Anyone considering *not* having kids?

[Baby Einstein]

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Ah, if my husband agreed, I would have enough kids to make up for all of you guys!!! We have agreed on 3 for now, and we'll see if I can convince him for one or two more after we have our third.

I definitely respect people who choose not to have any children. Parenthood is a lot of work and not for everyone. But not having children is a serious decision, just like choosing to have them. I'm sure you've thought about it a lot, but I would recommend you reevaluate your decision often to make sure it's still what you want. Realizing too late that you wanted kids could be the greatest regret in your life.

ShyRem, beautiful post. I feel the same way. Who cares how many times you get up at night for your baby? When you get that toothless grin in the morning, it's all that matters. You should print that post and let your kids read it, now or in a few years when they'll understand better.

 

[dnw826]

Mustang, it's interesting that your questionable fertility colors your choices. All my life growing up i had been told I could never have children due to medical problems. I had pretty much resolved myself to not having any, and my husband was fine with that.

And then we started thinking 'wouldn't it be nice' and after many infertility treatments, lots of drugs (with lots and LOTS of unpleasant side effects), I have two of my own. Yes, I am one of those folks that only got pregnant with ONE child both times I was on massive amounts of fertility drugs. And I'm grateful for them both.

However, I do understand that medical issues cloud your answer, and before doing lots of research and before going through 4 years of heartbreak and medical treatments, I was one of those folks that was told by doctors that it was "highly unlikely" that I would ever have children of my own. And I was perfectly ok growing up with the thought I would never have children. So I've seen both sides.

Having children is a very very serious decision. It is a lifelong commitment not to be taken lightly. Too many people have children without thinking about the future - I applaud those of you who have thought about it, and who have made decisions either way. It is not an easy one - either way.

Just one favor tho - don't be mad at those of us who have children if we have to stay home with a sick kid and ask for notes. Believe me, I'd rather be in class than watch one of my children be sick. 🙂 I'll bake cookies as a reward. 🙂

At 16 I was told that I would most likely never be able to have kids. I had a highly complicated myomectomy and a lot of scarring problems. I got pregnant 3 weeks later (oops!) I don't regret it a bit. My mom was 21 when she had me, and I was always the grown up in the family. I took care of my family, my brothers, the house, etc. After my experience with my mom, I didn't want kids. But after being told that it wouldn't happen, it became incredibly important to me. I would never trade them for anything. Freedom? I have freedom. Maybe not in the sense that I can walk out whenever I want and get beligerent, but I was never that type anyway. I like the stability and knowing that I have someone who needs me to come home. I have friends who feel the opposite of me, but that is really their loss that they can not appreciate the miracle that they have created and really not take it for granted. I worked as an ART, and there are so many wonderful people who want kids. It is devastating when you can't have them. It really kinda makes you appreciate what you have.

 

[unfrozencaveman]

So I'm not quite sure how my post, despite my writing it to be totally noncommittal, got me to be the poster child for people who hate kids, but I've gotten a few very interesting PM's over the course of this thread being around.

To the person who lambasted me for being a "typical guy", perhaps you don't know me well enough to make a judgement call on that?
And to the several who have told me what I'll be missing out on-- I totally get it. I'm sure if I have kids, I won't know what I ever did without them. But I think the point is, people who end up not having kids take being a parent just as seriously as those who don't. Some people are just not into it, some can't fit it into a schedule, and they know better than to jury-rig their lives to make it happen.
To those people that don't end up compromising themselves, or their children, hats off. I think it's a commendable effort, and you're exactly the types of people that should be raising children. We're I to become a parent, I think I'd feel more of an obligation to my job (and everything else) than I would were it just me. I don't have to set a good example for myself-- but if I had a daughter looking to what I did in my life as inspiration for her own? Grandchildren that could look up to their crazy grandmother and all she did in her life? Some serious shoes to fill.

So, yes, it's more than about having extra income (thank you, private messenger), and freedom, and time, and extra sleep...

To those who PMed me between a rock and a hard place on this one-- I hear you.

 

[ShyRem]

unfrozen, for the record i never saw your post as being "hating kids". I haven't seen any post like that.

And, for the record, my posts were never meant to be "love kids" but more of a "it's damn hard but worth it if you choose to take that path." Believe me, at times I see friends with no kids running off for vacation here, new car there, new jewelry, clothes, etc. and envy their freedom and extra cash. It's all about choices. I don't regret mine, and I would hope no one would regret theirs either.

It's differences of opinion and experiences that make the world interesting. If we were all the same, all wanted the same things, had the same values and experiences... what a boring world we would live in.

🙂

 

[unfrozencaveman]

unfrozen, for the record i never saw your post as being "hating kids". I haven't seen any post like that.

And, for the record, my posts were never meant to be "love kids" but more of a "it's damn hard but worth it if you choose to take that path." Believe me, at times I see friends with no kids running off for vacation here, new car there, new jewelry, clothes, etc. and envy their freedom and extra cash. It's all about choices. I don't regret mine, and I would hope no one would regret theirs either.

It's differences of opinion and experiences that make the world interesting. If we were all the same, all wanted the same things, had the same values and experiences... what a boring world we would live in.

🙂

Yeah of course. I was responding to a number of PM's I got-- not the posts on here. There was a reason they were sent by PM I'm assuming.... very weird.