrissy, If you read this I am just kidding)
 
I'll be in the "at least two years long distance" boat... We did 18 months before and that sucked, but I guess 2 years is doable.

Do med students generally find the time to fly on weekends? I figure $300 for a flight every month or two is a reasonable expense if I can find the time.
 
R*ckstar said:
As cheesey as it sounds, my boyfriend and I are going to have a date night once a week. We plan to pick a night at the beginning of the week that works for both of us and do something togehter, even if it is order pizza and sit on our couch watching stupid TV shows.
Click to expand...


i second this idea. once a month we get a babysitter and do something whether it's going out to an arcade or just cleaning the house together :thumbup: you do need to schedule time for your relationship when you've got a hectic life.
 
Dr.TobiasFünke said:
It has always been my dream to dump whoever I'm with when I graduate medical school for a younger more attractive woman. (Chrissy, If you read this I am just kidding)
Click to expand...


the Chrissy reference makes it funnier
 
Dr.TobiasFünke said:
It has always been my dream to dump whoever I'm with when I graduate medical school for a younger more attractive woman. (Chrissy, If you read this I am just kidding)
Click to expand...

:laugh:
 
R*ckstar said:
As cheesey as it sounds, my boyfriend and I are going to have a date night once a week. We plan to pick a night at the beginning of the week that works for both of us and do something togehter, even if it is order pizza and sit on our couch watching stupid TV shows.
Click to expand...

I don't find it cheesy at all, my hubby and I plan on doing the same! I believe that having a date once or twice a week keeps the romance going and gives you something to look forward to, no matter what you'll be doing. The key is to agree that spending as much free time as possible together is a priority you both share.
 
jackieMD2007 said:
Um, I'm going to venture out and say that it has something to do with priorities. If both people have each other #1, or if both people have work #1, they are probably fine. But if:

Spouse A: Top Priority--Work
Spouse B: Top Priority--Spouse A

Then Spouse B becomes very resentful.

Now things aren't absolute. If the spouses can alternate priorities so they are on the same page (because sometimes, your spouse has to come first, and sometimes work has to come first), that would be ideal.
Click to expand...

I sort of figured that, but what I do not understand is: Wouldn't leaving Spouse A involve a change in priority for Spouse B? Would it also not indicate that Spouse B's priority is not in fact Spouse A specifically but in fact to any spouse?

And it is also absurd to say that Spouse A's top priority is work. I have a feeling that it's just a matter of Spouse B feeling lower priority without being lower priority and Spouse A not recognizing that.
 
Thank you to all the people posting that they have no relationship. At least I know I'm not alone! :)
 
I sometimes worry about being around my classmates and bonding with them while not seeing my husband. This is a concern that continues throughout residency and practice. You share such intense experiences with your classmates/physician colleagues, and the emotions are just flying all over the place when you're stressed. I just never want to look back on a situation and feel like I didn't behave respectfully towards my husband, but I know stress does funny things to people. I hope he can understand when I'm all strung out on med school and residency, and we can find ways for him to comprehend what I'm dealing with at work every day. I think it's probably hard for non-medical types to deal with their spouse's work baggage, because medicine is so different from what most people do at work every day.
 
XildUpNawth said:
I sometimes worry about being around my classmates and bonding with them while not seeing my husband. This is a concern that continues throughout residency and practice. You share such intense experiences with your classmates/physician colleagues, and the emotions are just flying all over the place when you're stressed. I just never want to look back on a situation and feel like I didn't behave respectfully towards my husband, but I know stress does funny things to people. I hope he can understand when I'm all strung out on med school and residency, and we can find ways for him to comprehend what I'm dealing with at work every day. I think it's probably hard for non-medical types to deal with their spouse's work baggage, because medicine is so different from what most people do at work every day.
Click to expand...

There is nothing wrong with bonding with people other than your spouse. To me, my husband is my best friend mostly because he has committed to being my roommate and partner throughout life. This is such a gift because it gives one such a feeling of security and comfort. However, I anticipate that I will continue to form other relationships that will be as meaningful to me (yes, I mean these to be strictly platonic). These do not detract from what I have with my husband. In fact, these relationships feed the marriage in a way. Sharing with your spouse emotions and thoughts that come from other interactions only enriches the experience and allows the spouse to indirectly have varied and interesting interactions as well. Of course, all this is contingent upon both partners being extremely loyal and secure in their relationship. A jealous spouse will corrupt those experiences and make you feel guilty.

My husband is in the medical field and I have seen him make the greatest friends in med school and beyond. I am eager for my chance to bond with people in that way that intense professions/experiences tend to encourage. It is certainly not the ten hours of memorizing cranial nerves that will get me out of bed in anticipation.
 
just got married, and we're living a mile away from my school. hopefully it works out well.
 
durfen said:
I sort of figured that, but what I do not understand is: Wouldn't leaving Spouse A involve a change in priority for Spouse B? Would it also not indicate that Spouse B's priority is not in fact Spouse A specifically but in fact to any spouse?

And it is also absurd to say that Spouse A's top priority is work. I have a feeling that it's just a matter of Spouse B feeling lower priority without being lower priority and Spouse A not recognizing that.
Click to expand...

I really like where this is going. Can we keep this train of thought?
 
chaeymaey said:
What relationship? I'm hoping med school will help me start one.
Click to expand...

hahaha...yep, me too! :p :thumbup:

the most important "relationship" I had in undergrad ended last year when he went to law school... :rolleyes: worked out better that way anyhow, he couldn't offer me the kind of support I'd need in a relationship during med school....still searching... :oops:
 
strawberryfield said:
hahaha...yep, me too! :p :thumbup:

the most important "relationship" I had in undergrad ended last year when he went to law school... :rolleyes: worked out better that way anyhow, he couldn't offer me the kind of support I'd need in a relationship during med school....still searching... :oops:
Click to expand...


another single here to add to the ranks. same thing kinda happened to me too. he went off to get his PhD over 2000 miles away. it did work out much better because i knew he didn't want to do the long distance thing. i guess i'll keep looking :oops:
 
spospo said:
another single here to add to the ranks. same thing kinda happened to me too. he went off to get his PhD over 2000 miles away. it did work out much better because i knew he didn't want to do the long distance thing. i guess i'll keep looking :oops:
Click to expand...

yeah, there are plenty of great guys out there looking for smart and beautiful chicks like us! ;)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Next unread thread

Similar threads

D
Latest you can "Commit to X Medschool"?
Replies
4
Views
553
drewmighty
D
C564
PSA: don't ask other people about their II/A status
Replies
0
Views
840
C564
C564
D
Should I notify the school to which I was accepted about my SO who applied the same time as me about our relationship?
Replies
19
Views
2K
AlbinoHawk DO
AlbinoHawk DO
Y
When do schools that are not rolling admissions make their decisions?
Replies
26
Views
2K
pablo213
pablo213
D
How do I stop feeling terrible about myself for not getting any merit aid at a school that gives scholarships to like 90% of their students
Replies
3
Views
791
deleted1118591
D
Top